Surrendering to Us

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “What? It’s true. He tried to pretend it was the chair or something, but he definitely did.” I couldn’t hold my laughter in anymore, and once I started laughing, everyone else did. Even Ryder.

  “How was the session, other than that?” Lucah asked.

  Ryder shrugged.

  “I don’t know. It seems weird to pay someone to listen to you bitch about your problems. I don’t know if it’s working yet.”

  “Well, it takes time,” Sloane said. “And sometimes you need to find the right one. I went through three before I found one I liked.”

  Sloane mentioning she was in therapy caused Ryder to turn completely in her direction.

  “What were you in for?”

  “Ah, the list is long,” she said with a smile. I knew what was on that list, but it was her story to tell. “But I had this one guy who had a lazy eye, so I was never sure if he was looking directly at me. I felt horrible, but it was really hard to focus during the sessions.” I remembered her telling me about him, and that got all of us laughing again, and we started telling random stories.

  “If he farts in the next session, I’m going to have to get someone else. I just can’t deal with that,” Ryder said. For the first time since I’d seen him in the hospital, his face was open and he smiled easily. Especially at Sloane.

  We finished dinner and Ryder offered to help Sloane with the dishes, which she accepted. I gave her a warning look as she left with him, but she just gave me one back.

  “That was so much better,” Lucah said after they’d left. “I haven’t seen that side of him in a really long time. He was a riot when we were kids. Our family clown. Whenever things were at their worst, he’d make a joke, or do something absolutely stupid to make us forget that we didn’t have any money, or Dad had lost another job.” He shook his head at the memories.

  “I’d thought maybe that part of him was gone, but it was nice to see it again.”

  “It was. I was beginning to think he was a complete asshole.”

  “He’s still an asshole. He’s just nice every once in awhile.”

  “I don’t know ANYONE like that,” I said, pulling at his tie.

  “It’s probably genetic,” he agreed.

  Using his tie, I dragged him toward the bedroom. We could get in a quickie while they were doing the dishes. We only needed a few minutes now.

  “Why, Miss Clarke, you vixen,” he said, slamming the bedroom door. I pulled him toward the bed, but he stopped me.

  “Wait just a second.” He put on some music and turned it up. “Just in case.” Luckily, it was sexy-type music. “A Kiss to Build a Dream On” by Louis Armstrong. Definitely sexy.

  “We could always hang a sock on the doorknob. That’s what Sloane and I did in college.”

  He just shut my mouth with a kiss, and the next thing I knew he was going down on me and I was coming and then he was inside me and then . . . the front door shut. Loudly.

  “Fuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk,” Lucah said, glancing over his shoulder at the door. “I swear to God.”

  “Don’t stop,” I said, because we were kind of at the point of no return, so he focused back on me and then he came a moment later.

  “What do we do now?” I said, over the music, which switched to playing “Wild Horses” by The Sundays.

  “Wait for them to leave?” We froze as we were, both staring at the door. You’d think, this being the millionth time we’d almost been caught having sex, that we would have a contingency plan by now. But no. We didn’t.

  The door slammed again and we both sighed. Lucah laughed against my shoulder and pulled out. He put on a pair of boxers and motioned for me to stay in bed. He went to the door, opened it and peered out to make sure we were alone.

  “Hello?” No one answered, so he gave me the thumbs up.

  After a quick clean up, I got dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of Lucah’s boxers and joined him in the living room. He held up a sticky note without saying anything.

  You should really leave a note when you’re going to have sex. It’s a common courtesy.

  -Ryder

  “Well. He remembered to leave a note,” I said, handing it back to Lucah. He crumpled it up and went to throw it away.

  “It’s progress,” I said, and he just shook his head.

  Over the next few days we made more progress. Baby steps. Lucah went back to work, and Ryder voluntarily went to his therapy sessions with the farting therapist. Sloane cooked us dinner every night and Ryder helped her do the dishes.

  It was our new normal.

