Something or Everything

by Lily St Michael

  Maddie’s comment and mischievous smile caused a warm wave of affection to wash over Julia and she realized just how much she had missed this part of being with Maddie, her quick wit and the way she made her laugh.

  Julia shook her head. “Don’t worry, I heard her. I think everyone heard her.”

  Maddie nodded. “Well, I don’t want to keep you.”

  Julia stared at her, not wanting to let Maddie go. “Please…keep me.”

  “I’d like that.” Maddie reached for Julia’s hand, squeezing it, and Julia’s heart soared. “Would you like to meet Gabe?” Maddie asked her.

  Julia smiled. “Yes, I really would.”

  Gabriel smiled at her warmly as he shook her hand, making eye contact. “It’s so good to finally meet you,” he said to Julia. He seemed sincere and Julia wondered what Maddie had told him to cause him to seem so pleased to meet her.

  “Same here, Gabriel. Would you like to meet my daughter Vivienne?” She asked.

  Gabe readily agreed although Julia could see that Maddie was hesitant, so she reached for her hand and tugged gently, and Maddie smiled and followed her. Julia could feel the tension as she made introductions and was relieved when Vivienne politely told Maddie that is was nice to see her again. Julia introduced Deb as a friend and she saw Maddie swallow deeply at Deb’s reserved greeting. Julia knew that Deb was being protective and she understood her reservations. Julia met Deb’s gaze and smiled at the support from her friend.

  Julia was pleasantly surprised when Vivienne asked Maddie and Gabe to join them for lunch. She knew that Vivienne was doing it for her so when Maddie tried to decline, Julia insisted. She quickly motioned to the host and two smaller tables were quickly moved together to accommodate their group.

  When they were all seated, Vivienne looked at Gabe and smiled. “So, are you here to see your Dad for the weekend?”

  Gabe smiled at his mother before turning back to Vivienne. “Yeah, but my Mom had a thing in New Bedford this morning so we came early and my Dad managed to get me a last-minute invite to tour the Vocational High School there this afternoon.”

  “I went to high school there,” Deb said with a smile and Gabe started to chat with her and Viv about the school and the area.

  Julia openly stared at Maddie, still in disbelief that she was sitting beside her. Maddie seemed to be having trouble taking her eyes from Julia as well.

  “I wasn’t sure I would ever see you again,” Julia said to her quietly.

  “I’m sorry,” Maddie responded in a whisper. “You told me to take the time I needed, but things did not go as well as I’d hoped.”

  “Were you ever going to call me?” Julia asked quietly, internally cringing at the pleading tone of her voice.

  Maddie licked her lips. “Of course.” Maddie glanced toward the others, to ensure they were not listening, before continuing. “I was just waiting…” She paused and lowered her voice. “…until I could tell you everything that you deserved to hear from me…until I was worthy of being with you.”

  Hearing Maddie say that made Julia feel as though her insides had been emptied out, hollow and sick. What had she done by giving Maddie an ultimatum and insisting that she tell her family? She reached for Maddie’s hand. “You have always been more than worthy. I’m so sorry I made you feel otherwise.”

  “You didn’t, Julia.” Maddie blinked repeatedly and Julia knew she was trying to hold off impending tears.

  Julia squeezed her hand. “Can we talk about this alone? Do you have time…today…or tomorrow? Please, Maddie.”

  Maddie wiped her eyes, trying to catch the quickly escaping tears and all conversation at the table stopped. Maddie tried to smile. “Excuse me for a moment, please.”

  Gabriel automatically rose as his mother did, pulling out her chair like a gentleman and watched as she walked away, following her with his gaze for a long moment before he turned and looked at Julia.

  Gabriel sat back down and Julia slipped into Maddie’s empty chair. “Gabriel.”

  He smiled softly. “Julia.”

  She inhaled deeply. “Is she okay? Your mother?”

  Gabriel looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, no, she hasn’t been okay…not at all…but today is the first day I’ve seen her smile, really smile, and look happy in weeks.”

