by Casey Morgan
“We would never come to blows, so don’t worry,” smiled Brody. “I just couldn’t beat up my little brother. His weak, spindly arms would do no damage as he tried to fend me off, so it wouldn’t be fair.”
“They’d be too busy holding my sides with laughter at you trying to fight anyone,” responded Ryan. “I can only imagine how hard it is to punch someone when you’re as drunk as he is all the time.”
“At least I can hold my liquor, boyo. You’re always passin’ out in the lavatory,” countered Brody.
“You would know, wouldn’t ye?” said Ryan.
I waved my hands in front of their faces.
“Guys, watching you two go at is fun and all, but I really need to go take a nap,” I said. The room had started to spin. “Can you help me to my feet?”
I got up and nearly fell across the table. Fortunately, Ryan and Brody caught me and kept me on my feet. My head was swimming. I really was not used to all this alcohol in the daytime. They started to walk me back to the steps in the bed and breakfast side of the building. Each had a hold of one of my shoulders.
“You guys are carrying me,” I said stupidly. “You guys!”
“I think someone’s going to have a wee hangover at dinner,” said Ryan.
“Not if she has a hair of the dog,” assured Brody. “She’s an Irish lass. She’ll be fine with a bit of rest.”
“You know, it’s not too late to upgrade your date from three to two,” said Ryan. “I’m sure Aunt Bridget will be happy to put Brody to work.”
“Aye, but she likes you better,” argued Brody, as we started up the stairs. “Much easier to boss around, this one is. Takes orders and never questions them. Like he doesn’t have a mind of his own.”
“Are you calling me a robot, now?” Ryan snapped.
“No,” said Brody. “Robots are smart in their own way.”
“If ye think that, then you obviously haven’t talk to a Roomba,” countered Ryan. “You’ll have to forgive my brother, Shanna. He gets reality and the movies mixed up sometimes.”
“I do, eh? What movie is this then?”
“I don’t know,” replied Ryan. “What’s the movie where the older brother doesn’t get the girl and goes home for a cry?”
“Ah, I see. A work of fiction, then, is it?”
“More like a documentary,” assured Ryan. “With a post script saying you watched the credits alone.”
“You guys talk a lot,” I noted.
Their voices had become very loud.
“Where are we going?”
The stairs spun under my feet.
“Back to your room to sleep it off,” explained Ryan.
“Are you coming?” I asked.
I didn’t actually mean was he coming in the room. Listen, I was kind of hammered.
“I’m walking you up there,” explained Ryan.
“So am I,” said Brody.
“Oh, are you still here?” Ryan asked him.
We got to the top of the stairs and then to my room. I had been so unsteady on my feet that I was surprised I made it.
I searched my purse for the room key, but I was having trouble finding it. I threw some of the stuff inside my purse onto the floor. But I couldn’t bring myself to care.
Who needs it, right?
Ryan and Brody picked the items up and handed them back to me.
“You might want this lipstick, love,” said Brody, handing it back. “Don’t go losing your stuff. If you want, I have a key.”
“No, no, no,” I said.
I was suddenly feeling incompetent, like a ditz, and I wanted to regain my composure and prove myself to them.
Prove what? That I can find a key and open a door on my own? I thought, in my drunken haze, but I didn’t really know what I wanted to prove. Just that I was half competent, I supposed.
After what seemed like an eternity of rummaging, I came up with the key and opened the door. I staggered a few steps and fell face forward onto the bed. I could hear Ryan and Brody arguing. Guess they thought I was already asleep.
“Ooo, you fight dirty in this competition, Brody Hennessey,” said Ryan. “Mentioning the bed wetting. That’s a new low for you, brother.”
“No lower than you’ve gone,” Brody snapped back.
“So, you’re that determined to win this lass, eh?” asked Ryan. “She did have an actual conversation with me.”
“Ah, but I saw her first, brother,” assured Brody. “That’s what they call first dibs.”
“You can’t call dibs on a girl! She’s her own person, ya know.”