  “So, we’re going to be at my parents’. Would, you, um, like to come?” It seemed rude not to ask Ryder if he wanted to come with Lucah and me. I mentally crossed my fingers that he’d say no.

  “Rory, you’re not obligated to invite me over to your family dinner. You’re not my family, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want me at your parents’ probably gigantic and fancy house.” Okay, so my house was gigantic and fancy, but that wasn’t my fault. I’d always worried about the fact that he’d grown up poor and I hadn’t, coming between Lucah and me, but I didn’t consider that it would cause a rift with Ryder. There went all that ground we’d gained.

  “Well. I thought I would ask. Excuse me for being nice.” I’d found the best way to deal with him was to give it right back. That seemed to be the only thing he would respond to.

  “You’re excused,” he said with a smirk. I wanted to slap it right off his face, but I just gave him my sweet smile back.

  “What are you talking about?” Lucah said on his way from the bathroom to the bedroom to get dressed.

  “Nothing,” Ryder and I both said.

  “Besides, I already have plans today,” Ryder said, and he seemed very pleased with himself.

  “And are you going to elaborate on those plans, or keep me in suspense?” I said, making sure I had my phone in my purse.

  “I think I’ll keep you in suspense. The payoff is better in the end, don’t you think?” Somehow I didn’t think we were talking about his plans. He seemed to have also been given that knack of turning nearly everything into an innuendo. Wonder where he got that from?

  I didn’t answer Ryder, but I didn’t have to, because someone opened the front door.

  “Hey, hey, hey. What’s up?” Sloane was dressed in a tight tank top and jogging shorts. I nearly fell over.

  “What’s up with the outfit?” I said, gesturing to it. I’d never seen her wear such a thing. I didn’t know she even owned anything like that.

  “We’re going running in the park. You know how much I love running in the park.” Her glare told me that I should agree with her.

  “Oh, right. Yeah. Running in the park.” I didn’t sound convincing. “That sounds like fun.” It sounded like hell. Who on earth actually would choose to run? Running was reserved for shoe sales and escaping from bears, in my opinion.

  “I used to work out all the time, but I haven’t in a while and Sloane said she would show me the good running paths around here,” Ryder said. He hadn’t worked out in a while? Yeah, that was a lie. Those muscles didn’t just . . . happen. You had to work at arms like that. A lot.

  “Well, she would know all the good running paths,” I said, trying to make up for my earlier dropping of the ball.

  “What about running?” Lucah said, coming out and slipping his shoes on.

  “Sloane and Ryder are going running,” I said, hinting with my tone that he should be supportive.

  “Oh, that sounds . . . nice. Very nice. Well, don’t overdo it. We’ll be back later tonight. Ready?” He reserved the last word for me and I nodded and took his offered arm.

  “You kids have fun,” Sloane said, putting her leg up on the counter and stretching like she did it all the time.

  “Same to you,” I said and we closed the door.

  “What the hell was that?” Lucah said as we walked toward the elevator.

  “I have no idea,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Oh, your brother
decided not to join us?” Mom said the second we walked in the door and she’d taken our coats.

  “He, um, already had plans, or else he would have. Maybe next week,” Lucah said, after a moment of surprise had passed. Good recovery.

  “Well, we’d love to meet him, if he’s anything like you.” I shared a secret look with Lucah.

  “He has red hair,” I said to Mom. The joke went right over her head as we walked into the dining room and found Dad staring at his phone. Mom had to clear her throat before he noticed we were there. He looked up and it took a second for him to realize who we were.

  “Rory, Lucah. How are you?” I gave him a hug before I sat down and Lucah shook his hand as Dad slipped his phone back into his pocket. Mom had a no phone rule at the table. No matter what.

  “We’re good. How are you?” He gave me a vague answer as Mom started chattering about Ryder moving in and how were we adjusting and so forth as we ate our salads.

  Lucah and I gave them the sanitized version that sounded good. Or at least it sounded good to me.

