Undoing

by L. L. Diamond

  “Is she as bad as Lizzy says?”

  He returned to his chair with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I have not heard Lizzy’s description, but Lizzy does not see things in the same rosy hue as my wife. I would think her picture an accurate one.”

  “Are you aware the great house at Stoke is part of Thomas’s estate?” asked Fitzwilliam. “You need not purchase this estate if you merely required a place live for short periods. I am certain Lizzy would be happy to host you.”

  “That was how they met. Jane told me, but I had forgotten.” Carlisle slapped his hands against his thighs and stood. “I should be going.” He grinned and clapped Fitzwilliam on the shoulder. “Jane is waiting for me.” After two steps, he stopped and turned around. “By the way, I thought you would wish to know that Wickham is to be hanged.”

  “What?” He had not given one thought to Wickham since the wastrel attempted to steal Elizabeth’s jewels.

  “He was caught with a necklace belonging to the wife of a baronet. I am unsure of the circumstances. I merely thought you would wish to know.”

  “Yes, thank you,” said Fitzwilliam softly. He had ceased to care for Wickham a long time ago, yet he had been a considerable part of Fitzwilliam’s childhood. “Good night,” he said as Carlisle held up a hand and departed.

  A second later, a knock sounded from his dressing room. “You can come in, Bishop.” When his valet entered, Fitzwilliam downed the last of his own brandy. “How much did you overhear?”

  “Nothing that I did not already suspect. I hope you know I would never betray your trust or that of the duke and duchess.”

  The last thing Fitzwilliam wanted was for another person to be privy to their secrets, but after all this time, he would have been amazed had Bishop not had some idea. “I do, and I thank you for your loyalty.” He studied Bishop for a moment. His man stepped back and clenched his hands at his sides.

  “What is it, sir?”

  “I need to see the duchess.”

  “Her Grace’s maid says her mistress wishes to be alone for the evening.”

  “I need to speak to her.” Fitzwilliam stood and shifted to stand face to face with his valet. “Can you ensure no one sees me if I go myself?”

  Bishop watched the floor for a moment before he looked back up. “I can, but we must make haste. Lalande sought me out after Her Grace retired. It would not do to meet her maid in the corridor.”

  “Then, pray, lead the way.”

  Chapter 19

  Elizabeth traced Alexander’s tiny knuckles with her index finger while he firmly gripped her thumb. He nursed as though he were starved, taking long draws and gulping the milk down greedily. If he kept eating so, he would grow entirely too swiftly for her liking. As he was, he was the perfect size to cuddle to her breast while she smelled his sweet hair and kissed his little curls.

  The door to the servants’ corridor opened, but she had no need to look to see who it was. Lalande had said good night when she departed an hour ago. “I intended to be alone this evening.”

  “I did understand the message,” said Fitzwilliam. The bed creaked, but the mattress had not dipped. Since he had not sat on the bed, she could only assume he leaned against the beam to the canopy. “I thought we should talk instead of going to bed with this disagreement between us.”

  “You burst into my sitting room—without knocking, I might add—and scolded me as if I were an errant child.”

  He took a noisy breath. Why did he do that? Was he the one striving for patience? “You are not supposed to leave your bed, much less your rooms,” he said evenly, “and you ventured downstairs. Did you think I would not be upset?”

  “As I have said before, my aunt does not lie in a dark room for weeks on end, and she does not suffer any ill-effects. Tenants have children and are up and working again as soon as they feel capable. I am not a weakling, Fitzwilliam.”

  “I did not say you were, but you do not need to harm yourself by doing more than you ought.”

  She closed her eyes and tamped down that rush of anger that made her skin taut. Would her flesh split open if she let the words she withheld free? “Perhaps my father spoiled me, but I have always had a say in my life. I could have refused Thomas’s proposal had I wished. Since my marriage, I have had precious little control over what happens to me. Thomas married me with an objective in mind. Despite our reluctance to surrender to our feelings, he decided for both of us that fateful night. After the quickening, I would have been content in London for another month or two, yet the two of you felt Alexander and me to be safer here so hence I travelled, spending months in this house with only myself for company. I tried to content myself by visiting tenants and reading letters from my family and those Thomas sent from you, but that time was isolated and lonely.” If only he could understand exactly how much she longed for anyone even if only to discuss naught but a poem or a book!

