Thirteen Hours To You

by Annie Emerson

  “I promise, Radley.” Meekai trapped trepidation with those three words. He didn’t have to say anymore. I gave him a smile to let him know that I believed him.

  A beep sounded and lights flashed as he unlocked the car. I opened the passenger side, hopped in and placed my bag at my feet. I waited as he threw his duffle bag on the back seat, moved to the driver’s door, and slid into the seat next to me.

  My leg bounced on its own accord, and I moved my hand to press down on it, trying to tame the nerves and focus as I turned to him. “Do you mind if I charge my phone? I just wanna make sure Gamma hasn't called or left a message.”

  A chuckle left Meekai as he started the car. He looked at me with a smile that bordered on shy, but still contained a hint of cocky as he looked at my bouncing leg.

  “Sure,” he replied. “I don't wanna get on the bad side of your Grandma.”

  If I wasn't mistaken, I saw nerves peek through. When I realized that I made him nervous, it settled me and my leg came to a stop. Good, he wasn’t unshakeable. I had an effect on him, too. He wasn’t completely self-assured.

  “Don’t worry.” He smirked. “I’m not going to kiss you tonight. That’s not a moment I intend to rush. It’ll be you who decides on when, Radley. I’ve waited this long . . .” he trailed off.

  A blush crept up my face, and my body heated at his remark. Full-on Meekai was back. What did he mean he’s waited this long? He’d known me all of four days in total, three if you discount the time we met and argued for twenty minutes. He had this knowingness about him, a surety when it came to me, and I couldn’t place it. It was like I wasn’t a stranger to him even though I knew I was.

  “What if I’m not everything you want me to be?” I said flatly. It came from nowhere, spilled without reserve.

  If I was being honest, I’d thought about him, and it was the one question that every thought ended with when it came to him. This dark haired, cocksure boy. I knew he was going to change things, change me. I felt like I was on the edge of something I had no control over.

  He’d appeared out of nowhere and done nothing but challenge me. I knew I wasn’t ready for him; how could I be? He was demanding the one thing from me that I had left to give, and I’d imagined it more than once. A kiss.

  This alone was a revelation. Even though he scared me, even though I was afraid to be touched in fear of the dark memories it might stir up, I was giving it life by entertaining it. A part of me wanted him to be that person.

  “What if you are?” he questioned in response, his eyes on the road as he turned out onto the street. “What if you’re absolutely everything I need?”

  Silence stretched out and thundered like a hurricane in the small space, the rumble of his words making my heart race. I didn’t know how to respond. I told him a naked truth without planning on it, and he had returned it with a question that the cynical part of me didn’t believe.

  What if you are? I wasn’t.

  I was like a vase that had been smashed too many times and glued back together. Cracks everywhere, one break away from complete annihilation. Becca and Reign’s version of Meekai made me question his sincerity, his character. The innocent and inexperienced part of me wanted to ignore them and believe that a boy might actually be interested in me. I

  smiled to myself for the briefest second, entertaining the idea. But just as I’d accepted that maybe he could be interested, I let myself crush it with the part of me that knew better.

  What if he didn’t mean it? What if I was just another girl to check off his list?

  Both parts of me warred with the other. Was it my need to be wanted? I didn’t want to be the kind of girl that gave herself away to pretty words. Words were nice, but in the end, they only held as much weight as the person who spoke them. I didn’t know how to weigh up Meekai’s intentions. I’d never experienced this before, at least outside of Hardy’s vile persistence, and maybe that was why I’d fall for anything now. The thought had me grinding my teeth as I remembered that every no I threw at Hardy, had cost me severely. His pride had ruined me.

  Before I knew it, the streetlights had faded away and the darkening sky stirred me from my thoughts. “You don’t know where I live,” I said as Meekai drove.

  “It’s okay, Violet. I had that worked out on Monday.” He smiled. “It didn’t take much. Some kid knows your grandma and told me you live in the big yellow house off Bradbury Lane. Apparently, the street’s named after your grandfather's family.”

