Falling

by Jane Green

  “I’ll bear it in mind,” says Dominic. “Listen, I had better get back. Here’s my number. If you give me yours, I’ll get in touch after I’ve thought about this. I need a little bit of time.”

  “Of course,” she says sadly. “I understand. I know you want to protect Jesse, and I don’t want to mess him up more than I have. I just want to be in his life. I’d love to see him before I go back to Florida, if you think that will be okay.”

  Dominic nods, and the both of them turn around at the same time to make their way back to the house. He can’t quite figure out what he’s feeling, now that she is actually here and offering to be a part of their son’s life. It seems to be some kind of mixture of sadness, regret, and relief. And the tiniest bit of fear.

  “Thanks, Dommo,” she says as they reach the house. They both stand awkwardly by her car as she reaches up and kisses his cheek. He stands stock-still, saying nothing, not even moving, as she gets in the car and drives away with a small wave.

  No one has called him Dommo since Stacy. It sweeps him back to years ago, to the memory of what it felt like to be crazy in love, to think that the high of that crazy love was going to last forever. He doesn’t feel anything for Stacy anymore . . . but even so, that one word sets him off on an impromptu trip down memory lane, bringing back feelings he thought he had buried long ago.

  He has no real emotional connection to these memories: Stacy as a young girl, sliding her hands into the rear pockets of his jeans; the two of them with part-time jobs delivering Chinese food for the Little Kitchen; Stacy drinking and shouting.

  He shakes his head. He doesn’t want to think about Stacy anymore. Where is Emma?

  He is still standing there when he spots Emma’s car rounding the curve of the road and pulling into the driveway. He walks toward her to greet her, put his arms around her, apologize, but she comes to him when she gets out of the car, doesn’t look him in the eye. Instead, she takes a step backward, clearly uncomfortable.

  “Hi,” she says, meeting his eyes only briefly.

  “Hey,” he says awkwardly, not sure how to act in the face of her reserve. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay,” she says. And then she takes a deep breath and meets his eyes. “I think maybe we need to talk.”

  Dominic’s heart plummets when he hears those words. They never mean anything good. Did she see Stacy? Did she see her reach up and kiss him on the cheek? We need to talk usually means This is over. It means I have changed my mind. It means I may have told you last night that I loved you, but it was because of the wine, and I didn’t mean it, and even if I did in the moment, I woke up this morning and knew all this—us—has been a terrible mistake.

  Dominic follows Emma into her house and stands before her in the living room, feeling slightly sick, as she puts her bag down, takes a deep breath, and turns toward him.

  “I needed some time away to think today,” she says. “I realize that you and I have probably rushed into things here. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and this . . . this thing . . . just crept up on me, on both of us. We probably took it much too quickly.”

  Dominic’s face falls. He can’t believe his worst fears are coming true.

  “It’s been lovely,” Emma says, willing herself not to cry, “but I saw your face last night when you saw your ex.” She can’t seem to say the name Stacy out loud. “I know you probably aren’t even aware of it, but I think you’re not over her. There are things you need to resolve with her before you’re ready for a relationship with someone else.” She pauses, remembering the old lady in New York, and the advice she’d offered. “Is that what’s going on for you?”

  “Wait,” Dominic says. “I don’t understand. What’s going on for you? What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying we should maybe have some space while we figure this out. If your ex is back in town and you’re still in love with her, you need to spend some time with her. I think you’re amazing, Dominic, but I can’t be second best in your life, and I want you to be happy. If she’s the one who’s going to make you happy, then you need to be with her.”

  Emma blinks away her tears. She crosses her arms, the way women do when they’re trying to protect themselves from pain.

  Dominic steps toward her, smiling.

  “What?” Emma looks confused. “Why are you smiling?”

  “I’m sorry,” he says, as he takes another step toward her. As he continues to move, Emma steps backward until her back is literally against the wall of the house. “This is because you think I’m still in love with Stacy?”

