“What makes you tick, Bella?” After three whiskeys, a sly drunken smile appears. My heart races as a flirtatious giggle bubbles up from my butterfly-filled tummy. He’s magnificent. A dream. Marcus St. James has nothing on him.
What am I saying?
I can’t give in yet. This man is a professional. All his book talk might be a huge, elaborate game and I’d deserve it for kicking off this charade. As my mind spins in search of a suitable answer and my body buzzes with teenage lust, a female hand materializes on his shoulder.
“Jude, I found you. Are we still on for dinner?” It’s Stacey. She’s tracked him down. And based on her icy glare and pinched expression, she isn’t thrilled she found him with me.
“Dinner? I didn’t...” He looks genuinely befuddled, but this is the perfect opportunity to make my exit. As much as I hate surrendering him to stupid Stacey, he’s gotten too close. I need time to regroup, reassess, and get my head together. I don’t know why I thought I was ready to fall in love. One afternoon and I want to fly across this table and scratch her eyes out. I need to focus on the big picture, and I need to protect my naïve heart.
This man is a beautiful heartbreaker who will love, leave and then ruin me for all other men.
Before I talk myself into staying and fighting for my man, I clutch my purse and jump out of my seat. “Don’t mind me. Please enjoy the rest of your evening.” I don’t wait for his reply. I wave goodbye and rush out into the street. I don’t stop and I don’t look back. By the time I reach the subway stairs, my heart’s beating so fast, I fear it will fly out of my chest.
“Not so fast, Hamilton.” A hand roughly grasps mine and leads me into the station.
“Come have dinner with me, Bella. It’s just a meal. I swear I won’t bite.”
Nine
Jude
“Thank you for dinner.” She peeks coquettishly through her lashes as she reaches for the elevator button. “I had a lovely time.”
This is the third time she’s thanked me, and yet I’ve given her no indication that she’ll succeed in sending me home. I’m walking her upstairs. I’m walking her to her door. And I’ll be damned if she sends me away without a kiss goodbye.
I don’t believe I’ve ever spent ten chaste hours with a woman I was desperate to take to bed. I think I’d remember this pain. Bella is a pleasant surprise. She’s different and I need different. We talked about shit I don’t talk about with anyone and I was completely comfortable sharing my darkest secrets. For the first time, I let my guard down and revealed the side of me I fear will scare most people away. Oddly, that was the side she appeared to like the most.
I didn’t expect that. And I’m not sure what any of this means.
“You’re welcome, doll. It was fun. We’ll do it again.” As we approach her door, her footsteps slow to an agonizing pace. Her keys are ready. Her eyes are saucers. When I reach for her hand, she nearly jumps out of her skin.
“Sorry. You scared me.” Her cheeks pink as her voice drifts to a whisper.
“I’m just walking you to your door. Why are you acting like I’m a pirate sending you down the plank?” I pull her back into my chest and walk us forward with my hands on her shoulders.
She giggles sweetly. “I apologize. You probably guessed I don’t date much. This is the first time a man has ever walked me to MY door. The last thing that remotely resembled this was my date walking me to my parent’s door on Prom Night. And my father was waiting for us on the other side. So, there was no funny business.”
Two steps from her door, the light bulb in my brain fires on and instantly explodes. I’m the first man to get anywhere near her apartment. She doesn’t date much. She previously lived with her parents. Is she? Could she be? No way. Surely, she’s made bad choices and fooled around with some kid who didn’t know what he was doing. My mind spins a mile a minute. Her anxious stares and careful steps make sense, but where does that leave us? Fuck. I’m so distracted and provoked with a thousand filthy thoughts, I walk us right into her door.
“I’m sorry.” My quickening pulse threatens my voice. I choke out the words and lean in to smell her hair. I’ve never felt anything like this. This is uncharted territory and I feel like fucking Magellan.
