Saree

by Su Dharmapala

‘No, Miss Nair, it is very much my concern. We provided a substantial cash injection into your business. We are your partners now.’

  ‘It is a silent partnership! It is all in the marriage contract – the day-to-day running of the mill is my affair.’

  ‘I am not going to waste my money and send commissions to be woven when I can do it here for less than half the cost!’

  Missy Gauri she fight wit Missy Shanthi too.

  ‘Really, thangachichi, you should let my brother go to the doctor by himself. You baby him too much. He was far more independent in Sri Lanka.’

  ‘But the doctors here say that he should rest.’

  ‘Well, we had him seen by doctors from Australia and they said he should be exercising. They said we should not pander to him,’ Missy Gauri say. ‘And by babying him, you are making him worse, not better. Fine kind of wife you are, Shanthi, if you don’t want your husband to get better.’

  Missy she wants to argue. I know. I sees it in her mouth. Tight like a cow’s bottom. But Gopal and I, we serves food. We says nuttin.

  But de big fight! Oh, de big fight be between Raju Sir and Missy Gauri.

  Missy Gauri she no let me clean room anymore.

  ‘He is quite capable of making his own bed, Pilar. Make him do it!’

  And she make him walk. To de dining room. Three times a day.

  ‘What is this?’ Missy Gauri she cry. ‘He is not an invalid. He can come out and have his meals with us like a normal human being!’

  ‘There is mail here for you, Raju,’ Big Sir he says, handing over some letters. Only Missy Gauri she grabs it.

  ‘Oooo, there is a letter for you from Guru Sindhu,’ Missy Gauri says. ‘I wonder what he says. He told me he was going back up to the hill country before I left.’

  ‘Give me the letter, Gauri,’ Raju Sir he snaps. He stop eating idali and sambar.

  ‘You’ll just have to get it from me,’ she says and runs out into de garden.

  Raju Sir he run after her. Like sick dog. He cannot run fast. He asks her to give letter but she won’t.

  ‘You are a horrible woman, no wonder no one will marry you!’ Raju Sir say angrily.

  Missy Gauri she no care. She laugh. She run. Dance around sick brother. Every morning for a week Missy Gauri do dis. She not run far, though. Just a little bit to makes Sir walk bit more.

  But my Laksman, he laugh. He loves to watch Raju Sir and Missy Gauri. He laugh and claps hands. Balini baba takes him out to watch whiles I washes de clothes.

  Afternoon before Missy Gauri leave, big truck come. I is careful dis time. I ties my Laksman in my pallu nice and tight. He no go near no truck. Miss Gauri she asks Gopal and me to clears de hut dey made for de sangeet. Gopal little angry. He, Henry and Thomas, dey go dere in de afternoon some times and sleeps.

  But we does what she says. Den she gets Henry, Thomas and Gopal to takes stuff from truck to hut. Boxes and boxes and boxes. And she locks de door. Den she turns to us and says, ‘None of you should go in there. Get nothing from in there for Raju Sir and don’t help him move anything in there.’

  So morning Missy Gauri go back home she and Raju Sir have fight. Biggest fight.

  ‘What? You’ve done what?’ Raju Sir yells.

  ‘We needed more space, so I cleared out your bungalow. I have brought everything and it’s all in the hut in the garden.’

  ‘Why not bring it into the main house back at the mill? You did not need to have it sent over here!’

  ‘Ana, this is your home now. Appa asked for all your paintings to be returned from London,’ she said. Her voice soft.

  ‘Are you insane? The paintings are priceless. You’ve brought them over here and left them in that damp hut in the garden? Why are you doing this to me?’ Raju Sir says angry.

  ‘To save them, you have to go out there yourself,’ she say. ‘I have left instructions that no one is to help you. You must go and save all the paintings yourself. And the key to the hut is on the lintel above the door.’

  Brother and sister no speak anymore.

  Murukananthan he come home. He surprise me. I is dere in de big house wit my Laksman, Balini baba and Gopal. We stands in de back of house watching. We watch Raju Sir. Missy there too.

  ‘Darling,’ Missy says to Raju Sir every day. ‘You don’t have to do this. I can get Henry and Thomas to bring your things in from the hut.’

  Sir he not answer back. He just walk. He no even see Missy. Like she no speak. He walk one day, one step. More Sir no speak, more Missy she try. She bring sticks to help Raju Sir walk and he throw dem away. She bring chair wit wheels but he snap at her like mad dog.

