Ever Faithful

by Karen Barnett

  He nodded, not trusting his voice. Nate ran his hand over the page as the words jumbled together. But he’d sorted them out once, and he could do it again. “I’ll be able to read my sisters’ letters.”

  Her quick intake of breath drew him back. “You have letters from home that you haven’t read? Why didn’t you ask someone to help you?”

  He scrubbed a hand across his weary eyes. “I hate that I’m so prideful, but…” He shrugged. “People here don’t know what I am. I’d like to keep it that way.”

  “What you are? I don’t understand.”

  He managed to keep his hands in his lap. “A fool. A failure.”

  She frowned. “You’re not serious.”

  “I’ve heard it my whole life.”

  Elsie reached over and took his hand. “Then let me set you straight.” She stood without releasing his fingers, brushing the pine needles off the seat of her trousers with her free hand. She turned to face him and squeezed his fingers. “If you met someone who was polite, chivalrous, a natural leader, and a hard worker; someone who saw the potential in other men and helped them to reach it—would you call him a failure?”

  He tried not to think about her palm pressed against his. “Well, no, but—”

  “How about if he worked hard to teach himself new skills? Or made friends wherever he went?”

  “Elsie, I—”

  She put her fingers against his lips, stopping his words and sending a jolt of electricity through him at the same time. “I won’t have you insulting my friend. He’s kind, generous, and yes—smart.” She drew both hands away. “Nate, I don’t know who has filled your head with these misconceptions, but you’re about as far from a failure as I can imagine.”

  The lump in his throat grew. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything. Just stop repeating those lies and insults. God stitched us all together differently. Your brain is as good as mine or Val’s or anyone else’s; it just views things differently. And if you don’t believe in yourself, who will?”

  Believe in himself? The concept was so foreign—it was laughable. He believed in his brothers. In his crew. He believed in God.

  And now he believed in Elsie Brookes.

  * * *

  Elsie juggled the books in her arms as she walked the road to her dormitory. Nate had offered to escort her back from the junction, but she’d needed the time to clear her head—and her heart. He probably did too. She’d seen the look on his face after he’d finished reading through the page. At first it was just excitement, but then the intensity in his eyes had been like a single spark bursting into a flame. A shiver coursed through her. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. And it terrified her how desperately she’d wanted him to.

  Her mind tiptoed through what might have happened. He’d have leaned in, she’d close her eyes, and then she’d feel the touch of his lips on hers, first petal soft…and then what? She had no frame of reference. She’d never allowed herself to get this close to anyone except Teddy. And he’d never kindled these sorts of thoughts in her.

  What was she thinking? She couldn’t entertain such romantic notions. Her feelings had become a firestorm, whipping through her life. Every possible outcome was bad. Teddy. Nate. School.

  She’d always thought herself a faithful person—to her family, her friends, her dreams. How had she ended up in this place, where she was stepping out with one man, yet imagining herself with another?

  With school rushing toward her, her emotions were multiplying like the pine beetles Nate’s crew was fighting to control. Teddy was offering her a place at his side. As he said, she didn’t need a degree to be a ranger’s wife. He was prepared to hand her everything else she’d believed out of her reach: love, family, a home in Yellowstone. Exactly the life her parents enjoyed. So why did her heart yearn for more?

  An automobile roared past, breaking the relentless cycle of her churning thoughts. This summer was proving eventful, and it was still only July. She needed to focus her attention on getting through the last month and then packing for college. She might learn techniques at the University of Montana that could help Nate—and others like him. She sighed. By that time, he’d be long gone from her life. She needed some way to help him more now.

  Kissing not included.

  Meeting in the woods had been a bad idea. Suddenly the savages’ jokes about couples going “rotten logging” made far too much sense. She’d wanted to allow him privacy to study without being embarrassed, but obviously being alone was a bit of a distraction as well. The touch of his arm against hers, the light in his eyes when he made his first breakthrough—they’d sent her heart pounding double time.

  She’d been so focused on going through the motions with Teddy that she hadn’t realized how much she’d come to care for the gentle CCC man. And in a moment, her feelings had fanned from a gentle crush to a full-blown inferno in her chest. Lord, what should I do? What do You want for me?

  Elsie shifted the pile of books so she could reach into her pocket where she’d stashed Teddy’s last letter, unopened. She didn’t need to read it to know what it would say. More professions of his love and requests that she stay—requests that weighed on her like the sandbags used to prevent dirigibles from taking flight before their time.

  But this was her time to fly.

  And with that, her path became clear. She wasn’t being fair to Teddy. Pain settled in the back of her throat as she thought of him and all his grand hopes for the future. A future, she realized for certain, that would not include her.

  Reaching the dormitory, she hurried to her room and let herself in. A peaceful silence descended as she shut the door behind her. She stashed the letter in the dresser drawer on top of a stack of identical envelopes. “One can’t argue with the heart.” Isn’t that what Nate had said to her about Rose?

  But she couldn’t rush into Nate’s arms either. She hadn’t dreamed of college for years just to have the dream waylaid by her fickle yearnings. It was time to be practical and think of her future. To be faithful to the dream God had placed in her heart.

