Thirteen Hours To You

by Annie Emerson

  I swung my legs over the bed and looked over my shoulder to Becca. “Get up, you foul mouthed punk. We’ve got a shirt to make.”

  “Yesss,” she hissed with a fist pump. “I’ve always wanted to see you do this. What are you gonna say today?”

  A mischievous smile turned up my lips. “Today is dedicated to saying thank you.”

  “Thank you?” Becca tilted her head, perplexed. “That’s the last thing I expected you to say.” She chuckled.

  “Oh, my young and untouched Becca, this is a special type of thank you. Now get dressed, we have thanks to give.”

  A couple hours later, Becca and I were standing in the old office that Gamma had fashioned into a work studio. She hadn’t just set up my equipment, she’d gotten Evan, Becca’s dad, to help her move the furniture that was in the office, into the basement. I had no idea the effort she’d gone to. I never had a need to go into the office and the door was usually shut, so to see everything organized and set up gave me an even bigger sense of home.

  I looked Becca up and down as she placed her hands on her hips and swiveled from left to right, her chin poised upwards as she modelled the shirt we’d made her. I couldn’t help but smile at this friend of mine. She always got me, but having her here helped me piece my heart back together slowly.

  The trust I had in her was always there, but now she was actually tangible. I truly felt friendship the way it was intended, for the first time in my life. She made it easier to be myself and that made it easier to begin to leave the past where it belonged: behind me.

  “Sasshole,” I proclaimed. “If there was ever a word to describe you, my little blonde hot pocket, sasshole would be it.”

  She jumped up and down and wiggled her ass as she backed up towards me, giggling her excitement, acting a fool. “I love it!” she exclaimed. “Can we do this every weekend? I have so many ideas.”

  “As long as you back that ass outta my face, we can screen-print whenever you like. Just back the hell up, buttercup,” I said as I slapped her ass, making her squeal and jump out of the slap zone.

  She righted herself, rubbing her butt and smiling at me. “That hurt you know?”

  “It was meant to,” I clapped back. “Now, let’s get downstairs. I need food,” I said as my stomach rumbled.

  We both turned to head downstairs when we heard the sound of a car pulling up. We looked at one another with curiosity, and I walked over to the window that looked down onto the driveway. My heart immediately sped up and my mouth went desert dry.

  “Who is it?” Becca asked.

  “No. Fucking. Way. The audacity.” I scoffed in anger.

  Becca came closer to the window and drew in a big breath as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “Radley, it’s fine. Do you want me to go tell Gamma to tell him to turn back around and go home? You look pale.”

  I felt pale. Even through anger, sickness stirred, embarrassment and rejection scoring my nerves. “No, don’t involve Gamma,” I told her as I stood stuck to the spot.

  I tried to filter through the million and one scenarios that would give him the balls to show up at my doorstep. I thought of all the times people had laughed in my face; I thought of every feigned kindness that was presented as genuine, just to have it thrown back in my face, fingers pointed at me, laughing because I fell for every lie.

  Even when I knew not to trust people, I was weak. A part of me always had hope that maybe this time they meant it when they’d asked if they could help me with my books, just to watch them get thrown down the school hallway as I scampered after them.

  Fiery rage stirred, and humiliation had my body swing around and storm out of the studio.

  “Radley,” Becca warned. “Pull back. Don’t approach him like this. I’ll handle it. I’ll tell him to go home. Just settle down,” she pleaded.

  “Settle down?” I shouted. “Why the fuck would I settle down? I’m over this shit! He thinks he can turn up after making every effort to proclaim his need to take me out then ghost me for two days and have me fall for it? ‘I’m not going to hurt you, I promise, you’re safe with me,’” I said, mocking him and the lies he’d told.

  As I hit the top stair, I felt my newly printed shirt get yanked backwards as Becca tried to hold me back.

  “I’m gonna kill him,” I seethed as I pulled against her struggling hold.

  “I’m sure there's a good explanation. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have a good reason. Radley, geez, slow down.”