  I so busy watching Raju Sir I no see Murukananthan come through gate. He come and grabs me. By de arm. I is so scared I scream. I no know who he is. I push my Laksman away so he be safe wit Balini baba. It take me minute to realise who he be.

  ‘Eh!’ I says to Murukananthan. ‘When you come back?’

  Murukananthan look at me strange, like I be someone else.

  ‘Why you no come home?’ Murukananthan he ask me. ‘Tuesday you day off, why you not come home?’ Den he drags me home. Me and Laksman. My Laksman so scared, he scream too. He scared because he no know his father. I no tell him dat I spends my Tuesday in Kamakshi Amman temple. Dat I sits dere ands I pray.

  ‘Eh! Pilar, you comes home now?’ Marmee say. ‘She no come home since after Missy wedding.’

  ‘Pilar, she be too good for us,’ idiot sister-in-law laugh. She wit child now. Not long, though. Small stomach.

  Marcel and brother-in-law work now. Marcel he walk wit small limp. Brother-in-law arm not straight. He cannot bend arm to drink tea. But dey work now. Click-clack. Click-clack. Dey makes saree all day. All night.

  ‘So, is Missy wit child yet?’ idiot sister-in-law asks.

  I says nuttin.

  ‘If she is, she will surely have dat special scan. Is she? Has been to the hospital?’

  ‘She goes to hospital wit Raju Sir every second day,’ I says. It be truth. I no lie. I believes in God.

  ‘She must be wit child now. She must have had de scan. Everybody has scan now,’ sister-in-law say.

  ‘What dis scan ting?’ Murukananthan asks. Murukananthan and his brother dey eat vadai. No plate. Nuttin. From de banana leaf on floor.

  ‘I tolds you de other day,’ sister-in-law says. ‘I goes to hospital to have baby dis time,’ she says proudly to me. ‘No idiot midwife come. Dey say I can haves scan next week. Dey can say if baby be boy or girl.’

  ‘If girl, you kills baby,’ Koddi she says. ‘Dat what dey do now. Dat what dey do wit Agilan wife. Now Agilan have three son, no daughters.’

  ‘Sure Missy will kill if it be baby girl,’ idiot sister-in-law says.

  ‘Dis scan ting, you needs paper money for dat?’ I asks.

  ‘Yes, twenty-five rupee. And twenty-five rupee to kill baby if it be girl,’ Koddi say.

  I know how dey gets dat money. From me. I works in big house so dey can kills baby girl.

  Dat night Murukananthan he take me. Before even Koddi and Marcel fall asleep. I hear Koddi fart and Marcel complain dat his leg hurt. Laksman he still drink from titty. But Murukananthan he push my saree. He inside. Den out. In. Out. In. Out.

  I goes to work next morning. De first ting I do when I gets to home is I wash. I wash everytin. I wash myself. I wash my Laksman. I use soap. We be clean.

  But my Murukananthan, he come. He come every night. After I takes Sir and Madame bed tea. He stand at kitchen door. I gives my Laksman to Balini baba and I follows him. He no take me far. Maybe five or six step from kitchen. Den he push me to ground. Push my saree up. He do his business. He no speak. He no say anytin. Den he leaves.

  Gopal, Henry and Thomas dey laugh. I hears dem. Dey stand by kitchen door and dey laugh.

  ‘Get away wit you,’ Balini baba she say, holding my Laksman. But Balini baba she cannot chase three mens. Dey laugh. Dey laugh at Balini baba too.

  After I runs to bathroom, I wash. I puts
my fingers inside me and I wash. And I cries. I no understand why I cries. Dis is how dey do man-woman ting in village. Behind trees. Near de cow shed. In de fields. I know Murukananthan gone back to work on railway when he stop coming. After seven days.

  Missy she gets her period again. Madame she be very sad. She cries. ‘Why, why can’t my daughter conceive a child?’

  If I have daughter I no want her to man-woman ting. Man-woman ting ugly. I no understand how ugly man-woman ting can make beautiful baby. Maybe dat be god’s joke. Make you do ugly ting to get beautiful ting.

  In de big house, no one go out to buy anytin. Everytin come to house. Every day vegetable seller come to house wit vegetables. De cowherd come wit two young cow and takes milk fresh and give it to Balini baba for de bed teas. Three times a week de dry-goods man come. We don’t know he come, but he check we got enough rice, atta flour for chapatti and oil. De big pots in de kitchen always full. Merchant come, merchant go. No one care.

  Laksman and I be living in big house four month now so I very surprised when Gopal come running into kitchen. I just come back from giving bed teas. He so happy I see de only teeth left in mouth shaking. Like thairu not properly set in pot.