  Julia stared, wondering if that meant what she wanted it to mean when Gabriel smiled and raised his eyebrows in the direction his mother had gone. Julia was instantly up and moving in that direction when she spotted Maddie standing alone on the side deck of the restaurant. Julia ignored the “restricted access” sign, pushing through the closed gate to approach Maddie slowly. Maddie inhaled deeply, wiping away her tears and Julia moved to stand beside her.

  Maddie was still and silent for a few moments before she looked at her. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, querida, that it took so long. I never thought, when I told my parents…I knew it would be bad…but I never expected...”

  Julia looked at her. “What happened?”

  “I can’t…not here.”

  “Where then? When? Unless…” Julia stepped back. “...you still can’t do this? Just tell me now before you break my heart all over again.”

  Maddie looked stunned, her eyes wide. “Is that what I did?”

  Julia looked away. “Pretty much.”

  “I never intended to do that and I don’t intend to ever do it again.”

  “You know, I thought…before I saw you today…I thought ‘wouldn’t it be nice if Maddie and I could salvage a friendship out of this’, because you know, I’ve really missed you, but now that you’re here in front of me, it’s clear to me that I can’t be just your friend.”

  “I don’t want to be just your friend either,” Maddie whispered. “So, is Deb just a friend?”

  Julia’s anger rose, quick and hot at the question, but she tried to control herself. “A very good friend. The friend whose shoulder I cried on after the first time we were together. And it was Deb and Vivienne that had to help me to bed when they found me blind drunk on the deck one night after I didn’t hear from you after the last time we were together.”

  Maddie looked mortified, swallowing deeply. “I shouldn't have asked you that. I’m sorry.”

  “You should be. Do you think that I could make love to you, that I could have you inside me, that I could tell you I’m falling for you and then what? Fall into someone else’s bed in a few weeks?” Julia kept her voice low, but it was obvious how angry she was.

  Maddie’s eyes filled with tears, but she held Julia’s gaze. “Not really, no, but I couldn’t blame you if you did. Deb is gay, right, and lives her life openly? She’s very attractive. Why wouldn’t you be with her? In comparison I must seem like a…” Maddie’s voice faltered over a small sob. “…like a…train wreck.”

  Maddie’s tears spilled over and Julia’s anger faded instantly. She pulled Maddie into an embrace and inhaled deeply, giving them both a moment.

  “You’re not a train wreck. What you are is the woman that I cannot get out of my head or my heart,” Julia said quietly.

  Maddie wiped her eyes and looked at Julia. “Really?”

  Julia could not help but smile. Even with her eyes red and swollen, Maddie was beautiful. “Yes, really.”

  Maddie inhaled deeply, wiping away more tears. Julia helped herself to a few paper napkins at the nearby wait station, returning to hand them to Maddie. Maddie smiled at her and dabbed at her face and eyes.

  “Let’s take a deep breath, okay?” Julia said. “I need a big fucking cocktail and then we can have some lunch.”

  Maddie smiled. “A cocktail sounds good.”

  Thankfully, Vivienne, Deb and Gabe were talking easily, dissipating any remaining tension and they managed to have a pleasant lunch, the conversation staying light and casual. Julia was relieved to see that Deb started to warm up to Maddie, finally speaking to her directly. When Julia smiled at Deb, she smiled back and winked at her, letting her know that all was well. When they f
inished eating, Gabriel checked his phone and smiled at his mother.

  “Dad is picking me up in 10 minutes. He wants me to have dinner with them after the tour and stay over.”

  Maddie smiled. “I assumed as much. I have a reservation at the Sea Breeze, so go, have fun.”

  Gabriel rose and smiled at Vivienne and Deb. “Thanks for the conversation and the insight, ladies. It was good to meet you.” He looked at Julia. “It was especially good to meet you, Julia.”

  Julia was charmed and she rose, reaching across the table to shake his hand. “Same here, Gabriel.”

  Gabriel hugged his mother, whispered something to her and then made his way to the parking lot. Deb looked at Maddie. “Maddie, you should be very proud of Gabriel. He’s really smart and personable. I can’t remember the last time I met a teenager with such manners.”

  Maddie smiled. “Thank you.”

  Vivienne nodded in agreement. “He’s really great, Maddie.” Vivienne looked at her mother. “So, Deb and I are staying to have another drink if you’re interested in joining us. We’ll even let you have another.”

