Unperfect

by Susie Tate

  “Please, please don’t try to speak, Mia,” he said. “You promised me, remember?”

  I nodded and blew out a sigh of frustration. It was typical that the one time I had so much to say I had effectively been gagged.

  “Okay,” Max said, moving to sit on the side of my bed and taking my hand. “I’ve got to talk to you about something and–”

  I cut him off by gesturing at the laptop.

  “Mia, can I just … okay, okay,” he protested as I opened my mouth to speak. “Hold on. I’ll get it.”

  As soon as I had hold of the laptop I shuffled up to sitting and typed.

  Did you stay here all night?

  “Yes, but Mia that’s not really –”

  My eyebrows went up and I ignored him to type more.

  Where did you sleep?

  He sighed. “Mia I really need to –”

  I tapped on the laptop to cut him off and he rolled his eyes.

  “I slept a bit in the chair. Now Mia – ”

  NO. I typed. No sleeping in the tiny chair. Sleep in bed. You look tired. I’m worried about you.

  Max blew out a huff of frustration through a reluctant laugh as he leaned forward to plant the softest kiss ever on my lips, which I’m pretty sure was a calculated move so that I would be too dazed to object as he removed the laptop from my fingers.

  “Of course you would be worried about me. Of course,” he said, his face still hovering inches from mine. “You’re the one in a hospital bed, but me missing a couple of hours of sleep is obviously the priority. You’re impossible.”

  I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak, but he put a finger on my lips.

  “You promised,” he said and it was my turn to huff out a frustrated breath. “Mia, honestly, this is important. There are some police officers outside the room.”

  I stiffened on the bed and my eyes flew to the door. As I looked back at Max I could feel them stinging with tears. They’d come for me, just like Nate said they would. I should have known this would happen. Nate had all the power, all the connections. I never won against him. I didn’t stand a chance.

  “I’ll be right here with you the whole time, okay? They only want to speak to you for a minute. You’ve got to use the laptop though, right?”

  I blinked away the weak tears that had formed in my eyes and set my mouth into a grim line before giving Max a stiff nod.

  “If there was any way around this I’d make it happen,” he told me, watching my face carefully. “You haven’t anything to worry about though. They just want to speak to you.”

  I gave another stiff nod, but my eyes wouldn’t meet his and I knew my expression must have remained grim. I felt his gentle touch on my cheek. He put pressure on it so that I turned my face and my eyes were looking up into his. The green was lit with determination so fierce it almost took my breath away.

  “Do you trust me, Mia?”

  I blinked up at him and sighed, but then nodded my head in agreement.

  “You have nothing to worry about. You have my word.’

  I closed my eyes for moment and bit my lip. He might think that now but he didn’t know what I’d done. He wouldn’t have stayed with me all night on an uncomfortable hospital chair if he did.

  “You’ll see,” he whispered before giving my hand a squeeze and then leaving me to let the police into the room. It was a man and a woman. Neither were in uniform. The women looked to be in her late forties, the man a little older with greying hair. The woman’s hair was dark blonde and tied back at the base of her neck. She was attractive, in an efficient type way.

  “Hello, Mrs B–” the lady paused, her eyes flicking to Max for some reason then back to me, “I mean, Mia. I’m Detective Hargreaves and this is Detective Finch, but you can call us Lucy and Mike, okay?”

  “Hi,” I croaked. “I–”

  Mike held his hand up to stop me.

  “Mia,” he said, “We’ve been briefed … at length,” his eyes also flicked to Max before softening on me, “that you’re not to speak. If you wouldn’t mind typing out what you need to say to us that would be great.’

  “We know you’ve been through a lot, Mia,” Lucy told me. “But this won’t take long. Would you be able to type your responses?” After a moment I nodded.

  “Mia,” Max said. “If you want me to wait outside then I can, okay?’

  NO. I typed. STAY. He nodded and one of his hands reached up to push my hair behind my ear. “Okay, love. Whatever you want.”

