Don't Fade. Breathe Easy. (TNT trilogy Book 3)

by Sarah Delany

  “We’ll fix that, Sweetness,” I reassure her, squeezing her hand just as hard.

  I pull off to the small side road that runs along the water. It’s a twenty zone here and has speed bumps spaced all along the straight strip of road. It’s the perfect place for her to learn how to drive. There’s a carpark down the far end which she can practice turning too. The water still isn’t hot even though the weather is getting warmer, so we are lucky the road is empty for now and not filled with families wanting to go swimming.

  “Okay, let’s start,” I say, as I get out of the driver’s seat and walk around the car while she does the same. I tap her butt as I pass her and she gives me a small grin as she catches my eye before we get back into the car. “Do you know anything about driving?” I ask her.

  “Not really. I’ve never driven before so you’ll probably have to start with the basics,” she tells me, and I nod.

  “Okay, first thing’s first, seatbelt on and we are going to adjust your seat and mirrors. Move the seat forward so you can comfortably reach the pedals,” I tell her, and watch as she adjusts the seat. “Now move the rearview mirror so you can see behind you and adjust the side mirrors with the control on your door.” I watch as she carefully does exactly what I said. I take her through the basics, showing her where the controls for the indicator, windscreen wipers and lights are. Once she knows those, I explain about the handbrake.

  “Now for your pedals. The smaller one is the accelerator and the larger one is the brake. You use one foot to control both when you need to. You okay with everything so far?” I ask, feeling as if I’m overloading her with information.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” she tells me, beaming.

  “Cool. So we are going to take the handbrake off and start to move okay? Put your hands on the steering wheel,” I instruct, and then move her hands slightly higher on each side to what would be ten and two o’clock. “Ready?” I ask, and she nods.

  “I’m so nervous, my hands are slippery,” she giggles, wiping her hands on her thighs and then repositioning them on the wheel.

  “You’ll be fine, Sweetness. I’m right here and we’ll take it slow to start. Plus no one is around,” I say, encouraging her and she nods, more sure of herself.

  “Okay, so press down on the brake and I’ll release the handbrake for you to start.” She looks at me after she puts her foot down so I click the handbrake and lower it down to release it. “Now put the driveshaft into drive then move your foot down to the accelerator and gently press on it. It might take you a while to get the feel for the brake and accelerator,” I tell her. She gently pushes down the accelerator and we slowly move forward.

  “Keep your hands steady so we stay in a straight line,” I tell her, so we don’t start swerving all over the road. I glance at the concentration on her face as the car moves at a snail’s pace and try not to laugh. “Push a little harder on the accelerator Sweetness, you can do it,” I encourage her, trying to get her to relax.

  As she presses down we zoom faster and her squeal has me saying, “Ease up, not so fast.” I hold back my laugh at the expression on her face when she realises she’s pushed too hard. Suddenly I rock forward as she presses down hard on the brake, giving me an uneasy look.

  “Sorry,” she shyly says, biting her lower lip.

  “It’s okay, Sweetness. You are learning and you are doing pretty good for your first time behind the wheel. So keep going. Slowly press down on the accelerator again and ease into it,” I tell her, and this time her pace is a bit smoother and we manage to travel all the way to the end of the road with no hiccups. I instruct her to turn into a parking spot but she ends up parking between two spots. We will have to work on parking next time. I pull the handbrake back up and I’m mesmerised by the excitement I see, blazing in her eyes.

  “That was so much fun,” she squeals, as she throws her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her for a hug.

  “You did good baby,” I tell her, as I breathe in her scent which grounds me. I release her as I say, “Lets go again,” earning me a smile from her. We spend the next hour with her going up and down the straight road. I have to reverse it for her a few times to get it into position as she’s struggling with turning but apart from that, she does great for her first time. We finish the lesson with some important information about blind spots. I get out of the car and walk around it to demonstrate blind spots. I get her to track my movements and take note of where I disappear from sight so she understands how important checking all her mirrors are.