  He looked over at me. I couldn’t hide the shock on my face. The dumbfounded realization took me by surprise, the fact that he went out of his way to do what he said he’d do, finding out where I lived. It quietly impressed me and terrified me all at once.

  “Everyone knows everyone, Radley. All the guys were talking about the beautiful new girl. They were placing bets on where you were from and who called dibs on you.” The last five words came out low and jagged.

  As we approached Gamma’s, and Meekai indicated to turn up our drive, I found my voice. “I know nothing about you, yet you’ve done your ground work on me. I don’t understand it, and I’ll question you every step of the way. I’ll most likely never believe a thing out of your mouth, and even though I’d like to trust someone until I can’t, you’re the only one I won’t hold to the same standard.”

  I held firm to the bout of courage I’d found, knowing I needed to warn him. He had no idea how deep my broken went. I turned to face him as he crawled up the driveway. He was driving so slowly I’d swear he was stalling. It was like he needed more time.

  I took a deep breath as I laid my vulnerability and fear before him. “I’ll trust you when you make me believe it, and not before. I suppose the real challenge here is seeing if I make you give up before you even get there.”

  The car came to a stop, and I picked up my backpack, placing it on my lap while removing my phone and charger cord from the Jeep’s USB. I cracked open the door and looked over to him. His face was full of an emotion I couldn’t quite place, but I knew I liked it.

  I pushed the door the rest of the way and lowered myself onto the paved driveway, adjusting my bag and smoothing out my skirt. I came to a conclusion I never thought possible as I fidgeted. I wanted to make him earn my trust. Fuck knew why, I just did.

  “Thanks for the ride. I’ll see you at school tomorrow . . . Oh, and you can pick me up at six-thirty on Friday, not six. I have plans with Becca beforehand.”

  I shut the car door behind me with a smile. My confidence made me dizzy and whirled itself around the decision I’d just made. I turned to look over my shoulder. I couldn’t help it. I could feel him and the weight of his stare as it left imprints on my back.

  He was smiling. He was smiling so big that I couldn’t contain my own as I winked. I thought it only fitting that I turned his world on its head as much as he had mine, but all I heard was laughter as it belted out into the quiet night air. A laughter that had me spinning because it was peppered with joy, all because I’d finally said yes.

  I watched as his lights disappeared back down the driveway. Just as I was about to turn and walk inside, his Jeep stopped halfway down, brake lights glowed red like a pair of eyes.

  I stretched my head and stood on my tippy toes like that would answer the reason as to why he’d stopped. A text notification vibrated from my phone, I reached into my backpack to retrieve it and opened the new message.

  Meekai: I’ll make you believe it. I promise . . .

  I stared at his tail lights until they turned onto the road and I couldn’t see their light any longer. I smiled and shook my head. He always had to have the last word.

  “I want you to make me believe I can trust you, Meekai.” I offered the words up like a prayer, and by speaking them out loud, I acknowledged the fact that my heart had made the choice without my permission. I really did want to believe him.

  My phone buzzed again and I looked down at the new message. My stomach dipped and my heart fluttered with what felt like
a thousand butterfly wings. They were four simple words that rattled the iron cage that surrounded my heart.

  Meekai: What if you are? What if you are enough, Radley Cooper?

  “Trust me, I’m not what you want.” I whispered into the darkness as if he could hear me. The night air swallowed my words as if they were never spoken, but I knew they were, and I knew I was right. I wasn’t what he wanted, and I was far from what he deserved.

  9

  Radley

  It was Friday afternoon and the last bell of the day rang out as everyone grabbed their belongings, ignoring Mr. Hennessy while he told us our lives wouldn’t be worth living if we didn’t read the chapters on modern day poetry and begin the assignment that would hold a large percentage of our final grade.

  I wasn’t as pumped as the others, who could barely keep up with their feet as they ran to chase the weekend. I slowly put away my books, a feeling of frustrated stupidity consumed me, my stomach sinking with the knowledge that I’d been played.

  I hadn’t heard from Meekai since his text on Wednesday night. It was Friday, and he didn’t come to school Thursday or today. I was giving him right up until the last bell to show up. Hell, I’d forgive him if he was standing outside the classroom door as I walked out.

