by Claire Raye
He’s about to make me cry. I pull in a ragged breath, my chest shuddering a little. All I want out of this is for him to be happy. I don’t want to be the reason he tries so hard.
“You need to do it for yourself. This isn’t about me or Sie or Reid. This is about you and you getting your life back.”
“I know that, but you’re a huge part of my life. So are Reid and Sie, and me dealing with all this shit inside my head will make things better for everyone,” he admits and it feels like a breakthrough.
It’s an admittance of his issues; it’s an admittance of everything he knows he needs to face. This is far bigger than what he’s done in the past. It feels like he’s done brushing things aside, done moving along as if he’s just barely living.
If I weren’t driving right now, I’d be hugging him. I’m proud of the progress he’s already making. It’s a huge stride in the right direction just going to the therapist, even if all they did was talk about our relationship.
“I’m really proud of you for going,” I tell him, looking over quickly and shooting him a smile. “I know it was tough and I know each day you go will be tough, but you’re ending the cycle that your family created. Now you’ll be able to recognize when you need help rather than suffering in silence. This will help you be more aware of yourself, more aware of your own needs.”
I sound super therapist-y and I laugh a little and so does Caleb.
“I think you’re about ready to take on the role of therapist, but just not as my therapist,” he jokes, reaching over and pinching my side.
“Whatever,” I reply, flitting a dismissive hand his way, but he grabs it, kissing it just like he did before. “You wanna go for a run when we get home?”
“If Sie and Reid are gone, I’ve got another idea.” He waggles his eyebrows as if I don’t know what he’s talking about. He’s so damn cheesy sometimes.
We aren’t so lucky because when we walk in Reid and Sienna are cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. Not that them being home has ever stopped them or us before though, but it’s starting to feel like we need a bigger house.
I don’t like that this one holds the memories of what happened with Caleb and Professor Keller. I imagine it’s equally hard for him to walk out into the alley to get in the car or take out the garbage. If my thoughts go to that night, I’m sure his do, too. These are all things we skate around, things we don’t talk about. I know Caleb well enough to know he wouldn’t dare ask us to move. That’s far too self-serving and that is not who he is. This is something Sie, Reid and I need to start talking about, ways to help Caleb recover without making it seem like we’re intentionally changing our lives to accommodate him. He’d hate that.
When we walk over to where Reid and Sie are sitting, Reid asks, “How’d it go?” without missing a beat. He obviously has no concerns about feeling intrusive and something about it makes me laugh a little. The giggle falls from my lips without even thinking about it.
“He’s far bolder than you and me,” Sie announces, her lips pursed and her eyes closed in annoyance with Reid’s abruptness. But I honestly like it. It feels refreshing to have someone care enough to ask.
“It was good,” Caleb responds, giving the same answer he gave me.
“You going back?”
“I am.”
“When?”
“Next week.”
“Okay, cool,” Reid now says and their conversation ends. It’s simple, but it’s enough to let Caleb know he cares.
Sienna lets out a hard sigh, almost as if she were hoping Reid would ask the questions she really wants to ask. She twirls her hair around her finger and chews on her lip. She’s steeling up the courage to ask him everything that has been swirling in her head since Caleb left for the therapist.
“Did you tell her about Mom and Dad?” Sienna suddenly asks, but every one of us knows it wasn’t a question that just popped into her head.
“I didn’t, Sie, not yet, but when I do, you should probably be there. Their bullshit involves both of us.”
She doesn’t say anything and it’s clear she’s processing what he just said, worrying about what that means. Delving into their lives is anything but simple. I’m not sure she even wants to do it.
“It’ll be good for both of you,” I say, cutting in and I watch as Sie reluctantly nods her head in agreement.
“It will be,” Caleb chimes in. “Then I won’t be alone and someone else will know you’re just as crazy as me.” He’s fucking with her and being silly and as much as she’s trying to ignore him, a smirk slips through.
They have always had this playful quality to their relationship and I don’t want them to lose it because of all this. Things will get messy and secrets will come out, but I hope it makes their relationship stronger in the end.
Reid’s flipping through the channels on the TV and stops on a local news station, waiting for the weather to play. With Caleb having some time off, we talked about going to the beach and maybe even doing some surfing. It’s been cool, but the temperatures never get cold enough that we can’t surf with a wetsuit. We’ve been talking about teaching Caleb ever since he first showed up out here and now’s as good of a day as any.
But as the news plays, the story that pops up on the screen kills any good vibes that were happening.
“Local Hawthorn Hills professor Aaron Keller has plans to seek legal action against the student—” She’s cut short by Reid turning the TV off and then awkwardly looking around the room. The silence hits each one of us like a ton of bricks, but that story hits even harder.
Chapter Twelve
Caleb
The silence in the room is deafening and as I sit on the couch with Ruby, I can feel all three pairs of eyes watching me, waiting for my reaction. The room feels tense, almost as though they expect me to lose my shit right here in front of them.
“You don’t need to turn it off,” I say, exhaling as I sit back on the couch.
“You don’t need a reminder of it,” Sienna says quickly, her hand on my arm, a worried look on her face.
