by Jaime Reese
Matt glanced over to Ben. “Are you okay?”
Ben nodded and gave him a weak smile before wrapping his arms around him in a hug. He released Matt and then embraced Julian. He stepped back and eyed Calvin hovering behind them. Barely a split second later, Calvin stepped forward.
“If you’re dishing out hugs, then I’m stealing one.”
Ben faintly laughed and threw his arms around Calvin’s shoulders.
Whether Ben realized it or not, these men had become his family. The same blood didn’t need to run through their veins to cement that bond and build something permanent. Ben would realize that in his own time.
Calvin peered over Ben’s shoulder at Bull, a silent expression of gratitude coloring his features.
Ben finally pulled away and walked over to Bull’s side. “Thank you,” he signed to the guys. He glanced up at Bull and smiled. The smile as bright and blinding as the sun breaking through the storm clouds.
Bull’s heart hammered, the pounding deepening when Ben grabbed his hand and held it tight.
Tonight, he had one mission. To keep that smile burning bright.
= ♥ =
His first time at the fair, Ben wanted to take it all in and didn’t know where to start. Spotting a place to sit in the corner, he grabbed Bull’s arms and beelined toward the bench. There were so many people to watch. Clusters of teenagers, families, friends, couples, even a group of students wearing matching T-shirts being herded by a handful of adults. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the odd mix of sweetness in the air coupled with grilled and fried food. Unusual, yet fitting for the madness surrounding him. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled at the flashing colored lights, twinkling in different rhythms and tinting everything in a rainbow wash of colors. On the rides, the food carts, and signs. Even the people wearing neon necklaces and bracelets glowed in the early evening hours. Games of skill and chance were scattered everywhere. Rides spun in the sky while others swung high, then dipped low.
He wanted to experience all of it.
And he wanted to do it all with the man sitting at his side.
He looked over to Gabriel, his patient guardian. This man had no idea how special he was to him.
Ben took a deep breath as he stared out at the crowd, letting his mind wander to what had happened earlier with his sister.
Deep down, he knew the distance between them was too profound to overcome. Still, he had let himself hope. And that had only made the pain worse when the inevitable severing of that connection finally happened. But there was Gabriel, soothing him with his strong, caring spirit and powerful words.
What had been one of the worst nights of Ben’s life was becoming his best. The end of one relationship was blooming into a new one filled with hope, respect, and love.
Gabriel wanted to give him many firsts.
He hadn’t realized he already had.
A soft touch to his arm pulled him from his thoughts and drew his attention.
“What do you want to do first?” Gabriel signed.
Ben pointed to the huge roller coaster in the distance. Go big or go home.
He smiled as Gabriel grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.
Hours later, they leaned against one of the railings by a food stand, enjoying the last sugary mouthfuls of cotton candy. After tasting every possible fried piece of dough, candy-covered apple, burger, hot dog, and pizza in sight, Ben suspected he would have one hell of a bellyache battle ahead of him.
It didn’t matter. All he cared about was the man at his side with the goofy grin shoving the pillowy-soft, sweet pink cotton into his mouth. Every ride had been tackled and every food stand visited.
Together.
Ben had enough memory pieces to cover an entire continent with his puzzles.
“What next?” Bull signed, licking the sugary remnants off his full lips.
Ben’s heart beat double time. While he craved the kiss that would come at the end of their date, he didn’t want the night to end. He scanned the fairgrounds, looking for his next ride.
Something in the distance caught his eye.
Everything around him faded. As if in a trance, he took one step forward, then another.
And another.
He blinked at the flashing lights of the game stand, awareness kicking in at lightning speed. He spun around, taking in his surroundings, seeing the railing several feet away where they had stood only a few moments ago. Returning his attention to the flashing lights in front of him, he peered up at the various prizes hooked on the makeshift walls of the game stand.
At the very top, a plush toy dangled from the edge of the display. A floppy-eared bunny, almost identical to the one that had accompanied him for most of his life and had comforted him during the darkest of times.
He sensed Gabriel at his side. Unable to rip his gaze from the round plastic eyes of the stuffed rabbit, he raised his hand and pointed. A strong hand at the small of his back broke the trance. He glanced over to Gabriel as he spoke to the man hosting the shooting game.
“What does it take to win the bunny?”
Ben’s gaze snapped to the game attendant. “Three tickets to play. Red star’s the target. You shoot the entire star out and get the prize of your choice.” Ben glanced over at the older man at his side, wondering how he had fared at the game. The game attendant handed the man his shot-up target and pointed to a tiny piece of red remaining on the paper. The man stomped away, his lips moving too quickly and tightly for Ben to understand.
Gabriel tore off the tickets from the strip and handed it to the tall thin man. He picked up the rifle and positioned himself. He shot once, just outside the red star target.
It seemed odd, but everything Gabriel did had a purpose.
Gabriel peered out from behind the scope, assessed his shot, and then pressed the trigger again.
Ben glanced over at the target, a circle of tiny holes repeatedly drilled into the paper, not a single one hitting the actual star target. The last shot connected with the first and the star fell through the paper target and floated to the ground, leaving a perfect hole where the star once was.
