Surrendering to Us

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “I can make you something quick. No time for a burger though.” He smiled and got up, but only to carry me to the bathroom so I could clean myself up. I nearly had a panic attack when we left the bedroom because I had a vision of Ryder sitting in the living room, but he was still in his room, and the door was still shut.

  I put my hair up and got in the shower for a quick rinse and Lucah went back to put clothes on and hopefully make me something to eat.

  I put my robe on, and tied it extra tight before walking into the kitchen.

  “Grilled cheese and some soup okay?” He had the stove going and it made me want to take him back to bed again.

  “You are the perfect man,” I said, hugging him from behind.

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” A voice said that made me clench onto Lucah like a human shield.

  “Hello, Ryder,” Lucah said in a warning tone. I pressed myself into his back so Ryder wouldn’t see my red face. The robe covered everything, but it was still weird for this guy I barely knew to be seeing me so casual.

  “What are you making?” I finally turned around. There he stood, wearing only a ripped tank and a pair of boxers that were stretched and hung low on his hips.

  “I’ll make you something after Rory goes back to work. What would you like?”

  “Christ, you don’t have to do that. I can make a fucking sandwich.” He pulled up his shirt and scratched his stomach and then grinned at me and his eyes traveled up and down the robe, and I pulled it tighter around my neck.

  “Little afternoon delight?”

  “Ryder!” Lucah said, and I thought he was going to smack him with the spatula.

  “Chill the fuck out,” he said, going to sit on the couch and turning on the television.

  “God, give me strength,” Lucah said, looking at the ceiling.

  Ryder snorted.

  “It’s part of the Serenity Prayer,” Lucah said to me.

  “Yeah, I know.” He flipped my grilled cheese over and I decided that I was going to get dressed. The tension between Ryder and Lucah was filling the room, and it made me uncomfortable.

  I dashed back to the bedroom and picked up my clothes from where I’d thrown them on the floor, making sure I locked the door when I changed.

  I rushed through my soup and grilled cheese and gave Lucah a quick kiss goodbye before heading back to work. Ryder just kept watching the television. I was beginning to sense that he didn’t like me. Or he had some sort of problem with me. I knew if I asked Lucah about it, he would either say I was being paranoid, or, more likely, he would talk to Ryder about it, and that I couldn’t have. I couldn’t cause a rift (or any more of one) between the brothers. I was going to go along until this temporary situation was over and then Lucah and I could resume our lives, and hopefully, be a lot happier because Ryder would be on his feet.

  I spent the rest of the day fantasizing about that and praying I didn’t forget that I couldn’t walk around the apartment naked anymore, and I would have to knock before using the bathroom. Maybe I could make a “please knock” sign to put on the door.

  Ryder probably wouldn’t go for it.

  When I got home from work, Sloane was sitting on one end of the couch, Ryder on the other and Lucah in the extra chair we’d recently gotten.

  They were all playing Cards Against Humanity. Given the circumstances, it was a really sweet scene.

  “Here, I’ll deal you in,” Lucah said, after I gave him a hello kiss. Ryder nodded at me and Sloane gave me a hug.

  I curled in Lucah’s lap and looked at my cards.

  “We ordered from the Greek place and I made sure we got extra spanakopita,” Sloane said, studying her cards.

  “You know the way to my heart,” I said.

  “Yes, ma’am, I do.” She flicked a quick glance at Ryder, but he pretended to ignore it. Only a second later, he flicked a glance back at her. Lucah pinched my side to let me know that he knew very well what was going on.

  We played until the food came. Sloane won, mostly because Ryder picked her card as the winner every round he judged. It was like he knew it was hers so he picked it.

  Instead of eating at the dining table, we parked ourselves in the living room and ate out of the Styrofoam containers.

  No one seemed to know what to say, or how to start a conversation, so no one did. The only sound during dinner was the four of us chewing. It was very odd and not usual for me when I ate with either Lucah or Sloane.