  From now on, she’d only see Nate Webber in the classroom.

  * * *

  Nate wielded the saw with both hands, dragging it through the whitebark pine in a steady rhythm with Val manning the other side. The harder he worked, the less time he had to think about a certain girl. He could still hear her words ringing in his ears, with every pull of the blade. “If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?”

  No one had ever accepted him with such open arms until Elsie Brookes came along. How would he get such a woman out of his thoughts—and his heart?

  “Nate,” Val panted, “slow down.” His grip loosened from the handle as Nate yanked it back. “What’s gotten into you?”

  Nate stopped and wiped sweat from his forehead. It had been dripping into his eyes, but he’d barely noticed. “Just trying to get this one finished before lunch.”

  “At this rate, we’ll have the whole grove felled before the next meal. You’re supposed to be the slow old man of the group, remember?” Val squatted on his heels, unbuttoning his shirt and flapping it.

  “And you’re the energetic kid.” Nate picked up the canteen and tossed it at him. “Maybe I’m just trying to show off.”

  “Well, your showing off is going to put me in the infirmary.” He stripped off his shirt and mopped his face with it. “Besides, who’re you grandstanding for? It’s not like that pretty teacher is here.”

  Nate stiffened. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  A grin crossed the younger man’s face. “The whole camp’s buzzing with it, Nate. Red saw you head off into the woods with Miss Brookes. After the razzing you gave him for rotten logging with that blonde, he was quick to spread the word about you two.”

  Heat washed over Nate. “I wasn’t…we weren�
��t—” He bit off his words. He let go of the saw and walked several steps away from the tree. “Is that what people are saying?”

  “What are they supposed to say? If she weren’t the ranger’s daughter or the other ranger’s girl, half the men in camp would be dogging her door. You’ve got guts, man.”

  “That’s not how it is.”

  “So you expect me to swallow that you two were just taking a walk in the woods?”

  “We’re friends. We were talking about class stuff. Book learning.”

  Val laughed. “Sure. All right. If you say so.”

  Nate jerked his head up. “It’s true. You’re not the only one who wants to better himself while he’s here.”

  The young man spread his arms in surrender. “Fine. You were talking about books. Only,” he folded his wiry arms across his bare chest, “you’re not a reader. I’ve kept that quiet, but you can’t lie to me.”

  Nate felt like his legs had been kicked from under him. “How long have you known?”

  “A while. So is Miss Brookes really teaching you to read? Or are you just hoping to make her your gal?”

  Nate wrestled with the question. He’d gone into the woods with Elsie to work on reading, but he’d nearly kissed her in the process. Were the men’s assumptions so far off base? He took the canteen and slugged back a swallow of the tepid water. “Like you said. She’s with that ranger fellow.”

  Val returned to his end of the saw. “You say she’s with him, but face it—he’s not here. You are.” The kid wiped the sweat off his brow with his wrist. “And the whole camp is rooting for you.”

  Elsie’s stomach churned as she and Teddy walked to Artist Point. When she’d suggested the romantic spot, his smile had been so intense that pain jolted through her system. But after spending a couple of sleepless nights wrangling with her heart, she knew she’d made the right decision. Teddy wasn’t the man God had chosen for her—if He had a man for her at all.

  “I couldn’t believe those guys were so careless as to let a fire break out in the middle of their camp.” He took her hand as he talked. “It’s already setting up to be the worst fire year on record, and they’re part of the problem.”

  “It was an accident. And not unlike the one we had at Mammoth at the beginning of June.” She didn’t like hearing him run down the CCC boys. Her father was back on the job coordinating with Lieutenant Stone and Captain Dahl, a fact that probably made Nate breathe easier. And learning her mother was doing better was a bright spot in Elsie’s week.

  “You’re right about the Mammoth fire. That’s part of what makes me jumpy. The men were present at that incident too. If they’ve got a firebug in their midst, we need to root him out.”

  The thought sent a chill through Elsie. “A firebug? You think the fires were set intentionally?”

  “There wasn’t enough evidence left at this one, but the fire at Mammoth was definitely arson. Didn’t your father tell you that?”

  She fingered the collar of her blouse. “No, he didn’t.”

  He gave her a sideways glance before reaching over and claiming that hand in his large palm. “Why do you do that?”

  “Just a habit.”

  Teddy tugged her to the side of the trail and pulled her into his arms. “Elsie, you don’t need to be afraid. I’d never let anything happen to you.”

  She laid her hands against his shirtfront to keep him from moving any closer. “Teddy, I appreciate that, but I think we need to talk.”

  He lowered his head to the nape of her neck and breathed deeply in her hair. “Isn’t that what we’re doing?” Teddy slid his hands up her back.

  A squirrel raced past on a nearby limb, chattering. The sound gave Elsie something to grab onto before she lost her nerve. “Listen, please. Teddy, it’s not working.”

  He brushed a kiss along her jaw. “What’s not?”

  She pushed against his chest. “No, stop. Listen to me.”

  Teddy drew back, a stitch forming between his brows. “What is it?”

  A deep breath somehow got stuck midway in her lungs. She cleared her throat, thankful for the space he’d opened between them. “I’m leaving for college at the end of the summer.”