  Alexander had drifted to sleep, so she removed him from her breast and adjusted her gown. Once she had him on her shoulder so she could pat his back, she finally allowed her eyes to set upon Fitzwilliam.

  “I truly had not planned on you delivering Alexander, but I suppose I wanted to have a say in what happened to me for once—to not be relegated over to the care of a virtual stranger before it was necessary. Since our son’s birth, I have had Mrs. Hamilton following behind me, arguing my every choice, and attempting to force her beliefs on me. Now you threaten to reveal what must remain hidden with your carelessness.”

  Alexander began to squirm, having been awakened by the movement, and she lowered him to eat from her other breast. “Jane came and spoke to me just after Lalande retired. She asked if you are in love with me. I have told you before and meant every word. I cannot have my sister think ill of me, Fitzwilliam.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked madly to keep from crying. “This is not a mere trifle of a thing, and your behaviour during dinner did not remedy the situation but made matters worse. You had to know I was trying to avoid you, yet you continued your attempts to catch my eye.”

  He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Carlisle knows.”

  A lead weight dropped to her stomach, and she closed her eyes tightly, fighting sudden nausea.

  “His suspicions were first aroused by Colin speaking for Thomas. A valet speaking for his master’s wishes is not a common practice. I admit my behaviour also gave him reason to believe circumstances were not as they first appeared.”

  “And you simply confirmed his suspicions. You will be here to raise Alexander while Thomas will die. Is that not enough?”

  “You know it is,” he said, sitting near her knees. “I promise to be more circumspect. I always have in the past. As for Carlisle, Thomas charged him, as he did me, with protecting you and Alexander. Carlisle asked so he knew how best to do so. He will not betray us.”

  She wiped a warm, damp tear that had fallen to her cheek. “But he will tell Jane.”

  “Jane loves you dearly and will love you still. You will see.” His lovely deep voice held an urgent note she longed to heed. “I love you too. You have to know that. I only want what is best for you and Alexander. My mother died of a fever a week after giving birth to Georgiana. I cannot help but feel overprotective of you both. I cannot lose you, Elizabeth. I cannot lose either of you.”

  With a sigh, she pressed her palm to his cheek. She had to make him understand. “I shall not overexert myself. I promise you. But you must allow me to do as I see fit. I swear to you Alexander will not come to harm.” He had to realise that she would never put their son in jeopardy.

  “You would protect him with your life as would I.” His hand covered hers upon his cheek. “You are such an active sort of lady. My only desire is your continued health.”

  “I do know that.”

  His thumb rubbed the top of her hand. “Am I forgiven for being such an overbearing dolt?”

  A single large laugh burst from her at his description. “I suppose, though if my relations
hip with Jane changes, I reserve the ability to be angry with you again.”

  He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. “I shall remember. I did not know how I would sleep apart from you tonight. I do not care for being the recipient of your ire. All I desired was to come hold the two of you. I needed to ensure all was well.”

  “Just because I am angry does not mean we cannot resolve matters. ’Tis the same if you are upset.”

  He glanced down and smiled at Alexander, who had once again fallen asleep. His head had dropped to the side and his mouth was open, milk dribbling from his lip. “Our little glutton,” he said softly. “Here, let me change his napkin for you.”

  “You?” Did he know how? Men did not usually trouble themselves with such a distasteful task.

  He carefully lifted their son from her arms and patted his back while he carried him to a table Lalande had set up for the very purpose. “I have changed him before. In those first days, I let you sleep a little longer before he fed.”

  “I always assumed it was Lalande.”