  “I’d like to say to start by saying I’ve read your file, Mia,” Mike said. He was staring at me. “You gave leave for all your medical records to be released.” I nodded slowly. Mike was all business and efficiency, but there was a flash of something in his expression I couldn’t quite catch. “We also have an account of the incident a year ago which lead to your attendance in hospital, from your husband.”

  Max let out a disgusted sound but Mike continued.

  “He has some documentation of the injuries he sustained at the time. His account is that you stabbed him twice and that the injuries he inflicted on you subsequently were in self defence.”

  I closed my eyes slowly as I let this information wash over me. Of course this was the way Nate would twist things. With the amount of power he wielded, and the no doubt insanely good legal team he’d probably hired, I would be toast. The fact he’d tried to kill me twice would be inconsequential. A familiar feeling of powerlessness swept over me, and my hands started to pull back from the keyboard. What was the point of fighting him? But my eyes flew open when an unfamiliar hand caught mine during its withdrawal. Lucy held it for only a moment until my eyes met hers then she let go but moved closer to the bed.

  “Mike?” she gestured to the recording device. Mike nodded, turning it off before Lucy continued. “When we say we’ve read your reports it means we’ve read every word.” Her face was no longer impassive and efficient – her eyes were lit with anger and her body was tense with it. “I’ve spoken to the admitting doctor from that incident and I’ve spoken to your husband’s security staff – or rather ex-security staff. There are cases where we have to let victims know that we’ll be unlikely to win. The burden of proof lies with us, and there’s not always enough to secure a conviction. This is not one of those cases.”

  She lowered her voice even further before continuing. “If you think that son of a bitch can get away with throwing you across a stage in front of the world’s media, and then strangling you in his goddamn car, you are wrong. If you think anyone will believe for one second that what he did to you a year ago was self-defence? You. Are. Wrong. I don’t care what kind of resources the prick has access to, or how slippery he is. That abusive bastard is going down. Do you understand me?”

  Lucy turned back to Mike and nodded for him to switch back on the recording device.

  “Mia,” Lucy’s voice was all business now, cleared of the anger from before as if it had never happened. “If you could type your version of events including dates and times that would be much appreciated.” I blinked at her and then looked down at the computer. My fingers had made their way back onto the keys without any conscious thought. Then I started typing.

  I thought it best to start at the beginning. Years of abuse spilled out onto the page. Seeing it in black and white made me feel ill. All that time wasted with Nate. Even worse was when the laptop was shifted over so that Mike could read it out loud for the benefit of the recording device. Max’s fingers closed so tightly around mine that I had to wriggle them slightly to get him to relieve the pressure. I frowned up at him, worried about his reaction to everything I’d put in there. He looked down at me and gave me a small encouraging smile, but his eyes were burning. When it came to the part where Nate dislocated my shoulder Mike broke off for a moment and I glanced at him. His voice had been steady and emotionless as he read what I’d written, but I noticed then that his hand that was resting next to the laptop was bunched into a fist so tight his knuckles were white, and hi
s nostrils were flaring as he clamped his mouth shut, letting his eyes close just for a moment before he released a slow breath and carried on reading – still in the same emotionless monotone.

  After it was done, I was exhausted. When they turned off the recording device before they left, Mike was still looking murderous. Lucy rested her hand on my shoulder before she said, “Don’t worry about that piece of shit. We are going to nail his balls to the wall.”

  I was fairly sure that calling subjects of investigations ‘pieces of shit’ and telling people that you were going to ‘nail their balls to the wall’ was not protocol, but it made me feel better all the same. I managed to give her a small smile.

  “I’m fine now,” I whisper-croaked. “Honestly.” Max started muttering about using my voice, but Lucy gave my shoulder a squeeze and her expression softened.

  “No you’re not,” she whispered back. “Not yet.” She glanced up at Max who was looking cross after my voice-usage and then back at me, giving me a small smile in return. “But you will be.”

  Chapter 38

  Something’s wrong

  Mia

  “This place is the nuts,” my sister told me with a laugh in her voice. “It’s more of a dive than the Nag’s Head and you always turned your nose up at that when we were teenagers.”