“It’s okay.” She’s too kind. Her tiny hand reaches for the keyhole, while the boner making an embarrassing tent in my slacks stabs her in the back. The contact, her scent, her warmth, and my horniness send me tumbling over the edge of sanity and self-control. With my hands on her shoulders, I flip her around, crush her body to mine and smash my lips to hers. The heady intoxication of lust brims over as her lips part, accepting me into her sphere with a volatile spirit that matches mine. Her arms encircle my neck and her sultry moan seals our mouths in a fiery kiss that feels so hot we might go up in flames.
I push her through her half-open door and lift her into my arms. This is nuts. I need to slow down, but my racing heart might sputter into a slow death if I end this too soon. I need her. The ache in my chest I carry all day every day goes away when she’s near. It’s been around so long I’d forgotten what it felt like not to have it. And I want her to give me a bit more of whatever she has, to get me through a night without her.
“Baby...” My lips travel down the pale skin of her swanlike neck. Every shudder I elicit makes me give her more. Every moan entices me to bring on another. The sweet taste of her skin mingled with the perfume that first drove me crazy, feeds my hunger and sends my greedy hands charging for the curve of her voluptuous ass.
She gasps. “Jude. Hold up. I can’t.” Her lusty gaze meets mine and something wicked makes me hurl us both towards the couch.
Goddammit, I don’t want to stop.
“Why not?” As my fingers work her buttons and my cock grinds between her thighs, I try reasoning with her. If she wants this to end, so be it. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up right away. I can’t. I’m too turned on, too hard and completely hypnotized by the supple breasts peeking out from the lacy confines of her cotton bra. This is unbelievably hot. Only Bella could make such a sensible bra look this sexy.
In an effort to slow my onslaught of kisses, she holds my face in her hands. “Not yet. We’ve had one date. Maybe we won’t have anymore, and that’s okay. I’ll cherish these few moments always. But if that’s the case, then it’s best this ends here. I want my first time to be special.”
Her words slay me, and each syllable rebuilds me into a different man. I want to be special. I need to be her special person. My jealous heart insists on it. But with my eyes on hers, a primitive warning deep in my brain urges me to walk away. I’m not the kind of man who falls in love. That emotion doesn’t suit me. It never has. Bella deserves better than I can give her and although I like her more than I’ve ever liked anyone, I don’t know if I can love her the way she needs.
“Are you saying?” I clarify just in case I’m jumping the gun.
“I don’t like that word. But if you’re asking if I’ve ever had sex, the answer is no. Not even close.” Her small hands push into my chest, urging me off.
I reluctantly give in. Defeat sickens me. My lovesick heart rages and every muscle tightens with fury. I want to be what she needs, what she wants, but I know I’ll disappoint her and prove everyone right about me. I always fall short. Bella will be no different. It’s foolish to think love will reform me.
Wanting to help, I reach for the hem of her hiked-up skirt and feast my eyes on the wildest thing I’ve ever seen. Thursday panties. Holy shit, she’s wearing Thursday panties on a Thursday night. This girl wears days of the week underwear.
“Baby, get a load of these.” I squeeze her ass, bring her hips into the light and lean into get a closer look.
“Jude! Stop that!” She squirms in my arms, but I’m too excited to put up with her nonsense.
“Baby, you’ve just fulfilled my fondest fantasy from puberty.” As I run my trembling hand over the cotton fabric, I’m hit by the scent of her arousal. Her panties are soaked. T
he crotch of Bella’s cotton days of the week, Thursday panties are soaked through and I can’t bear leaving without getting a taste.
“Jude, we really...” As if she can read my mind, she stops speaking. I watch her lips part as she takes in a quick breath and recline into the cushion. My eyes sweep to hers and then back to her panties. She knows what I’m thinking. I can’t disguise my hunger.
“We don’t have to do everything, Bella. I won’t let it get that far. I promise.” I tilt my head and take a long, slow lick down the wet crotch of her Thursday panties. The scent of her virgin pussy seeps into my lovesick soul and sends my mind reeling with possibilities.
Why does this have to end tonight? Why can’t I take what’s mine and keep it forever? Bella is mine. I’ve known it since the moment she first ignored me in my office. I could tell she was sent into that building and into my world to test me. I don’t have to fail her. I don’t have to be miserable forever.