  She watched her two favourite men with a settled air, resting back into the pillows while she smiled at the sight of Fitzwilliam handling the small child with such tender care. Once Alexander was cleaned, Fitzwilliam sat in the middle of the bed with Alexander cradled in one arm and held out his other so Elizabeth could cuddle to his side. “I promise to try and be more understanding.”

  “I shall also.”

  He frowned and picked up a letter she had left on the bed when she began feeding Alexander. “What is this? The handwriting resembles that of Mrs. Reynolds.”

  “I requested her aid in finding a new housekeeper. Mrs. Hamilton has always been overbearing, but I refuse to overlook her insubordination as of late. Thankfully, Mrs. Reynolds suggested a suitable replacement. I sent my response to be posted with Lalande before dinner. Tomorrow, I shall release Mrs. Hamilton.”

  “Are you certain? She has run this house for a long time.”

  “Yes, and she has done an admirable job, but I refuse to fight to have my orders followed. With Thomas near death and Alexander’s birth, her insistence for me to adhere to what she believes I should do is unwelcome and misplaced.”

  “Do you desire me to be present?”

  “I should hope it unnecessary, but given her recent temper, I would appreciate you there. Jane will also join us. I do not want the confrontation to be solely you and me.” Lord, her eyes were so heavy, and they fluttered while an enormous yawn made her pause.

  “Go to sleep, dearest. Alexander will wake you soon enough. We can talk more later.”

  Early the next morning, Fitzwilliam, Jane, and Elizabeth gathered in the master’s study. Elizabeth rubbed her stomach, which clenched as though someone gripped it tighter and tighter in their fist as this moment approached. “You told her to come?”

  “I did,” said Fitzwilliam. “She was scolding a maid for something or other. She indicated she would attend us when she finished.”

  Jane crossed her arms over her chest with an uncharacteristic glower. “Does that not seem high-handed? Rather than dismissing the maid and telling her she would speak to her later, she makes the mistress wait. Even my mother would not accept such treatment.”

  After swallowing hard, Elizabeth clenched her hands so tight, her fingernails dug into her palms. “No, but Mrs. Hill would give the maid some tedious or onerous occupation to keep her busy while she spoke with Mama.”

  At a knock on the door, Elizabeth took her place behind the desk with Fitzwilliam slightly behind her to her right, and Jane in a similar position to her left. “Come!”

  Mrs. Hamilton entered as though she owned the estate rather than worked there and stopped to stand within the open door. “You requested to see me, Your Grace.”

  “Please close the door,” said Elizabeth while desperately trying to maintain a tempered tone.

  The housekeeper pushed the door closed behind her and stepped before the desk. “Ma’am.”

  Elizabeth clasped her hands behind her back, so Mrs. Hamilton would not see them tremble. “Mrs. Hamilton, you have been an asset to Worthstone and His Grace for many years. However, since my arrival, you have attempted to make it clear you run this house. You leave me the inconsequential chores, attempting to limit my authority.”

  “I only do what is best for His Grace, ma’am.”

  Elizabeth’s hiked her eyebrow up on her forehead. “And His Grace trusts me to run his home and raise his heir as I see fit—not as you see fit. Your services are no longer required by this household. You will pack your belongings and remove to the inn in the village until you can arrange transportation and employment elsewhere.”

  “You do not have that power,” the woman hissed. “Only His Grace can release me.”

  “On the contrary,” said Fitzwilliam. “The housekeeper is answerable to the mistress of the estate who can replace her at her whim. His Grace, were he able, would support Her Grace’s decision. As it stands, until his heir is of age to take possession of Worthstone, Her Grace will be in charge of the duke’s holdings with myself and Viscount Carlisle to aid her should she require it. His Grace has shown a great deal of trust and confidence in her abilities and intelligence.”

  Elizabeth cleared her throat and placed both hands on Thomas’s desk. “I have arranged for you to stay at the inn for a week, and I am providing this,” she lifted a pouch with a small allotment of funds from the desk, “for you until you have found your next position. Good day.”

