Don't Fade. Breathe Easy. (TNT trilogy Book 3)

by Sarah Delany

  The further we walk into the forest track, the more the sun disappears, leaving us in a dim lit area, which gives me an idea.

  “You know, this would be a good place to hide,” I whisper to her, which has her gazing up at me, reading my thoughts.

  “Later?” she asks.

  “Later,” I say.

  After about a ten minute walk, we arrive at an open field with a high wooden square structure. The other instructors come to greet us and we get into practice abseiling. They teach us all to belay and about harnesses. We spend the morning going over all the safety aspects and what we need to do. Lunch rolls around and we make our way back to eat before we come back to the tower to start the fun part of the day.

  The group gets split in half. One half will go up while the other half stay on the ground, watching what the instructors do for the belaying. We aren’t going to belay ourselves but we are going to call out to the people abseiling, as if we were so we get the full experience.

  The girls plus Elijah are in the first group. Tamsyn looks cute in her orange helmet and I can tell from the look on her face she’s nervous. They all get clipped onto a line as they go into the structure to take the stairs, leading up to the first station. As you look up at it from the ground, it looks surprisingly high. I’d hate to think what it will look like from their angle.

  Elijah is up first and he makes it look easy. He bounces down the wall as the instructor has to rush to get down before him. Next up is Valerie and her screams reach our ears before she’s even over the edge.

  “I guess someone might have a fear of heights,” JP says, as we all look up. She’s on the edge and her screams fill the air. She drops a little and starts to freak out. The instructor is right under her as he helps bring her down to the ground slowly. Once she’s safe on solid ground, she lays down. I don’t think she’ll be doing that again. Scott goes over to sit by her to see if she’s okay.

  “Tamsyn’s up bro,” JP says, and I follow his gaze up towards where she’s about to step over the side.

  “You got this Sweetness,” I yell up to her, not caring what anyone thinks. She descends like a pro even bouncing off the wall a few times, closer to the bottom. As her feet hit the ground, I can’t help staring at the mesmerising smile taking over her whole face. Her eyes catch mine and once she’s unhooked, she runs to me and I pull her into my arms.

  “That was awesome,” she squeals into my chest, her excitement rubbing off on me. The guys all smile at her enthusiasm too. We all watch as Penny abseils down in a similar fashion as if she’s been doing it for years and not hours. I can tell from JP’s wide eyed expression he’s impressed. Hope is the last one from their group and once she’s done, it’s our turn to trade places and go up.

  When we reach the spot where we are going to drop from, there are seats lining the back wall so we all sit down, waiting for our turn. Rafe is up first and is bouncing on the balls of his feet with nervous energy. He listens to the instructor intently and then moves into the spot to lower himself. He gives us a wink as he disappears over the side.

  “See you on the other side,” he yells back to us, making us all chuckle.

  JP is up next and then Scott follows him. When it’s my turn, I wipe my sweaty hands on my shorts before putting on my gloves and listening to the instructor. As I take my place and lean back, a shot of adrenaline races through me as I drop slightly. Letting out some of the rope, I start descending. I use my feet to push off from the wall, testing it at first and then gaining more confidence, I jump further out, enjoying my time on the wall. Planting my feet on the ground, I’m sure I’ve got the silly excited grin on my face to match everyone else minus Valerie.

  Tyler is the last to take his turn and once he’s finished Jack says, “So that was great. You all did a good job listening to the instructors and doing what you needed to. Now who wants to take a shot from right at the top?” pointing all the way to the highest point of the structure.

  Everyone is buzzing off the first abseil so everyone except Valerie and Hope agree to go up to the top. We all take our turns and it’s a lot more exhilarating abseiling from an even higher height. The atmosphere and adrenaline follows us as we finish up and head back to the dining hall. It’s not quite dinner time so we get a bit of time to ourselves. So I take my opportunity to be alone with Tamsyn, dragging her back into the forest while the others are too distracted by today’s activity to notice us missing.