  “Vivienne…” Julia warned her daughter with her angry tone and a glare. Julia felt her anger rise until Maddie looked at her, eyebrows raised in a question. Julia pressed her lips together and sighed, her anger dissipating. “Vivienne is reminding me…again…that I…overindulged recently…but we won’t be staying." She looked at Vivienne and Deb. "Maddie and I need to talk about some things.”

  Maddie turned to smile at Vivienne. “Since I assume I am somewhat responsible for that…overindulgence, what if I make it my responsibility to keep an eye on her?”

  “She’s all yours,” Vivienne said with enthusiasm and Deb laughed.

  Julia rose and Maddie followed suit, looking over at Vivienne. “It was nice to see you again.” She looked at Deb. “It was nice meeting you, Deb.”

  Julia looked at Maddie. “Is it alright that we go to my house?”

  Julia hoped that Vivienne and Deb took that as the hint she intended it to be. She wanted time alone with Maddie. She wanted to know everything, including Maddie’s intentions toward her.

  Maddie nodded. “Of course.”

  ◆◆◆

  As soon as the door to Julia’s home closed behind them, Julia tossed her purse on the large sidebar table in the foyer area. Maddie was afraid she might be angry as she leaned back against the table and looked at Maddie.

  “Maddie, I’m so sorry that I gave you an ultimatum to tell your parents. I had no right to do that.”

  “Julia, don’t.” Maddie shook her head. “You simply told me what you needed. I knew I was hurting you.” Maddie sighed. “I was hurting myself as well. I’m sorry I made you feel like I was ashamed of you, Julia. Please know that I never was and I never will be.”

  “If I had known…I wouldn’t have done that. Maddie, please know that I would have agreed to anything…being discreet, sneaking around…anything if I knew I wouldn’t get to see you at all.”

  “Julia, no. That was never my intention. Never. I was trying to make things right because you didn’t deserve that…but my life…imploded.” Maddie rubbed her forehead with her fingers.

  “Tell me what happened with your parents,” Julia said quietly.

  Maddie inhaled deeply, giving herself a moment. She had recounted what had happened with her mother several times, including in a counseling session, and had been unable to say the words without crying, but she did not want to cry now. Maddie took a few steps away and then turned back to Julia.

  “My mother...came completely unhinged. When I said I was gay, she asked if I was joking. She screamed at me to take it back, then threatened me…told me that I had to choose between you or them.” Maddie swallowed deeply, her eyes stinging with impending tears. “When I told her I couldn’t, she slapped me.”

  “What?” Julia stood up straight. “Oh sweetie…oh God. I’m so sorry.”

  “Julia, it’s not your fault and it’s not my fault, either.”

  “Where the hell was your father?” Julia asked angrily.

  Maddie shook her head. “Trying to hold her back before she could come at me again, while she ranted and raved and kicked me out of their house. She has forbidden the rest of my family from talking to me. Thankfully, they’ve ignored her, but she has cut me off…completely.”

  Julia gasped. “Maddie, I’m so sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s her decision.”

  “I’m sorry, nonetheless.” Julia said as she rubbed the back of her neck and started to pace.

  “I know you are.” Maddie reached for Julia, pulling on her arm. “Hey, it’s okay. You were right, you know.”

  Julia shook her head. “God, Maddie, I don’t want to be right, I just want you to be okay.” Julia turned to her and caressed her face. “Where did she hit you? Here?”

  Maddie nodded and then closed her eyes as she felt Julia place a soft kiss to her left cheek and then another and then another until she was covering every inch of it, down to her jaw and then to her neck. Maddie shivered against the loving attention. Julia cupped Maddie’s face and pulled her into an open-mouthed kiss and everything else seemed to fade away. Julia kissed her deeply, almost savagely, emotions taking over and Maddie was lost in the erotic kiss for long moments. The kiss finally slowed and Maddie pulled away, giving them both a chance to catch their breath as their eyes opened and their gazes met.

  Julia looked as if she wanted to cry and Maddie cupped the side of her face. “Jule, querida, talk to me,” Maddie whispered.

  “I thought you were gone for good. I can’t do this again if…if you’re going to disappear.”