  I pushed myself up and walked slowly towards the door. As I approached the opening, Becca walked past and almost fell over when she saw me and came to a sudden stop.

  “Hey you, you ready to go?” she questioned as she waited for me.

  I walked the rest of the way to the door and peeked out like a creeper, searching to see if I could find a six-foot-three liar.

  Becca’s lips scrunched in curiosity as she looked at me, then left, then right, then back at me with no idea what she was looking for.

  “Whatcha ya doin?” she sing-songed.

  “Nothing.” I huffed, striding past her and out the door as fast I could gun it. I couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t there. I’m such a dick!

  “Okayyy,” Becca drew out. “What was that sound? Was that a grunt?”

  “You heard that? I can’t believe I just grunted in public. I thought that was kept within the internal cage of my humiliation. You weren’t supposed to hear me. I’ll try to keep the rage tamed.”

  “Rage, huh? So, I’m guessing this has to do with Meekai never showing?”

  “Good guess!” I said with far too much pitch. “I can’t believe I fell for his bullshit. You’d think I would’ve learned from experience, wouldn’t you?” I growled, pushing through the students in the hallway.

  I rushed down the front steps and aimed straight for Betty, determined to go and hide under my bed covers and mourn my stupidity. I opened the driver’s side door and reached over to the passenger side to let Becca in. I tossed my bag over my shoulder onto the back seat, and slammed my hands down on the steering wheel.

  “You know Betty doesn’t deserve that, right?” Becca looked at me trying to hold in a smile she was barely containing.

  “I’m glad you find this amusing,” I said through a scowl.

  “No,” she disagreed. “I don’t find Meekai not showing up amusing, I find your frustration adorable. I can’t help it, I’ve never seen you mad. This is a first, and I’m just realizing how good it is to have you back in my life full-time. I love that I get to be here for you. I know you never really had anyone else back in Adalita, and I find a strange and sick comfort in being the one to witness the shit I should’ve been there to help you with before. I’m here now, and it makes me happy that I get to tell you to stop freaking out.”

  “Not freak out? Are you kidding me, Becca? He’s supposed to pick me up at six-thirty tonight. He hasn’t been at school for two days, and I couldn’t ask Linc what was up because he was at some stupid football camp where Meekai should have been! Where the fuck is he? Why couldn’t he text me? And yes, I’m glad you’re here to witness a nervous breakdown in motherfucking person!”

  Silence filled the car, and I hung my head in embarrassment. I couldn’t believe I just raised my voice to Becca like that. I peeked over to her side of the car and hazarded a look. She had a huge grin on her face, and I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing to the point of tears. We both laughed until Becca shouted that she was gonna pee her pants.

  “Thank you,” I said, as we both looked at one another still smiling. “There’s only one way I’m gonna get home in one piece you know?” I questioned, arching my brow.

  “Mmmhmm,” Becca hummed back in recognition. “How might Miss Cooper handle the delicacy of getting home in one fucking piece?”

  I looked at her and shifted my gaze to Betty’s stereo. I turned the ignition on with one hand and ejected the CD currently in the stereo with the other. The rev of the engine vibrated through our bodies as I flicked through the CD’s in my console.

  “Ha!” I yelled with triumph. “Found it.”

  “What?!” Becca shouted in a bad British accent. “Hath thee foundeth that which will satisfy thy’s rage?”

  I chuckled maniacally as I pushed the You’re dead to me mix into the stereo and clicked over to track five. The cheery keyboard tingled through the speakers like sunshine and rainbows. I looked over to Becca with a smirk slathered across my lips. The first lyrics thumped through the vibrating speakers and set my mood to a healthy fuck you.

  Her own smile deepened as I backed out just before the chorus. I straightened up Betty’s wheels and accelerated a little too heavy-footed as we both screamed, “Fuck you,” all the way home. There was nothing like some spiteful Lily Allen to get you through three minutes and forty seconds of devastation, and cover it up like I wasn’t affected by Meekai bailing on me.