“I didn’t. It’s implied that she has dibs on me too. Mutual dibs.”
The brothers exited my room, leaving me to pass out on the bed. My head was swimming, so I thought laying face down in my clothes, across the bed where I fell, was the best place to sleep right now.
I saw images in my dreams. I imagined being a comely lass in Luck’s Hollow hundreds of years ago. Monster hunters raided the village and set it on fire, but the Hennessey brothers drove the hunters back into the sea with their magic.
Did I mention I had had a lot to drink? Anyhow, with the hunters gone, I rushed up to my saviors in the dream, kissing one, then the other. Soon we were in a three-way passionate embrace, rolling around in some hay.
I wished I could claim that I had no idea where these dreams were coming from. But, judging from the fact that my subconscious seemed to want to be with both of them at the same time, apparently, I did have a clue.
I just wondered if that could actually happen, in reality. I guessed I was about to find out.
Chapter 8
Brody
I was up in my room getting dressed when Ryan walked in, wearing a black dinner jacket.
“Why so fancy, brother?” I asked, as I pulled on my nicest brown sweater over a white button-down shirt.
“I want to impress my date, brother,” he explained.
He stood next to me and stared into the mirror, so he could fix his hair. “Don’t be afraid to leave in the middle of it, if that’s what you have to do.”
“Why on Earth would I leave my date in the middle of things?” Ryan asked.
“You’re just my wee brother tagging along. Perhaps you can get some pointers when you get an actual date for yourself, then.”
“She’s my date, Brody,” Ryan insisted. “We had an actual conversation. I don’t just smile at the ladies and try and get into their knickers. Sometimes you’ve got to get to know a person. Ya know, before you try to stick your filthy wiener in her.”
“My wiener’s not filthy at all,” I countered. “And I least I have a shot at doing that. Did you put your balls in a jar and offer them to Shanna ahead of time? Or do you wait until the first date is over to do that?”
“What a nasty piece of work you are, brother,” smiled Ryan. “But I think we both know who will come out on top.”
“Age before beauty.”
“That’s like saying ugly before beauty.”
“Is it just my imagination or are you channeling Aunt Bridget for these quips? Did you have her write them down for ya? I could swear I hear her voice in ya?” I said. “Normally, yer not this smart, boyo.”
“Smartness has nuthin’ to do with it—”
“Lucky you.”
“It’s a quickness, ye see.”
Ryan walked over and sat down on my bed.
“Something called wit,” he explained. “I know you’ve never had it, but perhaps you can try and understand for the sake of the rest of us.”
“Ah, ha! So, you do want me on the date then?” I countered. “I knew you couldn’t seal the deal without me.”
“You thinkin’ of havin’ sex with her on the first date?” laughed Ryan. “I think she has more dignity than that!”
“An American girl on vacation after her groom left her at the altar? No, lad,” I assured him. “She’s looking to get laid right quick. And I’m the one who’s going to be bedding down with her. That’s for su
re.”
“Y’see, this is all you’re about. You and your filthy wiener. Ya know, ya don’t have to stick it into everything that comes into the village, right?” suggested Ryan. “Maybe give it a night off and try and conversation for once. Either that or go back to Carey O’Mally’s whorehouse.”
“I’ve never set foot in that place and you know it, brother,” I said. “Carey’s got more STD’s than a leprechaun has gold. I don’t need to pay for it and I never will.”
“Never’s a long time, brother,” said Ryan. “Especially when you’re old and alone. Me and my American wife, Shanna, might come visit you though and try to cheer you up in your loneliness.”
“Wife, is it?” I laughed. “Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Hell, the cart’s two village’s up, it’s so far ahead! Why don’t you slow down? See if she even remembers your name. I guarantee after a night with me, she won’t even remember her own name.”
“Is that what your roofies do to women then?” laughed Ryan.
“Ooo, that was low, even for you, brother,” I said. “I was referencing my legendary sexual prowess, but a virgin fellow like you wouldn’t know about that.”
