Freaky in Fresno

by Laurie Boyle Crompton

  “There are actually two explanations for that,” Wes says. “First, I believe that going to the drive-in together is a pretty kick-butt way of getting to know someone and starting off a relationship. The Starlight does get folks going on the right foot.”

  “Okay, so that’s definitely true,” I say. “What’s the other reason?”

  “Well, did you really interview everyone who ever shared their first kiss here?” Wes laughs. “Or were you only talking to the long-term couples because they were still together?”

  “Oh,” I say. “I guess you’re right.”

  “I told you about all the people who came to the drive-in while dating, then eventually got married and brought their children here,” Wes says. “But trust me, I could give plenty of examples of folks who came with different dates for years and never made a lasting connection with any of them.”

  “That’s sad,” I say.

  “I’ve seen plenty of couples fighting and leaving early over the years too,” he says. “The magic of the drive-in is really all about who you share the experience with.”

  “It’s still magic though, right?” I try to sound positive, but my voice cracks and gives me away. “With the right person?”

  “Absolutely, Ricki,” Wes says. “I didn’t mean to make you lose faith.”

  “But I really may have ruined things with Jake already,” I whine pitifully.

  Wes says, “You just told me that fear of rejection is part of the journey.”

  “But that was when I was talking about you and your love life.”

  Wes laughs, and I gradually join in. He puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “Well, it’s my turn to take over the front booth. Jake will be freed up if you want to spend some time with him.”

  “I do,” I say. “I just wish I was feeling more myself tonight.”

  “It’s up to you, but the movie starts soon,” Wes says. “Whether you’re ready for it or not.”

  “Let’s go,” I say and begin hobbling along in my heels.

  I put my arms out and give a few groans to really sell it, and Wes shakes his head and laughs as he ushers me out the door. The three wolf dogs fall into formation as Wes and I make our way out of the building and across the drive-in lot.

  Lana has finished painting faces and I spot her leading Erik into the bouncy castle. I marvel that she is willing to risk her heart with someone so reckless. But then Erik seems worth it. He really does love her, and whatever happens with their relationship, I’ll be here for her. She and I make each other brave. And I’m glad she’s back in my life for good.

  We pass a couple dressed as Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega, dancing together beside their car, and my cousin’s giggles ring out across the sparkling lot.

  I look up at the stars poking through the darkening sky. “Here they come,” I say quietly.

  “What’s that?” Wes asks.

  “The magical stars,” I say. “I’m choosing to believe.”

  “Yes. It’s a pretty great night.” Wes rubs the ear of the wolf dog closest to him and snickers. “And don’t the five of us make quite the pack.”

  To all of the people in their cars getting ready to watch the movie, we probably look pretty awesome. Butch Cassidy and the Mummy just passing through, surrounded by three giant wolves.

  Who would ever guess that Wes and I are both cowards when it comes to love, and that the three dogs at our sides are obsessively scanning the landscape for the one thing they’re truly frightened of: a three-pound Chihuahua no bigger than a teacup.

  I rub the head of the closest dog and whisper to him, “You’ve got this.” Looking up I see Jake’s silhouette in the ticket booth window and think, We’ve got this.

  * * *

  Wes and I arrive at the front booth just as two guys dressed like zombies pull up in a Mercedes and stop outside the window to buy tickets.

  “Whoa, classic,” the driver says when he sees Jake and me. “The Wolf Man and the Mummy!”

  His friend in the passenger seat adds, “Noice.”

  “You guys look great too,” I tell them as Jake takes the credit card the driver hands him.

  “I’m a zombie from Z,” he tells me.

  His passenger says, “And I’m a Night of the Living Dead zombie.”

  Jake laughs. “Well, I think we’ve already got zombies from Zombieland and Warm Bodies, so it sounds like you two are just in time.” He hands back the card with their tickets.

  I say, “And here’s a free popcorn coupon for coming dressed as your favorite movie characters tonight.”

  “Keep the coupon, we’re here to spend,” the driver zombie says.

