Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  Nathan wraps his arm around me the instant I move. “Don’t wake them. They just got in a couple of hours ago.”

  “Okay, I won’t. Just let me look at her.” He moves his arm from around me and rolls over on his back.

  I crawl to the end of the bed and look at the floor. Beyond the foot of Nathan’s bed, on a pallet of comforters and pillows lies Scott with Glen nestled tightly in his arms. The way he holds her, one arm sealed around her body, the other clutched around her head; he’ll never let her go again. I nod, satisfied they’re well.

  “Why didn’t they go to their room?” I ask, lying next Nathan.

  “Glen insisted. I told them it’d be okay.”

  “It is.” Scott’s snoring is annoying but it brings me contentment at this moment, knowing Glen is okay.

  “I told you everything’ll be fine, Sparks. Go back to sleep.”

  I smile to myself. “You did.”

  “Tracey, get up.” Glen’s too soft of a whisper wakes me. I peek through my lashes, seeing Nathan’s chest. “Tracey?”

  I slowly turn over, not wanting to wake Nathan.

  Kneeling at the side of the bed, she’s eye level with me. She places a finger to her mouth and motions me to come. I peek over at Nathan, now turned onto his back. He seems asleep, but you never know with him.

  I nod at Glen, and she steps back so I can get out of the bed. Maneuvering from beneath the covers, I gently swing my leg from the bed. As I move the other, an arm wraps around my stomach, pulling me back. He sits up behind me, pressing his head into the back of my neck. “Where are you sneaking off to?” he drawls in a quiet, groggy voice.

  Glen shakes her head, bugging her eyes. I don’t know what’s up with her or what she wants, just that she doesn’t want Nathan or Scott to know.

  I’m not sure, I tell him. Glen wants to go somewhere to talk about something and doesn’t want to wake or talk in front of you two.

  He moves his arms from me, lying back down. Okay. Just don’t leave the house.

  Glen gives me a look with high brows that asks, what was that about. I shrug, scooting off the bed.

  Before I follow her from the room, I peek out of the window at the barely lit sky. Glen must be bothered by something. “What’s going on?” I ask, closing the door behind me.

  “Can we talk somewhere they can’t hear us?”

  I nod, turning to walk toward their room.

  “No, Cey.” She grabs my arm, turning me back. “Somewhere away from here. Like my house,” she whines, pouting.

  I feel bad, knowing she will hate my next words. “Glen, you know we can’t do that.” Her eyes fill, ready to run over. “I know somewhere we can go.” I wrap my arm around her back and guide her to the family room. We, unfortunately, have to walk past their old room, but unlike me, she’s unaffected. I refuse to look at the wall as I open the door to the family room. It’s clean and fixed, although the TV hasn’t been replaced.

  I motion Glen to sit on the couch with me.

  “Do you think they can hear us down here?” she asks, sitting.

  “Honestly, Glen, if they wanted to hear us, they could. But if you’re trying to keep Scott from hearing you, there is no avoiding that.”

  She throws her head back, grumping. When she brings it forward, her tear-filled eyes are running over. “I can’t do this, Tracey.” Her voice shakes, and I hear the lump in her throat rattling.

  Concerned, I take her hand in mine. “What’s wrong, Glen? What happened?”

  “I was finally happy. It all finally felt right, made sense. And you took that from me.”

  Despair washes over me, unbeknownst how I might be the blame for her unhappiness. “Glen,” I call softly. “That, what you felt last night, it wasn’t real. We saved you. You’d been influenced by imaginary feelings.”

  “No, Cey! What I feel with Scott is unreal. It can’t be. It’s all forced. I love him, yes. I can’t help but love him, and I guess it has something to do with this whole him and I being meant for each other. But what I felt last night was real.” Her tears fall onto our hands. “Monahan was genuine. When he took me, of course, I was scared. He didn’t take me gently only because I was fighting him at first. But he comforted me and soothed me. He introduced me to his small family and sat me down to explain everything. From the beginning, he was open and honest.”

