The GP's Secret Baby Wish

by Sue MacKay

  Except that time that Lily had said no to another night together. Then he had paused, looking for the Lily others saw. He’d felt a heel as the beautiful, caring woman came to light under his scrutiny. She’d been popular with everyone in the ED and he’d not noticed that before. After their fling, he’d felt there was something more to her that he couldn’t quite grasp.

  Something that lit a fire in his belly. Something he was afraid to confront in case it got to him in unexpected ways, so he’d quickly moved on to other more willing opportunities. But he’d never forgotten those nights, never accepted she’d pulled the plug on him. It had stung. He’d wanted more and she hadn’t.

  She’d woken him up to the fact that he had usually been the one walking away, and hadn’t been kind in the way he’d gone about it. It was scary how quickly she’d got under his skin when they had become intimate. For the first time ever he’d begun considering other possibilities, such as a real, loving, permanent relationship.

  That had made him consider the women he’d bedded and how his love ’em and leave ’em attitude might have hurt them. He hadn’t stopped bedding women, but he had become more considerate of their feelings and worked hard at not hurting them by explaining straight up that he wasn’t looking for a permanent relationship.

  Taking a long, deep breath, he studied the female who’d had his teeth grinding from the moment he’d learned she was joining Remuera Medical Hub. Sparks were flickering in his gut. Her shoulder-length copper-coloured hair gleamed as it always had.

  Her one vanity, he’d once heard her say to a nurse and had spluttered into his water bottle, thinking she was nothing but vanity with her stylish hair, perfectly manicured nails, elegant shoes that must’ve hurt like hell on a hectic day in the department. That hadn’t stopped him taking her to bed, though. Hell, he really hadn’t been the nice guy he’d thought he was.

  Financially he’d struggled through med school and her attitude had rubbed him up the wrong way. Only once again he’d been wrong. She hadn’t pushed people’s faces in her good fortune, and really, looking back, she had only been herself, a well-dressed, kind woman who had wanted to help people as much as he did.

  Her tall, slim figure had filled out a little now, giving her a more curvaceous shape that suited her—and tightened him uncomfortably. The elegantly simple navy trousers and jacket with a cream blouse added to her appeal. A straightforward, this-is-who-I-am look that had him wanting to get behind it and learn more about why she got him in a tangle. Her face had matured into a beautiful woman’s countenance. Why had he sulked when she’d walked away from his bed? Turning him down with no explanation wasn’t an excuse to be rude. Quite the opposite. Lily had been the catalyst for him to start putting others before himself.

  She turned from talking to Devlin and caught his eye. Her smile slipped then returned; not false as he used to expect but genuine. Now, there was a first, and one he should grab with both hands—if he wasn’t adamant about not getting into a relationship. There was no changing his mind now.

  The past few years had taught him to make the most of life and the people he met, not to wreck any chances for happiness by being full of himself. Apart from surviving, it was the best to come out of his battle with cancer, and one he held onto tight. It had helped him get through the ghastly, dark days of surgery and chemo, and a new, edgy treatment. It had kept him grounded in unexpected ways—appreciating the honest kindness of the nurses and doctors who had treated him, learning the other side of a medical problem from that of the doctor’s perspective, finding he had still been breathing every morning when he’d first opened his eyes to another day of hell.

  Oh, yes, it had been a steep learning curve that had taught him things about himself he’d never suspected. He was worthy of giving and accepting love, and giving was way better than taking.

  He’d also learned the future came with no guarantees. Hence the reason now for never marrying or having children. It would be selfish to ask a woman to share his uncertainties. Looking at Lily, it made him sad. Not because they now had a chance of getting on like they never had, but because, with her ease and laughter, and love of life and people, she reminded him of those things he did want and had promised himself not to look for in case he caused more pain.

  His mother and sister leaving had broken him, and filled him with a belief that women would never give him their hearts completely. Somehow those nights with Lily and the way she had left had made him sit up and take a long hard look at himself and why he’d treated women indifferently. Not any more. Now the rare times he was intimate he hoped he was kind and caring, and made no promises for the future. The past couldn’t be undone, but he’d learned and changed, hopefully for the better.

  Lily was coming his way. Hell, she’d had him smiling at her with genuine care when they’d been dealing with Michelle’s accident. He’d kept his smiles for his patient, though, wary of letting Lily sense he was comfortable and happy to be with her. Their old one-upmanship hadn’t resurfaced yet, and hopefully wouldn’t. She’d been friendly, at ease in a way he hadn’t known with any woman. He liked that. His teeth had finally stopped grinding. He didn’t want her even suspecting he’d had a tough time since they’d last seen each other, so, shoving all thoughts of the past and what might be if he had the guts to take risks down deep where no one would see them, he stepped forward, a light smile lifting his mouth. A genuine smile. For Lily. Careful. They had to work together. He had to remain neutral around her. The smile slipped.

  ‘Max, shall we start again? How are you?’

  ‘No need to start over.’ They’d done well already. But he hadn’t changed so much he’d couldn’t resist teasing, because that’d keep her a little further away. ‘Hello, Lady Lily. How are you?’