  “Well, I think you should bring him next week,” Mom said in a way I knew meant if we didn’t produce Ryder, she would be very disappointed. Fucking fantastic. I could just imagine Ryder talking about his farting therapist in front of my parents. Dad would probably laugh and Mom would probably faint and fall right out of her chair.

  Maybe we could give him etiquette lessons. I was sure that would go over well with Ryder. We’d probably have to tie him to a chair, and he might enjoy that a little too much. I might ask Sloane if she could talk to him. She at least seemed able to get through to him.

  The rest of the meal was pleasant small talk and work talk and Mom talking about her charity work and trying to rope Lucah into helping her. He didn’t need much roping.

  “So we’ll meet that brother of yours next week,” Mom said, leaving no room for argument as she helped him into his jacket.

  “I’ll do my best, Mrs. Clarke,” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She giggled and blushed like a schoolgirl. He could get away with anything as far as she was concerned.

  I hugged her and we departed.

  “So, next week when your parents throw Ryder and me out of your house, you’ll still love me, right?”

  “Yes, I’ll still love you, Lucah.”

  “Well thank God for that.” He pulled out of the driveway and honked to let my parents know we were on our way. “Your dad isn’t looking good again.”

  I didn’t really have a chance to bring it up with Dad. Okay, so I didn’t want to bring it up with him. Again.

  “I know. Any news on the usurpers?” That was what I called the Board now.

  “It’s been quiet, actually. Maybe they’ve given up? I’m too cynical to really think that, so my guess is that they’re doing everything in person, or other ways that can’t be traced. Which probably means they know I could be watching them. So. We’ll see.” That didn’t sound good. At all. I wanted to believe that they’d given up.

  It made me want to throw things and stomp my feet and act like a three-year-old. But that probably wouldn’t do any good.

  “I guess this is one of those things that you just have to sit back and watch. I hate those things.”

  “I hate those things too. But that seems to be what we’ve been doing lately. Waiting and seeing.”

  So true. And home we went. To wait and see.

  Ryder was alone and watching TV when we got back to the apartment, which shocked me.

  “How was the running?” I asked, shocked that Sloane wasn’t with him.

  “Sloane, ah, pulled a muscle and I had to carry her back.”

  Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. I refused to look at Lucah, because I knew I would start.

  “Is she okay?”

  “Oh, I think so. I gave her some aspirin and set her up with a hot water bottle.” He got up and turned off the television, and brought the cup he’d been drinking out of over to the sink. One thing in his favor, he did clean up after himself and never complained about helping out.

  “I think I’m going to go check on her,” I said, backing up. I also wanted to get her side of the running story.

  Moaning greeted me when I knocked on Sloane’s door, but it was unlocked.

  “It’s Rory,” I said, announcing myself.

  “Oh my God, what is wrong with me?” She poked her head over the couch, her face twisted with pain.

  “I would very much like to hear the answer to that question,” I said, going to assess the damage. She was splayed out on the couch with a blanket and the hot water bottle on her upper leg.

  “Can I blame it on a cute boy?” I gingerly pulled her injured and uninjured legs into my lap and sat down.

  “Why not? That’s the only reason you would ever go running. What were you thinking?” I wanted to smack her, but she was already injured. You didn’t smack an injured friend.

  “I don’t know, he mentioned it once, and my mouth started talking and before I knew it, we were jogging and I was in massive amounts of pain.”

  “Well, that’s because you’ve never jogged in your life. I mean, not purely for exercise. What were you thinking?” She shifted a bit and moaned again.

  “I wasn’t. I was thinking with another part of my body, and not my brain. I will never make that mistake again.” Yes, she would, and when she did I’d be there to commiserate with her. Because she’d done the exact same thing for me, and would again.

  “Do you need to see a doctor?” She cringed.

  “I don’t think so. It’s just a pulled muscle. I’ll just walk it off.” She motioned for me to help her get up, so I did, helping her stand.