  “Glen, I know what—”

  “No, Tracey. Scott never did that for me! He’s hidden things, and something is always missing. I do not feel right. I’m not complete. I want Monahan because it felt like I belonged with him and he cared for me too. Then I’m confused because every time he’d kiss me, my heart jumped for Scott, and my memories of him would flash through my head. It all hurt too badly and the confusion was overwhelming. I was an ant with the weight of the world on its back, and my insides were burning with too many requirements. I just needed an out. I was left with no other option to get rid of this pain. It hurts too badly for me to bear it, Tracey. I had to make it end. To quiet the voices yelling in my head, telling me to do something.”

  “And that’s why you jumped?” I ask with sudden clarity.

  “That’s why I jumped,” she admits, ashamed. Her eyes close. “But then, looking in Scott’s eyes as I was falling.” She reopens her shaky, red eyes, holding back the tears. “He jumped after me, Cey. He risked his life to try to save mine.”

  “Doesn’t look like he tried, Glen.”

  “Maybe. But why would he do that? Why couldn’t he just let me die, knowing how he actually feels.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Everyone acts like I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve seen in Scott’s head. He resents this. He loves me profoundly but only because he has to, the same as me.” Glen throws herself back on the couch. “Why did you all have to take him from me, Tracey?” She cries frenziedly, throwing her hand in her face and wailing.

  I open my arms to her, and she falls onto my shoulder, letting it out. “Glen, you have to calm down. You’re going to wake up Scott.” I rub her back. “I thought things were better with you two.”

  “I hate this, Tracey. I’m lost and confused, and I just want it all to go away. Nothing is clear to me. My feelings and all that has happened. I can’t figure anything out.” She cries harder, making her body shake.

  “Shh, Glen.” I try to sooth her. “It’s okay. We just need to figure how to break the tie and the confusion will go away. You’ll be better, and everything will be back to normal. Promise.”

  Someone bangs on the door before it swings open. “Glen!” Scott busts in, louder than necessary.

  “Scott, she’s fine. Just give her a moment.”

  “Glen, why are you crying? What’s wrong?” He completely ignores me, gently pulling her to him.

  Nathan will be in here soon enough I’m sure.

  “Glen, talk to me.”

  “Scott, I can’t. Okay? I can’t do this. I just need a day or two.” Glen pushes him away from her.

  His face twists, taken over by a befuddled expression that gives off his confusion. “A day or two to do what?” He grabs her arms, stopping them from shoving him away.

  I move from the couch. He’s a little forceful with their push and pull match, and I’ve been caught in their crossfire one time too many. I stand by the door in case I need to make a run for help.

  “Scott, please?” Glen’s voice shutters as she takes in a sobbing breath. “I just don’t want this right now.” The lightening sky makes it easier to see them both. By the soft turn to Glen’s head, avoiding Scott’s eye contact, she can’t stand to look at him. And he only stares at her.

  Nathan walks in, finding me the moment he steps foot in the room. “Hey. What’s going on?” he asks quietly, watching Glen and Scott.

  “It’s all bad, baby,” I say just as quiet.

  Glen and Scott dive back into their push and pull quarrel. She pushes, he pulls. “Glen, stop this.” He shoves her arms to her sides; hands clamped around her wrist
s. “You cannot think what you felt between you and him was real. It wasn’t! This.” He slams her hand to his chest. “This is real. That back there was nothing but him trying to steal you away from me. He doesn’t love you. You don’t love him. You’re just enthralled by him because he showed you what you wanted to see.”

  “And you show me nothing! You lie and make me forget. You keep me at a distance and in the dark with everything. You don’t even want this, Scott. You resent me.”

  Scott’s face falls, flushing with truth.

  I gasp, looking for Nathan to jump in and object, to defend Scott and help me battle this like he usually would. He stares at them, not at all shocked by the news. What the hell?! He meets my eyes, and as calm as I can, I ask, “You knew about this?”

  He pushes his hand through his hair. A certain sign he knew. His tell.