  “I was an entitled little snot as a teenager,” I told her, something she already knew. “But don’t worry, I’ve had that knocked out of me now.” The moment the words left my mouth I regretted them, and my sister’s stricken face made me feel even worse. “Shit,” I muttered. “That came out wrong. I didn’t … I just mean-” Marnie cut me off by grabbing my hands and pulling me towards her.

  “I wish we had tried harder to get to you,” she told me in a fierce whisper. “When you left I was hurt and … if I’d have known what was going on I-” Her eyes filled with tears and she pressed her lips together to stop them wobbling.

  I squeezed her hands. “Hey,” I whispered back. “You’ve got to stop this, honey. I’m the one who swanned off to a ‘better life’. I’m the one who left you all in the first place. You couldn’t have known-”

  “Mia, I’m your big sister. I gave Tommy Saunders a wedgie in Year 4 cause he dropped a slug into your lunch box. I ‘accidentally’ kneed Sam Barnet in the balls when I caught him boasting to all his friends in the Year 12 common room about how he’d fingered you, when I knew all he’d managed to get was a cheeky snog. That’s what big sisters do. I should have been able to protect you.”

  We’d been over this already. Many times, starting on the last day I was in hospital. Mum, Dad and Marnie had come to see me after the police left. I’d been so worried about seeing them again, so concerned that they might hate me for ignoring them for so long. My own guilt had eaten away at me so much that I hadn’t stopped to consider theirs. They all felt that they should have protected me more. They knew something wasn’t right, but they hadn’t been able to get to me and didn’t know what to do. Nate was so powerful that it didn’t seem like there was a lot they could do. But now they were convinced that they didn’t try hard enough – just like I was convinced I didn’t try hard enough to get away sooner, and to prioritise my own family. We were at a stalemate. What we did agree on was that we loved each other and we would never let anyone stand in the way of that again.

  “There was nothing you could have done,” I told her, not for the first time. “I had to save myself, Marnes. You know that.” Marnie was about to answer, but I felt a tug on my leg and looked down to see a serious little face staring up at me.

  “Mi Mi carry,” Cece said, stretching up her chubby little arms. I bent down to pick her up. Once I’d settled her on my hip she fixed me with a frown (her favourite expression). “Max, Teddy,” she said to me with an imperious tone that I recognised from my sister. Genetics were strong with this one. It was uncanny – like a miniature, slightly more pissed off version of Marnie. Over the last few months I’d got to know my niece slowly. She wasn’t a smiley, friendly child. In fact, she more often than not sported a resting bitch face. But once she was used to you, she gave the best hugs. And the night after the court case had finished – when I’d been crying with relief with my family at Max’s house – she’d sat on my lap and offered me her slightly soggy giant cookie, all the while staring at me with those serious, concerned brown eyes. She was the best toddler ever, resting bitch face and all.

  “I’m not sure where they are, Squidget,” I told her and her eyebrows lowered even further.

  “Max. Teddy,” she said again, this time patting my cheek for emphasis.

  Marnie sighed. “Cece, you can’t just demand humans to be brought to you. This is Max’s party. I think he’s pretty busy.” Cece gave her mother a withering look and, I swear, despite being only three, she raised one eyebrow at her perfectly, before turning back to me.

  “Teddy. Max,” she said again, her brown eyes boring into mine.

  “You called, my lady,” Teddy’s voice sounded behind me and I turned to look up at his smiling face. He must have grown a good three inches over the last six months. It was a little frightening. And his voice had become deeper. The rapid growth had even thrown out his balance in Taekwondo, but he was still winning at the Nationals.

  “Turn the frown!” Cece shouted, a barely-there smile on her lips as she stared up at Teddy’s face. He laughed, snatched her out of my arms and flipped her so her feet were over his shoulder.

  “Upside down!” he said, tickling Cece with his other hand and eliciting a rare giggle from her.

