Remember Fate

by Ginny Sterling

  I think we need to talk about what has rocked my world recently and affecting my inner circle. You mentioned centering myself, realizing who I am, and processing how I feel—consider them fully processed now.

  Why did you leave so quickly?

  Did you go back to Norfolk?

  I miss having someone to talk to.

  I miss my friend.

  Jamie

  March 2017

  Jamie,

  I don’t know how to put this on paper without spilling my guts or looking like a fool. I left because you need to figure out what you want in your life without people deciding for you or mucking up things. I won’t be second fiddle and truthfully that is how I felt when I left. I felt convenient—again.

  You had Annabelle in your life and turned to your friends.

  You had Luka to hang out with and pick you back up—and now he’s gone.

  I’m tired of being second in everything… you know?

  I know my value and it’s been a hard lesson to learn that has taken time. Do you know your value? Don’t settle for second or making do—go after what you truly want. If it’s Annabelle, then you should work things out. If it’s not, then allow yourself the time to discover what happiness really looks like to you. You are wonderful on the inside and truly deserve whatever happiness that fate puts in your path, my friend.

  Yes, I went back to Norfolk. I accepted a post elsewhere immediately that is a huge opportunity. I’m still with the same news channel, but this should get more exposure nationally. It might be a bit before I can email while I’m in transit. Once I get settled, I will email you again.

  Without saying much or compromising anything—how are things?

  Are you safe?

  I worry—a lot.

  Lucy

  April 2017

  Lucy,

  I’m so happy to hear about the change in your job. I’m concerned about your safety since they thought to send you all the way out here—but your boss obviously is a smart man and recognizes the gem he has. Where did you end up relocating to? I hope it's somewhere beautiful with lots of juicy stories that get you the recognition you are wanting at work. Maybe a tropical island or a posh downtown urban condo in the city's heart?

  I never, ever meant to make you feel second.

  I know I have some issues to work out with Annabelle’s betrayal, but I meant what I said in the cave: trust and love go hand-in-hand. I keep turning to you because I trust you, and I’m afraid to muck up things again. Your friendship—you!—are important to me and I don’t want to make a mistake. I understand what you are saying about being second because I’ve known you for years and never acted on it before now. I think it took time for me to grow up, make stupid mistakes, and realize what I truly want in my life.

  I need a friend.

  I need someone I can trust.

  I want that person to be you—and I’m throwing that out there blindly because I’m sure of my decisions and my feelings now.

  I miss that honest friend who shipped me Midol, who told me to ‘get over it’, and who was glad to be by my side when we were in danger. I don’t want to leave it up to fate to put happiness in my path – I want you standing there as my friend and maybe more in the future. Who knows?

  I can’t promise anything more yet just because I’m scared of what those words used to mean in my past. That kiss made me feel something indescribable that I’ve never felt before. This all feels so unfamiliar to me—but it also feels so perfect. Does any of that make sense?

  You asked if I am safe? Yes, as safe as I was before your trip here. We are being extremely careful and my ‘boss’ has us patrolling somewhere else now. I can’t say more. I miss talking to you and wish we could have coffee or dinner sometime like normal people instead of emailing and waiting for what seems like forever for a reply.

  I’d give my eyeteeth to pick you up at your door. I’d be there with flowers in hand for our first date. Maybe we could see a movie sometime or whatever you would like to do. This is me (being completely awkward and bungling it up royally) asking you out on a date when I get to visit the States again—just tell me where to buy a plane ticket and I will be there.

  I miss you and think about you a lot,

  Jamie

  May 2017

  Kabul, Afghanistan

  Lucy sat back at her keyboard and hurriedly wiped her eyes. It had been so hard to push him away, to put distance between them, when she wanted to run after him with open arms. She’d always had a crush on Jamie and wished for more, but now that he was responding—actually responding!—she was terrified of getting hurt. She knew he was putting his heart out there for her to scoop right up. Her inner mantra was wearing thin having been whispered and said so many times recently just so she didn’t collapse mentally or give up. It was so hard to be strong enough to give him the time he needed.

  Lucy had left Afghanistan and immediately felt the separation. She’d been so hurt, so angry, wanting to put distance between them and give him space, that she had run away. On the flight back home, it had hit her like a ton of bricks. She missed his grumpy expression, his smiles, the way he’d handed her those worn-out boots.

  She had wondered if she had been reading too much into that time spent alone with him in the cave. He’d given her his gun, the touch of his hand and the way he’d asked her to protect herself—it had been him protecting her, enabling her. The way he’d flirted with her, asking—no, telling—her he wanted to kiss her had melted away any barrier around her heart.

  Had it touched something in him too?

  Re-reading his words, she tried to imagine him typing them. How was he feeling? What was he thinking? Did he truly mean them?

  When her boss had mentioned taking the lead on the news in Kabul, Lucy had jumped at the idea. Her camera guy had balked immediately. Mike Conner’s stay had apparently been almost as life-changing as hers.

