Something or Everything

by Lily St Michael

  Maddie found Eleanor to be observant and intelligent, and a little scary, if she was honest. “I understand your frustration, but maybe you will feel differently after you learn things about the way the author wrote the novel or what she was trying to say about society, what the intent of the book is.”

  “What do you mean?” Eleanor asked politely.

  Maddie smiled. “Have you talked about the theme of the novel yet?”

  “Ms. Vaz, my teacher, said it had to do with the loss of innocence, but we would talk about it more on Monday. Do you know what she meant?”

  Maddie shrugged. “Let’s think about it. Was Scout innocent at the beginning of the story? What happened to her by the end of it…to Gem…to the town? Did they learn things about themselves or about society that they really didn’t want to know?”

  Eleanor had looked deep in thought for a moment before she smiled. “They lost their innocence when they realized how prejudiced people can be.”

  Maddie smiled back. “And how accepting people can be, too. And how life is complicated.”

  “What is the thing that you remember about the book?” Eleanor asked.

  “I remember that I had to keep reminding myself that it was Scout as an adult who was telling the story because it is written for a child to understand. I had to keep in mind that the reader can understand certain things that Scout, as a child, cannot understand. That made me look at things…differently or more carefully, I guess.”

  “Thanks, Maddie.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  When Eleanor had gone into the house, Maddie looked at Julia. “She read it last year? To Kill a Mockingbird was part of a…what... 6th-grade summer reading list?”

  Julia smiled. “Oh, no, she actually read it on her own, but she’s already in some advanced high school level classes due to accelerated learning.”

  Maddie laughed lightly. “Oh, God bless you.”

  Julia joined in the laughter. “You have no idea. I haven’t been able to help her with math homework for years now.”

  “She’s amazing, Julia.”

  “Thank you. She likes you.”

  “Does she?” Maddie asked, thinking that Julia was simply trying to put her at ease.

  Julia nodded, her gaze intense. “Yes, I can tell she likes you a lot.”

  Julia did not look particularly happy about that for a moment, but then she smiled. Maddie suspected that Julia was thinking about the consequences of their relationship for her daughter. It was not simply the two of them involved in this any longer. Eleanor, and to a lesser degree, Vivienne and Gabriel, would be affected by the decisions they made.

  Maddie had reached for Julia’s hand and held her gaze. “I’m glad. I’ll try not to do anything to change that.” Julia had smiled.

  In Julia’s bedroom, Maddie let the memory wash over her as she watched Julia sleep for another moment. She knew she would not be able to get back to sleep so she kissed Julia’s cheek gently and quietly slipped out of bed. She closed the door to the attached bathroom and started to brush her teeth as she turned the shower on. She was leaning over the sink wiping her mouth when she felt arms snake around her, one hand slipping into the front of her sleep shorts and the other running up under her tank top to cup her breasts. Maddie smiled into the mirror and Julia’s sleepy gaze met her own. Her eyes were half-open, her hair was tousled and Maddie thought she looked amazingly beautiful.

  ◆◆◆

  When Julia awoke and found herself alone, she glanced at her bedside clock and smiled. Eleanor would still be asleep for hours and Julia could hear the shower starting in the bathroom. She found Maddie bent over the sink and the sight of her filled Julia with an overwhelming combination of emotion and desire. She wrapped her arms around Maddie and sought out the warm skin beneath her shorts and tank, one hand seeking her breasts, finding and caressing a nipple, and the other playing with her soft pubic hair.

  Maddie met Julia’s gaze in the mirror and Julia lost her breath at the look of adoration on Maddie’s face. Julia heard Maddie gasp as she gently squeezed her nipple.

  “What are you doing, Jule?” Maddie asked quietly.

  “Touching you...I can’t help myself,” Julia whispered.

  Maddie turned around and Julia was forced to take a step back. She half-expected Maddie to push her away and remind her that Eleanor was down the hall, but she did not. Julia watched as she kicked her shorts off and slid back onto the towel that rested on the counter. She looked at Julia before she pulled her tank top off and wrapped her legs around Julia, pulling her forward. Julia froze, still surprised at how much Maddie seemed to want her.