“Virgin?” objected Ryan. “Talk about low. I know how to woo a woman. You just know how to lift up their dresses.”
“They talk enough to me, brother,” I assured him. “Talking about how handsome I am and what a good fuck they’re having. That’s the kind of dialogue I aim to have with Shanna tonight.”
“Maybe in your dreams, boyo,” said Ryan. “She clearly fancies me.”
“Over me?”
“Over everybody.”
“Now who has the giant ego? It can barely be contained in this room!” I laughed. “No, she’s polite to you. She has to be. She senses you’re my special little brother with learning disabilities.”
“Learning disabilities? With what?”
“With accepting the fact that Shanna fancies me,” I laughed. “Make sure you bring some extra money for cab fare. I have a feeling that she and I will be wanting to be alone straight after dinner.”
“Maybe we should let Shanna choose between the two of us,” said Ryan. “Ya know, unless you’re scared she might pick you.”
“Pick a boy over a man? I don’t think so,” I said. “For that you’re on. Of course, these ladies aren’t so good at making choices. You’d know that if you ever asked a woman where she wanted to eat.”
“I know from whence you speak,” smiled Ryan wryly. “Julia could hardly make up her mind about such things.”
“So, you think Shanna will be able to pick between the two of us? I don’t think so,” I said, getting out some cologne and slapping it on. “We’re going to end up in a stalemate if we go down that road.”
“What are you slapping on yourself?” said Ryan, waving away the smell. “Did you bottle a dead whale carcass or something?”
“It’s called cologne and I know you’ve never heard of it,” I said wryly. “But if you ever decide to stop smelling like the inside of the toilet in O’Grady’s Pub, perhaps you might learn to use some.”
I slapped a little bit of the cologne downstairs on my dick. You never know.
“What did you do that for?” asked Ryan. “Skip a wash day?”
“I’m an optimist, lad,” I grinned. “I’m nice and clean but there’s nothing wrong with having it smell even better. I want her to have a pleasant time while she’s down there.”
“You’re more of a pig than any swine I’ve seen in these parts,” said Ryan, rolling his eyes. “The poor girl — subjected to yer filthy wiener. She’ll have you up on sexual harassment charges in no time.”
“No lady’s ever not gone with me willingly,” I countered. “I mean, you had Julia, but I forget — Did anyone ever check to see if she was blind, deaf and dumb?”
“Oooh, you went too far for that one,” dismissed Ryan. “You’re losing your touch, old man. It’s why Shanna is going to pick me.”
“I’m telling ya, she won’t be able to choose,” I assured him.
I was being serious. Most people I had met were incredibly indecisive after a break up, especially when it came to something like this. Shanna clearly liked both of us and wouldn’t want to disappoint either of us.
There was no way it could be that neither of us was disappointed, so the likely event was that she’d reject both of us, so it would be “fair”. Then a thought popped into my head, but I was little reluctant to share it with my brother. I decided I might as well try, though.
“I don’t know what you’re going to think of this suggestion,” I began. “But I had a thought.”
He looked at me.
“A whole, complete thought? Do you want to sit down so you can process that rarity?” joked Ryan.
“Listen to me, ye wee ass.”
I started pacing.
“Today at the bar, we both did very well with her, right?” I asked.
Ryan nodded and shrugged.
“If she likes both of us, she’s going to be reluctant to hurt the other one of us,” I continued.
“I’m not following. What are you suggesting, brother?” asked Ryan.
“We both seduce her,” I said. “It’s the perfect compromise. She gets what she wants and we both get what we want. Completely fair.”
“Have you completely gone off your nut?” asked Ryan. “Both of us go right up to her and ask her to have a threesome? She’ll kick us both to the curb if she has any sense!”
“Making love to two handsome Irish elves? It’s the perfect story for back home in America,” I concluded. “That’s a story she’ll remember on her deathbed, to be sure. Mighty as well turn her would-be honeymoon into the adventure of a lifetime, is how I look at it.”