I smirk at her, nudging her gently in the side. “It’s not like I can hide from it, Sie. Sooner or later, I’m gonna have to face all of this.”
She frowns at me as Reid sits forward a little, his hand gently rubbing her back. “Maybe you should talk to Ed,” he says, meeting my gaze, his face serious. “Find out where everything stands now?”
“Yeah I will,” I say. “But honestly guys, you gotta stop trying to protect me or whatever, I’m okay, really.”
I feel like all three of them can tell I’m lying right now. Hell, even I can hear the bullshit in my tone. But at the same time, I can’t sit here and have them all worried about me and trying to keep me wrapped up in this protective little bubble. Yeah, I got a few days reprieve with Christmas and stuff, but I know that’s over now, and sooner or later, Ed is going to be calling me to go over the case or ask about the therapist or whatever else he needs to know about.
It’s fucking exhausting just thinking about it, but it’s exhausting trying to walk on eggshells all the time too.
“Seriously,” I add, sitting forward and letting out a short laugh. “I know everything is fucked up, me especially, but I know it’s not going away anytime soon either. And I also know that I need to face what I did and that includes hearing about it on the news or having people stare at me when I go outside or whatever.” I pause, taking a deep breath. Sienna opens her mouth to say something, but I don’t give her a chance. “What I can’t handle though, is you guys treating me like I’m gonna break or lose my shit or whatever. I need my life in here to be normal. As normal as it can be, anyway.”
The three of them are all watching me now, their faces grim, as though they don’t know what to say to me. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, and I hate that it’s come to this now.
“Ah fuck it,” Reid suddenly says, standing. “Come on, it’s too cold for the beach. Let’s go do some day drinking.”
; “Wait, what?” Sie says, reaching for his hand.
Reid shrugs as he looks at her. “Day drinking.”
Sienna glances at me and then Ruby, before turning back to Reid. “We can’t just go get drunk,” she says.
Reid laughs. “Why not?”
Her answer is interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. Everyone turns to look at me as though I’ll somehow know who it is and I laugh as I stand from the couch. “So, I’ll get it then.”
The person standing on the other side of the door though, does surprise me.
“Hey,” Adam says, that same goofy grin he always wears on his face.
“Hi.”
Adam’s eyes flick behind me where I imagine my sister, Reid and Ruby are all staring, wondering what this is all about. When I glance back, my suspicions are confirmed and I turn and motion for him to come inside.
“You know everyone, right?” I ask and Adams nods as he holds a hand up in a wave, saying hi. “Want a drink?”
“Sure,” he says, shrugging as his hands slide into the pockets of his jeans, almost like he’s nervous.
He follows me into the kitchen, and I grab a couple of Cokes from the fridge before gesturing to the back door. “Let’s chat outside.” We both head outside and once we are seated, I hand him a Coke and ask, “Everything okay at work?”
Adam takes a sip as he settles back in his chair. “Yeah, all good, pretty quiet really.”
I nod, even though he isn’t looking at me. I’m not entirely sure why he’s even here. He’s never come over before and to be honest, I didn’t even know he knew where I lived. It’s not like we’re friends or anything. Technically speaking, I’m his boss, so him showing up here like this is kind of weird.
“You have a good Christmas?” I ask, more to fill the silence than anything else.
He shrugs non-committal. “You?” he asks instead, turning to face me.
As I look over at him, I immediately understand that he knows what’s happened. Even though like me, he’s not a student at the college, he’s been in town this whole time. It would be impossible for him not to have heard about it, especially now it’s on the news.
“It was good,” I answer, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut. This is the last fucking thing I need.
Adam sits forward a little, his elbows resting on his knees as he stares out at the small backyard. “So, I heard about what happened,” he starts, just going straight for it. “Are you okay?”
I take another sip of Coke, trying to quiet the overwhelming feeling of dread that washes over me. I can already feel the anxiety moving under my skin, making me itch to get the hell out of here. I try to focus on what the therapist said to me this morning. The only piece of advice she actually gave me before I left her office.
I take a slow deep breath in, my mind focusing on something good, something that makes me feel happy and calm. I’m guessing that was the other reason she asked me about Ruby and our relationship. Not just to make me feel comfortable about talking to her, but to also find some kind of visual for me, something I could focus on when everything feels like it’s going to shit.
“Actually, that’s a really dumb question to ask,” Adam suddenly says, and I realize I never even answered him.
“Huh?”
He turns and smirks at me. “How the fuck could you be okay?” he says, letting out a small chuckle. “You’ve been charged, right?”
I nod, my eyes wide.
He tips his head in acknowledgement. “Yeah, shitty situation for sure. They make you feel like complete crap too. Guilty before they even know the full story.”
His comment surprises me and I find myself sitting forward a little. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience?”
Adam gives me a wry smile. “Something like that.” I watch him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t, just turns back to the yard. “Everything okay with your girl though?” he asks instead, jerking a thumb back toward the house.
“Yeah,” I respond, still confused as to what the fuck is going on here. “Adam?”
“What?”