  They’d had a long talk before he finally agreed to go with her. Mike had confessed that Luka had taken him out to see the town, which resulted in him being cursed. Lucy would have laughed at his words, if Mike hadn’t been so serious about it.

  “I’m not kidding, Lucy—they have cursed me. Voo-doo’d. Bewitched.”

  “How? Why? The Afghan people don’t walk around cursing strangers. What on earth would make you think of something like that?”

  “I can’t get her out of my mind,” he whispered, looking away. Lucy stared at the blond man’s forlorn expression and fought back a grin. She was feeling the exact same way about a certain soldier she was incredibly fond of.

  “Maybe if we go back, you could strike up a conversation with this woman that has you spellbound and see where it goes from there?” she offered gently.

  Mike was the best cameraman there at the station. She didn’t want anyone else going and the fact that he was nearly a foot taller than her certainly helped dissuade anyone from accosting a certain nosy reporter!

  “I don’t know,” he admitted, clearly torn.

  “Mike—if you let fear keep you from giving happiness a chance - then you’ll never know, will you? This woman could be utterly perfect, sweet as could be, or maybe you are right about the curse… but if you don’t say ‘hello’, then you’ll never know what could have been,” her voice trailed off as the irony of her words hit her.

  If she didn’t give Jamie a chance and kept pushing him away—then she would never know what might have been. Did she want to miss out on life because she feared being second in his heart? Was second place so bad if she truly loved him?

  Lucy and Mike had flown out to Kabul a week later. They had secured two separate apartments in the same building downtown. She encouraged him to explore town with a hired bodyguard to see if he could find his mysterious woman. Mike stuck out like a sore thumb because of his fair-coloring and she urged him to wear a hat constantly. No reason to invite more trouble—was there?

  She herself had hidden away when she had downtime, avoiding the soldiers in
the streets, afraid to run into Jamie. She wasn’t sure if it was even the same group of soldiers she’d met before, but fear kept her at bay. Throwing herself into the culture and city, Lucy had discovered so many beautiful aspects of the town, and some terrifying ones.

  The buildings that were undamaged were utterly breathtaking. Murals, intricate tile inlays, and artwork made it feel otherworldly. She’d never seen such beautiful craftsmanship in one building, the rubble of another surrounded it. Soaring structures in golden, sun-bleached colors gave the city a warm feeling that reminded her of their rich, long, war-torn history.

  She could practically picture in her mind what it must have been like a thousand years ago when the culture was influenced by Persia. Would someone be standing in this very place, a thousand years from now, trying to imagine what life was like in this century? Would they imagine the war, the struggle, or remember the people?

  That thought was truly heartbreaking because she wasn’t sure of the answer and so much depended on the future that this land took. There was so much life, love, and hatred that it was unimaginable.

  She’d witnessed families celebrating weddings or a reunion, only to hear that the building was bombed the next day by rebels. She wanted to focus on what the rest of the world wasn’t seeing—it wasn’t just destruction and mayhem—this was a breathtaking people fighting for their culture, that was a mix of prior hostile takeovers, to exist for future generations. While she didn’t agree with their methods, she understood the radical ‘why’ behind it.

  Lucy knew she would fight for what she cared about too.

  Jamie,

  I’m in Kabul. No plane ticket will be necessary.

  I think about you too,

  Lucy

  It was several days before she had a reply. Her lack of confidence ate at her constantly, making her wonder if she did the right thing. Lucy had read his email repeatedly, dreaming of his voice as he’d kissed her in the cave. The soft, seductive way he had said ‘maybe I want to kiss you’ mentally turned into his typed words. ‘I’d be there at your door with flowers for our first date’ made her ache to see his reply. Clicking on the email that finally arrived in her inbox—her face split into a grin that made her cheeks ache.

  I’m not asking why - or how - right now…

  What’s your address in Kabul? Are you free this Saturday night?

  I know a great burger joint nearby that makes an incredible milkshake.

  Yours,

  Jamie

  Lucy replied right away with her address—unsure if he would get the response in time. It was Wednesday, and the emails seemed to be spaced a week, sometimes two, apart. She couldn’t help the excitement that coursed through her as she saw his reply almost a moment later. Jamie was on the computer at this very moment.

  I’ll see you at six!

  Her breath escaped her in a mad rush of adrenaline. She had a date with Jamie! Lucy’s mind was racing as she began to wonder what she would wear, where a ‘burger joint’ was nearby, and if this was a legitimate date or a meeting of friends. Doubt was an insidious thing that she wasn’t about to let take over the burst of hope that beat within her chest.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jamie was petrified.

  He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before thinking of everything that could go wrong. He lay there in his bunk wondering if he’d made a mistake suggesting the burger place. It was actually a small local food truck that had been stranded at some point. The tires had been flattened, and he wasn’t sure the engine even ran anymore since the truck never moved. It was nice to have something other than the mess hall to frequent. He’d meant it when he said the burgers were good—they were sloppy, smothered in cheese, grilled onions, and simply the best he’d had since arriving.