  “I thought you couldn’t help yourself,” Maddie whispered, teasing her.

  Maddie cupped Julia’s head and pulled her into an open-mouthed kiss, her spearmint flavored tongue tangling with her own. Julia moaned into the kiss and she pulled Maddie to the edge of the counter, her fingers squeezing and tugging at her nipples. Julia slid her hand down the soft skin of Maddie’s abdomen and slid her fingers into her damp curls. Julia was pleasantly surprised to find Maddie already wet for her.

  Julia quickly coated her fingers so she could slip two of them inside Maddie. Julia loved that Maddie moaned into her mouth, their tongues still tangling together. Julia tried to be gentle in her thrusts, but Maddie’s heels pushed into the back of Julia’s thighs and she grunted into the kiss, indicating she wanted more. Julia pulled her mouth away and pushed her hips into her own hand, forcing her fingers harder into Maddie, enjoying the panting sound Maddie made in response.

  Julia sucked at Maddie’s neck. “My beautiful Madalena.”

  The words seemed to inflame Maddie and she started to orgasm, in sharp jerks of her hips, in small whimpers of delight, beautifully and wildly, until she fell forward, shuddering in Julia’s arms. Julia held her closely for long moments until her breathing and shuddering slowed. Julia removed her fingers carefully and pulled Maddie close while she caressed her warm naked skin, slightly overwhelmed by the way that making love to Maddie made her feel, powerful and joyous.

  Maddie kissed her lightly and pushed her back, sliding gracefully from the counter. She wordlessly pulled off Julia’s tank and tugged off her sleep pants before leading her by the hand into the still running shower.

  The warm spray of the shower hit Julia as Maddie embraced her lightly, gently pushing her against the far wall, her lips attaching themselves to first one nipple, then the other. Julia moaned and caressed her wet, slick hair, holding her there. Maddie dropped to her knees and spread Julia’s folds open, licking up to her clit with the flat of her tongue. Julia heard herself moan as she spread her legs, one foot finding the rubber mat, the other perched on the edge of the tub, and a hand gripping the shower railing for support.

  Maddie teased and aroused her gently with her tongue gently before diving in with her mouth and her hand, sliding fingers up into Julia as she firmly tongued her clit. Julia’s free hand attached itself to the back of Maddie’s head and her hips began a frenzied dance, the dual sensations overwhelming every nerve ending.

  Julia was in ecstasy, as Maddie seemed to be everywhere. Maddie had always been able to bring her to orgasm with just her fingers or with just her mouth, but it felt like both were happening independently of each other and at the same time. Julia tipped her head back to suck in oxygen and clutched at the railing in her hand as she pulled Maddie’s head harder against her as her inner walls started to spasm, as Maddie’s tongue did its magic. Julia started to shake as the orgasm started and then continued, washing over her in a frenzied wave until another one began and it seemed to go on forever. Julia hung on until her knees gave out and she started to slide down the shower wall, Maddie holding her firmly and guiding her down into her arms.

  Julia felt spent and vulnerable in a way that was not familiar to her. It was a very long time before Julia was able to find her voice. “Water’s getting cool,” she managed to whisper.

  “Are you okay?” Maddi
e’s voice was near her ear and Julia realized that her eyes were still closed and she had no desire to open them and expose her most private vulnerabilities. Having Maddie here in her home, loving her this way seemed too perfect and she tried not to get ahead of herself.

  She felt Maddie gently push her wet hair out of her face. “Let me help you up and I’ll turn the water up. Okay?”

  She nodded and Maddie pulled her up and they showered quickly, but gently, with kisses and caresses in between lathering and rinsing. Julia was relieved when Maddie stepped out of the shower first, without a word, possibly sensing that Julia needed some time alone. When Julia finally stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, Maddie was in the bedroom dressing. Julia tried to smile, but could only swallow painfully. Maddie pulled her close and held her for a long moment.

