Read My Mind

by Natasha Preston

  He slams the door so hard that the car rocks.

  Oh, hell no. He does not get to go postal and think I’m not calling him out on it. I shove the door open and chase after him.

  I’ve gone from excitement to anger in minutes. The day started off beyond perfect, but now I’m pissed off with Liam and Reid. Everything with a penis can fuck right off.

  “Do you not want to talk about this?” I ask Reid as he walks towards his house.

  He turns and runs his hands over his hair. “Not tonight. I know I’m being unreasonable, and I’m sorry, but I need you to give me a minute. I can’t do this right now.”

  I throw my arms up and look for something to throw at him. I’m not breaking my phone on this dickhead.

  “Reid!”

  His face twists in pain, making me take a step back. His expression is a knife to my heart. I’ve never seen anyone look so completely shattered before.

  “Reid,” I whisper.

  “I need time to figure this out. I will explain. I’ll work out how.”

  I stare at him as he retreats into his house.

  What was that? There is more to this than finding out that Liam has tried to contact me. He knows I wouldn’t go back there. That reaction is OTT and clearly about more than Liam showing up. Reid wouldn’t even let me explain.

  I take a step towards his house before I remember the conversation I had with Wren and Indie. Reid needs to come to me. He has to be ready, and I don’t want to do the chasing again.

  Despite wanting to go in there and beg him to talk this through, I know I need to go home and let him figure things out… whatever is wrong.

  As I’m turning, I spot Liam’s car coming back down the road. If I had any stones near me, I would dent his precious car.

  He has to be fucking kidding.

  I grind my teeth and clench my hands. I’m a ball of anger. If I had smoke firing from my ears, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

  I just want Reid to talk to me again. I don’t have the energy for Liam. Except maybe to kill him.

  He’s ruining everything, and I don’t just mean for me and Reid.

  As soon as he stops outside my house, I cross the road.

  “Don’t!” I snap, holding my hand up at him.

  He slams his door shut and strides towards me. “What the fuck was that?”

  “Why are you back? I told you to leave! I’ve made myself very clear, Liam. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck’s sake, you broke your own stupid twelve-month rule three times! What the hell is going on?”

  “I changed my fucking mind.”

  “Wow, now you decide to fight for me. You’re way too late.”

  He shakes his head, stepping closer.

  I don’t know if Reid is watching us from his fucking office, but I imagine he is. I take a step back and put some distance between Liam and me—half because I want Reid to see that I don’t want to be anywhere near Liam, and half because I really do want to strangle my ex.

  “It’s not too late.” Liam’s shoulders slump. “We’ve been through too much to throw it away. I got complacent; I know that. I’m not going to repeat those mistakes. We belong together.”

  “No, we don’t. I just want you to leave me alone. Scrap the twelve-month thing. I don’t want to hear from you ever again.”

  “You’re angry. I’m sorry that I’m not doing this the right way.”

  “What right way? I don’t want to be with you anymore. Why can’t you understand that?”

  “This is what we do.”

  “Not anymore!” I throw my arms up. “That’s the point of the final breakup. Liam, I’ve moved on. I’m happy.”

  His eyebrows pull together. “With Reid.”

  “Yeah, with Reid.”

  “When did it start?”

  “After you. That’s all you need to know.”

  “That’s not all I need to know.”

  “Well, that’s all you’re going to know. What the hell do you think you’re doing? We’re broken up. We were terrible together. How could you do this to me? You’re ruining everything good that happened between us.”

  He takes a step back, like he’s scared I’m about to explode or stab him. Either one of those is entirely possible at this point.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means we ended on good terms. It was mutual. We had a shot at being friends one day. You were my first real boyfriend, and I wanted to look back on our time together with happy memories. You’re making that impossible, and I hate you for it.”

  “You don’t mean that. What’s Reid been saying?” His lip curls in disgust.

  I shake my head. “What?”

  “This doesn’t—”

  “Stop talking right fucking now! I’m done, Liam. I don’t want to see you again. Don’t contact me or follow me. I’m with Reid. I’m crazy in love with Reid.”

  He blows out a breath. “You wanted me to fight.”

  “Nine months ago, when we said we’d try one last time! God, I’ve told you this.” Am I speaking English?

  “I don’t know how to be with anyone else.”

  “Just what every woman wants to hear.”

  He throws his arms up and rages, “I’m trying to be fucking honest, Mila!”

  “Calm down.”

  “I’m not fucking calming down!”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Reid’s door open. He marches towards us like a lion hunting a deer.

  “Reid, no,” I say, jogging towards him.

  “What’s going on out here?” Dad calls.

  I stop in my tracks at the sound of Dad’s voice.

  “Don’t shout at her,” Reid growls. His eyes have never looked feral before, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Liam dropped dead on the spot.

  “Hey, both of you calm down,” Dad says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

  When did he get so close?

  Reid stops on his side of the road. I try to catch his eye but he’s not looking at me. That hurts more than I thought it would.

  “Liam was just leaving,” I tell Dad.