  “Tonight is all about saving this adorably timeless drive-in!” The passenger zombie gives the driver a sharp high five.

  “We’re huge fans of Erik’s channel and cannot wait to see what prank he has planned for tonight.”

  “A prank?” I look at Jake.

  “It’s a surprise,” Jake says as we watch the cross-film zombie duo pull away.

  “Wait, so you know about Erik’s plan?” I say. “Is he pranking me or Lana? Holy cow, is he pranking all these people? What on earth is he up to?”

  “Wes?” Jake says. “I think it’s time.”

  “Already made the call,” Wes says. “Should be here any moment.”

  “Come on, Ricki, you can help me,” Jake says.

  “What is happening?” I’m starting to get nervous.

  Jake takes my hand. “You want to know what the prank is? You can help me do it.”

  The way Wes looks at me as he rubs one of the wolf dog’s ears makes it clear; this is it. Time for me to let down my guard and take a risk.

  I nod to Wes as I turn to do my mummy-walk after Jake.

  He looks back from a few strides ahead and stops to let me catch up. “Nice commitment, Ricki,” he says. “But we actually need to hurry.”

  I shuffle a little faster, and Jake slows so we’re moving side by side.

  A small child isn’t looking where he’s walking and bumps into Jake’s leg. The little boy stops and looks up, leaning back so far it looks like he’s going to topple backward.

  Jake waves at the little boy and we both hold our breath.

  Finally, the boy’s face expands into a huge smile. “Hi, doggie,” he says, and we both sigh in relief.

  “Enjoy the movie,” I say, and the boy looks over at me and gives the highest-pitched scream of all time. We hurry past as his mother rushes to his side.

  “Sorry,” Jake tells her.

  The two of us start laughing as soon as we’re out of earshot. I can’t help but think Rick Baker would be proud.

  As we continue on, Jake explains to me that Erik posted a cryptic promise on BubeTube at the end of their livestreamed Starlight theater tour.

  “He said he’s going to be performing a prank here at the drive-in after dark tonight and everyone is welcome to come and witness it firsthand.”

  He looks around at the lot. Nearly every single space is already filled with cars.

  “It definitely didn’t hurt our turnout,” Jake says.

  “I guess we owe him a thank you,” I say.

  “Well, we are thanking him by helping him with the prank,” Jake says. “Everyone’s watching, so he’s staying visible with Lana and we’ll execute the prank in private.

  We’re almost at the projection shack. “So what is this big caper we’re pulling?” I ask.

  “You’re about to see.” Jake grins, baring his wolf fangs at me. “I’m so glad we’re doing this together, because you’re going to love it.”

  chapter 29

  “Wow,” I say. “Just. Wow.”

  Jake and I are standing next to each other inside the dimly lit projection booth.

  The new equipment Gwen and Brad set up is occupying most of the space, and it is impressive-looking, but I’m staring at something on the ground in front of our feet.

  It’s a fully inflated, oversized kiddie pool, filled to the top wi
th red Jell-O.

  Jake gives the giant pool a kick and the Jell-O jiggles in response. He says, “Perfectly congealed. This stuff is awesome.”

  “This is amazing,” I say. “How many gallons of Jell-O are here?”

  “It’s actually something called Fun Jell,” Jake says. “It’s this powdered stuff Erik works with for pranks because it makes huge quantities of Jell-O without being boiled.”

  I bend down to poke it and the Fun Jell gently wiggles back and forth. “I can’t believe you guys made so much.”

  “We used the whole hundred-gallon bag,” Jake says. “It’s what people use for Jell-O wrestling.”

  “You want to Jell-O wrestle me?” I ask. “Wait, is this supposed to be for me and Lana?”

  “No.” Jake laughs. “It’s for the prank.”

  “So where is all this Jell-O going?” I ask.

  “This whole pool of Fun Jell is going directly into the Property Prince of Doom’s trunk.”

  I cover my mouth bandage with both hands. “You were right. I do love it!” I say. “Wes was just telling me what a lowlife that guy is.”