Ben glanced up at the scowling man’s face. “Most people would call that cheating.”
He turned toward Gabriel to read the response on his lips. “Most would call you a scam artist,” Gabriel said, cocking an eyebrow. He turned toward Ben and spoke as he signed. “You want that rabbit?”
Ben’s gaze swept the stand again. In the back corner, something else caught his eye. The perfect reminder of everything that had happened today and what it meant to him.
A smile twitched his lips. He looked back at Gabriel and shook his head.
“You’re getting better at saying no,” Gabriel said as he signed. “Pick whatever you want.”
Ben looked at the waiting man and pointed up to the corner behind him. The man pointed and Ben shook his head, until finally he nodded when the man grabbed the stuffed animal he wanted.
There, buried under the big yellow bird and rainbow-colored unicorn was a small brown bull.
Ben took the plush toy in his arms and held it against his chest like a cherished treasure. He grabbed Gabriel’s forearm and took a few steps back, distancing them from a mob of teenagers who suddenly raided the game stand.
He glanced up, Gabriel’s expression tense and questioning, his chest heaving with each harsh breath.
Ben tucked the small bull under his arm for safekeeping and signed, “Now, when I miss you, I’ll still have my bull.”
His pulse skipped a few beats when Gabriel took a step into his space, closing the distance between them. He closed his eyes when large, warm hands cupped his face and a whisper of breath skated across his lips.
He waited.
Then waited some more.
His eyes sprung open and stared into that deep brown gaze.
Kiss me, dammit.
Gabriel didn’t move. He didn’t blink. He just stared
with an expression full of pure control.
Control Ben wanted to demolish. He wanted Gabriel to show him that this energy thrumming between them was mutual.
“We’re running at your speed.”
Ben reached up and ran his fingertips down the side of Gabriel’s face. Desire for this man and the wish to cash in on all those promised firsts pushed his worries aside. He flattened his hand against the side of Gabriel’s neck and leaned forward, pressing their lips together in a kiss.
Electricity sparked and zipped through his body.
The grip on his face tightened. One tender kiss, then another, and another. His top lip, then his bottom, then both at once. Ben tilted his head back, welcoming the drugging sensation.
A strong hand slid down his back and tugged him closer to the heat of Gabriel’s body. His lips parted on a gasp as he arched closer to the warmth. The vibration against his palm felt different, almost deeper. Fingers dug into the back of his hair and held his head in place as a tongue slipped between his parted lips.
A moan escaped him. Maybe a whimper. He slid his tongue alongside Gabriel’s. He sucked and teased, hoping like hell he was doing everything right.
Gabriel tore away from the kiss.
Jarred, Ben opened his eyes and caught Gabriel’s glare over his shoulder as a crowd of teenagers passed by.
Gabriel turned back toward him, his pupils flared so wide his eyes looked almost black. He threaded their fingers together and pulled Ben to follow. “C’mon.”
Ben yanked him back and released his hand. He shook his head and stayed firmly planted in place. “No, we’re not leaving,” he signed. There was zero chance he was walking away from this now.
A smile curled the corner of Gabriel’s kiss-swollen lips. “We’re not leaving, Mr. No.” He stepped closer and gave him a tender, slow kiss. “I want to be alone with you, but even the walk to the parking lot is too far right now.”
He didn’t argue when Gabriel took his hand again and led them through the thinning crowd. He followed, kept his small bull tucked under his arm, and replayed the kiss in his mind.
Gabriel handed tickets to the ride worker as they settled into one of the Ferris wheel seats. He looked as if he was shaking the man’s hand and saying something, but the dazed fog in Ben’s mind made it tough to focus on reading their lips. Gabriel trapped the plush bull between them as the safety bar lowered and the seat lurched forward, sending them up into the air.
Nearing the top of the wheel, the ride stopped. This high, Ben swore he could touch the stars. He peered down at the emptying crowd. The lights still twinkled, but the distance made it feel different. As if he were watching over the world below.
He glanced over at Gabriel. The man sat there, watching him. Waiting. Ben signed, “We’re not moving. Is something wrong?”
Gabriel shook his head. “I slipped him some cash so he’d stop us at the top.”
The handshake and whispered words. His Gabriel was no angel.
Ben smiled and hooked his finger in a come here gesture.
As if waiting for the command, a split second later, Gabriel was on him, crushing their mouths together. The heat, the spark, and the fire that erupted were powerful and suffocating.
And he wanted more.
He gripped Gabriel’s hair, pulling him closer, turning his head, and holding him in place as he opened his mouth and surrendered. He welcomed every lick and bite Gabriel offered and returned the favor in kind as his heart feverishly pounded and his pulse sprinted. Flattening his hand against the side of Gabriel’s neck, each moan, groan, and growl vibrating against his palm morphed into each other, ebbing and flowing in sync with each swipe of their tongues. The kiss slowed to a gentle brush of lips, then deepened and sped into a hungry feast.
