Read My Mind

by Natasha Preston

  Did I even need to give him an explanation? I should have made him go first. If he’s not willing to open up, then there is no point. I spent years in a relationship that doesn’t work for me, and I refuse to do the same again, no matter how desperate I am to run back into his arms.

  Not once has he tried to tell me anything. He’s only ever been evasive about certain parts of his past.

  It was torture sitting across the table from him. I can barely remember what was said in there, just a load of Christmas chatter that I’m so not ready for. All I recall is the way he stared at me. How broken and desperate he looked. I wanted to leap across the table and sink into his embrace, but where would that get me? He’s still the one keeping secrets.

  If he wants to fix this, he’s going to have to start talking.

  I get into my car and slam the door. He hasn’t followed me out here. I never expected him to. That would involve talking to me.

  Kelly and Phoebe were also tight-lipped when it came to the reading thing.

  I take a breath and pull out of the car park.

  As much as I want to give in, I know I can’t. Reid needs time, and I’m going to give it to him. For some reason, I’m scared. He has a fear of opening up, and I’d be a liar if I said I’m not a bit worried.

  How bad could it be?

  I’m not being dramatic here, but there’s not much that would put me off him. I try not to let my mind wonder. What if he was sick and started reading in hospital to pass the time? What if he’s still sick?

  No way. That’s something he would have told me, I’m sure of it.

  What else can it be?

  I drive straight to Wren’s house. It’s her day off, and I don’t feel like going to any of the classes I have today. She’ll let me drown my sorrows and chew her ear off.

  “I hate him,” I say as soon as she opens the door.

  “Uh-huh. Come in.”

  “Where are the dogs?”

  “Brody’s taken them for a walk to the lakes. You know, because he really hates that we have three dogs. I caught him sleeping on the sofa with them this morning. Apparently, Apollo was whining so he came down. They were cuddled up. Cutest thing ever, but you didn’t come here to discuss my husband or my pets.”

  “I’m here for the booze.”

  “Day drinking.”

  I kick off my shoes. “Hasn’t it been such a long time since we got properly drunk in the middle of the day? Not that you can day drink until after your kid tears you a new one.”

  “Never say that again. The meeting went that badly?”

  “Ugh. I mostly pretended he wasn’t there, but he corned me in the office once everyone had left.”

  “Tequila or Jäger?” she asks, leading me into the kitchen.

  “Erm, both.”

  “You’re getting drunk today or hospitalised?”

  “Just drunk, I think.”

  Wren grabs the tequila and puts the bottle on the breakfast bar. “Let’s start slow, babe. You’re going to regret this in the morning.” She grabs herself a glass of water.

  “He’s seemed so in, Wren. Like, I’m not alone in this. He’s always right there… but there’s a few things he won’t share and I don’t understand why not.”

  “Have you asked him?”

  She pours tequila into a shot glass.

  I roll my eyes. “He said he’s trying to explain.”

  “Trying, how?”

  I throw my hands up. “Exactly! I’ve still got nothing. I really like him. I thought we were getting somewhere. I mean, we were going on actual dates. We’d made it official, and then it all went to hell.”

  “Maybe he’s just thinking about the best way to tell you. Talking about the hard stuff isn’t easy.”

  “I appreciate that. I spent an extra year with Liam because of that one. My point being, I’m not doing that again.”

  “Good. But you also don’t want to ruin things with Reid just because you’re ready for the whole story now but he’s not. Can you give him some more time?”

  “Yeah…”

  She pushes the shot glass towards me. “I’m sensing a but.”

  “How long? I’m not waiting around for years again.”

  “Did he ask for that?”

  “No.”

  “Then don’t assume things are going to be how they were with Liam. They’re nothing alike. Reid wants to travel with you, show you everything you’ve dreamed of seeing, and Liam wouldn’t even take a trip to Spain.”

  I down the shot, wincing at the disgusting burn of the alcohol. “They have got to start making this shit taste better.”

  “Is it working?”

  I push my glass back to her for a refill. “I’ll let you know.”

  “Mila, I love you, girl, but you need to think logically about this. No more letting your heart rule.”

  “That’s shit advice.”

  “No, it’s not. You stayed with Liam for far too long because you were scared. You know that Reid is crazy about you. You know you should give him time to figure out how to talk to you, and you know that acting on impulse and telling him to stay away will only make you miserable.”

  “Yeah, I know what you’re saying. I’ll give him a chance to open up. I’m just scared that he won’t, I guess. Then where does that leave me?”

  “That leaves you with you. I know you’ve been with someone for a long time, but you’re awesome on your own, too. If Reid isn’t the one you’re supposed to be with, you’ll walk away.”

  Reid not being the one makes me wince. That’s not an option.

  “That doesn’t sound like fun.”

  She shrugs. “It wouldn’t be, but we can learn a lot from the wrong ones. There’s a place for them, too.”

  I don’t want Reid to be moved over to the Liam column. I don’t want to cross his name off and chalk the relationship down to another learning curve.

  We were friends first. I wasn’t looking for more, but I found it.