  Looking away from him, I throw my hand in his face when he opens his mouth to speak. I can’t believe this. He knew this entire time there was still an issue and he’s said nothing. He nor Scott has mentioned things haven’t gotten any better than they were before, only tolerable. Tolerability doesn’t fuel relationships; they’re built on freaking trust, communication, and affection!

  “Glen, stop. I do love you. I do not resent you.” Scott tries to reassure her. But if I were in her place, I wouldn’t believe him either.

  “Scott, I’m in your head, I know things you’ve hidden from me. Things you’ve made me forget. The fact that it’s meant for us to be together, you don’t think so. You envy Nathan because he has it all figured out and you want what he has.” Little do they know, Nathan does not have it all figured out. “I can’t be what you want. I’m not what you want although your heart may want me, you don’t.” She stands.

  He follows. “Glen, do not do this. Don’t say this.” She backs away from him as he reaches out for her. “Glen, I love you, I do. I promise. I just. . .” His words are jumbled, and he roughly forces his hands through his hair, bringing them back forward. “Shit! Glen, just, please don’t do this.”

  She halts, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Can you tell me it’s not true, Scott? And can you be honest about it? Can you tell me anything I’ve said isn’t true?”

  Scott’s head falls forward, and he rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t. But let me—”

  With bated breath, Glen’s knees buckle, but she holds it together. She trudges across the floor as if there were mud slowing her steps. Sparing none of us a glance, she leaves the room.

  I avert, to follow her, and Nathan grabs my arm. “Where are you going?”

  My gaze flicks down to my arm then up at him. He let all this go on and knew what was going on with Scott. “Nathan, stop.”

  “Sparks, Scott needs to handle that.”

  “Right. Like he’s been handling it? Or like you have?” I hate secrets, and I hate them, even more, when the one person I live to trust is keeping them from me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Don’t start, Sparks.”

  “Let me go, Nathan,” I hiss. He reluctantly drops my arm, and I leave from the family room to find Glen.

  “Sparks, don’t leave this house,” Nathan demands from the family room.

  “Okay, Dad!” I gripe, annoyed by his intervallic dominance he tries to use with me.

  I pass Scott and Glen’s old room, seeing the door open. This is never open. I brace myself before I walk in. Smacked with images and the pain from the memories, as if I’d walked into a glass door, I stumble back out of the room. “Glen?” I can’t take that. “Are you in there?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you come out?”

  “Scott tried to kill me in here.” She knows.

  “It was an accident.” I lean against the wall in the hall.

  “Did I do something?” she asks from within the room.

  I wished that day had never happened. “Do you want to know the truth?” Nathan’s beating around the bush is rubbing off on me.

  “Yes, Tracey. Please?” she begs softly.

  “Nathan and I were coming from the family room and happened to walk into you and Scott. You admired him.”

  “Admired him how?”

  “He was shirtless, and you looked him over and told me good job.”

  “Oh. . .”

  “Scott kind of lost it.”

  “Kind of?” She leaves from the room and takes up the spot next to me.

  I wince. “Maybe more than kind of.”

  “You can’t walk into the room?”

  I shake my head.

  “He tried to kill you and Nathan too?

  I nod, preferring not to talk about it.

  “Your eyes show it to you again?”

  I nod.

  “I bet that sucks.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.”

  “Can we leave?”

  I breathe. “Not alone.”

  “And that is what sucks. This life sucks.” A little. “We can’t do anything without a tag along.” She leans against the wall and pulls us down to the floor. “Remember how much fun we used to have before all this. We were always outside hanging out. I could drink,” she disparages. “We came and went whenever we wanted. I was happier. You were happier. We didn’t have to worry about people trying to kill us, or keeping our boyfriends under control.” I ponder over what she says, feeling the weight of her words and understanding. “It was much better before.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Come on, Cey. Be for real. You like this life better than the one we had before we got with Scott and Nathan?”

  I let my gaze rest on her, unsure of how I want to answer. “Glen, I—.”

