Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  We give our order to the waiter who drops off our drinks, and he informs our food will be out quickly.

  Lana places her hand to Olar’s cheek and takes in his sunny eyes. “I noticed you,” she starts. “I felt as you did but knew there was no use. I knew there was no out, and we would never be together. We would have never been able to enjoy and love each other. They would have never allowed it.” She looks to Nathan and me, smiling. “But you have an amazing family who’s risked their lives to save yours. And you risked your life to save me. Making us, and all that could be a reality.”

  Olar takes her hand from resting on the table between his. He finds a way to bind all ten of his fingers with her five. “I didn’t lose my heart until she acknowledged me, staring at me hanging there. I felt no pain, I heard nothing, I knew nothing but what I saw, and I only saw her. From the moment I looked at her, I knew everything about her. Her name and her needs. She wanted out of there more than I did. And I made sure she got out, as I promised I would.”

  Lana’s eyes break away from Olar, gaze falling to the table. “It won’t be an easy journey.”

  “True. But I’ll jeopardize everything for you,” Olar promises. Finding his mate has made him soft.

  “Yeah,” Nathan drones. “Just don’t get caught again while you’re out there jeopardizing.”

  “Nate, we’re beyond grateful for what you did. Anything you need, it’s yours.”

  A waitress brings our food and lets us know she’ll return later. The restaurant is mostly empty, and the staff seems to spend most of their time in the back.

  “Lana, are you Sephlem?” I ask, moving my OJ up on the table.

  “Yes. Full blooded,” she states proudly.

  Nathan snags my plate and cuts my waffles. “You do know I can cut my own food,” I mention.

  He hands me my plate with my waffles cut into squares and triangles. “Just let me cut the waffles, Sparks.”

  I take the plate, giving him a smug smile. For good measures, I wink. He accounts with a single up-down brow flash and turns away from me.

  We eat. Nathan breaks the silence asking, “What do you all want to do after this?”

  “Not go back to your house,” I rebuff.

  “I agree with Tracey. Is there a park around here we can go to? We can spend some time out for a while.”

  “There’s one, maybe, thirty minutes from here,” Olar answers. “We can go there until we feel like doing something else. If that’s okay with you two?”

  “I’m okay with that. You?” I look at Nathan for his answer.

  “Yeah,” he drawls, sitting back in his chair.

  I look between him and his partially empty plate. “You okay?”

  “Yes. I’m fine, Sparks,” he answers sweetly. “You like your food.”

  I pinch my nose, looking over my half-eaten plate. “Yeah, it’s fine. I guess.”

  “You want something else?”

  “No, this is fine. You’re not hungry?”

  “Not really.” He pushes his food around on his plate then leaves his fork standing in his hard eggs. “You want to stay at your house tonight?”

  “Yes,” I answer without hesitation. Now I see what Dad meant about ‘there will be problems.’ Although, he was probably referring to something else.

  “But this is problem enough.” Nathan finishes my thought.

  “It is.”

  “If you two are ready to go, we are too.”

  Nathan gets up without responding and walks away.

  “We must be ready to go too,” I answer Olar, following Nathan to the register.

  We pile into Nathan’s car, and we’re all pretty quiet. The clouds are blowing from the sky preparing today for the sun.

  “Hope you two don’t mind my bringing this up,” Lana says over the music I’ve subconsciously had turned up to the max. I crank it down hearing her finish. “I’d also be skeptical of Roseland.”

  “Why would you say that?” Nathan interjects.

  There’s a pause before she answers. “How can he not know? The moment I mated with Olar everything about him came to me. His past, his emotions, his intentions, his thoughts. I believe they would have gone through the same thing.”

  “I’ve thought about that too,” Olar follows.

  Nathan’s face couldn’t be blanker as he listens to our exchange. “I didn’t experience any of that when I mated with Nathan.”

  “That’s only because you’re human, Sparks. It’s different,” Nathan says, looking around the road. He takes a left.

  “What do you think about that? Could he be playing sides?”