  Hand in hand, our feet hitting the dusty path, we delve further into the forest, following a different track not knowing where it’s leading. Our laughter follows us the deeper we go until we come to a thick oak tree and I pull Tamsyn behind it, hiding her from view of anyone coming down the path. Smiling at her, I push her back gently into the tree, lowering my lips to hers and letting my body take over. It has a mind of its own today.

  Her delicate hands wrap around my neck, pulling my body flush against her. When she feels my hardness digging into her stomach, she gasps and I swallow it down, running my fingers down her sides. A hunger for each other takes over until we are clawing at each other because we can’t get enough. I have to pull away in case someone happens to come down the path and catches us.

  Our pants fill the air as I rest my forehead on hers, briefly closing my eyes.

  “You’ve got me wanting to risk sneaking out to find you tonight,” I tell her, honestly.

  “I think you’ll have a hard time getting past Ms. Chadwick, she was on patrol most of last night,” she tells me, gasping as she tries to catch her breath.

  “We’ll just have to make the most of our stolen secret moments then, won’t we?” I say, leaning in to take her lips again. We get lost in the moment, too caught up in each other. I barely hear the breaking of a tree branch followed by voices.

  I pull away from Tamsyn, hold my finger to my lips to shush as we listen.

  “I tell you, the girls can’t be as bad as the boys. I caught two of them trying to sneak out last night and I had to confiscate fireworks off Mr Jeffers,” Mr. Finnegan complains, as footsteps become closer.

  “I caught Miss Dermot trying to escape with a flashlight and half of the cabins were filled with laughter until the early hours this morning. I’m gonna hardly get any sleep this week,” Ms. Chadwick’s voice rings out. I tug Tamsyn’s hand to pull her around the opposite side of the tree before they catch us as they walk down our path.

  “At least we aren’t on duty tonight. How about we have a nightcap after dinner tonight?” Mr. Finnegan suggests, as we creep further around the tree base out of view, hiding on the opposite side as they continue on their way, unaware.

  “That would be great,” we hear Ms. Chadwick reply, before their voices fade into the distance. We cover our mouths to hold in our laughter before I peek to check the coast is clear. Then I tug Tamsyn’s hand and we race back up the path the way we came, releasing our laughter once we are out of the forest and back in the sunlight.

  “Oh man, how close was that?” I say, catching my breath as we head back towards the dining hall for dinner.

  “Too close,” Tamsyn agrees. Entering the hall we see most of the students have already settled in to eat their dinner so we load up plates and take seats by the others.

  “Where did you two sneak off to?” Scott asks, as we sit down.

  “We were just around,” Tamsyn tells him, a light pink colouring her cheeks.

  “Man, you guys missed out on the flying fox. It’s so cool. We can go there again after dinner if you wanna see?” Rafe enthusiastically tells us.

  “Yeah sure, sounds great,” I tell him.

  Chapter 20

  -- Tamsyn --

  On Wednesday, we get divided into two buses and are driven about half an hour away from camp to go to an aquatic park. It’s jam packed with slides, different temperature pools and rides. The day disappears in the blink of an eye as we have free choice, so
our small group spends the day racing from ride to ride. On our way back to camp, I can feel the heat of my sunburn warming my skin as I rest my head on Tate’s shoulder. Ms. Chadwick shuffles to the front of the bus holding onto the backs of seats to keep her balance.

  Turning to address us she says, “Okay everyone, once we get back to camp you are to quickly shower and then gather at the dining hall for dinner. After that make sure you are wearing warm clothes as we are meeting over on the west side of the camp for a campfire and to look at the stars.” Cheering erupts all over the bus. I glance up at Tate and his sweet smile shines down on me.

  His thumb swipes across my cheekbone, “Time under the stars with you sounds perfect,” he says, and I can’t help the rapid beating of my heart.

  “Any time with you is perfect,” I softly reply, which has his lips lifting higher before he leans forward, delivering a chaste kiss to my lips.