  “Hey,” my brother-in-law, Paul joined our group and grinned at Cece and Teddy. I’d always liked Paul. He’d been with my sister since they were teenagers. He’d hated Nate from the start. Paul had never been fooled by Nate’s charm. Paul was a pint-of-lager-and-a packet-of-pork-scratchings type guy. He owned his own plumbing business. He was not into champagne, posh restaurants or swanky bars, but he was into anything that made his wife happy. He would have tolerated Nate and the lifestyle Nate inducted me into gladly if he hadn’t got what he called a ‘bad vibe’ from him.

  Paul’s judgement of Nate had angered me at the time. Who was he to criticise this new relationship that I considered myself lucky to be a part of? In those days I was just hoping my family didn’t embarrass me. When it came Marnie and Paul’s wedding, Nate offered to pay for all the booze. I thought my parents would be grateful, but Mum had been hurt. Paul had just been plain furious. He and Marnie got married at the local church and had the reception in a barn outside the village. They’d bought kegs of beer and people sat on hay bales. Nate had spent most of the reception eyeing the kegs of beer with a look of disgust and muttering about how they should have accepted his offer. We’d left early. I should have been embarrassed of Nate, not of my family. Looking back now, their wedding was way more fun than mine, or any of the ones I went to subsequently with Nate – apart from Nate’s grumbling and refusal to stay late that is. What was I thinking back then?

  Over the years, as I’d drifted from my family, Paul had been angry, but that anger soon merged to concern. He’d twice been removed from the house by Nate’s security in the second year we’d been living together. Eventually I rang Paul and told him I was fine. That I didn’t have time to deal with my family fussing. I was busy now. Busy with important people, doing important things. Paul couldn’t possibly understand. After that conversation there were no more tussles between Paul and Nate’s security. No more contact full stop. And that was on me, not Paul. But Paul, being the man he is, didn’t see it that way.

  “I left you to him,” he’d whispered the first time they visited me in the hospital. I’d started typing to tell him it wasn’t his fault but he covered my hands with his own. “I don’t care what you say Mimi – I’ll never forgive myself for that.” And he hadn’t. So now he watched Max with a suspicious elder brother vibe and made sure that he and the family were very much all up in my business. No more distance. No more relying on phone calls. Hence a
small party in a local pub prompting a Sutton family invasion. This was beer and sausage rolls rather than champagne and caviar. My family was here. My new friends were here, but still I couldn’t shake this bad feeling.

  “I thought you were watching her?” Marnie said, elbowing him in the ribs.

  “Chill your boots, meine Führer,” he muttered, kissing her temple and pulling her in for a side hug, most likely to prevent further rib elbowing. “I could see you taking a trip to Serious Town and I thought Cece would lighten the mood. This is a party. Isn’t that right, Mimi?” He put his other arm around me and gave me a brief squeeze before letting me go. “Alright mate?” Paul said to Teddy before tickling his daughter’s tummy as she was still suspended upside-down in Teddy’s arms. “Want me to get you a beer?”

  “Paul! He’s only just turned eighteen,” I scolded. Since Paul had found out Teddy taught me self-defence, he had developed a huge amount of respect for the teenager. No doubt he thought Teddy could handle his booze, but the last thing I wanted was my family plying Max’s son with alcohol.

  Paul rolled his eyes and grinned at Teddy. “He’s built like a brick shit house, Mia,” he told me. “Think he can put away a pint and be none the worse for wear.”

  “Paul!” shouted Marnie as the same time as a delighted Cece shouted, “Shit house!” Teddy flipped Cece right side up, settled her on his hip, gave her a huge grin and then he and Paul moved off towards the bar.

  I smiled after them before catching sight of a pair of green eyes staring at me from the opposite side of the bar. With his height, Max was easy to spot in a crowd. He broke off his conversation with Heath (something I knew wound Heath up beyond measure), and gave me a wide smile (Heath called this Max’s freaky serial-killer smile – he said that after years of Max’s facial expression being set to various levels of pissed off, the smiling was a little weird). I saw Heath punch Max on the arm to get his attention back. My own smile felt strained. I broke eye contact and looked down into my drink. Sounds around me faded away as I stared at the liquid.