  “I watched your face last night when you saw her get into her car,” says Emma. “I saw it in your eyes. You didn’t say a word all the way home. You never bothered to say good night or come and see if I was okay.” This time tears do spring into her eyes.

  He finally stops smiling when he sees her tears. “That was shitty of me, Emma, and I am sorry. I was thrown by seeing Stacy last night, you’re right. But not for the reasons you think. I was upset. I didn’t sleep all night, but not because of my feelings about Stacy. This is about Jesse, not me. To know that she’s back in Westport? To see her after all these years when she walked out on our son without even a backward glance?” This time it is Dominic’s eyes that fill with tears. “That’s what I couldn’t deal with.”

  “So . . .” Emma looks up at him. “You’re not in love with her?”

  “Are you kidding? Stacy is a nightmare. I’ll admit, I was shocked last night when I saw her and realized she was actually back. For real. It was like a horror movie.” Dominic smiles. “She’s not the one I love. I’m in love with you. Completely.” He puts his arms around Emma as she leans into his embrace. “Wholeheartedly. With everything I have. I love you, Emma. There is no one in the world I want to be with more than you. You make me happy, and calm, and just . . . better. You make me a better person.”

  Emma allows herself to be held, and all the discomfort and anxiety of the day slips away as if it had never existed. Thank God, she thinks. The pain of the last twenty-four hours was almost unbearable. If that’s what relationships are like, she is better off without them. Except here she is, in Dominic’s arms.

  “I did see Stacy today, though,” Dominic says, and he feels her body instantly stiffen.

  “What?” She attempts to pull back, but he refuses to loosen his embrace.

  “She came here because she wants to get to know Jesse.” This time he does loosen his grip on Emma. “She says she’s sober now. She wants to get to know her son.”

  Emma stands back to face him, forcing herself to be calm, not to let her panic show. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

  Dominic shakes his head with a sigh. “I don’t know anymore. All these years I was furious with her for walking out on him, but now that she says she wants to get to know him, I don’t know what to do. What if she lets him down? She doesn’t plan to move back here. She just wants to meet him. What if she’s nothing but a huge disappointment?”

  Emma takes a deep breath. “I don’t know that you can stop it. If she’s a huge disappointment, she’s a huge disappointment. I think it’s better that you let Jesse find out for himself. Maybe she really has changed and she can be a mother to him.” As she speaks, Emma is stunned to find she almost chokes on the word. Jesse has a mother. All this time, she has harbored this secret hope that she will be his mother, that she will be the one to step into the void his real mother left. She never anticipated that Jesse’s real mother would come back.

  Dominic looks at her, his face serious. “This doesn’t change anything,” he says. “Well, obviously it changes things for Jesse, but not for us.” He pauses. “I want to be sure you’re hearing me, Emma.”

  She looks up into his eyes and nods. She just hopes he knows his own mind as well as he says he does.

  “I love you, Emma,” he says, leaning down and kissing her.


  And this time, she lets herself believe him.

  • • •

  Later that evening, in the kitchen, Dominic’s phone buzzes. He reaches over to grab it off the counter where it’s plugged in, charging, but not before Emma notices it’s a text from Stacy.

  He sighs. “She wants to know if I’ve thought about it and if she can meet up with Jesse this weekend.” He looks up at her. “What do I do?”

  “You should say yes,” Emma replies. “She’s only here for another few days. You should maybe let her take him to the playground or something.”

  “Really? You think that’s a good idea?”

  “You have to try,” says Emma. “You’d never forgive yourself for cheating Jesse of this chance to meet his mother. And he deserves to know who she is, for good or ill. Maybe she will let him down again. But there’s also the very real possibility here that Jesse could have a mother. That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”

  “Okay.” He nods. “Okay. You’re right. Playground. That’s a great idea. I’ll set it up.”