  “Yes,” he answers short, not going into details on why.

  Ann’s been a part of our family for a long time. And in that time, she’s been able to fool her husband into thinking she was loyal. Nathan mentioned when we mated he was immediately in my head. With Sephlem to Sephlem mating, how are they able to hide anything? Unless they are prepared to mate, prepared to hide something. Ann would’ve needed to know their mating would happen if that’s the case. But how?

  I am so over this. Every day it’s something new; some new danger, some new person trying to harm us, some new event or problem we need to help or fix, someone else dying. All I want is just one day without drama. I can’t even let the loss of my friend settle before something else is kicking off. My parents will be leaving soon, and I’m not ready for Mom to go yet. I am just freaking graduating high school, and the crap I said in my speech about life changing before your eyes couldn’t feel more real. Everything is spiraling and my time’s growing shorter and shorter. Twenty-four hours of peace is just too much to ask.

  The trees, light posts, street signs, and buildings fly by, mixing the colors of the world. The blur is better.

  Nathan’s fingertips graze along the back of my neck, and he massages the pressure points on my head. It’s okay, Sparks, he convinces, sipping away the sadness.

  How can you say that when you’re not in the best of moods either?

  I don’t know, Sparks. It’s hard for me.

  I can tell. It seems like I’m getting a lot of this emotionless non-caring Nathan more often. I understand that’s how you are, but you weren’t that way with me.

  I’m not that way with you.

  You are, Nathan, I argue.

  Finding an available parking spot at the park, we get out the car and step into the comfortable afternoon air. It feels great out here, nice and warm with the sun shining. I haven’t had a full day outside in a while, and I’d prefer to stay out here until the sun goes down.

  Lana guffaws, breaking into a sprint. Olar chases after her, calling her and demanding she stop. They’re newly happy, no worries. I remember those days.

  Nathan takes my hand, asking, “You want to walk?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It seems like it’s a lot going on, even though there isn’t. It’s hard for me to trust anyone right now, and we’re always around someone, or they’re always around us.”

  I shrug, and my shoulders stay high near my ears as I say, “Where are you going with this?”

  “You said I’m different.”

  “You are.”

  “I’m not. This is how I’ve always been. Yes, I’ve been making it hard for you to read me but look at what was going on.” He moves from my right side to my left. “If you wouldn’t have chosen me and gone the other way, he would’ve known everything about me. The things he’d find out he could’ve used against my family and me.”

  “Why were you so adamant about me not choosing you?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “That’s what it sounds like.”

  “It’s not. Of course, I wanted you to choose me, but that doesn’t mean you were going to.”

  “For you to be in my head, you’re incredibly insecure.”

  “And because I’m in your head, I know what your feelings were toward him. And the fight you went through within yourself for him and me. But it
doesn’t matter anymore. You chose, and I like your choice. The only reason I brought it up was to address my actions.”

  I roll my eyes. “Okay, Nathan.” He’s in my head more than I am and he still doubts me. At least when I doubt him, it makes sense.

  “Sparks, stop.”

  “Dammit! Can you, like, stay the freak out of my head for one day?” I blurt, immediately regretting how harsh it came out.

  He drops my hand and stuffs his in his pockets.

  I sigh, raising my hand to my face and squeeze the space of my nose between my eyes. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  Shrugging, he looks away from me.

  Oh great, now I’ve made him mad. . .

  Nathan sticks to himself as we stroll the paved trail around the park. Everyone’s out today; walking their dogs, riding their bikes, and trailing as we are. A playground is packed with kids; a water park next to the playground invites the kids to run back and forth from it to the jungle gym in their soaking wet swimsuits. Their laughs and shouts are loud and exciting.

  “Hey, Nate!” A guy yells a few feet in front of us.

  Nathan looks, brightening his face. “Wassup, Kody.”

  Kody’s short dreadlocks flap around his head as he runs over. He and Nathan bump fists. “Where you been, man?”

  “I’ve been around. What’s going on?”