  ‘Balini baba! Mama Leela! Pilar! He come! He come!’

  ‘Idiot! Who come?’ Balini baba she ask, taking tea tray and giving me dosai to eat.

  ‘Mustafa Mohamadeen! Mustafa Mohamadeen!’ Gopal he say.

  ‘Oh my,’ Balini baba say. And she run to her room to checks her moneybag. ‘I think I have ten rupee left. Maybe I buy sometin.’ Balini baba very happy. She no go to shops much now dat she got cut up.

  ‘I have been wanting to buy a new cross for my wife,’ Henry say. Henry he pray to dead man on cross.

  ‘Who Mustafa Mohamadeen?’ I asks Balini baba.

  ‘You no know Mustafa Mohamadeen,’ Henry he laugh. ‘Mustafa Mohamadeen only be greatest trader south of Andhra Pradesh. He travel de seas and all over India to bring best tings. Good tings!’

  Just as sun rises, Mustafa Mohamadeen come. He come wit fifteen bullock carts. It take Henry and Thomas together to open both sides of big gate. Normally only one side of big gate open so Sir can come and go from work.

  By de time Madame, Missy and Raju Sir finish breakfast, Mustafa Mohamadeen set up big tent. Like wedding tent. All colourful. Red. Blue. Green. Yellow. Everybody from de houses around come. Not many peoples, though. Only few peoples live in big houses. Across river, many peoples live in small houses.

  Madame and Missy dey go first. Raju Sir, he walk now. Only he walk to de hut in de garden every day and sits dere. He close door and sit dere. He walk past big tent like it not be dere.

  ‘Mrs Govindarajan and young Mrs Nair, what a pleasure it is indeed to be serving you today,’ Mustafa Mohamadeen he says wit big bow. ‘But I am heartbroken, muchly heartbroken, to know that young Miss Shanthi here got married. To a man from Sri Lanka. There is nothing to hope for in Tamil Nadu anymore. Nothing!’

  Missy she giggles.

  ‘How can I interest a young bride who has everything?’ he says. ‘How about perfume? I have perfume from Africa, Persia and even from our own Himalayas. They say that African peony rose combined with Himalayan musk makes a man fall more in love with his wife than all the poetry in India!’

  So Missy she open bottle after bottle and she smells what in dere. If she like de smell, den she rubs it on inside wrist. She buy maybe ten bottles. All glass. Different colours.

  ‘And what about you, Madame? How can I please such a grand lady? I have just come from Rajasthan and I happened to procure some divine sculptures – perhaps you would like to see them?’ So Madame she buy new statue of god Ganesh and Kamakshi Devi. I no understand why, she never go to shrine room anyway.

  After Madame and Missy and de other madams dey leave, it be our turn. De servants. Gopal he rush in. He almost push Balini baba over. He buy sweets, gulab jamun and sugar almonds.

  ‘Eh, Gopal,’ Balini baba says. ‘You want to lose more teeth, you idiot?’

  But Gopal he no listen. He be real idiot.

  Henry and Thomas dey buy new shirt, little pendant wit dead man on cross and new pants.

  Even Mr Krishnapillay and Miss Sonali dey buy tings. Miss Sonali buy bangles and Mr Krishnapillay he look at box in corner.

  ‘Here,’ Mustafa Mohamadeen says, coming forward. I no see him properly before. He got one eye blue. Other one eye black. Like cat. Only if he be cat he be killed for being evil. ‘It is a cassette recorder. It is the latest thing from the United States. They say this latest technology will last one thousand years. See, you put these tapes in and play.’

  And de tent filled wit music. Hindi music from film. Gopal, Balini baba and Henry dey starts to dance.

  But my Laksman and I just looks. We looks at dis. We looks at dat. Dere be lots to look at.

  ‘How about a toy for the young boy?’ Mustafa Mohamadeen asks.

  I shakes my head. I is scared to look at one blue eye one black eye.

  ‘Why? Why not, young amman? Buy the fine young boy a toy. Here, how about this wind-up monkey!’

  I sees my Laksman look at toy. He likes it. Monkey gots cymbals and when you winds it up, it dance and plays. My Laksman smile and laugh. When he smile, he got dimple in cheek and his eye shine like lights.

  ‘No,’ I says and I turns to leave. I works hard but Big Sir give paper money to Koddi.

  ‘You got food. You got clothes. What you need paper money for?’ Koddi she says.

  Laksman he scream. He stretch his fat hands out and he wants de monkey. He scream and he scream. I cannot carry him. He twist dis way and he twist dat way. He be big boy. He be strong boy. I somehow takes him outside, but he scream ands screams. I is sure you can hear scream down in Kanchipuram.

