Don't Fade. Breathe Easy. (TNT trilogy Book 3)

by Sarah Delany

  “Thanks,” I say again.

  She stands to leave but before exiting she turns and says, “And Tate if you ever need to talk, your uncle and I are always here. I hope you know that.”

  “I do,” I say, smiling at her. She nods once then leaves me to finish my work.

  The next day at school after Tamsyn and I finish eating our lunch, I tell the others I need to talk to Tamsyn alone. She walks with me away from our table as I lead us towards the school field where we can easily find a spot, far away from other people. We sit opposite each other with our legs crossed.

  “Is everything okay?” she asks, her brows pulled together.

  “Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you alone,” I tell her, before taking a breath. “So Miss Steepleton thinks I might be depressed,” I say, letting out my exhale and lifting my eyes to hers. She shuffles closer to me, taking my hands in both of her smaller ones.

  “Really? Why does she think that?” she asks.

  “I filled out this mental health assessment form and based on my answers, she said I was moderately depressed.”

  “What does moderately depressed mean?” she asks.

  I shrug my shoulders as I answer, “I have no idea. I didn’t think there were different degrees to it.” I change position and decide to lie on the grass. I pull her back so she lies perpendicular to me with her head resting on my stomach. Both of us stare up into the clear blue sky, lost in our thoughts.

  It’s silent for a few minutes before she says, “So what’s gonna happen now?”

  “JP’s mum has made an appointment for me with a doctor after school today. I just wanted to talk to you and let you know what was going on.”

  “You feeling alright?” she asks, her eyes still looking up at the sky.

  “Yeah, I thought I was doing better but then I think what happened with Rafe has just set my mind off again,” I tell her honestly.

  “Yeah I know what you mean. My mind keeps thinking what if I hadn’t made it to him in time. I know he’s safe now but what if he tries it again and we think he’s okay but really he’s not,” she says, rushing the words so fast I can feel her getting worked up.

  “Hey Sweetness,” I say calmly, sitting up so her head falls into my lap as she’s still lying down. Gazing down at her, I sweep her hair back from her face. “Take a breath. He’s okay. At this very moment he’s fine,” I tell her, as I watch her chest rise and fall as her eyes glisten with unshed tears. She draws a deep breath in, eyes on mine and then exhales. “Let’s promise each other we will always let the other know how we are feeling,” I say.

  “Yeah I can do that. I promise,” she says, holding her pinky finger up to me and with my lips tugging up into a smile, I link my pinky with hers.

  “Pinky promise,” I say, lying back down and closing my eyes. The sun shines on us and in this moment, I let myself relax and try and let my thoughts drift away for a minute.

  Later that night when I’m lying in bed, I go over the conversation I had with the doctor after school. He concluded I was indeed suffering from depression. He wanted me to try medication but I wanted to see if the counselling would help first without medication. I have to see him again in a month’s time for a progress report and then we will go from there.

  I can tell my mum is worried about me from the tone of her voice. She wanted to get on the first flight available and fly out here to see me but I told her there was no need. I reassured her numerous times that I feel fine. I do believe I’m fine or I will be fine, in time. I’ve got my family and friends I can rely on as well as Miss Steepleton and Tamsyn if I need to talk. So for now, I feel hope. Hope that I’ll be okay and get through this and come out the other side even stronger.

  Chapter 10

  -- Tamsyn --

  It’s been a couple weeks since Rafe’s incident and the weather is getting warmer so Penny invited us around to her place for a swim and then she’s hosting a sleepover. I wanted to take my car for a drive even though I can’t drive it myself so Tate kindly offered to drive for us. He and JP walked over to my house and then we picked up Scott. It’s a tight fit with the guys but they don’t mind. Once we pull up to Penny’s house, we grab our bags and head inside.

  “Hey guys, I’m in the kitchen,” she yells from inside her house, so we follow her voice and find her pulling drinks out of the fridge. “I thought we could use the barbeque out the back if you guys want?” she asks.

  “Sounds great, Pen. I can get started on that if you like,” JP says, smiling at her.