  I pulled her down with me as I surged forward. The culmination of years of rejection circled like a tornado as it prepared to hit ground and tear him apart.

  Becca whined as she held on. “Rads, just take a minute and let me answer the door. Go to the kitchen with Gamma.”

  “The kitchen?” I questioned. “Great fucking idea, the kitchen has the knives and it’s easier to get to than the gun cabinet.”

  “No knives, Radley. Homicide is a temporary fix . . . well permanent, but you catch my drift,” she said as the first knock sounded. I lunged at the door, twisted the handle, and swung the door open, out of breath as I finally felt Becca’s grip loosen before letting go.

  I stared back at a pair of shocked, chocolate brown eyes. Meekai looked like shit, and for a second, I felt bad. The energy that radiated off him was tired, and I felt the apology without the words. But my feelings were lit like a flare that needed to run its course. As much as he looked apologetic and a little ruined, I felt stupid and let down.

  “What the hell are you doing here Meekai?”

  10

  Meekai

  Nerves shot through me as I stared into the furious violet eyes of Radley Cooper.

  I had no idea how to begin to apologize for something out of my control, but I’d driven all night to get to her; to apologize and explain why I hadn’t turned up for our date, the date that I pushed so hard for. I’d stewed for the thirteen-hour drive back from Adalita. I’d been gone for approximately sixty-eight long hours, and I needed to get back to her, to let her know why I hadn’t called or texted.

  While I was in Adalita, I’d heard things I wasn’t prepared to hear. When the truth was hurled at me like a grenade, I’d pulled the pin and let rage send me into blind fury. Hardy fucking Breeland had opened his mouth a little too wide, so I’d taken it upon myself to keep it shut. I’d left carnage behind that I didn’t regret, and I had questions that I needed answers to.

  I’d driven thirteen hours straight to get back to where she stood at the door, purple eyes flared and infuriated, waiting for an answer. I was floored. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I looked at her with a new understanding, with the truth holstered to the inside of my heart. Now I knew why she so steadfastly put herself down and kept me at arm's length.

  I needed to ask her if what I’d heard was true. I was agitated and confused, and knew I had to handle this delicately. The last thing I needed was for her to shut down and shut me out even further than she already had.

  She was on fire from the get go. Argumentative and fragile all at once. I saw it. I knew this girl had secrets hidden away. I recognized in her what I recognized within myself. I kept secrets to preserve the lives of others, too.

  After hearing Hardy and some girl called Lucy laughing about Radley at his eighteenth birthday party the night before, I had a clearer understanding as to why she was so defensive and reacted before she thought. She’d been made that way.

  It might’ve been a culmination of two weeks that I’d known her, but I recognized her as mine from the get go, and I wasn’t going to apologize for something that people would find irrational. She had no idea she was mine, but I wouldn’t stop until I made her understand that she was.

  I'd missed seeing her in the halls for the couple days I’d been gone. Even though I’d never let her see me, I was always in the background watching her, observing the way she seemed like she was discovering something new. I didn't know what it was that had her looking so curiously at everything lik
e it was her first time seeing it, but I wanted to know.

  I’d felt a need to protect her.

  When Linc had gotten to her first and gave zero fucks about my threats to keep away, it killed me; to know she said yes to him and refused me. It’d left me acting indifferent towards her. A dick move? Yes. But to know I was so sure of someone I hardly knew, and she was so adamant that I was the last thing she needed, it hurt like fuck. I couldn’t make that mistake again; I couldn’t let go when I promised myself that I’d hang on and fight.

  “I asked, what the hell are you doing here, Meekai?”

  I had no idea where to start as I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes, trying to gather myself. I couldn’t ruin this, and even though her words were filled with hurt, I knew she wanted answers in spite of it.

  Her friend, Becca, stood behind Radley in the doorway, mouthing, “You're dead,” as she ran her finger across her throat. It wasn’t a threat from her, it was a warning to me. I’d fucked up.