  Fitzwilliam opened the door and waved in the footman who stood in the hall. “Please see Mrs. Hamilton to her quarters. A cart awaits at the servants’ entrance to convey her, as well as her belongings, to the inn in the village.” He held open the door for Mrs. Hamilton. Elizabeth awaited a storm of tirades, but instead, the woman clenched her hands and her jaw before marching out the door.

  A gush of air came from Jane as soon as she was gone. “I thought she might start yelling for a moment.”

  Elizabeth laughed and dropped into the chair. “I know, and I worried you might faint if she did.”

  “I am not so weak with nerves like Mama.” Jane’s tone was curt, yet her amusement broke through.

  Fitzwilliam placed his hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder with a gentle pressure. “I need to ride out and ensure Abbot has vacated the farm. His neighbour knew of someone who wished for the tenancy. I shall stop at that home and ascertain if he has word.”

  “Thank you,” said Elizabeth, leaning her head against the back of the seat. “I think Jane and I shall return to my sitting room—that is if she would care to join me.”

  “I did promise Georgiana a walk through the gardens when she finished with her governess, but she should still be another hour or two.”

  When Elizabeth stood, she looped her arm through Jane’s. “That is just as well. I shall likely desire a nap after Alexander feeds again.” They all departed the study with Fitzwilliam heading through the door in the direction of the stables while she and Jane took the stairs to her rooms.

  “Would you care for tea?” asked Elizabeth when they reached her sitting room.

  “No, not yet.” Once they settled into their seats, Jane stared, fixated at the skirt of her gown, toying with the folds. “Nicholas told me of your relationship with your husband as well as Mr. Darcy last night. Though he attempted to justify why you did not tell me, I do wish you had confided in me.”

  Elizabeth crossed her arms, hugging herself. “How should I have approached that, Jane—particularly before your own marriage? The conversation would have hardly been appropriate.”

  Jane sighed and shrugged. “I know you are correct, yet I did ask you last night. You told me naught. I suppose I am hurt you never trusted me.”

  “I trust you as much as Fitzwilliam.” Elizabeth shifted over to sit beside her sister and take her hands. How could she make her understand? “I honestly did not know how to face you. I did not plan to fall in love with Fitzwilliam, but it happene
d. I already loved him when I learnt that my marriage was hopeless, which rendered me resentful and despondent. What Thomas expected of me made me feel worthless—that he was so willing to give me away to someone else. I might not have loved him, but I did respect him. Learning his initial motive for marrying me was devastating. Even when I understood why he felt he had no other option, I attempted to hold fast to the values I was taught. One night of drinking more wine with dinner than I ought, and Thomas had the perfect opportunity to implement his scheme, ignoring that Fitzwilliam and I otherwise refused to act on our feelings.”

  Elizabeth released Jane’s hands and paced. “Once that barrier was broached, Fitzwilliam and I did not fight ourselves or our consciences any longer. He has stayed away at times because the situation has been difficult to bear, yet he always returns. He has been all that is good, and despite the immorality of our situation, he has been all that is right in my world. Without Fitzwilliam, I would not have Alexander, and my life would have been desolate. People might think me wanton or scandalous, yet I could never regret Fitzwilliam or my son.”

  “I would not ask that of you.” Jane stood and hugged her tightly before releasing her just enough to catch her eye. “I confess I do not understand the relationship between your husband and his valet.”

  “Do not call him my husband,” said Elizabeth softly.

  “That is what he is in the eyes of the law and the church.”

  Elizabeth shook her head and took Jane’s hands once more. “Yet, he never behaved as my husband. After we married, I called Thomas my husband until the night he deceived us. Since then, I cannot refer to him by that title though I will do so in company because it is expected. I care for him, and I suppose I am his friend, yet I lost a tremendous amount of respect for him. As far as I am concerned, he made a choice that he had no right to make. I have forgiven him, but that is all I can muster.” Jane might not understand, but Elizabeth could not lie to her. Her dearest sister now knew all. She only hoped Jane would still accept her as unreservedly as before.