  She stared at him for a moment, then knock him down if she didn’t burst out laughing. ‘Probably in better condition than your over-notched belt used to be. You doing okay?’

  Ouch. Suppressing a grimace, he took the hand she held out, and shook it, taking longer this time until a flare of heat scorched his palm. Of course there was warmth when two people shook hands, unless they were in the middle of a blizzard, and there was no sign of that here. ‘I’m good.’ Fingers crossed. It was a regular habit now, hopefully keeping the medical voodoos at bay. And any others. ‘We seem to have a knack of getting medical positions at the same place, don’t we?’

  * * *

  Lily nodded, not sure where he was headed. She went for neutral. ‘I’m looking forward to working alongside you again.’ The words tasted false. Then she astonished herself. Was her reaction merely a habit from days gone by? Their aversion for each other had had tense periods but had mostly been a sense of having nothing in common, apart from great fun in bed and that uncanny sense that she had to get away from the attraction those nights had created.

  She hadn’t liked his easy come, easy go attitude towards women, yet she’d slept with him, had become one of those notches because she’d been desperate to feel attractive and possibly even lovable. It hadn’t helped that she’d got in deep quickly. She hadn’t understood why she’d gone with him. It had been like an invisible string winding her into Max’s web and she’d entered not reluctantly but with a need to gain some self-worth. As if she’d chosen the most difficult man to impress to prove she had triumphed over her failings. Max had been exceptional had and made her feel very attractive. A blush filled her cheeks. She looked away, only to immediately bring her gaze back to him.

  Max was staring down at her, a glint she remembered too well in those khaki eyes that said he doubted her sincerity. He spoke in that firm way he’d used with Michelle when she had been more concerned about who’d knocked her off the bus than what he’d been saying. ‘Let’s not get too carried away, Lily.’ It sounded as though he was cautioning them both. Then he gave a small smile, and her caution began to slide. ‘It’s great to have you on board.’ His gaze was steady and c
lear.

  Maybe he meant it. That was something to think about. Again, he struck her as having changed a lot. He’d grown up, and was less jaunty. Although he was just as confident as ever, there were new depths to that confidence and, paradoxically, a few cracks. She was as sure as she had ten toes that something awful had befallen Max. Those eyes held a depth of perception she’d not known previously. A care for others that had nothing to do with what he might want, and no one changed like that over a cup of tea.

  Withdrawing her hand from his surprisingly gentle touch a little late, her body pinged as though she’d put her finger into an electric socket. ‘Thank you.’ They would get on fine, and not just to nod at each other as they passed in the hall. ‘I can’t wait to get started.’ This busy medical hub catered to specialities as well as general practice. She wanted to give it her all, carve out a niche that would go on long into the future and support her and her future child, if and when that happened. Not now, Lily. To silence those thoughts, she returned to the topic she’d raised earlier. ‘I’m surprised to learn you’re a GP, with sports medicine your focus.’

  His eyes narrowed.

  Quickly she said, ‘I’m not having a poke at your choice, Max. I love general practice and understand anyone wanting to be a GP. It’s just that you were so determined to become an orthopaedic surgeon.’

  An abrupt nod. ‘I was, but then I had a change of heart and decided I wanted to see more of my patients than a consultation, followed by a few minutes’ talking in Theatre before surgery, a final handshake and goodbye.’ His shoulders softened while his focus was entirely on her, making her feel warm and comfortable. Odd. Lovely. Just what she liked in a man. ‘Too removed for my liking.’

  ‘I totally agree. Then again, I’m starting over with getting to know patients, so I haven’t a lot of experience of following through with families, watching them grow and age and get ill and come out the other end, which is why this is a long-term move.’ One that would involve a family of two. Her and a child. No more shocks tipping her off track, no more feeling lost and let down, and in need of a kick up the backside to get up again.

  Max’s face tightened. ‘I hear you worked in Singapore until recently.’

  ‘I worked at an international family medical centre in the city. It’s a fascinating country and I enjoyed getting out and about when I wasn’t working. As for the street food, it was gorgeous.’ She missed that as much as anything.

  ‘What brought you back to Auckland?’

  ‘It was time. I never intended setting up permanently overseas.’ After Leo had packed his bags, there had been little reason to stay on. He’d know from what everyone here would have told him about her that she was single. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t looking for a partner, and Max was not the sort of man she was interested in for the father of her baby.

  He may have changed, but she couldn’t trust throwing a baby in the mix. It was very possible he’d want to take a part in raising a child that was his, not be content with only donating the DNA. He may treat women in an offhand manner, but there was a fierce determination in those veins to do the right thing that would force him to look out for his kin. ‘I missed having my family close enough to see them whenever I want, and to support them when needed.’

  ‘How’s your niece? Josie, isn’t it?’

  He remembered her name after all this time? Incredible. It seemed there was more to Max than she’d ever acknowledged. Apparently he hadn’t always been focused on himself. Though thinking back to a frightening time when Josie had rolled her wheelchair over a bank, knocking herself out, and had been flown to their ED, there hadn’t been many in the department who hadn’t known what had happened and to whom. Still, Max remembering more than just there’d been an accident was something else.