  His expression relaxed. “We’ve discussed this before. You don’t need to. Put the money away for a rainy day.” A smile toyed at the corners of his mouth. “Or our honeymoon, though I should probably pay for that.”

  “I am going to school.” She repeated the words. “I’ve dreamed of this for too long for you to just cast it aside.”

  He blew out a long breath and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. “Fine. I’m not happy about it, of course. But I can wait.” He started down the path again, resuming their walk as if nothing had just transpired.

  She trotted after him. “Teddy, I don’t want you to wait. Four years—that’s nonsense.”

  “We’ll take it one year at a time. I don’t think you’ll really finish. You’ll get homesick and be back in a few months.”

  She stopped in her tracks. “No. I won’t.”

  “You’ve never been away from home, Elsie. You’ve grown up here.” He turned to face her, his eyes wandering to her neckline. “You’ll get away from your parents and your friends, then what? Classes and homework—you think those will sustain you?” He reached for her hand. “You’ll miss me. You’ll miss Yellowstone.”

  Tears stung her eyes, and she knocked his arm away. “Teddy, you need to hear me. I’m not just talking about school. I’m trying to tell you that I’m not marrying you. Not this year, not next year. We’re not right for each other. I’m sorry.”

  They’d stopped just short of the viewpoint, and the sound of the waterfall roared from the yellow-rocked canyon. Teddy stared straight at Elsie, his face stricken. After a few minutes, he finally spoke. “You’re making a mistake.” He shook his head slowly, shadows forming around his eyes. “I hope you understand what you’re giving up.”

  She folded her arms, pressing them hard against her ribs. “Yes, I’m pretty sure I do.”

  * * *

  Nate sat on his bunk, trying to maneuver the paperboard device over his baby sister’s letter. Unfortunately, her lines were a wavy mess, so he still struggled to track the words. Something about Mama, work, and Charlie. He’d gotten that much. He frowned, splaying his hand across his eyes. Would it always be so hard?

  The jaunty sound of whistling outside the tent flap warned him Red was approaching. Nate hid Elsie’s reading tool beneath his pillow, folded the letter, and tucked it back in the envelope.

  “Hey, did the post arrive already?” His short frame darkened the door. “I’m expecting a letter from my father. He wants me to see a man at his old factory about a job.” He chuckled. “I don’t think he has a clue how far away Wyoming is.”

  “Nah, this letter’s an old one.”

  Red came in and plunked onto his own bunk, his booted feet kicked out in front of him. “All this sunshine makes me sleepy. I’ve been out walking with Mary, but she had to get back to her pillow punching. I can’t believe folks shell out to have pretty girls come in and make their beds for them.” He glanced at his messy cot. “Then again…”

  “It’s a shame she doesn’t get Saturday and Sunday off like we do.”

  “You’re dead-on about that. But I’ll see her at the pictures tonight. They’re showing a filmstrip at the hotel. You coming?”

  “I don’t know.” Nate tapped the envelope against his knee, not quite ready to return the link to his family back to his footlocker.

  Red sat forward. “Lots of skirts, Webber. I know you’ve got your eye on one in particular.”

  “Val said you’ve been telling tales on me.”

  “Ain’t no tales. It’s the God’s honest truth. I’ve seen you and her out walking in the woods over near the bear feeding grounds. The canyon and the
waterfalls are the opposite direction. There ain’t nothing out the route you two were going. Trust me, Mary took me out there once too.” He lifted his brows.

  Nate’s stomach tightened. “It’s not like that. She’s tutoring me is all.”

  The laugh that burst from Red nearly shook the tent. “Is that what you call it?”

  “Red.” Nate’s voice came out in a near growl. “I won’t have you spoiling that girl’s reputation. She’s got herself a steady guy, and even if she didn’t—she’s not likely to be seen with the likes of me.”

  “She could do a lot worse, Nate. And that ranger fellow is nothing but a wet sock. Him on his high horse coming over and telling us how to do our work.”

  “That’s because he’s got the big hat and we don’t.”

  “You’d be a better ranger any day.” Red scoffed. “That Ranger Brookes—Elsie’s father? He’s the real McCoy. In fact, all of them but Vaughn. Something’s not right with that man.”

  Nate sat back, letting his friend’s words wash over him. Why was he arguing? He felt the same, and it was good to hear the sentiment come out of someone else’s mouth. “I don’t know what she sees in him,” he confessed.

  Red sat forward, jutting his finger toward Nate. “Now we’re talking. Knew you’d taken a shine to the lady.”

  “What of it? It’s not like I can do anything about it. She’s spoken for.”

  “So what are you doing out in the woods, if you two aren’t an item?”

  Nate slipped the letter back out of the envelope. “She’s teaching me to read.”

  Red went silent, a rare occurrence. After a few heartbeats, he spoke. “You’re pulling my leg. I’ve seen you reading that CCC manual for hours.”

  “Not reading. Gleaning a word here and there, but not reading.”

  Red sank back on the bed. “I never would have guessed. Has she been able to help?”

  “Some, but…” Nate tapped two fingers against his temple. “This is a pretty hard nut to crack.”