  He’d considered taking Lucy to a local restaurant, but things had gotten bad in town. They’d actually begun patrolling the outskirts of Kabul recently since two bombs had gone off, injuring civilians. He didn’t understand how she’d gotten here, but that would give them something to talk about. All he knew was that somehow Lucy had been put in his path once again when he was certain he might not see her again until he visited home.

  Problem was that visiting Norfolk meant the possibility of running into Annabelle. He didn’t want to reopen any festering wounds within him. He wanted to start out fresh, beginning again. Annabelle had been pregnant, Jamie wished her and her child well, and that was the end of it as far as he was concerned. His chance was over with her and truthfully—he realized now that it hadn’t been love, it had been ‘habit’ that kept him there.

  Jamie should feel guilty that maybe he caused Annabelle to look elsewhere. Maybe it was his fault that he’d been gone so long, neglecting her. He realized now that it had never filled him with so much need until after Lucy left. He missed her terribly. He had felt empty in a way he’d never experienced. Her emails left him yearning for more and tinged with excitement. He wanted to hear from her. He needed to see her smile, talk to her, and just be near her to spark that feeling she created in his soul when he’d kissed her in the cave. Her voice whispering his name resonated within him, making him yearn for more.

  Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

  Lucy glanced around at her little apartment and nervously dusted again. She’d mentioned the mysterious burger place to Mike over lunch earlier in the day. He was complaining about the food and she’d thought to taunt him with it, but it only opened conversation between them.

  She’d confessed she was going on a date with Jamie and Mike had admitted spotting his mysterious woman in the bazaar yesterday. Mike was openly smitten as he had described her ‘mysterious hazel eyes’. She had struggled not to laugh, remembering most women here wore a burqa in public. How Mike knew it was her, she did not understand. The idea of falling in love made her feel mushy on the inside—hoping anything was ultimately possible.

  A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts and set her pulse into overtime. Jamie was here for their first date! Taking several deep breaths, she glanced at her watch, realizing that he was a little early. Maybe that was a good sign? Opening the door, she couldn’t help the smile that seemed to well up immediately.

  He looked gorgeous.

  He wore a simple, stark white dress shirt tucked into a pair of jeans that had seen better days. There was a cut in the knee from where it had split over time, patched, and split again. His tanned skin against his shirt made her toes curl as she saw the contrast between the two, but it was his smile that was her undoing. His handsome face was like watching a butterfly unfurl its wings in slow motion. It was exquisite, stunning, something she couldn’t tear her eyes away from, and it was directed completely at her.

  “You look lovely.”

  “You aren’t so bad yourself,” she quipped nervously, feeling suddenly shy about wearing the flowing, floral dress that fell below her knees. It was very long, nearly to her ankles, but cut in a way that the material seemed to swish as she walked. They stood there for what seemed like minutes simply soaking in each other’s appearance until Lucy realized he was holding a small bouquet.

  “Are those poppies?”

  “Yes, I got them in the market nearby. Do you like poppies?” he asked nervously.

  “They are lovely,” she admitted shyly. “I’ve never had anyone get me poppies before and I…”

  “I would have liked to have gotten you roses, but I couldn’t find any. Poppies are the national flower here and prized. If you don’t like them, I can…”

  “You can let me finish my sentence,” Lucy began, interrupting Jamie this time as she reached for the flowers. Her fingers brushed his, and she tried to ignore the flare of adrenaline that came from such a simple touch.

  “Come in and let me put them in some water.”

  Jamie stepped inside for just a moment and then they headed out. She was surprised to see what he was driving and it must have shown on her expression. Jamie explained that he had borrowed a car from one
of the other soldiers for a surprise.

  Apparently one of the guys at the post would ‘rent’ his vehicle out. The money went towards the repairs and they had passed it around several times by the guys so they didn’t need to purchase a car there. Truthfully, the car was utterly abysmal. The windows were down, and she saw they were cranked manually. The fabric seats were worn out from age and it felt like there was a misfire or that something was wrong in the engine.

  “A surprise?”

  “I didn’t want this to be like any other date you’ve been on,” he admitted shyly, glancing over at her as he navigated the roads carefully, “I wanted to impress you and thought ‘where can I take her that no one else would’.”

  “This isn’t some spider/snake/vermin-filled cave surrounded by rebels,” Lucy teased, “is it - because that was certainly memorable.”

  “Do you consider that a date?” he asked, laughing.

  “I guess not.”

  “Well, it could be since it ended with a kiss,” he reminded her, peering sideways as the car turned right down another road, “but I was thinking something a little more impressive.”

  “More impressive than that? You’ve got my attention now.”

  Lucy couldn’t help the flush of happiness that she felt realizing that their kiss had actually affected him as much as it had her. The way their kiss had happened, the way he’d caressed her cheek and the words he’d said, couldn’t have been any more perfect. Glancing out the windshield of the vehicle, she saw up ahead a massive crumbling wall and a far-off structure that looked a little overwhelming.