  “That sounds perfect,” says Emma, but she feels slightly sick, knowing that Dominic should go, too. It would be insane to let Jesse go off with Stacy by himself, before he gets to know her. Still, she wishes she knew how to get rid of the creeping insecurity she has had since last night.

  She knows she has nothing to worry about; she thinks, hopes, she has nothing to worry about.

  Her disquieting sense of distrust now has nothing to do with Dominic. This is about Stacy, a woman who may or may not have ulterior motives, a woman who may or may not still yield a power over Dominic. She is, after all, the mother of his child. If Dominic felt he ever had to choose, what choice would he make?

  Emma shakes her head in an effort to physically dislodge her thoughts. This is crazy-making, she tells herself. Dominic hasn’t given you any reason to doubt his love. If anything, he’s been refreshingly clear about his feelings. All she needs to do is follow Cece’s advice and listen, pay attention to what he’s saying, what he’s doing. All she needs to do is stay present, and everything will be fine.

  “Are you okay?” Dominic looks over at her as she nods and forces a smile. “This is hard for you, isn’t it?”

  “Not hard,” she says. “But weird. I just didn’t expect Jesse’s mother to come back. It isn’t something I was prepared for.”

  Dominic nods. “You and me both. I’m upset, too. All these years I wanted her to want to have a relationship with him, but now that she’s here, I just feel anxious. It’s going to be okay, though,” he says, more to soothe himself than Emma, it seems. “Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. Maybe next week, after she’s gone, you and I can go away for a night? Somewhere romantic?”

  Emma startles, remembering the phone call with her mother at the beginning of this endless day. How could she have so completely forgotten? And how could she now tell Dominic what she has done? “Dominic, I can’t. I’m so sorry about what I’ve done. But, well . . . Do you remember I told you about my cousin getting engaged, and my mother throwing him a party in England, how I probably wasn’t going to go?”

  Dominic nods.

  “Well, the last time I spoke to my mother, she was still upset by my decision. I spoke to her early this morning, when I was so upset, and she was worried about me, and told me she wanted me to come home. At the time, I thought she was right. So I changed my mind. I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you. I’ve already booked the flight.”

  “Oh. Wow. Okay.” Dominic is surprised. “So when are you going?”

  “Next week.”

  “For how long?”

  “Just a few days.”

  Dominic pauses. “Why don’t I come with you?”

  Emma’s eyes open in amazement. “Are you serious? You would really come to England?” She frowns. “But you don’t have a passport.”

  “I do now.”

  “What?”

  “Well, I got myself one after you seemed so horrified when I was building those shelves for Lisa. I thought maybe one day we could go away on vacation, so I got an expedited one as a surprise.”

  Emma starts to laugh. “You want to come and meet my whole family? You think you’re ready for the craziness of my childhood home?” She imagines Dominic and her parents, and her laughter gets louder. “Actually, my childhood home isn’t all that crazy, and my father’s really quite normal, but my mother? Are you sure you’re ready for my mother? I’m not sure I’m ready for this.” It is impossible for Emma to hide her excitement. “Really? You really want to come?”

  “She’ll love me.” Dominic grins. “Mothers always love me. I flirt a little, charm a little, and they fall head over heels in love.” He laughs, then adds, “I do want to see where you grew up. And”—he narrows his eyes at her—“I want to see what you’ll look like when you’re old.”

  “Do not tell my mother you think she’s old. She’ll never let you in the house.” As Emma laughs, she wonders what her mother will make of Dominic. She may well think he’s charming. She will certainly think he is exotic, with his American accent, dark skin, big brown eyes, and strong arms.

  “I very much want to meet your parents.” Dominic steps back and leads Emma to the sofa, where they both sit, curled into each other. “I’m really serious about this, Emma. I’m serious about you. I know this is quick, and I know we’ve only had one proper date, but . . . I don’t even know that I should say this . . .”

  “Say it,” encourages Emma softly.