“You are as a mad as a hatter,” dismissed Ryan. “She would never go for it!”
“What about you? You’re not saying you wouldn’t, right?” I tempted.
I wasn’t worried about Shanna. I’d let fate handle that. She was a grown woman who could make up her own mind. But I had to see whether my brother was on board, for it to even be a possibility.
“Me? What does it matter what I want, if she doesn’t want it?” asked Ryan.
“Just suppose she’s fine with it. What would be your response? No? No, I won’t have sex with you, you beautiful woman-witch, unless it’s just me? Now that’s just selfish,” I said.
Ryan laughed. I could tell that he couldn’t believe I was suggesting this. My brother was a bit of a prude deep down. Still, he wasn’t saying no.
“We’ve been with the same girl before,” I reminded him. “Just not at the same time. How would this be much different than that?”
“You’re crazy,” Ryan said.
He pretended to get all indignant and stormed out of the room. A few seconds later, he came back as I was adjusting my hair in the mirror.
I had a feeling he would be back. The proposition had to be tempting, once he thought about it.
“Just suppose I was on board with this,” he postulated. “How would that even work? Would we — flip a coin or something?”
“No, you stupid git!” I laughed. “You take one end, I take the other. But no eye contact, as that would be weird.”
“That would be weird?” laughed Ryan. “The whole suggestion is weird! First you presume she’d have sex on the first date—”
“Technically, we’ve already sort of had a first date,” I corrected.
“All right, second date then! It’s already a bit of stretch that she would hop into the sheets with anyone so soon,” insisted Ryan. “Let alone two of us at once. Where are you even getting this? Have you done it before?”
“No! Of course not,” I said. “But I’ve seen it on the Internet. It can be done.”
“That’s a porno!” snapped Ryan. “You want to recreate a porno now? What next? You going to show up to the date and deliver a pizza, are you?”
“It’s something that people do, Ryan,” I said. I was sur
e of it. “It’s called a threesome. Or a menage. They wouldn’t have names for it if it weren’t something that real people actually do. C’mon, brother, open your eyes and your mind to something different.”
“How would I even confess that in the confessional?” said Ryan, amazed. “I mean, I’d basically be telling the priest your sin too.”
“Now you’re being weird,” I pointed out.
“I am not. You are definitely the weird one! Proposing something like this and you’ve never done it before? Did she mention something that I missed?”
“No, just got a feeling,” I said. “I mean, I felt like we were all kind of hinting around about it, so I just picked up on it. I think she might like it. But, look, if she’s not into it, it’s easy to back away. No harm, no foul.”
“Oh, really? ‘Sorry you don’t want to bang me and my brother, miss. Care to have a go with just one of us then?’ Something like that? Is that how you envision it’ll go, if she’s not interested?”
“You’re making it sound vulgar,” I said.
“You’re the one who’s talking about it!” snapped Ryan. “You still haven’t even explained how it all would work.”
“Oh, my God, Ryan, you’ve seen pornos! I don’t need to go into every little detail to describe how we could both pleasure her at once, and how she might actually really like that.”
“Not that, how do you even ask for something like that? How do you even broach the subject? What’s rude and not? What’s the etiquette? Who pays for dinner?”
“That part is probably the same,” I assured him. “Look, we can just follow her lead, right? If she responds, we keep going. If not, well, she’ll pick one of us, right?”
“Or she could be totally offended by the suggestion and reject both of us out of hand because we tried to do it!” said Ryan.
“That’s not going to happen,” I said. “She’s not like that.”
“How would you know?”
“I just have a feeling. I think she really wants this.”
“You think she does… or is it that you do?”
“I can’t lie, brother,” I said. “I wouldn’t mind. I mean, why not? She seems like a great girl. Why not share something good with my brother? Why not see what it would be like for both of us to make her feel good? She would hit the heights of pleasure, better than anything she’d ever experienced with that preppy ex of hers. She needs this. She’d love it. So, why not?”