  Maddie felt a combination of guilt, anger and slight pressure by what could be construed as another demand and then she inhaled deeply and let it all go as Julia’s gaze held onto her own steadily. Maddie reminded herself that Julia had been here the entire time, thinking that Maddie had abandoned her and she had still forgiven her immediately. That eased some of the defensive anger that Maddie was feeling.

  “I didn’t intend to disappear, you know. I thought I would only need a few days or a week to settle things but…I fell apart. I really was a train wreck. I had to pull myself together and…figure things out…before I called you. I had no idea you…”

  “What? Was worried? Missed you desperately? Thought you simply walked away…again?” Julia stopped, obviously angry and upset.

  Maddie tried to control her own anger and failed. “No, Julia, I didn’t know because I didn’t walk away. You did.”

  Julia rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

  “It seemed so easy for you to walk away…”

  “It wasn’t easy, trust me. It damn near killed me…I was drinking too much. Every night. Promise me…no, don’t, I’m sorry. No more ultimatums.” Julia lowered her gaze.

  Maddie suddenly realized that she was willing to promise Julia anything to make this work. “It’s not an ultimatum if you just tell me what you need from me, querida, and I will do what I can to give it to you.”

  Julia’s gaze shot up. “I just need to know you won’t disappear, that you want to do this. I need to make plans with you.”

  Maddie nodded. “I’m here. I want to do this.”

  Julia moved closer, reaching up to caress her cheek. “And I will never push you away again.”

  Maddie felt herself relax. “Okay…so…I would love to see you again tomorrow, Julia and Sunday, too, if you’re free. I would love to do something with you next weekend. I would love to take you out, on a real date, like the first night at the Essex, and keep taking you out until you can’t imagine what it was like before me.”

  Julia’s smile was tentative, but beautiful. “I already can’t imagine.”

  Maddie leaned in slowly and kissed Julia gently, savoring the taste and the feel of her, their tongues swirling together. Maddie’s hands ran through Julia’s hair and Julia’s hands held Maddi
e’s waist, pulling her tightly against her. Their mouths separated slowly and reluctantly, Julia placing small kisses along the side of Maddie’s face and up to her forehead.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Maddie,” Julia said.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” Maddie whispered back.

  Maddie closed her eyes as Julia leaned back against the table, pulling Maddie along with her. Maddie settled herself against Julia and tried to keep her hips from bucking into her, her desire as out of control as the myriad of emotions coursing through her. Maddie failed when Julia’s hands pushed up her pencil skirt, allowing Maddie to easily straddle Julia’s thigh. Maddie brought her lips to Julia’s throat and sucked on the spot that always made Julia a little crazy. Julia’s hips bucked forward and Maddie tried to push her thigh firmly against Julia’s center.

  Maddie moaned as her throbbing center slid against Julia’s thigh, as Julia’s hands reached under her skirt to clutch at her ass roughly. Then Julia was plunging her tongue into her mouth and Maddie fell into the incredible sensations, her hips instinctively moving against Julia’s firm thigh, against the delicious friction. One of Julia’s hands reached for Maddie’s breast, her fingers squeezing the nipple through her clothing. Maddie pulled away from the kiss and gasped, her hips still moving.

  Maddie could not believe how quickly things had escalated, how very much she wanted Julia. Her hips pressed wantonly into Julia, her now damp center rubbing rhythmically against Julia’s raised leg.

  “How do you always do this to me?" Maddie whispered. "God…I want you so badly…I need...”

  “Shhh...I know what you need…let me...just like this okay?” Julia slipped her hand down into the back of Maddie’s panties and gripped her bare ass cheek firmly, holding her in place. “I’ll take care of you, honey….right here…right now.”

  Julia pulled Maddie against her, pressing her head down onto her shoulder, caressing her hair as Maddie slid herself harder against her leg. Julia whispered sexy sweet nothings into Maddie's ear as she squeezed her bare ass rhythmically and Maddie jerked wildly, wanting more friction. Maddie felt Julia snake her finger along the damp crevice between her ass cheeks and she felt her own hips jerk back against the forbidden and tantalizing sensation. Maddie had never even imagined anyone touching her there, but she wanted Julia to touch her there.