  “Cool. I’ve got some steaks marinating in the fridge and there’s some sausages in there too,” she tells him. “You guys can just place your bags in the lounge if you like,” she says to the rest of us. We walk back into the lounge and place our bags on the floor.

  “What can we help with?” I ask, turning back to Penny.

  “You can help me carry the drinks and snacks out if you like. Tate and Scott can you guys set up the fold out table that’s out there please?” They nod at her and head out to get started. JP follows them to inspect the barbeque before he starts cooking the meat.

  “Thanks for having us over Penny. I think we all needed a relaxing day to stop fretting about Rafe. It’s been a hard few weeks without him, you know?” I say to her, and she wraps me in a hug.

  “He’s in the right place, Tam. I’m sure he will be back with us before we know it,” she says, and I give her a tighter squeeze. “Let’s not dwell on that today okay. Today is for fun,” she says, trying to lighten the mood. I give her a small smile as I let her go.

  “Table’s ready,” Scott yells from outside, so Penny and I fill our arms with drinks and carry them out.

  “I’ve got some alcohol in the cabinet if we want mixes?” Penny asks the guys, as she starts lining up drinks on the table.

  “Sounds good, Pen,” JP says, as he walks back into the house, juggling the steaks and sausages as he returns.

  “Tam, do you wanna come with me and we can change into our swimsuits?” Penny asks, so I follow her into the lounge. Grabbing my bag, I walk behind her down the hall to her bedroom. “You can get changed in here Tam if you like and I’ll go to the bathroom,” she says, as she hunts around in her drawers until she finds what she’s after. She pulls out a black one piece and leaves me while she goes to change. I quickly locate my royal blue bikini and change. I’m glad Penny gave me my privacy. I don’t know if I’ll ever be one of those girls that strips down naked in front of other girls. I finish tying the bikini string around my neck and then shimmy my jean shorts back on. I decide to put my shirt back on over the top but then change my mind. I want to see Tate’s face when he sees me so put it back in my bag.

  Penny gently knocks on the door.

  “Come in,” I quietly respond, as she pushes the door open.

  Her eyes roam up and down my body making me blush as she says, “Damn girl, you look hot.”

  “Thanks Pen, you look pretty hot yourself,” I tell her, and she does, with her thick black locks hanging down her back. I gather my hair in my hands, running my fingers through it to smooth any bumps before I secure it in a high ponytail. Pinching the ponytail to make it perfect. I leave my bag on her bed as we head back out to the guys. As soon as Penny steps through the door, JP’s gaze follows her and I see him visibly gulp before he notices me watching him. Diverting his attention back to the barbeque, I see a slight pink light up his cheeks and can’t help a smile igniting on my face. Tate has his back to me, adding more snacks to the table but as he turns his eyes widen as they scan my body. His blatant scanning of my body makes me nervous, but then his lips tug up on one side and I catch a cheekiness shining in his eyes.

  Before I can react, he lunges at me throwing me effortlessly over his shoulder in a fireman’s hold and jogs to the pool.

  “Don’t Tate,” I squeal, as I can see the plan forming in his head. “I don’t want t
o get wet yet,” I tell him, as my little fists pound on his back. He opens the pool gate with one hand while holding my thighs tightly to him with the other. I can hear the other’s laughter at the barbeque, finding my predicament funny. Tate stands at the edge of the pool and I try one last effort to get him to release me. “Please Tate,” I plead, and he slowly slides my body down his front so I’m standing in front of him. He pinches my chin in his fingers and I see the heat swimming in his eyes. Leaning down, he kisses me until I’m breathless when he pulls away.

  “Come on, let’s get back to the others,” I say, after a few minutes of staring into each other’s eyes.

  “You go. I’ll be there in a minute,” he says, and my brows pinch.

  Reaching up and touching his bicep I ask, “Everything okay?”

  His hand adjusting himself catches my eyes as he says, “I just need to think of my grandma or maybe a hard math problem will do the trick,” winking at me, and I cover my mouth with my hand but my giggles still escape.

