I DON'T BELONG HERE

by Tayla Grossberg

  “I see a house,” Grandma May said. “It could be a vacation house.”

  “My father wants to go away for a weekend...” I said.

  Grandma May put down the teacup. “That is all that I see.”

  “Thank you.” For once I regretted having her read my tea. She saw cosmos… and that just made me more scared.

  It was time to go, because school ended early, and if I didn’t go now, I would be home late. Then my father would be even angrier at me. I would not be surprised if he stayed home today just to make sure I was home on time.

  “We have to go...” I said.

  Grandma did not ask me to stay longer, because she did not want me to get into trouble. She said goodbye and told Dimitri that he was welcome anytime. Grandma May did not walk us out. “I hope to see you again soon,” she told me.

  “You will,” I said.

  Dimitri and I left the house and got into the car. I drove to Dimitri’s house first so that I could drop him off.

  “Thank you for coming with me,” I said.

  “Thank you for taking me with you,” he said. “It was fun.”

  “And thank you for not thinking that I am a freak,” I added.

  “You are not a freak,” he said. “I like you very much.”

  Chapter 16

  Charlotte

  Back home, I saw my father in the study with his nose buried in papers and a frown marring his forehead.

  He looked up from the papers he was reading, once I passed. “Charlotte is that you?”

  “Yep,” I answered.

  I went to my room, closed the door, and started catching up on school work. I only headed downstairs when it was time for dinner. Juan was home by then and looked cheerful. Had she made up with her friends or had she made new ones?

  Andrea and Ned were not angry with me anymore, but I was still feeling difficult, so I spoke only when spoken to. Andrea had made pasta for dinner, and we ate the meal together.

  “Abigail and Lucas invited us to visit them this weekend,” Andrea told us.

  Abigail was Andrea’s younger sister. She had married Lucas Wilson, and they had two daughters: Hanna, four, and Emma, who was only six months old.

  I tried not to groan. It was not that I disliked my family – I just had nothing in common with them. Aunt Abigail would constantly make small talk – she’d ask about school and the weather and my career goals. Uncle Lucas was a good man, but he believed that he was the best at everything. He always tried to outshine Ned, who was a humble man.

  Abigail and Andrea were good friends. They did not fight much, and Andrea was always complaining that she wanted to see her sister more often. Lucas and Abigail lived in the town of Delaware – which was not too far away. Each sister was just too caught up in their own life, and they did not put in enough effort to see each other.

  “Do they still live in the woods?” Ned asked.

  “Yes,” Andrea said. “They still live in that beautiful house with the pool that is surrounded by trees.”

  “I think it sounds like a good idea,” Ned said.

  I knew he was not keen on going. He would only do so to keep Andrea happy. I liked how well he treated my mother. What would my relationship with Juan be like in twenty years? Would we still be close? Would we see each other often?

  “Do I have to go?” Juan asked. “I have a party this weekend...”

  “Family is more important than friends,” Ned told her.

  “That’s not true,” Juan argued. “I hardly know those family members.”

  “You can get to know them,” Ned said. “You’ve not even met your youngest niece yet.”

  Juan pulled a disgusted face. “I don’t like babies.”

  “I’ve seen photos,” Andrea said. “She is cute.”

  “There is no such thing as a cute baby,” Juan said. “They are ugly and gross.”

  “You only feel that way now,” Andrea said. “Wait until you have your own child. Then you will believe you have the prettiest baby in the world.”

  “I am never having kids,” Juan said.

  “You can be godmother to my kids,” I offered. I was not planning on having children any time soon. I was way too young and couldn’t financially support them. But long term I certainly wanted to be a mother. And then I’d do things differently – I’d listen to my kids and believe them. I’d give them the emotional support I’d always needed and never received.

  “I’ll be their godmother when they are older and more fun,” Juan decided.

  “It does not work that way.”

  “Says who?” Juan asked.

  “Enough,” Ned said. “It’s decided. Friday, after school, we are driving to Delaware.”

  Would I end up babysitting my nieces while the adults talked? Juan wouldn’t – she’d talk to their parents instead.

  “Fine,” Juan said miserably.

  Andrea was excited. Juan and I exchanged a look, and I knew we would both try to make the trip as enjoyable as possible for her.

  The week flew by, and Dimitri came to visit me twice. He hid in my room because I was still grounded, and he did not want to get me into more trouble. He drew flowers on my notebook – each one prettier than the last. He drew a stunning yellow sunflower that looked more real than one that would grow in a farmer’s lands. He drew milkweed, American water lotus, a rough blazing star, and a blue flag iris.

  I enjoyed being with him, and I wished I could see him more often. He spent a lot of time with his brother, and I respected that. I did not ask him to come over any more than he already did. I told him that I was going to visit family for the weekend. He replied by saying he was going to spend the whole weekend with Ethan.

  I packed my suitcase on Thursday night. Friday, directly after school, we drove to Delaware and arrived in the late afternoon. Out of town, big, and two storeys tall, the house was well-hidden between the trees. It had been built out of bricks, instead of wood like our house. They had a very big pool and a water slide on the side of the house. I was surprised to see that the pool was open – despite that it was getting colder and that leaves were falling into it.