  “I’ve never had an issue with you, son. Let’s not make one now,” Dad says.

  Liam folds his arms. “I just want to talk to Mila for a minute.”

  “It doesn’t seem like she has anything left to say to you.”

  “I don’t. Liam, go.”

  “But—”

  “No! Hear me. I don’t want anything from you. Don’t come back here again. Don’t contact me. Leave me alone.”

  Reid turns around, no doubt satisfied that my dad will stop Liam from shouting at me again. The fact that he came out here because of that means we’re not doomed, surely. There is a way back. Still, my heart sinks.

  “Mila,” Liam whispers.

  “Goodbye.”

  He rubs his hands over his face and nods. “I never meant to make you hate me.”

  “I know you didn’t. But if you care about our history at all, please stop this.”

  “Mila–”

  “No, listen to me. If you care about me at all, leave me alone.”

  With one final nod, he dips his head turns around. I watch him retreat to his car.

  My eyes sting with tears as I realise that this will be the last time we speak. He’s such an arsehole for doing this. I hate that he’s left a bitter taste in my mouth. I can’t look back fondly on us anymore. Now I’m just glad that he’s gone.

  “Mila?” Dad asks.

  I wince when Reid slams his door shut, and then I turn to my dad.

  “Everything is shit,” I mutter, my lip trembling.

  “What happened?”

  Wiping my tears, I say, “Liam decided he wants to get back together. Reid freaked out and left.”

  “He freaked out?”

  “I guess he doesn’t like the drama. He’s… I don’t know. I didn’t think he would walk away.”

  Dad pulls me in the direction of our house, and I don’t look back as Liam drives off. “
Do you think there’s a reason for him walking away?”

  “Definitely. But I wish I knew why. There are things about him that I don’t know, and I hate it.”

  “You mean, he didn’t immediately tell you his whole life story? Some people take time to open up, Mila. That’s a strange concept for you and your mother, I know.”

  Dad closes the door.

  “I need a drink, Dad,” I say, holding back tears for Reid.

  “You’re just like your mum in every way.”

  “Look, I get that he might need time and we’re still new, but it’s super hard to understand where he’s coming from sometimes. Like, how am I supposed to take tonight? Are we over? We’ve only just got together. He walked away more than once.”

  “He came back out when he saw Liam shouting at you. I almost strangled Liam for that. Reid wanted to protect you. Sit down. I’ll pour the wine.”

  “That’s why Mum married you, you know.”

  “I like the boy.”

  “Yeah, so do I. Too much, maybe.”

  Dad smiles and pours me a large glass of white wine. “If I have to lose you to a man, I’m happy for it to be Reid.”

  “I don’t think Reid wants it to be him anymore.”

  “You’re being melodramatic, Mila. Any fool can see that you two aren’t over.”

  “You think?” I ask, taking my wine.

  “You must see how much he cares about you.”

  Sometimes I do. Sometimes the way he looks at me makes me feel like I could sprout wings and fly. Now I’m hooked, and I’m terrified that he won’t come back to me because I don’t ever want to come back down to earth.

  Fifty-Three

  Reid

  I’m on my way to the office thirty minutes earlier than necessary. The whole place is decorated in fairy lights and pencil Christmas trees with baubles and bows.

  Messages from Mila still sit unread on my phone. They’ve been there for two days.

  Hearing that she had contact with Liam and didn’t tell me threw my world off its axis. I could see it as plain as day: them getting back together, Liam picking her up for dates, her smiling and waving whenever he drops her off again.

  I’m not proud of my reaction, but I’m fucking terrified of going back to being the neighbour who gets the odd hello.

  I’m so messed up. I didn’t realise how much so until I started seeing her. I can’t walk away even if I want to, so I stay and pretend that I don’t have secrets. I try to be the guy in control because that way nothing can whip the floor out from beneath me.

  But Mila has done that. I’m freefalling, and there is nothing I can do to protect myself anymore. I don’t know how to handle it.

  I’m sitting here with my mind all over the place, not knowing what I’m more afraid of, only wishing it was easier to talk. I just need to start. I’ve never been good at that.

  Mila tried to explain, but she doesn’t really need to tell me anything. I know it all. She would have tried to tell him she’s moved on without hurting him. As soon as I’d exorcised the image of them back together from my mind, I could see clearly.

  She wants me, and I walked away.

  What a prick.

  Now I need to get on my knees and put things right.

  This morning, I have to sit through a staff meeting, followed by eight hours of editing. Thankfully, no one at work knows that Mila and I were going on a date. Mel would want to know all of the details, and the only person I want to talk to about it is probably cursing my name.

  I turn up at the office and head straight to my desk, avoiding people like the plague. There’s no small talk or asking anyone how their fucking evening was.

  Mel walks into the meeting room an hour later. I place my hands on the desk and take a deep breath. It’s time to be around people.

  I follow my colleagues and startle the moment I get to the door.

  Sitting next to Mel is Mila.

  Her lip is trapped between her teeth, and her hands twist around each other. Her head lifts, and her eyes find mine. I can’t breathe for a second. Her skin is pale as if she’s not sleeping well.