  As soon as the bus stops, it’s a chaotic scramble to race to the showers first. Everyone sprints in opposite directions. Boys one way and girls the other. Laughter fills the air as we all dodge out of each other’s way. I catch up to Penny as we reach our cabin and quickly grab our shower things. Unfortunately by the time we get to the shower block, they are already occupied so we have to wait our turn.

  I change into a hoodie and track pants after I’m finished in the shower, then join everyone at the dining hall. The guys are already there with newly washed hair.

  “Gosh, you guys were fast,” Penny says.

  “Guys don’t take as long in the shower as girls. I don’t know what you guys get up to in there,” Rafe teases, winking at us. I send a smile his way, happy Rafe’s playful side has come back. He seemed low when he first arrived back from Oakley house but is looking more like his old self, the more time goes on.

  As soon as everyone has filled themselves with dinner, the excited atmosphere follows us as we hike to the west side of camp. The closer we get, the better we can see a big fire pit set up surrounded by rocks to keep it contained. Some of the kids are already seated around, huddled in groups, chatting and laughing. We find a space on the far side of the fire pit where we can all sit together in our own huddled group. Tate sits behind me with his knees bent and pulls me down to sit between his legs. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls my back against his chest and I relax into his embrace.

  “It shouldn’t be too much longer until it’s dark out,” Scott says, his gaze focused up at the darkening sky.

  Elijah and Tyler walk around the fire pit to the different groups, handing out sticks and bags of marshmallows for roasting. Elijah hands our bag to Rafe and as soon as it’s in his hands he opens it, stuffing a few into his mouth.

  “Rafe,” I squeal at him, trying not to laugh.

  “Aww you know me Petal,” he says, shrugging.

  “Yeah yeah, your metabolism, blah blah,” I reply, and we all crack up because it’s always the same excuse Rafe uses to gorge on food.

  “Here,” he says, holding out a stick with two marshmallows already skewered on it.

  “Thanks,” I say, but before I can grab it, Tate takes it and leaps up walking over to the fire to toast them.

  “Damn it,” we hear his cuss a minute later. He’s blowing out the marshmallows because they have caught on fire. I hide my giggle behind my hand.

  “You’re not supposed to put it right into the flames,” JP tells him, holding his own laughter back.

  “How would I know. I’ve never done it before,” Tate replies, walking back with his now charred marshmallows. He takes his seat back behind me and holds the stick out in front of me.

  “You wanna try one, Sweetness?” he asks, hopeful. I stare at the charcoaled marshmallow with no remaining white colour and carefully pick at a bit with my finger tips. The gooey mess comes away, feeling quite hot but I quickly put it in my mouth before I can change my mind. As the sugar substance dissolves in my mouth, I can’t help but think it tastes similar to when you burn toast.

  “It’s not too bad,” I tell Tate, and he rewards me with a kiss behind my ear, sending tingles through my body.

  “Thanks baby,” he whispers. I settle into Tate’s back as the others get up, taking turns roasting marshmallows. Rafe comes over shortly after and hands me a stick with two golden coloured marshmallows,

  “Enjoy,” he says, with a cheeky smile, knowing his marshmallows look pretty close to perfect.

  “Show off,” Tate grumbles behind me, and I have to stifle my laughter. I pull a bit off one and can’t help notice the contrast to Tate’s burnt marshmallow.

  “I prefer the charcoaled one, I think,” I say, teasing.

  “You do, do you?” Tate says into my ear, before he starts tickling my sides making me squeal. I squirm in his arms trying to move away from the torture he’s inflicting. I wriggle so much I end up with my head across his leg, staring up into his sparkling eyes. His eyes turn from mischievous to lustful in a second as they flick to my lips then back to my eyes. When I see the intent in his eyes I lean up to meet his lips, tasting the stickiness from his own marshmallow on his lips.

  When we break the contact I stare into his eyes and can’t help but feel we are both wishing we were alone right now. I wriggle back into my original position and know Tate is thinking the same thing, if his stiffness digging into my back is anything to go by. I stifle my giggle as I wriggle against him. He grabs my hips, holding me still. I may have taken it a bit far.