Ben tilted his head back, relishing the slow biting kisses along his jaw and neck. Lost in the swirl of need and want spinning his thoughts and heating his body, he lazily opened his eyes. A whisper of a breeze skated across his heated skin as another tender kiss pressed against his neck.
Everything faded into a puzzle of perfection with the star-filled sky above and the twinkle of lights below. Their little private space in the quiet universe.
He ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair in a tender caress and tilted his face up. Their eyes met, their gazes saying more than any words or signs could convey. Ben released a shaky breath and traced Gabriel’s dimple before leaning in and sealing their mouths in another kiss he would always remember.
Julian knocked on the door as Ben ran his fingers through his hair. This was the third place they had visited and the last one on the short list he had assembled that morning.
A strong hand on his shoulder stilled him. “Stop it. You’re making me nervous.”
He nodded. Minutes after waking that morning, he had gone through the local rentals that had posted that Sunday. After marking a few listings and begging Julian and Matt to schedule the viewing appointments for him, he started planning a budget. With his sister no longer willing to take him in, he had one month to find a place he could afford on his own once his term at Halfway House was completed.
The door opened and a gray-haired woman peeked through the narrow opening. She exchanged a few words with Julian, then shut the door again, reopening it wider after having removed the chain. Her narrow gaze ping-ponged between them. Ben couldn’t blame her. Two guys at her front door likely didn’t instill much trust.
She walked out of her house and shut the door behind her, locking it before she took another step. “The room is in the back.” She led them around to the other side of the house to the single-car garage. After unlocking a narrow side door, sunlight peeked in and revealed the garage had been converted into a bedroom. On the small side table, she switched on the light. She walked over to another round table and did the same. The battery-powered lamps filled the room with dull blue tones. It was depressing but fitting for the small space. Four steps into the room would land him on the twin-size mattress butting against the wall. Two steps to his right was the bathroom, more like a stall-sized room that doubled as both a shower and toilet.
He rubbed his arms and glanced over to Julian, catching the tail end of their conversation. “…only battery powered?”
The old woman shook her head. “He can use the hot water on a schedule but I’m not paying a high power bill. So it’s limited.”
And hot. Ben tugged the collar of his T-shirt.
“This isn’t up to code, ma’am.”
“Are you the code enforcer now? You and your son can leave. Get out.”
Julian’s jaw clenched, maybe at the age reference or at the woman’s words and attitude. Ben didn’t have to follow the entire conversation to know that Julian’s patience had been tested. Ben tugged on Julian’s arm and led them outside. He had barely survived the confines of a prison cell, and that had more luxuries than this converted garage.
They walked to Julian’s truck, the scowl still etched on Julian’s face. Finally sitting in the comfort of the air-conditioned cabin, he turned toward Ben. “I know you want to do this on your own, but you’re not living in a cave or another cell.” He pointed out the front window. “That was hell’s portal and that woman was the gatekeeper.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. He had obviously missed most of whatever they had discussed.
“You’re not picking a place where you’re expected to shower and shit in the same spot.”
He couldn’t agree more. “Yes, Dad,” he signed, holding back a grin.
Julian’s eyes narrowed.
“It’s why I wanted to start early,” Ben signed. “I need to know my options so I can budget for it.”
“We’ve told you we’re willing to help.”
Ben nodded. “I know. So is Shaw. But let me…at least try. Please?” He held his hands together, praying Julian would understand.
“Fine. Besides, Matt texted me that lunch is ready whenever we are.”
After binging on carnival food the night
before, he wasn’t sure he could stomach another burger anytime soon. “I might have two of those veggie wraps he makes,” he signed.
Julian stared at him and blinked. “Guess that gatekeeper’s out of a job because hell just froze over.”
He playfully shoved Julian as they shared a laugh.
He let his mind run through the checklist of things to do as Julian drove through Sunday traffic. Ben had a month to find a place to stay. The work program didn’t leave much in his pocket to save up for the required first and last months’ rent plus security deposit, but he knew Julian, Matt, and Shaw were willing to help. But Ben wanted to try doing this on his own. Not just to prove it to others, but to himself.
And Gabriel.
Gabriel would likely join that cheerleading squad, but Ben wanted Gabriel’s genuine love. Pure and simple. Not pity and not a love tainted by his innate need to help and protect others. He wanted Gabriel to see him as an equal. As a partner he could lean on and who would be there for him just as he had been there for Ben.
= ♥ =
“Was it necessary to wake me at this hour?” Rachel said with a sigh through the line.
“It’s three o’clock in the afternoon.” Bull cradled the phone on his shoulder as he paced the living room, thumbing through the security logs Anthony had forwarded for Davenport’s main office and satellite locations.
“On a Sunday. My only day off. You should take a hint.”
“Your breach was internal.” He stopped his pacing when she didn’t respond. “Did you hear me?”
“Of course I did. I wanted to spare you the litany of curses. Can you narrow it down?”
He walked over to the kitchen counter and pulled the sheet with the highlighted entry. “Yes and no.”
“Bull—”
“I can’t tell you who it was. But I can tell you they used your login.”