  Kody points at me with his skinny elbow. “Same old. She your girl?”

  “Yeah. Sparks Kody, Kody Tracey.”

  “Sup, Tracey?”

  I look to Nathan, making sure my addressing Kody is okay. He nods, taking my hand. “Hi, Kody.”

  Kody nods, hitching an analyzing brow. “Why you out this way?” Him asking makes me believe it’s not the norm for him to see Nathan on this side of town.

  “My cousin’s lady wanted to hang out at a park; it was in the area.”

  “Nice. If you want, we’re having a BBQ.” He looks over his shoulder at a large group of people surrounded around a picnic table. “You’re more than welcomed to join.”

  “We’ll probably drop by later.”

  Kody stuffs a cigarette between his lips and lights it. “Alright, Nate. Bye, Tracey.” He winks, crooning my name.

  My brows furrow and a slight jerk of my head show my disgust in his assert.

  “Pull back, Kody. She isn’t one of those,” Nathan tells him.

  “Oh, my bad. You know I mean no harm,” Kody innocently responds.

  We leave Kody, running into Olar and Lana. “Who was that?” Olar asks.

  “One of the guys I hang out with sometimes.”

  I interject before we move too far away from the subject. “What’s a those that I’m not one of.”

  “A slut,” Nathan blurts.

  Wow! “Really?”

  Lana laughs. I find nothing funny about that.

  “You asked,” Nathan retorts.

  “And that’s what you associated yourself with?”

  He grumbles. “Don’t go there, Sparks.”

  I roll my eyes. “Excuse us. We’ll catch up with you two later. Nathan and I have more to discuss about those.” I pull Nathan to walk around them, hearing Olar laugh behind me, saying, “Looks like you just got yourself in trouble, Nate.”

  “Really, Sparks, don’t go there.”

  “Or you could just explain.”

  “Or you could just let it go and stop asking questions you don’t really want to know the answers to.”

  “No, you’re not going to beat your way around this one.”

  “I don’t beat my way around anything. I just don’t want to talk about or explain most things to you.”

  Insulted, I scoff, “Really, Nathan! You are such an asshole.”

  He rolls his eyes, and I snatch my hand away from him. Shit! I grab at my throbbing chest. “Ugh!” How can I take out my anger on him if it will just hurt me?

  “It wouldn’t hurt you if you’d stop snatching away from me.”

  “I wouldn’t have to snatch away from you if you’d stop being a douche.”

  “I’m not being a douche. I’m being honest.”

  “Whatever. Can you let go of my arm? Because I clearly can’t release myself from your grasp.”

  “No. Will you stop being like this? Do you need a break from me or something?” he questions with empty words and an impassive expression.

  I waggle my arm, hinting he still hasn’t let it go. “Do you feel anything? Do you hold any emotions?”

  “I do.”

  “Are you going to let go of my arm?”

  “Are you going to change your attitude?”

  “No!”

  “Stop it, Sparks. You’re going to make me change it for you,” he threatens.

  I lower at him through narrow eyes. “You better not.” I jerk my arm away, and it hurts so badly I buckle over. “Aaah,” I grunt, gritting my teeth. “I hate this damn bond.”

  Nathan gently pulls me up, taking the pain away. “Come on, Sparks, before someone thinks I’m out here hurting you.”

  “What is your problem, Nathan? You don’t care?” I smack his hands away. “Why are you such an asshole right now?”

  “I have emotions, and you see them often. You know how I feel, and only you know. I tell you everything, but you want to ask questions about things that don’t matter.”

  “And you don’t care that they matter to me?”

  “I’m not saying that. What happened in the past with other girls shouldn’t matter. If I hung around them, what we did, who they were. That’s a pointless conversation.”

  “Pointless to you,” I counter.

  “Sparks—.”

  “Nate, just be open with me. That’s all I’m asking.” His attitude is pointless. Him treating me like an enemy is pointless. This conversation is pointless.

  “It’s not,” he retorts matter-of-factly.