  Once the novelty of her first driving lesson wears off, we change seats and I drive us back down the small straight road and turn onto the main strip. As we close the distance to the dock, I pull over to park which has her looking at me, with her brows furrowed.

  “Why are we stopping?” she asks. I move my gaze out her window to stare at the dock that is still being hit by the late afternoon sun.

  She follows my gaze and is silent for a minute as her stare lingers out the window before she quietly says, “Okay.”

  “I’ll be with you the whole time,” I tell her, as I unbuckle my seat belt and exit the car walking around to her side. I take her hand and we cross the road together. Her hand is getting slippery cupped in mine so I release it and drape my arm over her shoulders, pulling her into my side as she wraps an arm around my waist. We walk silently to the old wooden dock. I’m hoping in the light of day it won’t be as bad for her. Her steps slow the further along we go and I match her speed.

  Two metres away from the edge and her feet stop as if they are glued in place. I glance down at her. Her wide eyes stare out at the blue water below the dock and I can hear her forced breaths as she tries to keep them even. I shuffle behind her, pressing my body flush against her back, folding both my arms over her collarbones and drawing her head against my chest.

  I kiss the top of her silky hair and whisper, “I’m here, Sweetness,” as I let her work through her thoughts in her own time, hoping I’m giving her strength.

  The silence draws on as we stand there, staring out at the water. The setting sun still shines brightly down on us as it lowers in the sky. I don’t know how long we stand like that but I don’t hurry her and eventually she breaks the silence.

  “Do you think he knew what was going to happen when he came out here?” she quietly asks.

  “I don’t know. Only Rafe would know that Sweetness but that doesn’t matter because he’s okay now,” I tell her, squeezing her closer to me.

  “Do you think I’ll ever stop seeing him face down in the water?” she says, sending a shiver through her body.

  “I hope so Sweetness. Can you try to think of memories of your dad instead?” I ask, trying to get her mind off Rafe.

  “I’ll try,” she replies. I don’t want her to lose this place and not come out here anymore because even though she doesn’t remember, to me this is our place. It’s the place where I met her all those nights ago. Even though she doesn’t have the same memory I do, I don’t want her to give up the dock.

  The sun lowers more and a chill in the air surrounds us.

  “You ready to head home?” I ask.

  “Yeah, thanks for bringing me Tate. Maybe if I keep coming out here it won’t be as bad,” she sadly says. She turns around in my arms and presses her ear to my chest, where my heart is like she’s listening to it beat.

  “I hope so,” I softly say, gripping her chin to bring her gaze to mine as I lower my lips to hers. As she opens her lips to mine, I force all the love and strength I have to offer into the kiss, hoping she feels it. I crush her to me before we pull away a few minutes later, completely out of breath. The first smile she’s had since we stepped foot on the dock graces her lips. I can’t help but return it as I grab her hand and lead her back to the car.

  We pull up at her house and I park the car in the driveway since I’m going to walk home. Before I leave,
I deliver another kiss to her plump lips then head down the footpath in the direction of JP’s house. My heart beat runs rampant in my chest. I’m thankful I have this beautiful girl in my life who is helping me heal, without even realising what she does to me.

  Chapter 12

  -- Tamsyn --

  The school holidays come around fast and Rafe still isn’t back. He’s sent the odd text or two but I haven’t talked to him since he left. I know he rings JP once a week as JP updates us on how he is doing but it’s not the same. The good thing to come out of this all is Rafe is doing better. I just wish I could see for myself to know he was okay.

  It’s the Saturday after school let out and Tate and I are in my kitchen, eating some egg salad sandwiches I whipped up for lunch. My mum walks in while we are eating and asks if we have plans for the holidays and I shake my head because my mouth is full of food.

