Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  I lean forward to shake her hand. “Hi, Lana. I’m Tracey. Nathan’s my mate. Thank you for choosing our cousin. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Nathan kisses my temple. “That sounded good, babe.” He nods once at Lana. “Wassup, thanks for choosing my cousin.”

  “Hi. Thank you for saving us.” Her voice is high and squeaky, and if I have to listen to it frequently, it’ll get annoying. Standing a few inches shorter than Olar, she’s petite and wears her hair in a short bob-like hairstyle that needs a serious wash and blow dry. Her exotic skin-tone is paling, and her cheeks pinch too tightly when she smiles. She probably hasn’t seen the sun in a long time. By her ragged clothes and dirty nails, it’s obvious she’s been held prisoner for a while.

  I give her a final smile of acceptance and turn my attention back to the water. A relieving breath rushes out of my lungs and cools my throat. I’ve been holding that since the day Roehl took the bite out of my shoulder. Leaning against Nathan, I try to manage my thoughts.

  “You okay, Tracey?” Lana asks, sitting near me.

  “I am. You?” I ask kindly, not wanting to be standoffish because I’m in a sour mood.

  She nods, smiling a jubilant grin. “I never thought I’d feel this good.”

  “It’s good to be happy.”

  “You’re right.” She breaks our eye contact and looks to my left. “I want to apologize for your loss tonight.”

  “You don’t have to apologize. It was no one’s fault. Messed up stuff happens.” I wrap Nathan’s arm around me, closing my eyes. I do so to block my sight but see more with my eyes closed than I did with them open. Their smiles will haunt me forever. “They were finally happy together. I hope they remain that way.” Lana’s bringing it up forces a recall of Glen’s voice in my head. I was so freaking excited over her finally excepting our family. I wanted to enjoy that with her, celebrate with her, and thank her for accepting us and choosing Scott. I wanted to hug her and squeeze her so tight she’d complain. Kegic. . . He stole my goodbye.

  “Excuse me, Lana. Nate, give me a few minutes,” I say, standing.

  He nods.

  I need to be by myself for a minute. I’d like to work through my feelings alone. The entire situation could’ve gone so differently. My thoughts during the rescue weren’t my own; I could only concentrate on focusing. Staying alerted for my safety, selfishly, only worrying about Nathan and me. I knew it wasn’t going to end well when I saw that man’s arm around her neck. Like Natalia said, they only act. He didn’t hesitate to take the life of my friends. He was so fast. He couldn’t have thought before he acted.

  I look down at my feet, grateful I did, as I was about to step on a few baby turtles trying to make their way to the water. I step back, watching them scurry to it. A smaller one trails off. I bend down and push its little shell back in line. I know I’m not supposed to help, but something may come along when it gets lost and eat it, stealing its life too. It follows back in line with its siblings, and they safely pass me to the water.

  I smile. Life is full of wonderful and heartbreaking surprises. I’m standing here, happy for myself, and yet, sad for my friend. But I stand here alone. For the first time in a long time, I’ve walked over ten feet away from someone who’s needed to keep an eye on me. And it feels good not to have someone looking over my shoulder, or me fearing Roehl’s going to come along and woo me with his Nathan influence. It feels even better to have control of myself.

  Glen would be happy.

  “Ugh!” It’s over, Glen. . . “It’s all finally over!” I whisper. “No more crazy ass Papa Nathan and no more Roehl. We can really be happy now.” Turning to walk back to the trio, I avert my gaze back to the moon. Two bright stars have appeared near it. They tease and taunt the illuminate rock by twinkling and glimmering. Watching them makes me think of Glen and Scott. I stop and stare, needing to verbally release the goodbye warming my tongue. “I’m sorry, GeGe. I never wanted this. I can’t say I wish we never chose them, but I can say I wish things were different—easier. . . Lighter. I can say I wish we made different decisions and that I’d relive our last day together over and over again if we could.” A feeling of freedom settles in me, and I wipe the cold tear from my cheek. “I hate that something bad needed to happen for something good to follow. I hate that something bad had to be losing you.” I cough a sob forcing a smile through my tears. “You were my best friend,” I whisper, hearing her last laugh. “I am . . . really going to freaking miss you. I’ll never forget you. I promise, GeGe. I’m freaking ecstatic you’re happy. I’ll love you forever.” Bringing my palms to my lips, I kiss their centers. Willing them to form two orbs of fire, I lightly blow them off. The lightening colored spheres dance as they float up to the sky, reflecting over the water. Once high enough, they burst into two fireworks. Pink and blue. “You two make sure you save a spot up there for Nathan and me. I’ll see you later.”