“Jude...” Her voice falters as she submits. I know she doesn’t trust me, but lust overruled her doubts.
As for me, the dam has broken. Her scent, taste and the glazed look in those deep brown eyes have shattered my will. My shaky hands reach for the hem of her small cotton panties and I roughly pull them down. I want to be gentle and romantic. I’d love to play music and light candles, but my mouth is watering like a starving dog. With as much tenderness as my racing heart can summon, I spread her thighs, lift her knees over my shoulders and sink my mouth into Bella’s bare pussy.
She gasps, squeaks with surprise and raises her hips to meet my mouth. I trail my tongue through her slick folds, lapping up every ounce of sweet honey before I dig for more. Nothing’s ever tasted like this and I can’t get enough. I feast and forage, stabbing deep into her passage until she arches her back and wails with unbridled lust. Bella’s been unchained. Her howls are demanding. Her moans send me into a frenzy. This is a delicacy I’ve never had and I can’t imagine settling for anything else ever again.
When my mouth finds her hard clit, she reaches for my hair and pushes me into her slippery cunt. This is what I want. I want my girl to take what she needs. Now and always. This virgin has an appetite and I don’t want her to think anyone else can feed her. With a sense of pride and determination, I take quick strokes, petting and licking in every direction as her thighs tense and her hips grind.
“Jude, I think I’m going...” She purrs, lost in a state of ecstasy.
“You think? You better know, little girl.” I go for the kill. Suckling on her sensitive bud, lapping furiously with little concern for the decibels of her cries, I reach inside her, find that spot and let her have it. She explodes on my hand, in my mouth, drowning me in her sticky juices while convulsing helplessly in a state of shock and bliss.
I think I’m in love.
Crazed and desperate for more, I lift her off the couch and carry her into her bedroom.
“Jude, you said...” She whimpers, fearful I’ve gone back on my word.
“A promise is a promise. No sex. Not yet. I just want a little more.” She eyes me with suspicion, and I don’t blame her. Trust is earned. She has no reason to trust me, but I know I can prove her wrong.
Maybe I don’t know how to love, yet. But we can figure this out together.
Ten
Bella
“Hey, sweetie. Can I come in?”
I glare at Emeline through a crack in the door and the heavy whiff of banana nut muffins drifts into my nose. I’m in no mood to talk, but I’m starving, and I haven’t bought groceries in days.
“I suppose.” I unlatch the chain and hold the door open, grabbing a muffin as she passes by.
She marches into the kitchen and then pulls a juice box out of her purse. “Here you go. I had a feeling you might not have anything to drink.”
I hate being mothered by my older sister, but on this occasion, I’ll take it. Today is an odd day. I’m not used to feeling ten different emotions at once. I hardly know whether to laugh, cry, smash a window or take a shower.
While I slurp my juice through the ridiculously tiny straw, I fall into the sofa, one of the many scenes of my depravity, and sulk. Concerned and almost certainly curious, Emi rushes over and shoves a pillow under my head. “Did you have a date last night? I heard you come home late.” She brushes the messy hair off my forehead with her hand.
I nod. “I did. We had a pleasant evening, but now it’s over. And I quit my internship this morning.”
She covers her mouth, then lets her hand slide down to her chest. She’s shocked, but she doesn’t want me to know it. “Oh, dear. I thought you liked your job. What happened? Did he ask you to quit?” She moves my legs and wiggles into the couch. I know she wants to “hang” like a regular girl and since Ava is surely dead asleep or fornicating with her future husband, I might as well confess to Emi.
“No, he may not even know I’ve resigned. He spent the night.” I quickly watch her for any signs of shock, but to my surprise, she refrains from passing judgement.
“Was it nice?” She stifles a smile which I conclude is genuine curiosity.
“It was very nice. We didn’t have sex. He promised early on we wouldn’t move on to sex. But we did other stuff. HE did other stuff if you get my meaning and if you don’t, I can’t elaborate. I’m sorry.”
Her blue eyes grow twice their size. “Oh! No, I get it.” She uses rabbit ears inappropriately, but I let it slide. “But why did you quit? Didn’t you like it?”