  “Morning, Reid,” Andrew says, slapping my back.

  He moves past me, not waiting for a reply. Good thing since words are failing me.

  Mila looks away, and I see her hold her breath.

  I take a seat, despite wanting to grab her hand and drag her from this very room. I wish I knew how to explain everything.

  “We dealt with everything on Friday, so there’s only one action on my list,” Mel says, opening a new notebook. “We have a venue but nothing else is sorted… I’m talking about the office Christmas party!”

  Is this a joke?

  “That’s why you called me in?” Mila asks.

  Her voice is quiet and rough, as though she’s been crying. I have never felt like a bigger scumbag knowing that I’m responsible for it.

  “You’re an employee, too, and you don’t have class this morning.”

  Mila’s smile is more of a grimace, and it looks like she’s plotting Mel’s death. She doesn’t want to be here, either.

  I try to catch her eye again, but she doesn’t look my way. Mila and I sit in silence through forty-five minutes of seventeen people chatting about the office party next week, what alcohol they want, what games, and if it should be fancy dress – absolutely not. I could not have less of a Christmas spirit than I do now. There is only two weeks to go.

  Mila keeps her eyes down, agreeing with whatever decisions are being made. I’m not sure she’s even listening, and when the rest of them okay the karaoke, I know she isn’t.

  If they sing ABBA, she’s going to lose her shit.

  That’s if she even comes at all.

  She might hate me now and want to keep a wide berth. I’m not letting that happen. I’m fine to do a whole lot of grovelling.

  I wonder what she’s thinking as she pretends I don’t exist. If we don’t talk after the meeting, it will be obvious that something is up. Will she care about that? It’s unlikely.

  Mel wraps the meeting up and everyone files out. They chat excitedly about mistletoe and Christmas songs. I don’t move because Mel is talking to Mila.

  “You’re in next week, right?” Mel asks her.

  “Yeah, about four in the afternoon, after my last class. I can work as late as you stay.”

  Mel puts her hand on Mila’s shoulder. “You’re an angel. Right, I’ve got to run. I’ll see you soon.”

  She dashes out of the office with a smirk that makes me think Mel is more perceptive than I previously thought. She’s noticed the weird vibe and must know that something is wrong between us.

  I grab my notebook, which, for the first time ever, has nothing in it. Christmas party, what was she thinking?

  “Mila,” I say as soon as she stands up, pretending the room is already empty.

  For her to not be the first to speak means she’s really pissed.

  “Oh, you want to talk now?”

  “I’ve wanted to talk for the last two days.”

  “Well, I wanted to talk that night. Life’s a bitch, Reid.”

  I step in front of the door as she powerwalks towards it. “Wait. Please.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “I have a lot to say to you. There’s so much that you don’t know, and I’ve had no clue how to tell you.”

  “Cute. I don’t want to hear it.” She steps past me but stops. “You know what, I thought you were different. You always seemed so fucking normal. No head games, no bullshit. You’re exactly the same as the rest of them.”

  “I’m not. Hey, let me explain. Please.”

  She shakes her head. “You’re a closed book. I can never read you. When I think I know what’s going on, you do or say something to show me that I know nothing.”

  “You didn’t give everything all at once, either.”

  “How about anything? Why will you only talk about your parents and sister? Why can’t I meet the rest
of your family? Why are you so shady about when you started reading?”

  I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m trying to explain it.”

  “When have you ever tried to do that?”

  “Just trust me.”

  “Why would I trust you? You completely overreacted to the Liam thing.”

  “Would you have told me that you’re back in touch with him?”

  She takes a big breath and averts her eyes. It’s never a good sign when she can’t look at me.

  “Mila?”

  “Yes! Obviously, I was going to tell you. I just didn’t get time before he blindsided me. And I’m not back in contact with him.”

  Folding her arms, she shakes her head as if she’s done. That’s not true, though. We both know this isn’t the end. This is still the beginning of us, and we’re bound to mess up along the way. I don’t care how many times we need to start over.

  “Mila.”

  This will be the first and last time that I allow Liam to come between us.

  “What, Reid? You’re so fucking infuriating. He text me weeks ago, when I first started working here, and I ignored it. He turned up at uni, and I told him I wasn’t interested. You were there when we saw him at the bar, and obviously the other night. Those are the only times I’ve heard from him.”

  “He text you and turned up at uni? Why couldn’t you tell me that?”

  She shrugs. “I was going to. I was scared that you would freak out. Looks like I was right, too. I didn’t want to ruin what we’d started.”

  I sigh. “I was the one to do that.”

  “Yeah, you were. I need to go.”

  “Wait. Mila, just give me another minute, please.”

  “You’ve had long enough, and the only person who has any answers, as usual, is you.”

  I let her push past me because she’s right. I ask and she talks. She asks and I close up.

  I want her to know it all but the only words I’ve ever been any good at are the ones written on a page.

  Fifty-Four

  Mila

  I get out of there like the building is on fire. He can go to hell.