  “Let me explain,” I said as I rocked on the spot. I knew this wouldn’t be easy after the promise I’d made to not hurt her, yet she stood in front of me covered in a hurt that I’d put there. It left me feeling ashamed because I’d tried so hard to convince her I never would.

  “Let you explain that you’re a liar? Let you explain that you made even the smallest part of me trust you when I said it was the last thing I’d do? You made me feel pathetic,” she shot back with a tremor in her voice.

  “Radley?” An older lady’s voice called out. “What are all the raised voices about?”

  “I’m fine, Gamma. Just some random Jehovah’s Witness ruining a perfectly good Saturday afternoon. He was just about to leave. He’s done here,” she noted with finality as she went to close the door.

  Fuck that, I wasn’t walking away. She’d have to push harder than that.

  “Hold up, Radley,” her grandmother told her. “Is that you Meekai?”

  “It is, Mrs. Bradbury. I’m here to talk to Radley. I let her down, and she has every right to slam the door in my face, but I’m not leaving here until I explain myself.”

  I looked right into those endless depths of the most vibrant violet-blue eyes I’d ever seen. Nothing could’ve prepared me for her. “I’m not giving up, Radley. I won’t make it that easy for you.”

  “Is that right?” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest and took a step forward like she wanted to hurt me.

  “It is right,” I said with unmoving confidence. I was internally smiling at her fire, at the way she had no qualms in questioning me. Girls usually just agreed. Not Violet. She disagreed with every word that made its way to her ears.

  “Okay, everyone, let's separate to our respective corners and take five. I need to be caught up. I’d like a minute with my granddaughter, although the two days of moping are makin’ a little more sense,” Radley’s grandma said as she winked at me. “Could you wait on the front porch, Meekai? We’ll be back. Becca, go sit with him,” she instructed, pointing her chin towards the porch steps.

  I nodded and let Becca walk past me, following behind and taking a seat next to her on the steps.

  “Where were you, Meekai? You couldn’t call? Text?” Becca whispered.

  “It’s a long story, Bec . . .” I stopped when I heard voices drift from inside. The door hadn’t completely closed, and I could hear Radley’s raised voice, her Grandma trying to calm her.

  “Baby girl, just take a breath. Look, I know Meekai. I know his family well and things haven’t been easy for him.”

  “Things haven’t been easy for me either, Gamma. If you only knew the half of it, you might not be standing here defending him.”

  “Oh, honey bee, there is so much we need to talk about. If you think I’m not wise to you, if you think I haven’t had words with Wyatt, if you think for a second that I don’t know there's more, you’d be mistaken in the worst kinda way.”

  I leaned back to listen. What did she mean she knows there’s more? Who the fuck was Wyatt? Who was he to Radley? My insides burned with possessive ownership. I couldn’t live with the thought of her with someone else. Linc’s persistence had already strained our friendship when he pursued her.

  Becca elbowed me. “Rude much? Give them some privacy.”

  “Don’t tell me you weren’t straining to hear, Becca.” She turned away looking guilty and shoved me with her elbow again. I just laughed as I shamelessly leaned further back onto my elbows.

  “I’m not defending him, Radley, but I know the boy. I know there’s more here than him standing you up for no good reason. Give him five minutes, if he doesn’t redeem himself within that time, I’ll ask him to leave myself. You weren’t raised to be rude. Now go,” she pressed as Radley mumbled in defiance.

  I quickly got to my feet when I heard footsteps approach the front door and dusted off my hands. The door creaked fully open and she stood there, her curves perfectly undeniable. She took my breath away. My eyes went to her t-shirt, and I couldn’t suppress a smile as I read Fuck You Very Much.

  “You’ve got five minutes,” she murmured. “And yes, this was meant for you, asshole.” She ran her fingers along the words printed across her chest. She might’ve been furious, but fuck if she didn’t make my lungs grasp for air while simultaneously helping me breathe easier. My little contradiction. I’d take her anyway she came, and one day I’d tell her why.