  “Do you think you should be walking on it?” After a few tentative steps, I helped her hobble around the living room.

  “It’s going to be fine. It’s just part of my punishment.” We made our way back to the couch and she lay down with the water bottle again.

  “What punishment?”

  “Me wanting something that I can’t have.” I knew what she was talking about, but I asked the question anyway.

  “Wanting what?”

  She looked at me as if I was being dense.

  “Ryder. Wanting Ryder.”

  I knew she did. It was all over her face and in her voice and her laugh and every movement when she was around him. She might as well be wearing a sign on her forehead.

  “And what makes you think you’re being punished for wanting him?”

  “Because there’s no way it could work. We’re such . . . . different people. We have literally nothing in common.”

  “So what do you talk about?”

  She shrugged.

  “Stupid things. And it’s not just that. He definitely isn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t think he’d even know how to have one. And he’s only twenty-two.”

  “Sweetie, you’re only twenty-five.”

  Not that I wanted to join Team Ryder, but those things all sounded like excuses. I’d been completely against the relationship at first, because I thought it would be a fling that would end up hurting Sloane in the end. But now . . . My views on Ryder were changing.

  “Well, just wait and see. You never know what could happen.”

  “Yeah. Wait and see. That sounds much less dangerous than going jogging again.”

  “Definitely.”

  “How’s she doing?” Lucah said when I came back after getting Sloane ready for bed and handing her some ibuprofen with a sleep aid. Hopefully she’d be a lot better in the morning.

  “I think her pride is wounded more than anything else.” I looked around for Ryder and then heard the toilet flush.

  “She really likes him, doesn’t she?” Lucah said, as if the thought had just occurred to him.

  “Yeah, she really does,” I said quietly as Ryder emerged from the bathroom.

  “Is she going to live?” he asked, throwing out the words as if he didn’t really care either way. I knew he was full of shit.

&
nbsp; “I think so.” That was all he was getting. I wasn’t going to intervene or try to turn this either way. I was waiting and seeing. Staying neutral. Stepping back. Lucah and I had meddled too much already and look at where it got us.

  “But we’ll just have to wait and see,” I said, taking Lucah’s hand and leading him toward the bedroom. “Goodnight.”

  Waiting and seeing was awful. Especially since I was a known control freak. I poured my heart out to Lilia during another lunch on Monday. I was starting to rely on her as my own personal therapist, but she claimed she didn’t mind.

  “It’s my job. I’m your assistant, and I need to meet your needs, whatever those are. Right now they happen to be acting as your de facto therapist. I’m okay with that. Especially if there is cake or pie involved.”

  She did get a free meal out of it, so that was her fee for services rendered.

  “I get what you’re saying about having a hard time staying out of it. It’s like, if you could only get in there and put everything in place, where you wanted it, then everything would be perfect. But life isn’t like that.”

  “I know. That’s what makes it so hard.”

  Lilia laughed and finished the last bite of cake.

  “Haven’t you heard the expression, ‘Life is what happens when you’re making other plans’?” Of course I had. That didn’t mean I had to like it, or follow it.

  “Have you talked to Lucah about it?”

  “Sort of. I try to avoid talking about Ryder with him. It’s kind of a touchy subject, and then there’s the fact that Ryder is always around and we sort of agreed to stop talking about him behind his back.”

  She gave me a face of sympathy as the waiter brought the check and I pulled out my company card to pay.

  “So tell me about your problems. Boys? Girls? Friends?” I was always trying to repay the favor, but she always closed right up.

  “Things are fine.” Her eyes immediately went to staring at the empty dessert plate.

  “That was almost convincing,” I said, sipping the last of my water.

  “Good, that means I’m improving. It’s nothing. I just had a breakup not that long ago and it kind of wrecked me for a little while. I’m mostly over it, but every now and then things remind me, and I’m thrown back into misery again.” She gave me a sad smile.