  I pivot but halt. Nathan’s here. His thumbs swipe across my eyes and down my cheeks. They’re cold against my skin. “Okay?” he asks.

  “Okay,” I assure. I lean my head against Nathan’s chest, watching the remaining of the flames from the fireworks sizzle away.

  Autumn Leaves by Ed Sheeran sings in my mind. Another tear, another cry. Another place for us to die. It’s not complicated. Another love that’s gone to waste. Another light lost from your face. It’s not complicated. Is it that it’s over or do birds still sing for you. . .

  With my small goodbye, the pressure from the pain isn’t as bad. It’s not going to be the same, and I’ll always miss her, but it’ll get a little easier with every breath, and a little better with every day.

  “That was nice.”

  I knit my brows.

  “That firework thing.”

  “Oh. Yeah,” I recall. “I didn’t know that would happen.”

  “It was cool it did. She would’ve loved it.”

  I sniff and hold back the tears. “She loved it,” I utter, looking back at the two stars.

  “You ready to go in, break the news and listen to Olar introduce Lana to the family?”

  Shrugging, I utter, “Sure. Who’s doing the talking?”

  “Olar.” He clears his throat. “I can’t say it.”

  I slip my hand under his shirt, rubbing his back. “I understand. Let’s get this over with.”

  The four of us head back home. Lana steals small glances at me, and I catch Olar nod to her from my periphery. “Tracey, are you human?” she blurts.

  Disregarding her contemplative stare, I say, “Yes.”

  “I asked because of your ability.”

  “I, umm, inherited it.”

  “Oh. That’s a pretty cool ability you’ve inherited.”

  “Thank you, I think.”

  Lana is okay. We just happen to meet her at the wrong time. If times were different and she’d come around, I’d be happier about her and Olar. I hope they can’t tell, though.

  “GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. THANKS for making yourselves available.” Roseland looks the room over before his gaze falls on Nathan.

  Nathan stands. “Olar will be speaking for me tonight,” he informs mildly. “Excuse me.” Sitting, he scoots closer and slides the fingers of his left hand between my right’s.

  Olar stands. Lana jumps to her feet, fisting the back of Olar’s shirt so tightly it wrinkles. “Let me introduce you first,” he consoles in a whisper. “Then you’ll join me.” She nods, taking her seat. Everyone’s dead silent waiting on Olar to speak. Breathing, he studies the pensive expressions resting on the faces of his family. He takes a bit to gather his words. “First, I want to say that I’ve found my mate.” His hand waves behind him, motioning for Lana to stand. “Her name’s Lana, and she’s chosen me. She was, unfortunately, kept prisoner where I’d been captured. We rescued her when they came for me.” Lana pats his shoulder and sits. A heavy sigh expels from Olar as his shoulders slump. “As we were escaping, we lost two of our family members who are missing tonight. The ones res
ponsible have been taken care of. But that, in no way, makes up for the loss of life.” He sits.

  I appreciate he’s brief.

  Nathan stands, tugging my arm. I knit my brows as I stand, wondering what we’ve decided to share. “We also have an update in regards to an ongoing issue that’s presented itself as an inconvenience in our lives.” He looks for me to finish.

  “Roehl’s no longer a problem. We—” I shake my head, correcting, “I was able to fight against his influence, choosing Nathan and ending him.” I exhale heavily, feeling an even greater weight lifting from my shoulders as I say it out loud.

  Natalia snatches me in her arms, startling me. I didn’t see when she crossed the floor to here. “This is excellent news.” She releases me and hugs her son. “I’m thrilled to hear this, you two.” Breaking away from him, she takes our hands and squeezes them tightly. “I’m happy for you both. And, Tracey, I’m sure it brings a great relief to you.” Her saying so, and her understanding and guidance through this situation makes me believe she’s been through the same thing.