  “Don’t take too long,” I tell him between laughs, as I lean up and kiss his cheek, leaving him to deal with his problem.

  My wide smile is still on my face when I return to the others but they don’t mention it as they finish setting up. Tate finally returns a few minutes later, giving me a knowing smile of his own and I can’t help the giggle that escapes. It isn’t long before JP has finished barbecuing the meat and we dig in. Everyone grabs plates and fills them and we eat in silence which has become our norm of late.

  “I heard from Rafe last night,” JP says around a mouthful of food, breaking the silence and all of our heads whip to stare at him, waiting for him to continue. “He said he’s doing okay and for us not to worry about him. They’ve put him on some anti depressants and he’s going to daily therapy sessions. They want to see how he is going with the medication and stuff first before he comes back home.” I let out a sigh of relief because it sounds like he’s doing okay.

  “That’s awesome to hear,” Scott says, with a smile spread across his face and I can’t help but feel the same.

  “He’ll be home in no time,” JP says, and I wonder if he’s trying to reassure himself more than us. He must be missing Rafe like crazy.

  “You guys wanna have a swim now?” Penny says, looking around at us, once we’ve all finished our food.

  “Sounds good,” JP replies, and we all start clearing away our plates, grabbing our towels and then heading out to the pool. Penny hands around the sunscreen which we all spray on ourselves and rub in. The guys all pull their shirts off and Tate comes up behind me and sprays the sunscreen on my back and gently massages it in for me. I return the favor and then I offer to do Scott’s back because JP and Penny are busy doing each other’s.

  I finish up and then place the sunscreen and my shorts on one of the wooden pool chairs. My eyes glance down to the chair at the end of the row, a small smile lighting up my face as I can’t help but think of the night Tate and I talked out here. Seems like so long ago it happened, when in reality it has only been a few months. It’s funny how time can play tricks on you, it feels like I’ve known Tate longer than a few months.

  The sound of the water splashing draws my focus as JP’s head pops up out of the water and he flicks his hair back and then I spot Scott running and doing a cannonball of his own. I glance at Tate by my side and my finger traces the tattoo on his ribs. His gaze meets mine and behind his smile is a hint of sadness he pushes aside as he grabs my hand and pulls me into the pool with him.

  We sink under the cool water, surfacing as I push at his chest as he laughs and grabs my ankle, dunking me again. Penny lets out a scream as she runs and does her own cannonball into the pool and the air fills with laughter as we all enjoy the moment. We all end up splashing and dunking each other, all our worries forgotten for a brief period in time.

  “How about we take turns battling each other with one of the girls on our shoulders?” JP suggests, and we all agree. Tate comes to stand in front of me, before he sinks down under the water with his hands reaching up which I take. I lift my legs over his shoulders and then hang on for dear life as he lifts me up. Laughter escaping as I settle above him. We watch JP as he drops under the water behind Penny and then pops his head between her legs and lifts her unaware on his shoulders. The scared look on her face has me and Tate cracking up as she wobbles trying to balance, her hands gripping his head to stay upright.

  “You could have given me a heads up,” she says, feigning anger as she smacks JP lightly across the head. His bright smile shines at us and he grips her lower legs in his hands.

  “Get ready to go down cuz,” he says, sporting the biggest grin I’ve seen on his face in a long time.

  “You’ll be the one going down,” Tate replies, as Scott comes forward to be the referee.

  “Okay, on the count of three you can go. And it’ll be best of three,” Scott informs us, as Penny cracks her neck from side to side like she’s getting ready for battle. “One, two, three, go,” Scott yells, and the boys move under us and Penny and I grasp at each other with our hands, trying to chuck the other one off. Just when I think I have the upperhand, I go flying backwards off Tate’s shoulders as JP managed to out maneuver him. Luckily I manage to close my mouth before I hit the water and come up laughing. I reposition myself on Tate’s shoulders and we start all over again. And that’s how we spend the rest of the afternoon, everyone taking turns to referee and switching partners. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but feel Rafe’s missing presence.