  “You think that’s funny, do you?” Tate whispers, so only I can hear. I lean my head back against his chest, looking up into his eyes, giving him an innocent smile. “I always knew you were trouble,” he says, and we both laugh so loud the others look at us. They’ve grown accustomed to me and Tate’s secret conversations; they usually ignore them. Something which I’m grateful for.

  Soft music fills the night air as the sky darkens. The twinkles of stars up above start to shine. My breath catches as I look up. It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful the stars can be. Out here, away from the city, the sky’s the fullest I’ve ever seen it.

  “So beautiful,” I hear Tate say, so I glance at his face but his eyes are on me, not the sky. “The stars are pretty beautiful too,” he says, winking at me and moving his chin to rest by my cheek. He squeezes me closer in his arms and we all get lost in admiring the beauty above us. “We will always have the stars, Sweetness,” he whispers, so I barely hear him. But I can’t help but think how true his words are. The stars have always connected us and in this moment I think they always will. The stars will always be there and I hope the same holds true for me and Tate’s relationship.

  -- Tate --

  The remaining days at camp are so loaded with activities I barely manage a spare moment alone with Tamsyn except to steal kisses from her in between activities. We completed the high ropes course on Thursday and the entire time, I was flooded with thoughts of Quinn. It is exactly the type of adrenaline rush she would have loved. Standing up at the top of the course before starting, I had to take a deep breath before my first move. This time instead of dwelling on the fact she wasn’t here for this, I made a promise to her in my head. I promised to live life to the fullest, and give more new things a go especially more things I know she would have enjoyed, like this high ropes course. I made a vow to live for her, as well as myself. It helped centre me and for the first time in so long, the thought of her wasn’t accompanied by the horrible feeling of a panic attack. Maybe it’s possible to still grieve for her but have my thoughts of her not burden me so much either.

  In the early hours of Friday morning I’m woken up and for a brief moment I’m confused, before I remember I’m at camp. Groaning from the opposite bunks pulls my attention. In the dim lighting I can make out Rafe, thrashing around in his blankets. Without hesitation, I jump down from my side as quietly as I can and climb on the ladder. His hands are clawing at his throat so I shake him firmly to tr
y and wake him.

  “Rafe,” I whisper yell, to try to wake him up without waking Scott and JP in the process. “Rafe,” I say a little louder, which has his body relaxing as he wakes up in a fogginess.

  “Tate?” he says unsure, looking at my face next to him.

  “You okay? You were having a nightmare,” I tell him. He touches his throat like he knew he was clawing at it. He’s left a scratch which makes him hiss as his finger runs over the shallow wound. “Lets go to the bathroom and have a look man,” I tell him, hopping down hoping he will follow, which he does.

  The snores of the other two fill the small cabin so we creep to the door, slowly turning the handle. I peek my head outside to check for any teachers but when I see the coast is clear, I gesture for Rafe to follow me. We quietly sneak to the bathrooms, situated down the end of the footpath. The lights are always on in here so at least we don’t need to worry about someone noticing us turn them on.

  Rafe steps in front of the mirror, surveying his throat.

  “Ugh, I got myself good this time,” he says, turning his neck back and forth, assessing the damage.

  “Does it happen a lot?” I ask, as I go into the cubicle to get some toilet paper for him. He wets it under the cold tap before wiping it over his grazed skin.

  “It used to happen a lot more. Not so frequent these days,” he says.

  “Do you wanna talk about it?” I ask.

  He lets out a sigh, throwing the now bloody toilet paper into the trash, eyes dropping to the sink as his hands clutch the bench.

  “I don’t remember the night Tamsyn found me in the water out by the dock but it’s as if my subconscious remembers, you know? The nightmares are always the same. It can be different events that lead to it but in the end, I’m always struggling to breathe, like there’s no air. When I wake up it’s like I’ve tried to scratch holes in my throat to get air in,” he tells me.