  I wasn’t walking away, just like I told her. I didn’t care what she threw at me, how scared she was or how she tested me. This was the goodbye that led to a second chance, and I knew as soon as she’d looked at me that night at Hardy’s, it was her.

  Not a day had passed since that I hadn’t thought of a way to find her, get back to her, force the second chance if I had to. When I saw her standing in the school office on the first day of school, peace took hold of my heart and the second chance began in that moment, and she had no idea. I promised myself I’d make her need me just as much as I knew I’d come to need her.

  Becca moved to stand beside me. “Radley, Mama just texted me and . . . umm . . . I gotta go milk Clarence.”

  Radley bowed her head and her lips rolled back and forth as she tried to hide her smile. She looked over to me, and as soon as our eyes met, we both belted out in laughter. No doubt she hadn’t forgotten what Linc and I had pointed out about Clarence on that first day of school, and fuck if her laughter didn't undo me.

  “What?” Becca questioned. “I do!” she exclaimed.

  As Radley gathered herself, I told Becca that Clarence was a bull. She wasn’t gonna be milking Clarence for milk.

  “I guess I’m sprung then,” she said with a delighted chuckle. “Now I don’t feel so bad about leaving you here with the girl who’s been planning your demise for the last two days,” she said as she winked at me and gave Radley a hug goodbye. “I’ll get my things tomorrow. Have fun trying to stop the bleeding, Kai.”

  Her laughter trailed off as she walked toward her house next door, not before yelling, “Later, Gamma. You might need to hide the key to the gun cabinet. Oh, that goes for the knives, too.”

  Her giggles dissipated into the distance and I was left standing alone with Radley, ready to explain where I’d been. I just hoped she’d listen.

  She walked over to the porch swing and took a seat as she looked out toward the field and began to gently rock. “Your five minutes start now,” she almost whispered. “If I wore a watch, I’d start timing you. But I don’t, so talk.”

  I needed to be near her. I’d been craving the feel of her body against mine since I talked to her on the field on Wednesday night. She’d smelt like powder and sunshine, and I wanted to know if she smelled like that all the time.

  I walked over to the swing and grabbed at the ropes to stop the movement. She sucked in a sharp breath as I took the seat next to her and gently began moving the swing back and forth.

  I looked at her profile; her button nose and high cheekbones, her chocolate-colored hair t
hat cascaded in a natural wave that covered her breasts. I ran my eyes over her pouty, stubborn bottom lip, wondering what she tasted like. My thumb twitched at the thought of dragging it along the place where I wanted to kiss her. She was heartbreakingly beautiful, and she had no idea.

  When she entered AP Bio on Wednesday, it winded me. I’d noticed her nerves, and little did she know that I saw how my ignorance hurt her. I didn’t know how to handle her rejection so ignoring her seemed like the safest option.

  When she had been assigned as my lab partner, I’d struggled not to turn and acknowledge her. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t, feigning indifference as I tried to appear unaffected, but everything about her had an effect on me.

  She might’ve seen me playing on my phone, but I was searching for her on Instagram. I’d tried every name possible, but she was nowhere, not even on Facebook, Twitter. She didn’t exist. Now, things were a little clearer. I got why she was nowhere. People who were hiding intentionally went out of their way not to be found.

  I was over being butthurt. It was time to stop playing games and let her feel safe with me. Not afraid, not pissed off. Safe.

  “Radley,” I began, a shuddered breath escaping as a breeze blew past us, lifting strands of her hair, covering me with the scent that was all Radley. Powder and sunshine. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up last night. After everything I’d promised, after the way I’ve acted, I know that’s the last thing you expected.”

  She looked over to me, her brow furrowed as she gently shook her head. “You made me feel stupid, Meekai. You don't know me or my pas . . .” Her words stumbled to a stop, about to give a truth before she caught herself.

  But I pushed her because I needed her to learn that she could trust me; that I wasn't a liar.

  “Your past?” I questioned. “I don't know about your past?”