  Julia pulled away and placed a small kiss to Maddie’s lips. “There’s coffee in the kitchen. Please poke around and help yourself to whatever you can find.”

  “Can I get you anything?” Maddie asked.

  “If you could throw an English muffin in the toaster, I’d appreciate it,” Julia managed.

  “Butter and jam, right?”

  Julia smiled, pleasantly surprised that Maddie had remembered her preferences. “Yes, thank you. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  “Take your time, querida.”

  Julia was relieved and grateful that Maddie seemed to know she needed some space and some time alone and she took that time to think through what was happening between them and exactly how that made her feel. Julia felt as though she was free falling and it was exhilarating, as well as frightening. She breathed deeply as she dressed, trying to ease her overwhelming emotions.

  When Julia finally walked into her kitchen, she saw Maddie sipping from a mug of coffee, gazing out at the water through the window. Julia’s muffin, with butter and jam, was waiting on a plate and there was a mug for her by the coffeemaker. Julia was not accustomed to being waited on and the considerate gesture eased some of the fear that gripped her. Julia inhaled a deep and shuddering breath as she closed the distance between them. She snaked her arms snaked around Maddie from behind.

  Maddie put her mug down, allowing the embrace before she turned and met Julia’s gaze. “Did I do something?”

  Julia’s heart clenched at the painfully bleak look on Maddie’s face. “Oh, sweetie, no, of course not. I just had a little meltdown.”

  “Oh querida…why?”

  “Being with you is so…overwhelming. You make me feel wonderful and this feels so right, having you here, and I realized there is no going back.”

  Maddie moved slightly away from her. “Do you want to go back, Jule? Having second thoughts?”

  Julia’s gaze snapped up to Maddie’s eyes, surprised at Maddie’s question until she realized that Maddie was afraid of her answer. She brought her hand up to caress the side of Maddie’s face. “No, sweetie, not at all. I want to be with you and now I’ve had a taste of what that might be like, I’m…worried.”

  “Tell me why.”

  Julia blinked, holding off tears. “Honestly? It was hard the first two times we didn’t see each other but now…I can’t imagine what it would be like if you changed your mind.”

  Maddie looked stunned, but Julia could not take back what she had said and she wanted to be honest.

  “Changed my mind?” Maddie said quietly.

  “Maddie, I didn’t say that to hurt you. The more I’m with you, the more I want you and…I’m afraid.”

  Maddie nodded, her eyes blinking back tears. “I don’t want to hurt you either. All I can tell you is that I will not disappear, even if you ask me to. I can’t know exactly how you feel and you can’t know what I’m going through. I’m not you, Julia, and I handle things the way I handle things. I have things I need to take care of, and in the meantime, all I can do is ask you to trust me.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I know you are. I couldn’t walk away from you, Jule, even if I wanted to and I don’t want to. I have wanted this with you from the beginning, but I was afraid. I’m not afraid anymore.”

  “What do you mean, from the beginning?”

  Maddie swallowed visibly. “That first night when I whispered to you in Portuguese…”

  “When you seemed shocked that I recognized the language and you didn’t tell me everything you said?”

  Maddie smiled. “Yeah, because I was afraid you would think I was crazy.”

  “So…tell me now.”

  “Eu acho que te amo.”

  “What does that mean?” Julia asked quietly.

  Maddie inhaled deeply. “It means, ‘I think I love you’.”

  “You thought you loved me? The first night?” Julia’s eyes were wide.

  Maddie smiled and rubbed her forehead. “Yeah. I also thought I might be losing my mind, but apparently, I wasn’t. I was just…starting to fall in love with you.”

  Julia pressed a hand to her chest as it seemed to fill with warmth. “You’re in love with me?”

  “Yeah, I am, Jule. I’m in love with you.”

  Julia watched Maddie’s face, the love shining clearly in her open gaze. Julia knew that she had never wanted anything more than she wanted this woman, that she had never loved anyone quite like this before. She pulled Maddie into her arms and held her gaze.

  “I’m in love with you.”