  “Umm, I was actually wanting to talk to you about that,” Tate says, gazing between my mum and I. I raise my brows in question because I have no idea what he’s about to say. He shifts on his seat before he speaks, putting his half eaten sandwich down on his plate. “So my parents rang me this morning and they wanted to know if I could come back home for a week or so of the holidays. They organised for Quinn’s headstone to get made and it was finished earlier than expected. They wanted to have her unveiling while I’m on holiday so I don’t miss any more school,” he says, and my heart deflates a bit at hearing he’ll be gone for part of the holidays.

  I push my feelings aside because now is not the time for a pity party when he should be focussing on his sister’s unveiling.

  I give him a bright smile as I say, “When do you leave?” trying to project to him and my mum I’m fine.

  He turns to my mum and says, “Well I was actually wondering if Tamsyn could come with me?” and my heart stops. I would love nothing more than to go with Tate but it also makes me nervous about going to his hometown. I set my eyes on my mum to see her expression and she gazes back at me.

  “Would you like to go?” she asks me, and I nod enthusiastically, which draws a smile to her face.

  “I talked to my parents and they offered to pay for Tamsyn’s flight too,” Tate tells my mum, but she shakes her head.

  “No that’s fine Tate. I can pay for Tamsyn’s ticket. Can I get your parents’ number so I can give them a ring to discuss this?” she asks, and Tate gives her their number which she dials from the landline then and there.

  I glance at Tate and he gives me a wink as we listen to my mum introduce herself over the phone.

  It isn’t long before she’s laughing and then she peeks at me and Tate before she says, “Yes, they are a bit inseparable now, aren’t they?” and I know she’s talking about us. “No you don’t have to do that,” she says, and then, “Fine, okay that sounds like a plan. I’ll let them know. Thank you, Jessica. It was nice talking to you,” she says, before she hangs up on Tate’s mum.

  Looking at Tate, she says, “Your mum is going to book the flights for tomorrow if she can. She’s looking at them now.” I leap out of my chair and straight into Tate’s arms. “Your mum also wouldn’t let me pay for Tamsyn’s ticket but I’ll give you some spending money instead bub for you to take with you.”

  “I can really go?” I squeak, not believing it.

  “Yes you can go. As long as you two behave. And Tate I’m trusting you to look after her,” she tells him, sternly but with a hint of a smile. “Your mum will ring you soon with the flight details and I’ve asked her to email them to me as well. I’ll drop you two off at the airport. So off you go, you better get packing in case you leave tomorrow,” she tells me, as she ushers me out of the kitchen. I jump out of Tate’s arms and give my mum a tight hug with a whispered thanks in her ear. Turning to Tate, I offer my hand which he takes as I drag him up the stairs to help me pack. I pull my old purple suitcase out of the hallway cupboard and Tate carries it back to the room setting it on the floor by my bed.

  “What do I need to pack?” I ask him, flustered.

  He steps towards me, staring into my eyes saying, “I don’t care. I’m just excited I get to spend the holidays with you after all,” before he gives me a deep kiss. I have to disengage myself from him after a minute or else we will never get me packed. With my heart feeling lighter than it has in a long time, I move to my dresser and start pulling out clothes to go in the suitcase. Tate shows me how to roll them up to help save space plus stop them from wrinkling so much.

  I walk into the bathroom and pull out a toiletry bag I fill with a few things like deodorant, my hairbrush and face moisturiser. Tate tells me not to worry about anything else as they have it at his house. I leave the toiletries on top of my suitcase to put my toothbrush in before we leave.

  I can’t hide my excitement as I leap into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist when he catches me.

  “I’m so excited to see where you grew up,” I tell him.

  “And I can’t wait to show you around. Pierce and Xander will be so happy to finally meet the girl I keep texting them about,” he tells me, with a big smile on his face, his green eyes twinkling at me.

  “Well, I think I’m done. Do you want me to come help you pack?” I ask him, and he shakes his head.

  “No, I already packed this morning after my mum rang me. I was just hoping you would be allowed to come too,” he tells me. So we decide to snuggle down on the bed and watch a movie instead while we text Penny and Scott to let them know we won’t be around for the week.