  Always in my head! “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I state sardonically. “How about you let me in your head, so I won’t have to ask you anything?”

  “I already told you, you—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I throw up my hand and drop it. “I don’t want to be in your head. Well, how about you let me, and I’ll decide if I want to be in it or not.”

  “All you will see is you.”

  “Or that’s all you want me to see.” I probably couldn’t trust what he shows me anyway. Knowing they can block things out and show or think only what they want to. I wish I could block him out.

  “You don’t trust me?” he questions in a gravelly voice.

  “Nope. Stop talking to me.” If he’d just answer my questions instead of giving me shit about them, he’d hear less of this. I got it; he held things back from me before because of Roehl. But now he’s no longer a factor. Now, he’s just being a douche and clearly doesn’t care about the extent of how I feel in that.

  “I’ll give you some space, Sparks. You need some time to sort through things. It seems like the bond is getting to you.”

  It seems like the bond is getting to you, I mock his voice in my head. Blah, blah, bond. “Yeah, maybe you should.” I snatch my arm out of his reach when he goes to grab it.

  “God, Sparks!” he bursts. “Why do you have to go there and do this right now? Today, of all fucking days. Can you just look at this shit from my perspective for just once? Open your beautiful light-brown eyes and look how all of this shit is affecting me. You make shit so much harder on me sometimes. I don’t have enough people attacking me?—Fucking family and enemies. Nah, I gotta have my mate coming at me too, making things harder than what they are. You can’t just accept that I don’t want to talk about these bitc—er, chicks that don’t matter? Or some bull shit about my past? Or better yet, you can’t just shut up and let me sort through this shit. Dammit, Tracey! Give me a fucking break.”

  Oh my wow. . . I stare, shocked—rendered speechless. He just blew up on me, outside, with people around.

  Shoving his hair back, he grumbles. “My bad,”
he utters calmer. “I mean. . .” He takes my hand and encourages me to walk with a gentle tug. “I know you don’t mean you need some time from me,” he says peacefully as if he didn’t just go super hulk on me two seconds ago.

  “You said it, Nathan.” I match his serenity. Let’s keep the peace. We do not want that to happen again.

  We divert from the trail to a picnic table in the grass, shaded by a tall oak tree. “I did,” he says, “because of the way you’re acting. To answer your question, no I didn’t associate myself with sluts. But that’s how guys perceive girls who give it up for a cute face and a nice car. Many of the girls we came across did that. Maybe because they thought they would get something out of it, or that’s just who they were. They may have just liked sex. Who knows?”

  I turn up my nose. “And you were there happily to give it to them.”

  “And this is why I avoid these conversations.” He scrapes his thumbnail over his bearded chin. “No, I wasn’t there happily to give it to any woman who ran into me. But I didn’t care. I like women, and I’m not one of those guys who treasured saving himself for his mate. I bagged who I wanted, when and where I wanted. And please don’t take that the wrong way. What was is what was, and no longer is. I’m with you now.” He moves to sit behind me on the table. “And if it makes you feel better, know you’re the only woman I want to be with, the only one I want around me, and the only and last woman I wanna fuck for the rest of my life. Do you understand that?”

  I blush, biting back my smile. “I do understand that, and I’m not worried about other girls.” He brings his hands to my front and massages my thighs. I shake my head, hating I enjoy it so much. “All I’m saying is—” Nathan’s nose brushes my cheek as he moves my hair aside. Warm lips place against the sensitive skin behind my ear and my words evade me. “Umm.” I clear my throat. What was I saying?

  “I love you, Sparky. Sorry I blew up and excuse my emotionless expressions. You know how I am. In my head or not, you know how I feel. Stop getting upset about the things that aren’t going to change us. I’m more than happy you chose me, and yes, I was doubtful. You left with him more than once, made promises to him that matches those you swore to me. Deep down, you understand my doubt.” He moves all my hair over my left shoulder, leaving the nape of my neck exposed. I melt as he kisses it. “You okay with this?” he asks, leaning to our left to see me.