  “Here, get an end,” Jake says, gesturing to one side of the kiddie pool. “We need to dump this into his trunk so I can get back here in time to start the movie.”

  I toddle over. I’m getting better at walking in the heels, but I’m concerned I won’t be able to keep my balance while helping to carry such a massive load. When I test the weight I find that either Fun Jell is lighter than it looks or Lana is stronger than she looks, because I have very little trouble lifting the pool waist high. Still, it’s awkward to carry while walking in these shoes.

  “When did you and Erik mix this up?” I ask. “And I mean the plan as well as the Fun Jell.”

  With a grunt, Jake walks backward, and I follow him out the double-wide door of the projection room. “When Erik brought the bounce house, he originally planned to try filling it with Fun Jell as a new stunt to film.”

  “Erik has some fun ideas,” I say. “But I don’t think Wes would’ve approved.”

  “Agreed,” Jake says as we continue moving out the door with the jiggling pool. “That’s the sort of thing that I’d love to watch but have no desire to experience.”

  I laugh. “This stuff looks super messy.”

  “It doesn’t even smell or taste good,” Jake confirms. “But when Erik told me about his plan, it clicked in my mind how we could teach our nasty real estate villain a lesson.”

  “I like how your mind works,” I say in admiration.

  It’s dark enough that Jake and I feel confident leaving the projection booth with our jiggling secret delivery. I’m glad we’re dressed up because a) nobody can tell our identity and b) people will just assume we’re working for the Starlight, which, technically, we are.

  As we slowly make our way around the concession shack with our massive pool, Jake explains how he pretended to need the real estate guy’s keys in order to move his car earlier, and then jimmied the trunk so we’ll be able to pull a string and release it without the key.

  “Erik and I used the hose to fill the pool hours ago, so it’s had plenty of time to congeal,” Jake says. “And Wes should be distracting Mr. Property Prince of Doom right about now.”

  We turn the corner and Jake suddenly reverses position so that he’s lunging back toward me.

  The only problem is, my brain gets the memo that we’re changing direction long before my body has time to react and shift my heels into reverse.

  The resulting squish is the sound of Mummy meeting Fun Jell as we both drop the pool and I fall headfirst into it.

  “Aaaaaah.” I slip and flail about inside the kiddie pool as I unsuccessfully try to stand up.

  The next thing I know, Jake is lifting me by the arm while shushing me and trying not to laugh.

  “I am so sorry,” he says. “Our target must have been getting a jacket or something out of his car. I didn’t want him to catch us.”

  I’m upright, but still kneeling in the pool of red Fun Jell. “I can’t even believe that just happened.”

  I look up at Jake and he flashes his wolf fangs down at me. “You want to pull me into that pool of Fun Jell with you right now, don’t you?”

  I nod. “I’m calculating what sort of an effect it will have on your Wolf Man fur,” I say. “Because you deserve to be jellied, but that costume is perfection.”

  “It’s supposedly washable,” Jake says, and with that, he hops right into the kiddie pool beside me. The next thing I know the two of us are half wrestling, half tickling, and mostly just goofing around as we toss handfuls of Fun Jell at each other inside the pool.

  A car shines its headlights on us and someone calls out, “Wolf Man versus Mummy!” while a small group of people holding buckets of popcorn stop to watch.

  “So much for staying low key,” I say to Jake.

  “This is actually a pretty great preshow.”

  We both stop and turn toward each other, out of breath and covered in bandages, fur, and Fun Jell. It’s a really great moment, and I rest inside it for a beat before responding to the urge to fake left and spin around so I can jump on Jake’s back.

  I pump my fist in the air and try to get a chant started: “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!”

  Jake just stands there, completely impervious to my presence on his shoulders. “Um, Ricki? We should really get this Fun Jell where it needs to go.”

  “Oh, right.” I hop down, using Jake’s shoulder to steady myself.

  We look around at the people watching us, some recording us with their cellphones. Two guys dressed as Bill and Ted give each other a high-five and call out, “Excellent!”

  Jake says, “And now this is going to be a little tougher to pull off privately.”

