The Ring

by Sarah Anne Carter

  Lucas actually thought it was a great idea that they get their fertility checked out. He figured out a way they could do it on base for now. He would make an appointment through flight medicine, and she would go to OB/GYN and tell anyone she saw that it was just her annual checkup. They both made appointments in January, and had the results back in early February. They were both normal. The doctor had told Amanda that while the military required couples try for a full year, documenting each month, before they were referred to an infertility specialist, they had just changed to require nine months of documentation out of 18 months for those on flying jobs since they were traveling a lot.

  It took Amanda and Lucas 14 months to get nine months of documentation, and then they were referred to an infertility specialist. The doctor discovered that only one of Amanda’s ovaries was actually releasing eggs, so they didn’t even have a chance every month, just when the one good ovary released an egg. He recommended IVF but sent them home to look over all their options, which included considering adoption. They were both quiet on the drive home from the appointment, but once Amanda spread all the paperwork over the dining table at home, she started to cry. Lucas came up beside her and wrapped an arm around her.

  “I didn’t think it would be this hard. I didn’t know I could want something so badly, either,” she whispered to him.

  “I thought it would be easy, too. I’m sorry, Amanda.” He took her completely into his arms and let her cry. When she finally looked up, she could see his eyes were wet, too.

  “I have an idea,” Lucas said. “Let’s maybe put all the baby stuff on hold for the next three months until school is done and then I’ll put in for a week of leave and we can go on a trip to start our summer. When we get back we can look through all these papers and options and research and then make a decision. But, I think we need a break.”

  “Lucas, that is a wonderful idea. I think it would do me a lot of good to get my mind off of all this for a while.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Now, how about we go out to dinner and talk about where we want to go this summer.”

  “I would like that.”

  “I’ll put this stuff away in the office and then we can head out.” Amanda kissed him and went to check her makeup before they headed out. Her heart felt lighter than it had in months. She had been so focused on trying to make a baby come into their lives – it was definitely time for a break.

  Amanda and Lucas decided to go to Florida for a week after spending a few months living more like they had when they first got married. All the books, ovulation kits, pregnancy tests, and charts had all been tucked away in a printer paper box, along with the paperwork from the doctor. Lucas had put it up on the shelf in the office closet. They spent most of their vacation at the beach but decided to spend a day at Disneyworld toward the end of the week, to celebrate their second wedding anniversary a few days late. Amanda enjoyed showing Lucas around since her parents took her once in middle school. They briefly talked about the baby issue on the drive home, planning to sit down the following Saturday and start looking at their options. Lucas needed to do some currency flights that week and Amanda was going to finish cleaning up and organizing her classroom. She also planned to start tidying up their office at home. Juliana and Brian were going to visit for two days around the Fourth of July before heading to some training for work in Washington, D.C., for a week. Amanda hoped Lucas would be in town for the visit so she and Juliana could spend a day by themselves without feeling guilty for leaving Brian alone. Juliana assured Amanda that Brian would actually love a day by himself to just read and write. He was working on writing a motivational book geared toward college students.

  Lucas came home that Wednesday with flowers, ice cream, chocolate, and gummy worms – all of Amanda’s favorite things. By the look on his face, the gifts weren’t for a celebration, though, but for consolation. She guessed another trip or training was coming up, possibly a long one.

  “Let me guess,” she said. “You won’t be here for the Fourth of July?”

  “Actually, I should be home for that.”

  “So, then is there training coming up in Oklahoma?”

  “No, Amanda, it’s actually worse than that. It’s another deployment.”

  Amanda turned around and walked into the living room and sat down. She felt furious. Lucas followed right behind her, put the gifts on the coffee table, and sat next to her. She knew in her head there would be a deployment in the next year or two, but her heart was hoping that somehow the possibility would go away. Lucas grabbed both her hands in his.

  “We had the quarterly commander’s call today, and they made the announcement. I’m still surprised there were no rumors of it in the squadron beforehand. We leave in mid-September, and it’s another six-month one.”

  Amanda put her head on his shoulder and sighed. Her anger quickly turned to sadness. “Every time I feel like I get used to you being around, you have to leave.”

  They were both quiet for a few minutes, and Amanda finally lifted up her head. “I’m going to miss you, Lucas.”

  “I’m going to miss you, too. I think this one is going to be the hardest. The longer we’re married, the more I want to stay home and just have a normal life that’s more predictable day-to-day.”

  “Can you imagine having a job where you were home every night and every weekend?”

  “Actually, I can and I do. At least when I’m back from this deployment, we can start talking about options for our future. It’s only one year until I get my degree and two years until my enlistment is up. I’ll start looking into what cross-training options there are while I’m deployed so we can know what other jobs I could do if I stayed in the military.”

  “Do you think you’d be able to walk away from the military completely?”

  “If it meant being with you more, yes, Amanda, I would walk away in a heartbeat. I only get this one life to live with you.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if it’s so easy for us because we don’t see each other every day. You aren’t around enough for me to truly drive you crazy.”

  “I’m up for you driving me crazy,” he said, and they laughed. “But, seriously, we will look at all the options when I get back. We don’t have to stick this military thing out until the end.”