  I muster a smile for her. “It does.”

  “It’s not only a release for Tracey but a release for me as well,” Taylor announces. “Thank you for that, Tracey.” She remains standing, awaiting my acknowledgment.

  I’ve never hated anyone in my life—save Papa Nathan. But her, I do. Averting my gaze away from her, I find new faces smiling at me.

  Nathan leans forward, pointing in their direction. “That’s Valence.” Valence waves. “And next to him is his sister Valerie. They’ll be staying the summer here.” Valerie waves excitedly. I return the gesture.

  Roseland stands, making Taylor finally take her seat. “As we all know, it’s going to get a little crowded around here. Please, no parties or crazy guests, try to keep it quiet and respect everyone’s privacy. Hopefully, we won’t have to have another family meeting for a while.” He grumbles, rubbing his hand over his buzzed head.

  I lean against Nathan, watching everyone leave the room. Little Nathan plops down on the couch, squeezing between Nathan and me. I’m forced over, brushing against an ice cold Lana.

  “Sorry,” I mumble, rubbing my frost bitten arm. “You’re freezing. Want my sweater?”

  She declines, shaking her head. “I know. It’s a thing I can’t get rid of. I’m used to it, but thank you. What happens now?”

  “You go enjoy your time with Olar.”

  She kind of jumps in her seat, twisting to face Olar. They hurry from the great room, hand in hand.

  Turning to my left, I narrow my eyes at Little Nathan. “What’s going on with you?”

  “Same thing I’m wondering.” Nathan pushes him to stand, then pulls me back to his side.

  “Come on, bro. You have to know I had nothing to do with that,” Little Nathan lowers his voice for only us to hear. We’ve kept the Cindy incident just between the three of us. “You have to forgive me by now. I’m sorry it happened. I’d never do anything to you or Tracey.”

  “I know, bro. I’m over it. I need Sparks near me right now, though. To keep it down.”

  Little Nathan gives him a side-eye glance.

  “I’m serious. What’s done is in the past. Don’t let it happen again,” Nathan warns.

  “It won’t. Tracey, I’m sorry about what happened. And I’m happy for you. I’m sure my brother appreciates you not killing him.”

  My brows furrow, as I yelp, “What?!”

  Little Nathan shrugs and leaves. Taylor takes his spot. Placing the card table chairs down in front of us, Justin and her sit and stare.

  “Taylor, whatever you have to say, today is not the day to say it,” I warn.

  “When will be a good day to say it?” she counters.

  I adjust to sitting forward and hope my sardonic expression conveys my revulsion for her. “The day I am standing over your grave.”

  “Tracey, please? Just hear me out.”

  I meet Nathan’s eyes. “It’s up to you, Sparks,” he says, shifting his gaze away from me. Seems like he’s the least interested in this. But if he didn’t want to hear her out, he would’ve walked away.

  “Tracey, come on. You are my sister.” Giving in, I lean back on the couch, but I don’t meet her eyes. “Thank you. I’m sorry about everything, Sparks. I don’t know what came over me, I love my family, I was selfish and wrong, I made decisions that were uncharacteristic of me, and I hurt the second most important person in my life. Being rejected by someone I care about is a pain I can’t withstand. I should’ve never done that and betrayed you all. I’m sorry to the three of you, and I hope the two of you will accept me back.” She pokes out her lip and gives me the saddest puppy dog eyes.

  I cross my legs, not moved by her apology. I want to be . . . but I’m not. “Don’t call me Sparks.”

  Taylor flicks her gaze from me to Nathan. “Little brother, forgive me. Please? I was caught up in selfishness, thinking that going outside of the family could get me what I wanted when all it got me was a stab in my back. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. But I can’t live with you not in my life, keeping me at a distance, and treating me like I’m your enemy even though we sleep under the same roof.”

  Nathan scrapes his nails over his beard, fixing Taylor with a studious glower. He drones, “I slept under the same roof with my father for fifty-three years, and you see what happened to him.”

  “Nate, please. I love you. I know I messed up big, but you have to let me back in.”