I roll to my side and shield my face. This isn’t just humiliating, I’m not sure how long I can hold the waterworks back. Once I say it out loud, it all becomes real and I’m not sure I can handle real world heartbreak right now. This isn’t like my romance novels! Why doesn’t anyone write about how weird men can be? Why haven’t I read anything about the Jekyll and Hyde effect that takes place the morning after?
I could have used some warnings on the male mind, ladies! Sheesh.
“Last night was something out of a dream. A dirty, raunchy dream, but still technically a dream. We went to dinner and talked for hours. He’s so different from what I imagined. He’s sweet and funny. I didn’t expect to like him so much. When he brought me home, we kissed and that moved on to petting and then before I knew it, my skirt was up to my waist.”
She shoves a muffin in her mouth to silence her gasp.
I continue. “Things got nasty quick and eventually moved into the bedroom. But he didn’t break his promise. We made out for hours. It was hot and passionate. It was sweet and loving. At one point, I thought I heard him whisper he loved me, and I almost said it back. Thank goodness I didn’t.” I pull my hair, remembering how close I came to utter the words.
“And he spent the night?” She sips her juice.
I sit up, hug my knees and nod. “I don’t remember when we fell asleep, but I woke up in his arms just before dawn. It was lovely. Everything about the evening was better than I imagined. And I dreamt about him too. Good dreams. Clean ones about marriage, babies and reading books together in bed.” I catch her curious glance and elaborate. “He likes to read, too. Isn’t that sweet?”
Her eyes light up. “That is sweet.”
“But something changed this morning. I could see it in his eyes.” Frustrated, I reach for a second muffin and pull off the wrapper.
“What was in his eyes?” She stops chewing to ask. Emi’s on the edge of her seat.
“Terror. He was terrified. I could sense he was trying to act calm, but his anxiety was palpable. He looked pale and tense. His smile was fake, and he couldn’t wait to sprint the hell out of here. That jerk dressed while I slept, and he must have tiptoed around the room because I’m not a heavy sleeper.” I wipe an oncoming tear and pretend to throw it across the room. I refuse to let Jude McCormick make me cry.
“What else did he say?” She hands me a clean hanky.
“Not much, but there was something in his voice. Something he was holding back. It’s as if every word out of his mouth was
a lie. He said we’d see each other tonight at the engagement party, but I’m not even sure I want to go. He didn’t make other plans. He didn’t kiss me goodbye. He gave me a light peck on the forehead like grandpa used to do and then left skid marks on his way out.
As soon as he left, I called into work and quit. This was a dumb mistake. Ava was right. I was in way over my head and Jude drowned me. I’m so embarrassed. I thought he was like Marcus St. James and he’s not. He’s not even good enough to be one of those side characters who eventually gets his own novel. He’s trash.” Unable to fight the deluge of tears streaming down my hot cheeks, I trudge into the bedroom, fly into bed and disappear under the covers.
I’m not hidden long. Emi pulls my overstuffed comforter off my limp body and shakes her head. “Isabella, you can’t seriously mean you’d miss out on Ava’s engagement party. She’s your best friend. This is an important day for her. You don’t know all the planning that’s been done. This is no time for selfishness. Please, tell me you’ll go.”
That was harsh. I know my sister and she’ll pray about this later tonight. Rosaries will be recited as a penance for losing her temper.
I wipe my tears and nod. “No, you’re right. I’m just talking out of my ass. I wouldn’t do that to Ava.”
She smiles from ear to ear. “Good, because I met someone and I want you to meet him. He’ll be there tonight.”
“What? You met someone? Emi, you’ve been in town four days!” I had no idea my sister had a feisty side.
She covers her smile with her hand and shrinks into the bed. “Oh, Bella. He’s so handsome and such a gentleman! After the big move, Declan invited Ava and I out for dinner. I promise we knocked on your door.” She pats my arm and shrugs.
“I got Ava’s text, but Jude and I were at dinner. Go on.” I gesture with my hand.
Filthy Love Page 4