  “I feel like this is it.” He looks at her, and she nods, a lump in her throat. “I can’t believe how freaked out I got when I realized you were gone today. It really made me realize that I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be with you, and I’m who I’m supposed to be. This all feels fated somehow, you moving in, us getting together. It feels right. I know you just said you thought we were rushing things, but I also know you understand what I’m talking about. So maybe we shouldn’t jump ahead and use . . . the M-word, or anything like that, but I see us together for a long time.”

  Emma nods, unable to speak.

  “I mean, a really long time. A really, really long time. Maybe forever.” He frowns. “I don’t want to scare you off. Am I scaring you off?”

  “You most definitely are not scaring me off,” says Emma, leaning forward to kiss him. “I’ve been terrified of saying it out loud. I feel exactly the same way. It feels preordained, even if you and I come from different worlds. I do feel I was meant to meet you, rent your house, for a reason. I do see us together for”—she laughs—“a really, really long time. And I would be thrilled if you came to England. As long as you prepare yourself for my mother.”

  “If she’s anything like you, I’ll adore her.”

  Emma lets out a bark of laughter. “She’s nothing like me.”

  “Then I’ll just pretend.” He leans his head to kiss her properly, when they both jump apart at the sound of the cat flap.

  “Where’s Hobbes?” Jesse, just dropped off from a late playdate, let himself into the backyard to crawl through and head straight for the kitten in the corner. “Dad? Can we go to a movie tomorrow? Can we? Please? Pretty please?”

  “Hmm. Let me think. I have a lot to do. I just took on a new job to make some cabinets for a nice lady across town.” He watches his face fall. “But, hey, buddy, don’t worry, we’re heading into the weekend. We can definitely go see something. What do you think, Emma? Want to come with us?”

  Emma looks at Jesse, expecting him to make a face, or scowl at her, or shake his head at his father. But instead, much to her surprise, he nods delightedly before running over and grabbing her hand.

  “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

  “Okay,” she says. “I’m in.” And then, to Dominic, “Can I steal you for one second?” Jesse is already on the floor, playing with Hobbes, as Dominic allows himself
to be led into the other room, where Emma whispers quietly, “What about Stacy? Weren’t you going to the playground with Stacy?”

  “Doesn’t this sound like a whole lot more fun? I’ll text her and maybe Jesse and I will meet her for ice cream in the afternoon. How’s that?”

  “That sounds perfect,” says Emma, wondering if Dominic believes her, if she is as convincing as she hopes.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Emma stayed over again. It was as if the blip, if indeed a blip it was, had never happened. In the morning, they had a big breakfast together, then on Saturday they went to the movie Jesse selected. It was a wonderful day. A healing day.

  After the movie, Jesse couldn’t wait to show Emma the burger bar they always went to after a film. He told Emma which burger she needed to order, and how she needed to eat it—with no tomato, no cucumber, and extra mayo, which Dominic explained was kind of a rule in the family. All in all, for the first time since Jesse walked in and found her in his father’s bed, Emma started to feel that they had turned a corner.

  Every time she felt a worrying thought about Stacy creep in, she pushed it away. She knows Dominic texted her back, knows they are going to Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt later in the day, but she refuses to worry. The whole situation had exhausted her, emotionally and physically. The thought of Stacy reentering their lives had seemed so terrifying, but now, after more consideration, Emma can see what a good thing this could be for Jesse. She could almost believe everything she had said to Dominic.

  And after Jesse’s seesawing emotions since he realized they were together, he seems to have finally accepted her. The three of them seem—she is almost too scared to say this, to even think it, but she can’t deny it any longer—the three of them feel like a family.

  After lunch they stop at the Athletic Shoe Factory to get Jesse some new sneakers. Dominic wanders off into the store next door as Emma supervises the fitting. The salesman unboxes the pair they’d picked out, and when Jesse tries them on, he tells him to stand up and “walk over to your mom.”