  “I don’t have to do anything. But know the next time you bring harm to my family, I will end you, no words involved. You’re my sister, and until the next day you cross me, we’re cool.” He smirks.

  She smiles, standing with her arms spread out at her sides. He hugs her, no pleasure or satisfaction on his behalf seeming to be involved. “Thank you, Nathan.” She looks over at me. “Now you, Tracey?”

  “No. I’m not hugging you. But if Nate’s okay with you, then you’re okay with me.” I stand. “I’m not there yet.” I pass her, and she pulls my arm, hugging me anyway. She releases me, and I turn away from her, heading for the door.

  Natalia meets Nathan and me on our exit. “I know you don’t mean it, but thank you,” she says to him. He hugs her and continues past her.

  “You thirsty?” he asks as we enter the kitchen.

  “Yes. Apple juice please?”

  He pours me a glass and grabs himself a bottled water. We sit at the island, silently. My apple juice is sweet and cold sliding over my tongue, but I can’t shake the heat, this melting feeling that battles against the trimmers in my gut.

  “Nathan, Roseland wants to speak with you,” Natalia interrupts the silence, coming up behind him.

  He rises from the barstool, sliding me his empty bottle. “Alright, Mom. Thanks.”

  Natalia sits beside me, taking Nathan’s seat. “I’m relieved for you, Tracey.”

  “Thanks.” I toss his empty bottle and place my glass in the sink before returning to my spot. “I feel really awkward. I want to be happy, and then I want to be sad. I’m trying to hold it together, though, because I know when I’m sad and stuff it bothers Nathan. And he’s dealing with his own grief.”

  She nods, taking my hand. Turning it over, she studies my palm, and I feel her will it to turn black. The blackness quickly fades in, spreading from its center to my fingertips.

  “How’d you do that?” I drawl, amazed, watching my consoling vines slither along my arm and, in a way, hug me.

  “I can only do it to you because of the connection I have with my son. I’m able to latch on to his ability of control.”

  I knit my brows, unsure of how I should respond to this.

  “Nathan is unique, Tracey. Holding the personality of a lion, he’s confident, a leader, demanding, and even arrogant. He can be indifferent in dealing with most, but he has a genial quality that makes you love him.” She tucks my hair behind my right ear as I feel my burning feather appear on my cheek. “He told me you two fight a lot, and that
you’re indifferent about a lot of things. More apprehensive and insecure. Everything okay?”

  I look down and away at the feet of her barstool. “We do. I don’t mean to fight with him. It’s just been a lot to deal with, and he has this annoying block the world out personality sometimes. It makes me so upset he won’t sit down, open up, and talk to me. At first, I thought he was afraid I’d change my mind about him if he were to be his real self. But I’ve told Nathan over and over I’m here with him, accepting of him no matter the circumstances, the secrets, or the truths. But he still won’t . . . I don’t know . . . bare his soul to me. I guess that’s what I want him to do.”

  She cackles. “That’s been Nathan since he was a child.” She turns, gaze fixed on the window that sits above the sink. “He’s always been guarded, never letting anyone in to understand him. You’d have to knock down every mountain on Earth before you make it through to that boy. But it’s because of the childhood he had. Starting with his father. One thing I tried to instill in Nathan was to cherish your family, stand by your family. But it’s been family that has always let him down, or turned their backs on him.” She smiles. “It makes him a tough cookie.”

  “But when he wouldn’t help Taylor, you threatened him with being banned.” Turning your back on him.

  She nods, meeting my eyes. “I did. So he would help. I have to be hard with Nathan, or I won’t get anything out of him.”

  “But that resulted in him moving.” I don’t understand how this helped her.

  She nods. “And I wasn’t expecting that. But now, having you, Nathan has things to consider, and if he feels that having a place of his own will be better for his and your protection—.”

  “Wait,” I cut her off. “What else is there? Everything is over, now, right?”

  “He’s Burdened, Tracey. One thing I want you to understand about his life is. . .” She takes a deep breath, slowly releasing it. “He is never without trouble. And he made it worse when he went out and rebelled against the family, making more enemies than he can count. The burning feather on your cheekbone is Nathan’s symbol. The indication of something beautiful tarnished by fraught.”