  The two of us wave awkwardly and a woman dressed as Holly Golightly offers elegant applause. Jake takes my hand and leads me in a theatrical bow. We stand waiting and waving until the crowd realizes we’re definitely finished and begins to disperse. I don’t mind since we’re still holding hands.

  Eventually, Jake gives my hand a squeeze and steps out of the pool to check back around the corner.

  Moving quickly, he rejoins me and we each grab a pool end. “Let’s go,” he says. “This is it.”

  The two of us shuffle our way around the parked cars with our enormous kiddie pool now dripping with Fun Jell. We take speedy little steps down the aisle and stop when Jake hisses, “Here!”

  Carefully, we put the jiggling load down on the asphalt behind a black sedan. Jake starts fidgeting with the car’s trunk and I pretend I’m not with him as I casually lean on the SUV beside it.

  “Hey, you, with the bloody bandages,” comes a voice from inside the vehicle I’m resting against. “Do you mind? You’re scaring my kids.”

  “Oh, sorry.” I stand up straight. “I’m not actually supposed to be quite this gory,” I start to explain. “You see, there was this Jell-O incident . . .”

  I gesture to the kiddie pool in front of me, but see that Jake has gotten the trunk open and is leaning down to pick up one end of it.

  “How are we going to dump this whole thing in there?” I ask.

  “We put a liner inside the pool,” Jake says. “It will make it easier, plus, we don’t actually want to ruin this guy’s trunk and get sued.”

  “Good idea,” I say, and the clear plastic liner definitely makes it easier to lift the Fun Jell up out of the pool, but once it’s released from the inflated pool, its jiggly nature is set free and it’s much more difficult to control.

  “Whoa!” Jake says as a big wave of red Fun Jell runs down my front.

  “Seriously?” I hiss.

  He looks at me and stifles a laugh. “I guess you didn’t look gruesome enough.”

  I look down to find the Fun Jell is clinging to my front and making it look like my guts are spilling out of my chest. I give Jake a proud shimmy.

  Once we’ve managed to get most of the Fun Jell into our target’s trunk, we
slam it shut and give each other squishy high fives.

  “Excellent,” we say jokingly at the same time.

  Jake pauses a moment, and the way he is looking at me in the light from one car’s headlights makes me check to make sure my bandages are still covering my face. They are.

  “Mission accomplished,” Jake says, his voice deep.

  “I loved that.” I want to add I love you, but instead I simply put a hand on his hairy bicep.

  We lean toward each other and Jake looks into my white, cloudy eyes a moment before shaking his head as if he’s just woken up. “I need to go fire up that projector and get the previews started!”

  “Yeah, I should probably go get cleaned up.” I feel like I’m made of Fun Jell as I look into his Wolf Man face. I want nothing more than to kiss him right now. “Well, good luck . . .”

  A voice comes from behind me. “Hey! What are you monsters doing by my car?”

  It’s the real estate villain, and Jake and I take off in opposite directions, leaving the big, empty kiddie pool behind.

  * * *

  I head for the bathroom to clean up, and hear a familiar giggle ringing from the bouncy castle as I pass by. Lana and Erik may be missing Digifest, but they’re clearly not missing Digifest. I wonder if Erik even remembers about the prank. I glance back and see a number of phones recording the Property Prince of Doom opening his trunk and shining a light on the mound of red Fun Jell inside.

  “My trunk is filled with Jell-O!” he rages, and laughter rings out. “Wait, no, yuck! This isn’t even real Jell-O!”

  “You got pranked!” someone yells.

  “Eww,” someone else says. “Why would you taste that?”

  Another voice rings out, “Hashtag Erik Pranks!”

  I hear Erik give a woot! from the bouncy castle, and his laughter marries Lana’s giggles as the two of them bounce around like little kids.

  I’m happy Lana and I managed to get some time to be ourselves with Jake and Erik. But I wonder what will happen if we don’t switch back tonight. Our sacrifice in giving up the Skylark tonight may have been a really, really dumb idea after all.