  “Fuck!” Ryder said and everyone looked at him.

  “What?” Lucah was instantly alarmed.

  “Nothing, I just couldn’t deal with the silence, so I decided that was the best way to break it.” Sloane snorted, covering her mouth because it was full.

  “That probably wasn’t the best way to do it,” Lucah said.

  “It worked. Now we’re talking.”

  “He has a point,” I said, and Ryder glared at me. Or maybe I just imagined he did.

  “So, can we talk about something? Anything? The silence sets me on edge,” Ryder said, putting down his container and wiping his mouth with a napkin.

  “Got any ideas of where you’d like to work?” Lucah said without missing a beat. I didn’t think that was exactly what Ryder had in mind and I knew he was going to explode before it happened.

  He threw his napkin down and did some more glaring. If he did it too much, his face was going to freeze that way.

  “We don’t have to talk about that,” I said, trying to salvage the evening.

  “Great, because I don’t want to. Thanks, Rory.” It was the first time he’d said my name.

  “You’re, uh, welcome.”

  Lucah shook his head and started eating again.

  I sent Sloane a panicked look and she sent me one back. Neither of us knew what a safe topic would be. So neither of us said anything and we continued to eat in silence.

  After the totally awkward eating experience, we cleaned up the empty containers and cleared up the living room.

  “I’m going to bed,” Ryder said, heading for his room.

  “Goodnight,” Lucah and I said and we were answered by the slamming of his door.

  Lucah groaned and fell back on the couch, scrubbing his face with both hands. I sat down next to him and moved my fingers in his hair. I could tell he hadn’t showered today, but I didn’t care. He could be totally grungy and I’d still want to jump his bones.

  “Are you coming back to work tomorrow?” I was so hoping he’d say yes.

  “I think so. Ryder has his therapy session, so I’m going to take him to that to make sure he goes and I’ll go from there to the office. I don’t want to miss much more work. Hopefully he won’t do anything crazy while we’re gone. I wish there were some sort of adult daycare we could stick him in.”

  We both laughed at that.

  “I don’t think he likes me,” I said, breaking my rule about not telling Lucah about it.

  “He doesn’t like anyone, and I’m pretty sure that if he hates anyone, it’s me. I think he hates himself a little bit, too. Lashing out and all that. I did that when I was younger. I think anyone who’s been through trauma does it to a certain extent. Some of us just take it farther than others.”

  “I want him to like me, but I don’t know what to do or say to make that happen.”

  “You can’t make someone like you, Sunshine. Just keep doing what you’re doing and he’ll come around. He’s just going to be an asshole for a little while. Trust me.”

  “I do.” Always.

  “Ready to go to bed?” I nodded and he picked me up again.

  “My legs work, you know.”

  “And what lovely legs they are.” He lay me down, but I had to get up again to undress for bed. Lucah let me do that, which was nice of him.

  “It’s weird knowing there’s a third person living here now,” I said, climbing in next to him.

  “It’s only temporary,” Lucah reiterated.

  “I know. Still weird. But I’ll get used t
o it.” I curled myself into his chest and tried to make pictures out of his freckles, one of my favorite things to do at night. You couldn’t see the stars in Boston because of all the light pollution, so this was the next best thing.

  “And by the time you do, he’ll be gone.”

  He gave me a kiss that ended the topic of discussion, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about it.

  There was a rush the next morning to get everyone up and ready and breakfast made and so forth. Clearly, getting three people going, two of whom were NOT morning people, was more difficult than just two. Luckily Lucah was up to the challenge.

  I was rushing out of the shower and heading to get dressed when I crashed into Ryder coming out of the bathroom. My towel slipped and I held onto it for dear life.

  He didn’t say anything, but moved aside so I could get by.

  “Sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t sure what I was sorry for.

  “Don’t be, I was enjoying the view.”