  When Becca and I got to my house, we sat on my bedroom floor listening to music and eating popcorn as I searched through Netflix for a good horror movie to help me forget I’d been stood up. I asked Becca to stay over for a girl’s night to help me try and forget about tonight.

  I’d already cried, and Becca had tried to console me. She swore there had to be more to it, she didn’t believe that Meekai would go radio silent without a good reason. I didn’t see what could excuse no text message, or phone call to let me know he wouldn’t be at school or turning up for our date.

  It was seven-thirty, and I still hadn’t heard a thing. I thought once we got over the six-thirty mark I’d feel relief, but the rejection just amplified itself.

  Becca and I settled on the first Scream movie and ended up in a debate about how the movie just proved you couldn’t trust men. I argued they were one lie away from being a serial killer dressed up as the golden boy. Becca, the eternal romantic, believed that it just gave Sydney the chance to find true love. I laughed in her face, she threw popcorn at mine, and we drifted off to sleep listening to my Spotify playlist titled Why don’t you break my fucking heart a little harder, fuckface.

  “You make the best spiteful playlists, Rads,” Becca mumbled as sleep took over and she curled up into a ball, my stuffed Snoopy held in a death grip.

  “I’m glad I have you, Becca,” I mumbled back, eyes heavy, mind drifting.

  Why aren’t I good enough, God? I know I hurt Your heart with what I did, but You hurt my heart when You left me alone with a monster . . .

  “You know sugar’s the gateway to hard drugs, right?” Gamma questioned with a boom, scaring Becca upright from a dead sleep. I couldn't help but laugh. She was never prepared for Gamma’s wake up calls, even when we were little.

  I moaned and put the pillow over my head. We’d gone hard on the candy last night. Carbs and sugar led the night, no self-control or fucks to be given at our lack of self-control.

  “No self-respecting girl’s night ends in anything less than a sugar coma,” I told Gamma as I peeled a Hershey’s wrapper off my cheek.

  “Well girls, I can see you’ve stepped twenty-four hours closer to a future that revolves around diabetes and doctors’ appointments. If you keep this up, I’ll have to stage an intervention.”

  I flipped over
onto my back, the pillow falling to the ground as the sun hit my eyes. I flung my arm across my face to shield them from the blinding onslaught.

  “Crap,” I whined. “Bec, didn’t I leave you in charge of closing the freaking curtains?”

  “You’re cute.” She scoffed as she collapsed onto her back. “That would mean I listened to you, but that would also mean you didn’t listen to me when I told you to go fuck yourself.”

  A laugh escaped me, and Becca slapped her hand over her mouth as soon as she caught onto the fact that Gamma was still standing there.

  “It’s okay, Becca,” Gamma said in an overly dramatic southern accent. “I won’t tell your mama you cursed at an old woman's ears and tainted her God-fearin’ home.”

  “Sorry, Gamma,” Becca apologized. “Your granddaughter is a horrible influence. I rarely dropped an F-bomb until she turned up, I swear,” she hid her smile with her blonde mess of hair.

  “I’d like to take your word for it, honey bee, but I remember you asking your daddy when you were three, maybe four, ‘Daddy, why the fuck is the sky blue?’ You’re well acquainted, my pickle whip. Now get dressed you two. I unpacked Radley’s screen-printing equipment in the office at the end of the hall.”

  I shot upright with a huge smile and a hundred ideas flowing through my mind. “You did, Gams? You set up my stuff?”

  “That I did, Sugarnuts. I don’t know why you’ve been moping for the last two days, you can tell me when you’re ready, but the one thing that has always helped you out of a mood was making a shirt that expressed whatever rubbish was runnin’ through that complex little mind of yours. Some write poetry, a song, journal, or punch a wall. You? You always felt better when you made a shirt.”

  Gamma knew me like no other. She was right. It felt like freeing whatever demon took residence in my heart got expelled and exorcised while creating a slogan tee. Each one reminded me of the things I’d overcome, of a time or a situation that I’d survived, or loved. They were the bookmarks of my life and I’d kept every single one that I’d made.