  Maddie’s smile was blinding and Julia laughed lightly, the joy of the moment overwhelming her senses before Maddie kissed her softly. Maddie held her for a long moment before releasing her.

  Maddie smiled as she slid the plate holding the muffin she had made Julia earlier toward her. “Now, eat the damn muffin.”

  Julia laughed lightly. “Too easy.”

  Maddie shoved her playfully. “Shut up.” After a few moments of watching Julia chew her muffin, Maddie inhaled. “So…I have a work thing this Friday night.”

  Julia cocked her head. “A work thing?”

  “Yeah, a cocktail party at the Long Wharf Marriott. It’s an annual event for clients and I can bring someone.”

  Julia put down the rest of her muffin and felt her eyebrows rise as she tried to control her excitement and expectations. “Oh? Who did you bring last year?”

  Maddie smiled. “I went alone…and hung out with my friend Steven.”

  Julia turned to face Maddie. “I’ve never been to the Long Wharf.”

  Maddie wiped a crumb from Julia’s lip. “The views are beautiful.”

  “If I’m with you, the view is always beautiful.”

  “Wow.” Maddie met Julia’s gaze with her own. “So, would you like to be my date?”

  Julia smiled widely. “Are we making plans?”

  “We are.”

  “I would be thrilled to be your date.”

  Chapter 17

  Amelia’s turned out to be a casual and busy seafood restaurant with a view of the water and Julia had apparently made reservations as the five of them were immediately seated at a round table with a window view. Eleanor was busy telling Gabe about her favorite menu items while Julia looked on in amusement and Maddie took the opportunity to lean over toward Vivienne.

  “Is there something you want to say to me, Vivienne?” Julia’s oldest daughter had been exceedingly polite to her, but Maddie could feel her eyes following her constantly. At best, Maddie thought she was curious about her and her relationship with her mother and at worst, Maddie thought she did not trust her. Maddie would not blame her for either.

  Vivienne glanced quickly at her mother, ensuring she was still distracted by Gabriel and Eleanor, and then looked Maddie in the eye. “Make sure this is what you want, please. Don’t hurt her. She’s had enough of that in her life.”

  Maddie reached for Vivienne’s hand and squeezed it quickly. “I promise I will do my best to never hurt her again.”

  Vivienne smiled and then looked up to find her mother’s gaze on her, an eyebrow slightly raised. Maddie was impressed at how easily V
ivienne ignored her mother’s obviously curious and slightly displeased look. “So, what looks good tonight, Mom?”

  Julia’s eyebrow managed to arch a little higher and Maddie could see that Julia knew that Vivienne was blatantly hiding something from her. Julia smirked as she ran her gaze slowly over Maddie’s features. “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Oh, I think you know exactly what you want, Mom,” Vivienne lobbed back.

  Maddie tried not to smile as Julia shot Vivienne another sharp glance. “Oh?”

  Vivienne smiled. “You always get the scallops here, don’t you?” She winked at her mother to temper her snarky and self-satisfied response.

  Eleanor nodded knowingly. “Yep, she always gets the scallops.”

  Maddie laughed, thinking about the first time she had met Vivienne and telling Julia that she would not know she was Julia’s daughter at first glance. Julia had laughed and assured Maddie she would see the resemblance if she spent any time with her and now Maddie knew exactly what Julia had meant. Vivienne was as confident and as sarcastic as her mother.

  “And now I see Vivienne’s resemblance to you,” Maddie whispered to Julia, making her smile. Maddie looked at her son. “What are you thinking about, Gabe?”

  Gabriel smiled. “Eleanor recommends the fish and chips, but if Julia likes the scallops…what do you like here, Vivienne?”

  Julia laughed lightly. “Gabriel, you are just as diplomatic and as charming as your mother.”

  Vivienne put her menu down. “Lobster roll and sweet potato fries,” she announced.

  Gabriel and Vivienne discussed the pros and cons of regular fries versus sweet potato fries until Eleanor claimed that onion rings trumped both. Julia leaned toward Maddie, placing a hand on her thigh. “What’s your pleasure, beautiful Maddie?” She whispered.