  “Ryder!” Lucah snapped from the kitchen. “No ogling Rory unless you want me to kick your ass. I still know how to do a Full Nelson.” Ryder just cracked his knuckles and I tried to make sure my towel was covering all of my ladybits.

  “On that note, I’m going to go put some clothes on.” I scampered away and Lucah and Ryder continued to argue about the ogling policy. I got dressed as fast as I could and dried my hair while Ryder was in the shower.

  “Maybe I should just give him a show so he could get it out of his system. It’s bound to happen sooner or later,” I said to Lucah while I was putting on my mascara and he tied his tie.

  “Let’s put that off as long as possible, shall we?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Lucah and I parted as we both hailed cabs. Ryder glared as we kissed and reluctantly got in the cab with Lucah. I said goodbye to them both, but only Lucah responded. Ryder’s shell wasn’t cracking anytime soon.

  Lucah texted me later saying that he was in the office, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Even though he no longer sat across from me, just knowing he was in the building made me feel better.

  And then a million things were dropped on my desk at once and I didn’t have time to think about Lucah or Ryder or family drama for the next few hours. One of our programs crashed, causing an office-wide panic as we struggled to fix it and also assure our clients that we were working on it.

  Lilia brought me lunch and I ate at my desk while I was on the phone and typing email after email. I kept getting responses from tech support that everything was fixed, but then it would crash again. This was one of those times when smiling and remaining calm came in handy. No matter how much I wanted to scream and punch the person on the other end of the phone. It wasn’t until midafternoon that the issue got completely resolved, and by then all of the things I’d put aside to work on it were screaming at me.

  My stress level rose, partially due to the stress at home, and I knew I was headed for a breakdown, so I got up from my desk and went to get a cup of calming tea.

  I bumped into Dad in the break room, which was unusual because Mrs. Andrews usually took care of his coffee and snack needs.

  He seemed deep in thought and didn’t even look up when I walked in.

  “Hi, Dad,” I said, touching him on the shoulder.

  “Oh, Rory, hello. How are you?”

  “I’m okay, how are you?” His skin was looking grayish again.

  “Oh, fine, fine. Just taking a short break. How about that glitch earlier?” I humored him and talked about that for a little while, but it seemed like we were going to need to have another chat about taking it easy. I’d have to ask Lucah if there were any developments in the Board takeover yet.

  “Will Lucah be joining us this Sunday?”

  “Yes, he will. Ryder’s with us now, and he’s stable, so things will be getting back to normal.” Or at least our new normal.

  “Excellent. So it’s going well with him?” I gave him a quick rundown, editing out the part about Ryder almost seeing me naked this morning, and the fact that he didn’t seem to like me very much.

  “Well, I should get back to work,” he said with a halfhearted smile. I patted him on the shoulder and he left. It was going to take more than tea to soothe me at this point.

  “So how did it go?” I said to Lucah when we could finally talk like our regular selves outside the office building.

  “I called to make sure he arrived at the appointment, and he did, but that’s all I can do. I’m just hoping the apartment isn’t a disaster when we get back.” He raised the hand that wasn’t held by mine and crossed his fingers. I crossed my eyes at him and that made him laugh.

  “Oh, and Sloane texted and said she was coming home early so she could cook us dinner. I didn’t ask if she would be cooking in her apartment or ours.” I just gave him a look. We were definitely going to knock before we opened the front door. Ryder and Sloane was something I did NOT want to see.

  Lucah and I talked about other things on the way home, and during the elevator ride up to our apartment. He listened at our door before getting out his key and jingling it in the lock quite loudly and opening the door slowly.

  Nothing. The apartment was dark and no one was there.

  “Maybe he took a nap,” I said, going to check his bedroom. It was empty, the bed still unmade from that morning. We checked the rest of the apartment, which didn’t take long, but Ryder was nowhere to be found.