  -- Tate --

  My mum rings me on Saturday night to let me know she managed to get us on a last minute flight for Sunday. Tanya drops us off at the airport and I hold Tamsyn’s hand through the whole flight. It’s nice to have her all to myself for a bit. I’m both nervous and excited to show Tamsyn around where I grew up. As we walk through the airport, I catch sight of my parents waiting off to the side for us. Mum starts crying as soon as she sees me and my only thought is to stop her tears. I let go of Tamsyn and jog the last few steps to Mum and pull her tightly into my arms, while she squeezes me back.

  As I let her feet hit the ground, she wipes the tears from her cheeks as I give my dad a quick hug too.

  I step back beside Tamsyn as I say, “Mum, Dad this is Tamsyn. Tamsyn, these are my parents.”

  “Hi honey, it’s so good to finally meet you,” Mum says, pulling her into an embrace which Tamsyn nervously returns then she waves awkwardly at my dad.

  “Yes, nice to meet you, Tamsyn,” Dad says, taking her suitcase for her so I hold her hand, hoping I’m comforting her.

  “It’s nice to meet you too and thank you so much for having me to stay,” she gushes.

  “It’s no problem. We are happy you could make it,” Mum says, smiling at her.

  In the car and on our way home Mum says, “So we have booked the unveiling for Friday. Your father and I have taken the day off work. You can ask Pierce and Xander if they’d like to come if you want. It isn’t going to be too big.”

  “Yeah, I’ll ask them Mum. I haven’t actually told them I was coming back. I wanted to surprise them,” I say.

  Tamsyn leans into me and whispers, “You and your surprises,” which has me smiling at her.

  As we drive through the familiar neighbourhood, the big red door comes into view and my heart starts pounding. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at the front door without it making me want to run away. I breathe out and steady myself as we get out of the car, grab our suitcases and turn to walk up the path.

  “I love this door, it’s so beautiful,” Tamsyn gushes, as she stares at the reminder of Quinn. My parents turn to glance at me before they walk through with sad smiles on their faces.

  “Quinn actually picked out the colour,” I tell Tamsyn, her head whipping my way, taking in my expression.

  “Well she had good taste,” she says, reaching out and squeezing m
y hand. I lead her through the house to my room and push open the door. My brows squeeze together as I take in the mattress on my floor, all done up like a spare bed. I put our suitcases on the bed and then tell Tamsyn to wait in my room while I go talk to my parents.

  “What’s up with the mattress in my room?” I ask them, as they are in the kitchen making coffee.

  Mum turns to me and says, “I don’t think Tanya would appreciate her teenage daughter being under our roof and sharing a bed with you for a week?”

  “But I always sleep in Tamsyn’s bed at her place and Tanya doesn’t mind,” I tell them, and I realise it may not have been the smartest comment to let slip out of my mouth.

  “Well that is there and this is here. Tanya has trusted us with Tamsyn for the week so please just give me this for peace of mind,” she says, as she closes her eyes squeezing the bridge of her nose. I glance at my dad who has busied himself with the coffee and catch a glimpse of him hiding a laugh. I don’t say anything, just wait for Mum to open her eyes. When she does she says, “It’s either the mattress on the floor or you sleep on the couch. We don’t have a spare room and I’m not ready to disturb Quinn’s room yet,” she softens, and the fight leaves me.

  “Okay Mum, the mattress is fine,” I say. Her glassy eyes shimmer at me as she nods.

  “Do you kids want a coffee or hot chocolate?” Dad asks, trying to change the subject.

  “I’ll take a coffee thanks. I’ll go see if Tamsyn wants one,” I say, turning and walking back to my room to find Tamsyn sitting on my bed, taking in my room.

  “Sweetness, would you like a coffee or anything?” I ask her, and she nods, following me back to the kitchen. I direct her to sit at the table while I fix our coffees, remembering how she likes it.