  “Maybe we should wait and review the baby options when you get back, too. Just leave that box up on the shelf. We can plan our whole future out once you’re back safely.”

  “That sounds like a good idea, Amanda,” he said. “Oh, they did mention that everyone should plan to take two weeks of leave sometime between now and the deployment. I put us down for the beginning of August so we’re back before you need to start work.”

  “Back from where?”

  “You’ll see. I have a great idea, but I need to do a little more research before I tell you. I want us to do a fun trip before I leave, though.”

  “I’m always up for traveling with you.” Amanda was smiling, despite the bad news of the deployment. They had a bright future ahead, and a trip to end the summer would be fun.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Amanda got to see Lucas more that summer than any other time since she’d met him. Their squadron was put at the bottom of the mission-tasking list as they got ready for the deployment. He had one trip to Europe in July and one in late August. It was great to have him home for the Fourth of July weekend. Amanda and Juliana got to spend a day out shopping while Lucas took Brian on a tour of the base and planes. They went downtown to watch the fireworks display and then slept in the next day before doing some of the area’s tourist attractions that Juliana and Brian had never seen. Juliana and Amanda decided Amanda would go to Chicago after Christmas for a week so they could celebrate New Year’s Eve together. Lucas thought it was a great idea. He had been suggesting Amanda plan some trips to visit people while he was deployed to help pass the time. She would go back to Washington for Christmas, too.

  Juliana gave Amanda a big hug before they left and remind
ed her she was allowed to call anytime, especially when Lucas was gone. Amanda was so glad she had been able to see Juliana. It definitely helped lift her spirits.

  Lucas told her they needed to go to a will appointment the week after the Fourth of July. It was part of the pre-deployment checklist, and Lucas wanted to get them done earlier as appointments would get booked up as the deployment was closer. It gave Amanda an odd feeling to be making wills at their age. They had no children and no huge assets. He reminded her that if something happened to both of them, they wanted to make sure they were buried together and that certain items went back to certain parents. Amanda conceded it was a good reason to have a will. She honestly didn’t care what happened to most of her things if something were to happen to her. It should all go to Lucas. As she started thinking about what she would do if something happened to Lucas, she stopped herself quickly. She didn’t even want to think about something happening to him. It couldn’t.

  The will appointment actually wasn’t too bad. Lucas printed out a worksheet with questions that they filled out the night before, and everything seemed very straightforward. She still felt odd during the whole appointment and only felt better once they got home and put the wills into the small safe tucked away in the back of their closet.

  “Now that that’s done, I’m free from deployment readiness until the few weeks before the deployment. So, I’m ready to let you in on where we’re going in a month.”

  “Where?” she asked eagerly. She asked him every few days for weeks, and he wouldn’t even give her a clue.

  “We’re going to ...,” he pulled out a pamphlet from his pocket and handed it to her.

  “Alaskan Cruises,” Amanda read. “Alaska? On a cruise? Yes!” She jumped up and then hugged him tightly. “That was my favorite place we went to growing up!”

  “I love hearing your stories about it, and I thought it was time to see it myself, and not just for a few hours stop at Elmendorf for fuel,” he said. “We’ll fly up to Seattle and spend one night with your parents before getting on the cruise. We’ll actually fly back from Alaska so that we can spend a few days exploring on our own.”

  “This is going to be so much fun! This is definitely a trip of a lifetime!” Amanda started talking about all the places they should make sure to see and what clothing they should pack. She’d never been on a cruise and neither had Lucas, but they could figure that out together. The best part of going there, though, was that it would be distracting enough to take her mind off Lucas’ impending departure. She had worried that it would put a damper on their pre-deployment vacation. But, Alaska was a true adventure, and they could pretend for two weeks like they would never be apart.

  Amanda and Lucas had a great time on their cruise after spending some time with her parents. The weather was clear almost every day, and they took pictures together at almost every landmark. Amanda planned to make a photo book of the trip and she’d add the best picture to their collection on the mantel. The cruise docked at Sitka, and they took a train to Anchorage after going out on a fishing charter. They both caught some salmon and halibut and had their fish sent home on ice, completely processed, to arrive the same day they got home. Amanda told Lucas she couldn’t promise there would be any left after he got back home. He joked he would just label a few packages as spinach and she wouldn’t touch them.

  The tour stops only took them as far as Anchorage, so they rented a car and spent a few days making their way to Denali. One of the cruise workers had given a speech at a dinner about the correct Alaskan lingo to use for a few things so they didn’t stick out like tourists too much. The biggest one, he said, was not to call the tallest mountain Mt. McKinley, but Denali. True Alaskans held it as a deep affront that their mountain was named after someone who had never even visited the state but was from Ohio. Denali was what the natives called it, and that was its true name.

  They spent one day visiting Hatcher Pass and the Iditarod Museum in Wasilla. They spent a night in Talkeetna and then spent a whole day at Denali before flying home from Fairbanks. As they waited to board their flight, Lucas caught Amanda staring at him.