  “When I find him, I’m going to kill him,” Lucah said, getting his phone out to call Ryder. The sound of a rock song I didn’t know blasted from the coffee table, where he’d left his phone. Lucah swore again.

  “Calm down. Let me go down the hall and see if Sloane’s seen him.” I dashed down the hall and knocked on Sloane’s door.

  “It’s open!” she yelled.

  I was just about to ask her if she’d seen Ryder, but I didn’t have to. He was standing in her kitchen, laughing at something she’d said.

  “Oh, hey, Ryder. We were wondering where you were. Lucah’s been freaking out because you left your phone at our place.” He pretty much ignored me.

  “Hey,” Sloane said, elbowing him. “Don’t be an asshole.”

  “I’m not being an asshole. I am just silently objecting to the fact that I’m being treated like a lost child. Pretty soon here my brother is going to chain me to the radiator. That wouldn’t be the first time, but all the other times were for more pleasurable reasons.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Sloane giggled. There it was again. That giggle.

  “Well, anyway. Maybe you could leave a note next time? He was worried.” I was still standing in the doorway, nervous about entering.

  “Sure, I’ll get right on that,” he said with a smirk.

  That smirk was the last straw.

  “Look, I get that you don’t like me, and that’s fine. Go ahead. Hate me. But what you fail to realize is that you are living in MY house. I didn’t have to let you in, but I did. Because you’re my boyfriend’s brother and you needed a place to go. In case you haven’t noticed, no one else was standing in line to help you. So I would appreciate it if you could treat me like a human being. And if you EVER ogle me like you did this morning again, I will come into your room when you are sleeping and you will wake up minus one penis and a set of balls. Got it?” I didn’t mean to pull out the voice I used to reprimand employees when they screwed up, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. I’d also moved until I was looking directly up at Ryder.

  “I wouldn’t mess with her. She means business,” Sloane said, standing beside me and pointing at Ryder with her spatula.

  “I . . . “ He seemed to be at a loss for words. Thank God. Miracles were possible.

  “So. That’s all I have to say. I’m going to leave now.” I turned on my heel and stomped out the door, but an arm caught me before I could step into the hallway.

  “I’m sorry,” Ryder said, shrugging. I waited for something more, but then his jaw clenched and he let go. That was
all I was going to get. But it was a start.

  “Thank you for your apology. It has been accepted. Now I suggest you come back down the hall with me so your brother, who cares about you, doesn’t have a heart attack before he turns thirty.” I didn’t look back to see if he was still behind me, but I heard him say something to Sloane and then he did follow.

  “Found him,” I said to Lucah and pointing over my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” Ryder said before Lucah could even get up the breath to start yelling at him. “I went down the hall to help Sloane with dinner. I thought it would be nice. I should have left a note. I won’t do it again.” Wow. Why didn’t I get that with my apology?

  Lucah’s face was red from his suppressed anger, but I saw him reel it in and nod.

  “Okay. Just don’t do it again.” Ryder nodded and that was that. No one said anything more about it.

  Ryder ended up going back down the hall to help Sloane carry everything over to our place. She’d really gone all out with sausage and rice stuffing in baked acorn squashes, a chopped salad topped with goat cheese and cranberries, and a white chocolate and raspberry mousse for dessert.

  Ryder was the only one who hadn’t yet sampled what Sloane could cook and it was kind of funny to watch his face as he ate.

  “Fuck, this is good,” he said with his mouth full.

  “Thanks,” Sloane said, ducking her head. She normally took praise well, but Ryder was different.

  “This is really great, Sloane. Another masterpiece,” I said and she grinned at me. She was glowing, and it wasn’t the tall candles she’d lit for ambience that caused it.

  There was more silence as we ate, and I wished I knew something to say to make it stop.

  “My therapist farted during our session,” Ryder said out of the blue. It almost made me knock over one of the candles as I reached for seconds of salad.

  Lucah and Sloane both snorted, and then Lucah glared.