I swallow hard, that feeling of needing to run still lingering. “Why are you here?”
He laughs now, finishing off his Coke as he sits back in his chair. “To see how you’re going,” he says, as though it’s obvious.
“Really?”
Adam chuckles. “Yeah, we’re mates, right?”
I blink once, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on here. I mean sure we get along fine and we hang out at work and all, but underneath it, Adam and I know nothing about each other. He has no idea what happened to me back in Providence or what I went through for the previous two years. I’ve never once explained it to him and he’s never asked.
But almost as soon as I think that, I also realize something else. Something that explains why Adam is here today. Why he’s here and why he’s never asked me about my past or why I really moved to California.
He’s running from something, too.
I’m about to open my mouth and ask him about it when the back door opens and Reid walks out, carrying three beers. “We were about to get day drunk before you came over, figured you’d be in for that?”
Adam grins as he takes the beer from Reid’s hand. “Excellent idea.”
“Don’t worry, I checked with the boss,” he says as he hands me a beer, his eyes flicking to inside where I know Ruby must be.
“What are they doing in there?” I ask him.
Reid shrugs as he sits down. “Dunno, waiting to see if it’s okay that they come out here, I guess.”
I roll my eyes, leaning back in the chair as I open the door and call out for them to join us. As though they were waiting for permission, Ruby and Sie immediately walk outside and I grab Ruby’s hand and pull her down so she’s sitting in my lap.
“How’s that sister of yours, Ruby?” Adam immediately asks, a big grin on his face as he turns to her.
Ruby’s jaw drops a little and I can’t help but laugh, especially when Reid chimes in with, “She’s moving here soon, right, Rubes?”
Ruby’s mouth snaps shut as she glares at Reid, but he only laughs as he holds up his hands in mock surrender, before wrapping them around Sienna and pulling her into his lap.
“When does she actually get here?” I ask, wondering if she was supposed to be coming back with us from Tahoe, which is where we’d still be if I hadn’t fucked everything up.
Ruby sighs, her head resting on my shoulder. “Soon,” she says. “And you, don’t you go serving her alcohol if she comes onto the bar,” she adds, pointing at Adam. “She’s underage for another six months.”
He only laughs, shaking his head as he says, “Fuck, please, you think I need to give this guy any more excuses to lord it over me that he’s my boss.” He rolls his eyes dramatically even though I know he’s only joking.
“Whatever,” I murmur, before sliding a hand up Ruby’s thigh. “Don’t worry, babe, she won’t be getting away with using that fake ID of hers, I don’t care who she’s related to.”
Ruby smiles as she kisses me on the cheek. “Good, ‘cause it’ll drive her fucking crazy,” she murmurs in my ear and I know that’s half the reason she’s doing this. To protect my job and to annoy her sister.
We spend the rest of the afternoon outside, talking and having a few quiet drinks together. It’s easy and exactly what I needed after seeing that news report earlier today. By the time Adam gets up to leave, it’s late.
“You wanna stay, hang out and have dinner?”
Adam shakes his head. That same goofy smile on his face. “Can’t. I’ve got a date.”
“A date?” I ask as we walk out the front to his car. “Since when do you date?”
Adam laughs. “I don’t,” he says, standing beside his car. “But desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I shake my head at him, laughing a little. It feels kind of weird and awkward now, as though we are two people naviga
ting this new friendship that neither of us even realized we had. I can’t even remember the last time I actually made a friend, having spent my entire life hanging out with Reid and Sienna and the past two years alone, afraid to let anyone in.
“When are you back at work?” he asks, even though I know he already knows.
“After New Year’s.”
“Okay, cool. Guess I’ll see you—”
“Adam,” I say, cutting him off. He glances up at me, that easy smile still on his face as he waits for me to speak. “Thanks, man.”
He stares back at me for a second and I see in his face that he doesn’t need to ask me why I’m thanking him, because just like earlier, this whole situation feels like something he’s already familiar with. A part of me wants to ask him about it, ask about his past in Australia and why he’s really over here, working and traveling, never putting down roots.
But I don’t, because just like me, I get the feeling this is something he doesn’t want to talk about. So instead, I just smile and say, “Thanks for dropping by. Was good to catch up.”
“Cool,” he says, lifting a shoulder. “I’ll catch you later.”
I watch as he drives off and just as I turn to head inside, my cell phone rings. Sliding it from my pocket, the relaxed vibe I had going disappears when I see Ed’s name flashing on my screen.
Fuck.
Chapter Thirteen
Ruby
I can hear Caleb’s phone ringing as I notice he’s now closed the front door and Adam is gone. The phone rings, once, twice, three times, but there seems to be no sense of urgency to answer it. Something about the ringing causes a spike of anxiety to swirl in my chest and then the phone stops.
I’m standing in our small hallway trying to tell myself it’s not my business and that a phone ringing can mean multiple things, but in Caleb’s case, it can also mean a lot more than just a simple spam call. It could be his lawyer, the police, his therapist. The amount of people is endless and the fact that he doesn’t answer makes me wonder if he’s really serious about getting out of this mess.