  “Hi!” Abigail waved excitedly.

  She was Andrea’s height, but she had fewer wrinkles and shorter hair that had recently been dyed a strawberry blonde colour. She had a pink streak in it, and I thought she tried to look younger than she actually was.

  “How is everyone?” she asked.

  “We’re good.” Andrea greeted her sister with a kiss. “It’s so nice seeing you!”

  “It’s nice to see you, too!” Abigail said. “Hello, Ned!” She hugged him and then kissed both Juan and me. “You two have grown so much since I last saw you!”

  “You still look the same,” Juan said.

  “Thank you.” She blushed. “Come in! Lucas is in the living room with the girls.”

  We took our bags from the car and went inside. The interior was spacious, clean, and smelled like trees. We left our bags at the front door and were led to the living room where Lucas was sitting crossed legged with a doll in his hand while Hanna was laughing at him. Emma was sleeping peacefully in her crib in the corner of the room.

  Lucas stood up when he saw us. He shook Ned’s hand, gave everyone else a kiss, and welcomed us, with little Hanna shyly hiding behind him.

  Abigail then showed us where our rooms were. I was sleeping upstairs which had a double bed but no en-suite bathroom. My room had a view of the swimming pool. Juan slept in a room that was close to me and had a nice view of the forest. She did not have her own bathroom either.

  Juan and I did not unpack straight away. I decided I was not going to do so as I could easily live out of my suitcase for a weekend. Knowing Juan, she would unpack the first chance she got. She was only waiting because she wanted to be polite and spend time with the family first. Ned and Andrea also slept on the second storey, but their room was far from ours. I did not get to see what theirs looked like.

  “Are your rooms downst
airs?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Abigail said. “I don’t like climbing down the stairs at night to get myself a drink. Both of our girls’ rooms are also down here.”

  “Would anyone like anything to drink?” Lucas asked. “We have coffee, juice, wine...”

  “Wine sounds delicious,” Andrea said.

  “I agree,” Abigail added.

  “Wine it is,” Ned said.

  Lucas poured everyone a glass of wine. He handed Juan and me our wine last. Ned pulled a disapproving face, and I knew he did not like it when his underage daughters drank.

  “If you don’t let them do it, they lose their minds when they drink for the first time with friends,” Lucas told Ned in a matter-of-fact tone.

  I wondered if the man was naïve enough to believe that Juan had never gone out drinking before. Juan was smart enough to never come home drunk. She knew our parents would disapprove and ground her. I did not mind being grounded, but Juan could not stand it. Thus, she slept over at a friend’s house whenever she felt like drinking.

  Usually, I did not like alcohol. I did not like feeling out of control, and it made me more anxious than when I was sober. However, I did enjoy the sweet taste of this white wine. Juan ended up giving me hers to finish, since it was not to her liking. Ned gave me a stern look, as I accepted the glass, and I acted like I did not see it.

  “Where is your doggy?” Abigail asked. “We thought you would bring her with.”

  “I know you are allergic to dogs,” I said. “I asked one of Juan’s friends to take care of her for the weekend.”

  “That’s considerate of you,” Abigail stated. “You have raised two beautiful children, Andrea.”

  The rest of the night went smoothly, and we held a barbecue on the porch. We women sat inside, with the children, where it was warm. We sipped wine and exchanged gossip – well, I listened more than I talked. The men were outside, at the grill, preparing our hamburgers. They discussed sport and bragged about their children.

  We ate dinner then cleaned up afterwards. I played with Hanna for a while and realised the little girl had many toys that lay all around the house. She giggled often, and I thought she was cute.

  Emma was a good baby who slept most of the time and only cried once. Abigail left the room to feed her and then put her in her own room – where it was quieter. Hanna was also put to bed early so that she would not be tired and difficult the next day. I helped my aunt pick up some of the toys.

  All of us went to our rooms at 11 o’clock that night. We decided not to stay up too late because Abigail was a responsible mother. Lucas wanted to go hiking the next day, and I was already tired of people. They drained my energy, and I was happy when I could finally go to my room.

  I took a bath after Juan and then I went to bed. The house was dark because no streetlights were shining through my window. The Wilsons did not have any neighbours’ lights shining through their windows, either.

  I removed my contact lenses and placed them on my bedside table – next to my glasses. I lay awake and struggled to sleep. I considered Dimitri and how confusing he was. One minute I thought I was friend zoned then the next he told me he liked me. What did he want from me?

  I thought about what my grandmother had said about the Red-eyed Lady. If I wanted the lady to go away, I had to face her. I was not sure if I was brave enough to do that. I also struggled to sleep because Amore was not close to me. I missed her and the comfort she provided. My eyes closed, and when I opened them again, someone was standing at the foot of my bed. I instantly switched on the bedside light and reached for my glasses.

  I sat upright and looked into the eyes of the red eyed lady. They were indeed bloodshot, but not to the extent that I had imaged. They weren’t blazing red, instead there were red spots and arteries, looking like spilled paint.

  Don’t panic. Be brave.

  The Red-eyed Lady did not flinch. She stood there like a tombstone – unmoving, silent, and cold. I took a deep breath instead of pretending to sleep like I did during our previous encounters.