  “Be honest, Tracey.” She gives me a serious look with pinched lips and narrowed eyes.

  “I love Nathan.”

  “That isn’t an answer to the question I asked. Or can’t you answer the question because you know Nathan is listening?” She faces me. “Speaking of that, that’s a headache too. No privacy! They’re always in our heads. Even if you wanted to feel different, you wouldn’t, only because you don’t want to hurt him. Or else, he has you fooled like Scott had me.” I stare at the beige painted wall in front of us, hearing her. She adjusts, getting nearer my ear, whispering, “Maybe you need to spend some time with Roehl so you can see the truth.”

  Taken aback by her suggestion, I slowly face her. With her hitched brow and pursed lips, she’s serious. Standing on her feet, she keeps my eye contact. I can’t believe she just said that.

  I feel Nathan approach, and I stand, seeing the malevolent look on his face. His piercing scowl passes me to Glen.

  She crosses her arms, rolling her eyes. “What, Nathan?”

  “Glen, what the fuck is your problem?” His low voice struggles to stay calm.

  She retorts in a sassy nature, “I told you, Cey. No privacy.”

  Nathan hardens, and I step in front of him. He steps forward, moving me with him, almost sandwiching me between them. With a growl in his throat, he says, “Just because you’re confused and upset because you think the guy who stole you is dead, and you think you loved him because he was able to influence you and wheedle himself into your mind, confusing you about your true mate. That does not mean you will sit here and tell Sparks that she should be with someone else. Had you not been taken, understand, there would be no confusion in you. And if you were accepting of your mate in the beginning, then he would have no reason to resent you.” I try to push Nathan by backing away, but he doesn’t budge. “And the next time you attempt to tell my mate to go to another man other than me, it won’t be confusion that sends you diving off a mountain.”

  Whoa! I whip around, placing my hands on his neck, and pushing him back with my body. “That was too far, Nathan.”

  He looks down at me. “And you just allowed that? Letting her say that stuff to you? Answer the question, Sparks.”

  I retract, suddenly uncomfortable with this turn of interrogation.

  Nathan leans against the wal
l, face expressionless—smooth and non-caring.

  “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  Glen steps to my back and over my shoulder, she says, “I guess you know what that means, Nathan. Sounds like answer enough.”

  “You don’t speak for me,” I fire back defensively.

  “I’m just trying to help us all be honest.” She casually shrugs. “You couldn’t answer me because you don’t want Nathan to know how you really feel. You can’t answer him because you don’t want to hurt him.” Backing against the opposite wall, she continues, “You know I’m right, Tracey. You hate this just as much as I do. And our life before them was better than this one. And you know it. You may love him, but you hate this.” She shrugs again and strides down the hall toward the kitchen. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

  “Nate—”

  He swats my hand away that I reach to him. “Know what? If you do, that shit’s cool because you come down on everyone else about them lying and their secrets when you cater to your own. If you want to hate everyone else, start with yourself, Sparks. Because you lie to you more than anyone.”

  Slighted, I blurt, “What the hell, Nate?”

  “Don’t worry about it.” He cuts me off, straightening. “I’ll be back later.” He ambles down the hall to the stairs. “And do not leave this house. Glen or no Glen,” he barks louder than needed.

  “You’re an asshole!” I shout at his back.

  “I’m done, Sparks.”

  I stand in the hallway, alone, wanting to scream.

  I WRESTLE WITH THE sheets, detangling myself. I sit up on the bed, looking into darkness. A slither of trimmers rushes over my skin and squirms irritate my stomach. “Nathan,” I call.

  There’s no response.

  The pitch-blackness of the room tells me it’s his, but my being alone concerns me. He was upset, but he wouldn’t have stayed away all day without letting me know.

  Sliding out of bed, I carefully cross the floor to the bathroom. I hit the light and look around the room, seeing nothing.

  “Tracey.”

  My stomach falls. A mixture of emotions forces me to suck it in and hold my breath.