  “What?” he asked. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, I just wish we didn’t have to head back. I don’t want you to leave me.”

  He wrapped an arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that until it was time to board. They would have just a few weeks at home and then Lucas would deploy.

  Those few weeks went by quicker than either Amanda or Lucas thought they would. Amanda went back to teaching, and Lucas had appointments, training, flights, and packing. They went to the family pre-deployment briefing together, and Amanda was the one who reached out to the girlfriends so they could be included in the spouse activities. The woman who had run the book club had PCS’d that summer to Oklahoma, so Amanda was taking over the role. She still felt weird using some of the military lingo – PCS was short for permanent change of station, which really meant a move. Amanda thought it was ironic that they used the word permanent in an acronym that meant a military move. There seemed to be nothing permanent about the military – except change.

  Lucas had a full three days off before the deployment, and Amanda took time off from work that Friday and Monday. Even though they were scheduled to report to leave at 8 a.m. on Monday, Amanda knew she wouldn’t want to go into work that day. The spouses were going to have a kickoff dinner that night with various countdown crafts to make for both the children and adults. Amanda was going to make a chalkboard countdown in the shape of a heart. They were offering journals, paper chains, memory jars, and scrapbooks. Some of the spouses had even gotten matching T-shirts that said “Another Deployment” on the front and “We’re In It Together” on the back with the squadron logo. They were going to do a second order since several spouses wanted one after seeing them. Amanda was ordering a red one. If there was anything good about a deployment, it was the camaraderie between the spouses and families who were left behind.

  Lucas and Amanda didn’t leave the house until Sunday night that last weekend. Lucas helped Amanda clean and organize, and Amanda helped Lucas pack his last-minute things. Lucas made sure as much around the house was taken care of as possible and the cars were tuned up before he left. He was trying to prevent the deployment curse, but Amanda knew it was bound to happen. Within a few days or weeks of the deployment, each household seemed to have at least three things go wrong in rapid succession. Terri told Amanda that the last time Will deployed, the furnace stopped working, the kitchen sink started leaking, and the garage door broke – all within the same week. At least since they lived on base, Amanda could call the housing office and a maintenance worker would come fix whatever was broken. The only things she was responsible for were the cars, washer and dryer, and lawn.

  Three teenage boys whose own fathers were deploying with the squadron would take care of the lawn. It was going to be one boy’s Eagle Scout project. There had been a front-page article in the weekly base newspaper about their project. Amanda planned to take the article in to the principal since the boys went to the school where she taught, although she hadn’t had them in any of her classes.

  Amanda had finally gotten the photo book and canvas print in the mail from their Alaska trip that Saturday. Before going out to dinner on Sunday, they spent some time looking through the book, and Lucas helped her hang the canvas on a spot on the wall beside their wedding picture. The best picture had been the one of the two of them in front of the Alaskan Railroad train. Another cruise passenger had taken it of them. They had their arms around each other and were smiling. The sun was behind the train, and the colors were vibrant. After he hung it, they stood back and looked at the snapshots from highlights of their life together so far.

  “Which one is your favorite?” she asked Lucas.

  “The engagement one,” he said quickly. “I love that I completely surprised you.”

  “I love the wedding one, of course, but I love how happy we ar
e in the Alaska one.”

  “I think we’ll get happier in each photo we add,” he said. “A whole lifetime of happiness is ahead.”

  Neither of them spoke much Sunday night or Monday morning. They had swapped journals at dinner. Amanda had prepped them with the dates, but they each filled them out with notes for each other to read, and there was space for each to jot down what happened each day. They had both liked the journals last time, but they had decided not to do daily, weekly, or monthly notes as they would be able to stay in better contact this time. Video chatting was more mainstream, and Lucas would be able to do it from his room and not just at the base’s setup.

  The mood at base ops was very different than the homecomings. Each couple or family was in their own separate small group, and people were whispering, hugging, kissing, and crying. Some of the moms with children were already leaving after saying goodbye, not wanting to prolong the event for the children’s sake. Amanda and Lucas sat down on the floor side-by-side and held hands. She leaned her head on his shoulder. They didn’t talk until it was time for Lucas to leave. They stood up and hugged each other tightly. Amanda felt tears well up in her eyes.

  “Come back to me soon, Lucas,” she whispered.

  “I will. I’m going to miss you terribly,” he said. He pulled away to give her a long kiss. “I love you, Amanda.”

  “I love you, too.” After one more hug and one more kiss, Lucas picked up his bags and walked toward the double glass doors. She stood still and watched him. He turned back and looked at her and smiled. She waved and he waved back. Then, he was gone.

  The first week without Lucas went by slowly, especially since Amanda had trouble falling asleep most nights. Then, her life starting falling into a routine. Lucas was helping more with office work, so he was able to email her every day. They were going to try to video chat once a week on the weekends, and they talked for almost an hour that first Saturday. The time difference had Lucas waking up early and Amanda staying up late for the video chat to work. The next weekend, Amanda was hosting book club on Saturday night, so they chatted Friday instead. Amanda really liked being in touch with Lucas more often. It was almost better than when he was on trips.