  -- Tate --

  After we’ve spent a few hours in the pool, laughing and carrying on, we get out and sun ourselves on the pool chairs. I reach my hand out to Tamsyn and grasp her hand in mine. I hold her hand as I close my eyes and enjoy the heat from the sun rays beaming down on me and warming me up. I know everyone is struggling with Rafe being gone but this is one of the happiest days we’ve had in a while and I can’t help but smile to myself.

  Once we are all a bit warmer, we head inside to have showers and get ready to watch some movies. There are two showers in Penny’s place, so while Scott and Penny take one each and JP is distracted cleaning up the barbeque, I thread my fingers through Tamsyn’s and pull her down the hallway, away from the others.

  When we are out of earshot of them, I push her up against the wall, taking her lips in mine, swallowing her gasp of surprise. Lately my body has been taking control and I need to be as close to Tamsyn as I can. My hand trails down her body, until I cup her butt in my hand, pulling her close to me as she wraps her hands around my neck, pulling her closer still. We get lost in the moment and it isn’t until Scott yells, “Shower’s free,” I regretfully pull away, smiling down at her flushed cheeks. I run a finger down from her temple to her chin, lift her beautiful eyes to mine and my heart overflows with emotion because this girl is mine.

  “I love you,” I tell her truthfully, and she sucks in a breath as her eyes glisten with tears. She reaches up with her own hand, wiping her thumb over my thoroughly kissed lips and lifts her eyes from my lips to look at me.

  “I love you too,” she says, and I lean forward, devouring her lips again in another hungry kiss as my heart fills. While kissing her with all the love I feel for her, I thank my lucky stars this girl feels the same way I do. I know we are still young but I don’t feel my heart could ever want anyone as much as I want her. Too quickly we are pulling apart again, smiling brightly at each other.

  “You go shower, Sweetness. I’ll go after,” I tell her, and she delivers a chaste kiss to my lips as she walks down to Penny’s room, grabs her bag and heads to the shower Scott vacated.

  After everyone is showered, we drag a couple of double mattresses into the living room. Tamsyn and I take one and JP and Penny take the other while Scott takes the couch.

  “Anyone want a drink? I’m going to make me one,” Penny says,
as she stands and JP follows her to help.

  Before Tamsyn can reply I say, “Hey, I was thinking I could give you a driving lesson tomorrow if you wanted?” as I watch the smile grow on her face.

  “Yes, that would be perfect,” she squeals, giving me a tight hug. “I’ll just drink juice tonight then,” she says, as I kiss her lips.

  “Can we have two juices please?” I yell, so Penny and JP can hear me in the kitchen.

  “I’ll take a beer,” Scott says, and gets handed one by JP as he sips from his own and hands a glass of juice to Tamsyn. Penny comes over, giving me my glass while she sits back on her mattress with her own drink and we settle in to watch a movie.

  Halfway through the second movie, Tamsyn is drifting off but before she does, she turns to me and snuggles into my chest.

  Her eyes lift to mine as she mouths, “I love you.” My heart leaps with emotion as I mouth it back to her, drawing her tightly into my chest. I feel better than I have in a long time and it’s all thanks to my green fairy.

  Chapter 11

  -- Tate --

  The next morning we wake up and laze around on our makeshift beds in the living room, watching a couple more movies before we clean up. It isn’t until after lunch we leave and drop off Scott and JP. Once it’s just me and Tamsyn in the car, I grab her hand and link our fingers while I drive. I lead the car down towards the dock and as we pass it, we both glance out at it. It always looks so different in the light of day, with the sun bouncing off the water below.

  “I miss Rafe,” Tamsyn says, as she squeezes my hand tight.

  “Me too,” I confess. His missing presence is like the elephant in the room when we are all together. His personality is so big, it’s hard to not notice he is missing.

  “I haven’t been able to go to the dock since that night,” Tamsyn says. Her confession makes my heart ache as I know she loves the dock. It was a special connection she had to her dad. I’ll have to try to help her to rectify the situation.