  ‘She’s done well. There’s no holding her back and she’s so strong mentally it can be scary.’ She laughed. Then stopped. How strange, talking like this, when they’d never done so in the past. ‘In fact, she’ll be at the Let’s Have Fun camp next week.’

  Included in that was the camp she’d established for disabled children with her niece in mind. Josie had been born with spina bifida, and had never ceased to amaze Lily with her tenacity. All kids should have resilience, especially those with tough obstacles to get past. The next intake for disabled kids aged ten to fifteen was all about building resilience to the obstacles life threw their way.

  ‘In Whangaparaoa? You know I’ll be there?’

  Lily nodded. ‘Yes, I do.’ Being on the board of the charity organisation running the camp, she knew exactly who signed on to help out every time. ‘I heard.’ From Devlin, who organised staff rotations. Devlin was her strongest backer, and was always on the lookout for medical people to take a turn helping out. Usually, little serious doctoring was required but it was good to have someone there to discuss aches and pains, and how injuries could be overcome without losing confidence. He understood her need for it not to be known she’d initially funded the whole complex. She had kept that under wraps and only her lawyer—being her best friend—her family and Devlin knew.

  If anyone was determined it wouldn’t take rocket science to find out she’d created the trust and paid for the land and buildings, but hopefully that would never become public knowledge. She couldn’t bear to see her face in the news under a heading like ‘Daughter of Wealthy Winemaker Sets Up Trust Fund for Disabled’.

  Being asked if it was because of Josie would make her furious and distress her niece. It was bad enough going as her father’s support to the wine awards, where her dress got more interest than her father’s achievements. Her mother refused to go, not wanting to be talked about for her outfit or hairstyle either. But her dad deserved family backing so she put up with the accompanying nonsense.

  ‘I’m looking forward to it. I’ve taken the whole week off,’ Max was saying.

  She didn’t encourage anyone to sign up only for a day or two. The kids needed the same people working with them throughout the week, not swapping halfway and getting different ideas on how to manage with their personal problems. ‘Hope you’re packing your sports gear. You’ll be needed to referee and coach as well as deal with sprains and aches.’

  Max watched her intently, as though he sensed more behind her words.

  She’d got carried away. He’d never been stupid. ‘I’ve gone with Josie before, and I’m on the board.’ She knew everything about the camp and what went on, right down to the latest repair job by the plumber for a leaking drain.

  ‘Will you be there next week?’

  Damn. Walked into that one. ‘I’ll be along the road at the family’s beach house, available if Josie needs me.’ An aha light went on in his eyes. ‘Naturally I’ll drop in on and off to see how she’s doing.’

  Mention of the beach house would’ve triggered that look. Her family was wealthy. There was nothing she could do about it, but he’d never got that, had always said she had it easy when other junior doctors were studying hard and slogging their guts out, trying to make ends meet with huge loans to pay back once they qualified. Little did he know she’d paid in other ways.

  Once her father had started the vineyard as part of the farm there was the annual grape harvest, where all hands were needed, or meals to be cooked at all hours for the workers as they slogged day and night to get the grapes into the vats for her father to begin the wine-making process.

  There was more than one way of being tied to financial costs and responsibilities and family. Her mother was the avoider in her family, always becoming chronically depressed when needed to help out, hence the reason Lily had fought hard to be strong and as good as her brothers on the farm. ‘I want a week chilling out before starting here. After moving back to Auckland, settling into my apartment and spending time with the family, a bit of me time will work wonders on the exhaustion.’

  Max’s eyes were on her, giving her the once-over. Mak
ing her shiver in anticipation. Of what? No idea. He asked, ‘Exhausted? Doesn’t sound like the Lily Scott I once knew.’

  ‘I’m fine. Moving, packing, getting a new job, a bit of stress, and, yes, I need time to relax. That’s all.’

  He stepped back. ‘Good. Glad to hear it.’ Then he was looking at her again. ‘What stress?’

  Let it go. ‘Decision-making. I wanted to find the right GP position, one I could plan a future around.’ Then she’d gone and joined the place where Max worked. Good thinking, Lily. That was an amazing decision. Except she was starting to feel it might have been and not only for the work. It can’t. Not at all.

  ‘Fair enough.’ Max was nodding but there was still a question in his expression. Concern? For her?

  It looked like it. The angst that had risen too quickly from past memories backed off. If Max could be kind to her, then she owed it to him to be equally pleasant, if not downright friendly. The past was exactly that, and tonight was the beginning of something else. Something she could make into a wonderful experience, and include Max as part of it. As medical colleagues.

  A delicate shiver lifted the hairs on the back of her neck. There’d never been nights quite like the ones she’d had with this man, not before or since. She was now a free woman—who did not need a man trying to tell her how to run her life all the time, who didn’t accept her for who she was. Would this Max be like that? She looked at him and couldn’t find the answer.

  ‘Here, you two. You’re the only ones without a glass in your hands and we’re about to have some speeches.’ Devlin stood beside them, two glasses of red wine in his large hand.

  ‘Tell me that’s a Scott Merlot Cabernet,’ Max laughed. ‘It’s my pick of NZ reds any day.’