  “What do you want?” I managed to ask. My voice was shaking more than the tree’s branches in the wind.

  But the Red-eyed Lady couldn’t speak with a crushed windpipe. She turned around and drifted through my closed bedroom door. She wanted me to follow... A part of me wanted to stay where I was because it was scary to follow her. Hesitantly, I swung my legs out of bed and went to my bedroom door. I opened it and stepped outside. The Red-eyed Lady was waiting for me at the stairs. Against my better judgment, I followed her. I maintained as much distance between us as possible. I felt like a sheep being led to slaughter.

  The Red-eyed Lady headed downstairs, and then she went towards little Emma’s bedroom. She entered the room where the baby girl slept peacefully in her crib. I picked up my pace until I reached where I could see her standing by the crib and gazing down at the baby girl.

  I suddenly felt faint. “Do you want my niece? You can’t have her!”

  The Red-eyed Lady did not speak. She reached out to touch the little girl, but her hand went through the child as if she were made out of mist. The baby shivered, and I wondered if she also had an affinity for the supernatural.

  “I know you are angry at me for not helping you,” I said. “I know I should have helped when I saw that man attack you. But I was scared. I understand you want revenge, but please leave my family out of this. Leave innocent children out of this.”

  The Red-eyed Lady’s head snapped up and she looked at me with such anger. I had to take a step backwards. Then she pounced on me – like an angry lioness.

  I got such a fright I jumped backwards and fell. The Red-eyed Lady passed through me and I felt nothing but coldness. It was what I imagined death to feel like. When I hit the ground, my glasses fell off. I reached for them, and at the same time I noticed someone was approaching me.

  “Please leave me alone!” I cried. I put on my glasses, and the person came into view. It was Abigail.

  “Charlotte?” She offered her a hand. “Are you all right?”

  I looked around frantically, but there was no sight of the Red-eyed Lady. My aunt helped me to my feet. I was embarrassed and immediately thought about something to say.

  “I must have been sleepwalking,” I lied. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

  “You look much more scared than I am,” Abigail said calmly.

  Emma woke and began to cry, and her mother went to her. She picked her up and held her close to comfort her. She had a bottle of milk with her that she brought to Emma’s lips.

  “Were you talking?” Abigail asked me. “I swear I heard you talking.”

  “I must have been talking in my sleep,” I said. “I’m sorry. I am so embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be,” Abigail said. “Your mother used to sleepwalk all the time.”

  “I did not know that,” I said. My mother and I never shared personal details about our lives. We lived together in one house, and at the same time we lived in different worlds.

  “I used to find her in the weirdest places. Then I would walk her back to bed.”

  I smiled. “That’s kind of you.”

  Their relationship reminded me of my relationship with Juan. I hoped that we were never too busy to spend time with each other.

  “Can I make you some tea?” Abigail offered.

  “That would be really nice,” I said.

  The two of us drank tea in the kitchen and talked. I liked my aunt much more than I thought I would. By the time I went to bed, I felt less shaky.

  Chapter 17

  Charlotte

  Juan woke me the next morning by shaking me gently, and I pulled the sheets over my face. She opened the curtains to let in the sunlight.

  “It’s 10am,” Juan told me. “Everyone else is already awake.”

  I groaned and shoved the blanket away. “I hate mornings.”

  “I know,” Juan said. “Lucas is making breakfast for us.”

  “I’ll be th
ere,” I said.

  Juan went downstairs to keep everyone company. I got dressed, then headed downstairs. I greeted everyone and breathed in the delicious smell of bacon and eggs. The table was already set. I poured myself juice and then I served myself toast and eggs. Everyone was cheerful and talking. I felt groggy, as if I was still half asleep. I tried to be as polite as possible.

  After breakfast, Lucas suggested that we go hiking. Abigail said she was going to stay home with Emma and Hanna. Since I did not love the outdoors, I jumped at the opportunity to stay in the house. “I will keep you and the children company.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to walk with?” Ned asked. “This really is a beautiful area.”

  “You know our daughter better than that,” Andrea said before I could reply. “She hates hiking.”

  “Charlotte is kind of like an indoor cat,” Juan said.

  I could not think of a better comparison. I did like staying indoors. I hated getting dirty. I preferred my own company, and I wanted a lot of love and attention, but on my terms.

  “You are welcome to stay with me,” Abigail said.

  Ned, Lucas, Juan, and Andrea filled a backpack with apples, power bars, and water bottles before they went hiking. It was not too warm outside, and I estimated they would be gone for quite some time.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Abigail asked.

  “Tea would be nice,” I said.

  “You sound like an English girl,” Abigail teased as we went to the kitchen.

  “Grandma May taught me how to drink tea.”

  Abigail smiled. “She has always loved it. When I was a child, she used to read my tea leaves.”

  “Really?” I asked. “She reads mine, too!”

  “It’s one of the few things we bonded over,” Abigail said, “and weirdly she was sometimes accurate.”

  “She has a gift,” I said.

  Abigail laughed. “You don’t really believe in that stuff, do you? It’s just one big guessing game.”