  “Reid is unlike anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “Ah, that’s it. Just because he’s unlike anyone you’ve ever known, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have weaknesses. He’s not perfect so stop expecting him to be. He does need to come to you, I’ll give you that, but lower your expectations. He’s learning as much as you are.”

  “When did you grow up?”

  She grins and pours me another shot. “Sometimes I surprise myself.”

  “You think I should wait for him now?”

  “I do. Give him a minute. Let him figure out how to open up.”

  “Have I been too pushy?”

  “No, but you’re an open book.” She purses her lips. “Besides the Liam thing. Not everyone else is. He’ll come to you as soon as he can, I know that.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “The guy is crazy about you. He’s done everything he can to get you a job at that publishing house and push you to write that book.”

  “I just want to redo that day and go somewhere else.”

  “You can have your do-over soon.”

  “Can I get drunk now?”

  She grins and slides my refilled glass back towards me. “To happy ever afters.”

  “Very funny.”

  “Drink up, Cinderella. Your prince is coming.”

  Fifty-Five

  Reid

  I have it on good authority that Mila meddled a lot in Spencer and Indie’s relationship. Therefore, I feel no guilt at meeting up with Indie and Wren. Indie has only been home for two days and she was all too eager to see me.

  It’s been a just over week, and I miss Mila. Christmas is fast approaching, but I don’t want to celebrate anything without her. I don’t even have my tree up yet.

  What I didn’t realise about meeting the girls is that I would be jumping straight into the lion’s den.

  They both sit opposite me in the café with their arms folded.

  “She’s hurting,” Wren says. “I’ve never seen her so heartbroken.
”

  “I know. I hate myself for that,” I say quietly. “I’m hurting, too, if that makes you feel any better.”

  “You should have talked to her rather than storming off.”

  “I agree with everything you’re about to say, Wren. Thinking about her and Liam talking again…” I shake my head. “I’ve never felt anything like that before. It took me completely by surprise. I always knew I’d be jealous. Hell, I was before we even started talking properly, but I wasn’t prepared for how much that jealousy took over.”

  Indie smiles, and I know I have at least one of them on my side. She just got married and is still in that romantic phase. Wren looks like she wants to strangle me with the long chain around her neck.

  “Look, I don’t know what else to say other than I love Mila. The thought of her being with someone other than me made me lose my mind. I hate that I hurt her, but I want to make it better. I want to be with her. Will you help me?”

  Wren sighs and all trace of her earlier hostility dissipates. “Help you, how?”

  “Mila was right when she said that I find it hard to talk about some things in my past. She’s the one person in this world who I feel truly comfortable with and it’s still hard. That’s my issue.” I pull the manuscript and a red rose out of my laptop bag. “She’s read most of this… and she has no idea it was written by me.”

  Wren’s eyes bulge.

  “You wrote a book?” Indie asks.

  “It’s a biography, I suppose. I have no intention of publishing it, but it explains everything much better than I can.” I hand it over to Wren who places it carefully on the table. The dry, dark red rose sitting on top. My pulse races at the thought of Mila reading the end of this, knowing it’s about me… and her. “Will you pass it to her?”

  She nods. “This explains everything?”

  I clear my throat. “Yes. I want her to know all of me.”

  “Not gonna lie, Reid, it’s kinda hot that you’ve written this.”

  Chuckling, I reply, “Thanks. Sometimes it’s easier to write than talk.”

  I’ve always found it hard to talk.

  “Mila’s not been doing so good without you, and I’ve only seen one day of it,” Indie tells me.

  I dip my head. “Christ.”

  “She’ll forgive you because she’s crazy about you,” Indie says. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”

  “I wasn’t thinking straight. The thought of her going back to him… let’s not keep going over that. I own it. I made a mistake, and I need to make it right. I can’t stay away.”

  Wren folds her arms again. She’s the most like Mila, and I’m not surprised that she’s the one giving me a harder time. “Mila isn’t going back to him. He’s wetter than the ocean and has only one move in the bedroom.”

  “Skip the bedroom talk,” I say, wincing.

  Wren smirks. “I’m sorry. Does that make you uncomfortable?”

  “How long are you going to be hard on me for?”

  Her fingers tap the manuscript. “About two more minutes, and then we’re cool. Mila is my girl, though. You need to know that if you hurt her again, I will have your balls.”

  “Noted.”

  “Open up to her,” Indie says softly. “I understand more than you know how hard that can be, but I promise it’s worth it.”

  I clear my throat. “I’m open.”

  She tilts her head to the side. “I’m not asking you to tell me, Wren, or the whole world, but if you want a life with Mila, you need to tell her. Whatever it is, she can only help. She’s kind of amazing. If I’d have told her about my home life earlier, I think things would have been so much easier for me.”

  I nod and take a breath that feels like I’m inhaling fire.

  “You guys may have both been through some tough times, but have you ever had to tell your brother you married and screwed his best mate in Vegas?”

  Indie and I both laugh at Wren. The tense atmosphere dissipates, and I have a feeling that was Wren’s goal.