  I takes him to kitchen to make quiet. But no. He want to go back to tent. He scream more and runs. I chase after him. I grabs him. Only my Laksman he scream more. Like I killing him. Gopal, Balini baba and everybodys comes to de kitchen. Dey stands dere and stare. Stare at my Laksman scream and fight his amman like crazy dog. He lie on ground and he kick me, bite me.

  ‘What’s going on?’ a loud voice calls. We looks up to see. It be Raju Sir.

  ‘It be Laksman,’ Gopal say. ‘He wants toy monkey but Pilar no got money for it.’

  I looks away. I so sad.

  He looks at Laksman for a moment. Den he looks at me. ‘Come along,’ Raju Sir say. He picks up my Laksman. Laksman he stop crying. He hug Raju Sir like he be God. Dere be pain on Raju Sir face but he walks wit Laksman to Mustafa Mohamadeen tent.

  ‘This young man would like that wind-up monkey,’ Raju Sir say to Mustafa Mohamadeen.

  While Mustafa Mohamadeen wrap up monkey, Raju Sir play wit my Laksman. He play akar bakar bombay bo. My Laksman laugh and laugh. He laugh so much and giggle dat he knock over sometin.

  ‘What is this?’ Raju Sir ask from Mustafa Mohamadeen, picking up bundles of whitest of white thread.

  ‘A fine Saliya, sir, like you would recognise it as silk,’ Mustafa Mohamadeen he says.

  ‘But there is something different about it. It is shinier than normal silk. Why is that?’

  ‘It is silk that has been thrown without killing the silk moth.’

  ‘How can that be possible?’

  ‘I am astounded as you are but I got it from a young man in Sri Lanka.’

  ‘But there isn’t a sericulture industry there.’

  ‘Indeed sir but this young man managed to throw some of the finest silk I have ever seen. Look at the quality of this. The silk is so supple and fine I can’t bear to touch it.’

  Raju Sir puts my Laksman down and he takes de silk outside de tent. Looks at it in de sun. Touches it. Feels it. Holds it to his face. And when he holds it to his face, de sun shine on it. I really see Raju Sir for de first time. Not in de shadows. I sees half his face not burnt. Dat side he be very handsome.

  ‘How much for the silk?’ Raju Sir he ask.

  Mustafa Mohama
deen not stupid man. He see Raju Sir really like silk. ‘Ten thousand rupees,’ he say.

  Everybody gasp. Balini baba she gasp. Gopal he gasp. Thomas and Henry gasp. Even Mr Krishnapillay he gasp. Dat enough money to buy house. To buy cow business. To buy God! I never even heard dat much money in my life!

  ‘Krishnapillay, could you please bring my chequebook from my study?’ Raju Sir he calls out.

  ‘Sir usually settles with Mustafa Mohamadeen by the end of the month . . .’

  ‘My father-in-law does not need to pay my way,’ Raju Sir snaps. And for de first time we tinks Raju Sir not statue. He be real man.

  Dat night de servants gots party. After de family sleep. Not real fancy party like for Sir or Madame. But our own party. Balini baba she buy two bottle drink from Mustafa Mohamadeen and she make Gopal share his big box of sweets. ‘You eat more sweeties, more worms grown in belly,’ she say.

  Henry he close de door between house and kitchen and we push big cooking table to corner. We sits on de little stools and we talks. Even Mr Krishnapillay come down. We be happy Mr Krishnapillay he come because he bring cassette recorder. He puts on music.

  Laksman he sleep. He be tired. He spend afternoon playing wit monkey by de hut in garden. Raju Sir he leave door open so he can looks at Laksman while he play. ‘You get on with your work, Pilar,’ he says. ‘I’ll keep an eye on him.’

  I sits dere and I listens to others talk. ‘I worked for family fifty years now,’ Mama Leela she say. ‘I come when Big Sir be little baby. Even den he eat too much. One day he eat five aloo prata. He be sick,’ she laugh.

  ‘When you come?’ I ask Balini baba.

  Balini baba she look sad. ‘In 1946, Big Sir father he find me on road from Karachi. He bring me here. I work for family from age five. Mama Leela look after me like mother.’

  ‘You no get married? You no have children?’

  ‘I is married. I married old gardener. But he dies. He no gives me children.’

  I so sad. Poor Balini baba has no babies.

  Den Mr Krishnapillay asks me question. ‘Where you come from, Pilar?’

  I shrugs. I no know.