  “Yes, you’ve definitely had it the hardest,” Indie says. “So, you’ll make things right, Reid?”

  “Let her read that. It explains most things. I will tell her the rest. I’m sure she’ll have questions. But to answer your question: yes, I will. I love her.”

  Indie smiles. “We all do.”

  “She has that effect on people… but not so much on the woman in the dress shop,” Wren says.

  Indie shoots Wren a dark look. “You two are impossible together. I can’t wait until we’re dress shopping for Mila.”

  They both look at me at the same time.

  The thought of marrying her doesn’t scare me—not at all—though I won’t propose until we’ve ticked off more of her bucket list. We need to experience everything before the stress of a wedding,

  Wren raises her eyebrow. “He’s not getting scared, Indie.”

  “Of all the things that terrify me about Mila, marrying her is not one of them,” I say.

  Indie coos. “Say that to her.”

  “One day.”

  One day soon I’ll tell her everything.

  She’s going to read it before.

  Fifty-Six

  Mila

  Wren and Indie are sitting under a big blanket, while I’m on Indie’s huge sofa. She’s not long been home from her honeymoon, and she has to deal with me and my crushed heart.

  “Talk to us, babe,” Wren says.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

  “Start anywhere you can. How are you feeling?” Indie asks.

  I shrug. “Weird. I don’t know. It’s horrible, like heavy and cold and stupid. There’s nothing, just emptiness. I hate Reid, and I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe?”

  Indie twists to face me. “You don’t hate him.”

  “I do. I can’t breathe.”

  “Mila, that’s love.”

  My face falls. “What?”

  “You’re in love with Reid,” Wren adds, telling me in plain English.

  “What the fuck?” The words burst violently from my diaphragm.

  They both flinch.

  “What the actual fuck? That’s bullshit. I finally find out what real love is, and it feels like dying?”

  Indie smiles sympathetically. “It doesn’t always feel like that. If you were with him right now, it would be the best feeling in the world. You need him as much as he needs you.”

  My stomach rolls with nausea at the thought of him feeling like this, too.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  Wren leans forward and grabs something out of her bag.

  A wad of papers and a dried rose?

  “What’s that?”

  “Read it,” she says, dropping it down on my lap.

  “A manuscript?” I say, picking up the rose from the printed pages. One I recognise. “Wait, this is the one in Reid’s office. Where did you get it?”

  “Mila, just read it.”

  I press my finger to the gnarly thorn, and my pulse races. “When did you see him?”

  Indie pats my trembling hand. “We met up with him yesterday. He asked us to give this to you.”

  “I don’t mind not finishing this manuscript. I’m not in a reading mood.”

  “Mila!” Wren throws her hands up. “Indie and I are going into the kitchen. Let us know when you’re done.”

  What the hell is going on?

  “Now?”

  Indie stands up with Wren. “Read it!”

  There’s not much left so it won’t take me long, but why the hell do I need to read this today?

  I curl up and that’s when I notice something thick behind the first page. I pull a folded piece of paper out and open it.

  Reid’s handwriting. I breathe in through my nose as a fresh wave of heartache rolls through my chest.

  Dropping the rose onto my lap, I read his note.

  Mila,

  You once told me that you couldn’t read my mind. Well, here it is. This i
s everything, all that I am, and I just hope that it’s enough for you.

  I love you doesn’t come close to expressing what you mean to me, but I do, more than you will ever know.

  Yours in every way imaginable,

  Reid

  My stomach flips over. Oh my God.

  I read with my heart in tatters and tears running down my cheeks because this wasn’t written by an author he’d found. It’s him. Reid Hayden Walker. This book is his life, and I’m the girl.

  I’m the reason he was late to his grandad’s, which might have been the reason he died. If Reid had been on time, he would have called for help and the paramedics might have saved him.

  As I read the final pages, he reveals that he has loved me all along.

  This entire time.

  I wipe my tears and swallow the heartache and guilt from his words.

  How could he still love me after I kept him from being with his grandad? He was lying on the floor waiting for Reid while I distracted him with what was probably a load of bullshit. I’m the reason his grandad didn’t get help when he so desperately needed it.

  He said in the manuscript many times that he doesn’t blame me. He never has, not once. He only blames himself.

  That hurts so much more than I ever thought it could.

  “Mila, are you okay?” Indie says.

  They rush towards me just as I get up.

  I throw the blanket. “I-I need to leave.”

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea right now?”

  “It’s me,” I say, shoving the manuscript towards them. “This is his book. It’s about him… and me.”

  Indie smiles with tears in her eyes. “You’re going to him?”

  I nod and grab my bag. “I’ll speak to you both later.”

  “Are you okay to drive? I could take you,” Wren offers.

  “No, I’m okay. I’m finally okay.”

  I leave them, get in my little Beetle, and I drive to Reid’s. The manuscript and single red rose sit on the passenger seat.

  It’s not far but I feel like the roads have grown longer, like they’re stretching and making my journey to him torturous.

  I park on the road outside his house with no time to slow down to turn and park in his drive. He’s so close. As soon as I can, I run. I run to his front door and try the handle.