by L A Cotton
But coming here, to Rixon, I’d also seen glimpses of when it was enough. It was enough for my aunt to take me in, no questions asked. It was enough for Jason to put his future on the line for Felicity, and it was enough for Asher to try to protect his mom.
Sometimes love was enough.
I just hadn’t had the fortune of experiencing it much yet.
At least if I put Jermaine behind me once and for all, I could carve my own path, decide who was worthy of my love.
“Mya?”
“Y- yes?” I blinked over at my aunt.
“Where’d you go just now?”
“Nowhere, Auntie.” Forcing a smile, I stuffed a piece of bacon into my mouth, swallowing the lie. Because I had been somewhere.
I’d been wrapped in Asher Bennet’s arms. Content. Happy.
Safe.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” Flick frowned, watching as I stuffed a clean pair of jeans into a backpack.
“I’m not leaving,” I said. “I’m getting closure.”
“Closure, right. And this closure wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain Raider who I know you spent the night with, would it?”
“He told Jason?” My eyes almost bugged out, my stomach knotted into a tight ball.
“No, he didn’t tell Jason. Asher wouldn’t do that to you. Your aunt asked me how the sleepover at my house went last night. I put two and two together.”
“Crap, you didn’t—”
“Drop you in it? Of course not. I told her we had a great time braiding each other’s hair and baking cookies.”
“Very funny.” I balled up a t-shirt and threw it at her. Flick caught it, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
“So… what happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That bad, huh?”
Letting out an exasperated breath, I sat in the chair. “It wasn’t bad… it was…”
“Ooh, something happened.” She clapped her hands, excitement dancing in her eyes. “Tell me something happened.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
Felicity’s brows crinkled. “If it wasn’t a big deal, you wouldn’t be acting so shady. Spill…”
“We kissed and then he… uh, there was some groping. Clothed groping.”
“Because that makes all the difference.” She rolled her eyes. “Did you… you know?”
“Come? Maybe… possibly…” Heat crept into my cheeks.
My friend let out a squeal of delight. “This is so exciting. Wait,” her frown reappeared, “why don’t you seem as excited about this development as I am?”
“Because it’s complicated.”
“Because of your ex?”
“Among other things.”
“You’re still hung up about the race thing? Because I’m telling you, no one will bat an eye if the two of you hook up.”
But they would.
Asher was a white privileged athlete, with good grades and a bright future ahead of him. A future I was almost certain the town wouldn’t want tainted by their beloved Raider hooking up with the poor Latina girl from the hood.
“I’m not getting into this again.” I sighed, resuming packing my bag. “I’m going home for a couple of days to see my mom and friends. Some space might do us good.”
“Does Asher know about this?”
“I don’t need his permission, Flick.” My tone was defensive.
“I’m not suggesting you do. But you’ve got to see it from his point of view. It looks like you’re running.”
“He said the same thing.” I pressed my lips together.
“At least explain it to him. Otherwise, he’s likely to think you’re running back to your ex.”
“I would never—”
“I know that and you know that, but he doesn’t know that.”
“Fine,” I conceded. “I’ll text him.”
“Good. Then hurry up and do whatever you need to do so you can get back here and we can celebrate.”
“We’re celebrating?”
“Hells yeah,” she shrieked. “This is huge. And perfect. We can all hang out now without anyone feeling left out and New York will be even better once you and Asher—”
“Whoa, slow down there. I’m not sure where this thing with Asher is going to go, Flick.”
“Oh hush, you want him. He wants you. What’s to figure out?”
If only life were that easy.
“Please don’t say anything to anyone, not yet.” My expression turned serious. “I’m not ready for anyone to know yet. That means Jason too.”
“Can I at least tell Hailee? She’ll be so happy for you.”
“Felicity,” I groaned.
“Fine.” She held up her hands. “My lips are sealed. You deserve to be happy, Mya, with someone who will treat you right.”
Her words hit me right between the chest, but I brushed them off. “I need to finish packing. Are you going to help or keep up the Dr. Phil routine?” My brow rose.
“Hey, I only care about you.”
Stopped dead in my tracks by her admission, I gave her a sad smile. “I know, I’m sorry. I guess I’m more nervous about going home than I thought I would be.”
“So, don’t go.”
“I have to,” I said defiantly. “It’s just something I have to do.”
It was over an hour’s ride to the city. I’d stuffed in my earbuds and hit play on one of my favorite playlists. It didn’t distract me enough though and before I knew it, I’d opened my chat history with Asher, re-reading our most recent messages.
Just like Felicity had warned me, he hadn’t taken the news I was returning home for a couple of days well.
* * *
Asher: What the fuck, Mya? I thought you were done with him?
* * *
Me: I am. That’s why I have to do this. I’m not trying to hurt you and I’m not going back there to fix things with him. But I need closure. Surely you can understand that?
* * *
Asher: I don’t know what to think right now. I woke up after one of the best nights of my life to find you gone and now I find out you’re leaving town. It feels a lot like you’re running to me.
* * *
That one hurt.
Because although I hadn’t told him yet, last night had also meant something to me. More than I ever thought it would. Which is why I had to do this.
A clean break.
My thumb scrolled the messages down to my last reply, the one that had gone unanswered.
* * *
Me: You said you’d wait for me… I’m asking you to keep your word.
* * *
Dropping my head back against the headrest, I closed my eyes and let Rihanna’s lyrics wash over me. It was fitting she was singing to me about loving someone even though you hated it. Time and distance had made me realize I felt like that about Jermaine. When we’d been younger, I’d loved him the way a sister loved a brother. Then as we grew, I saw him differently. Watched him change from a kid to a young man, and my love evolved. I’d wanted him with every fiber of my being. But loving Jermaine came at a price. One that had felt worth it at first, but as time passed, became too high. And slowly, over time, my love for him twisted into something dark and ugly. A lot like the love Rihanna and Eminem began singing about.
The only difference between mine and Jermaine’s relationship, and the one in the song? I’d never loved the way he’d lied. I’d just loved him. Let my love for him blind me to the truth.
Jermaine was never going to choose me over his reputation. It was the one battle I couldn’t win, no matter how hard I fought.
My cell phone bleeped and my heart kicked up a notch, hoping to see Asher’s name flash across the screen, sinking when it wasn’t.
* * *
Shona: Where u at?
* * *
Me: Just outside Kessington. C U soon xo
* * *
Shona: We got some catchin up to do, girl. P
arty at mine 2nite?
* * *
Me: Shona, come on… you know I can’t b parading around like that
* * *
Shona: It’s my house. We’ll keep it low key. Besides, Jesse is home. He’ll look out for us. Plsssss. I’ve missed you, girl…
* * *
Me: I’ve missed u 2 xo
* * *
I silenced my incoming notifications and watched as the semi-familiar streets became streets so familiar I could pick out every other store. I hadn’t given much thought to what it would feel like to return but now I was here, I realized how strange it felt.
How it didn’t feel like home anymore, not even a little bit.
Chapter Twelve
Asher
“Son,” my father’s deep voice echoed over the line.
“Dad,” I clipped out, spinning the football with one hand.
“We’ll be back in town in a couple of days. Your mother wants to decorate and have dinner, just like old times.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his words.
“Old times, right.”
“Asher, could you be a little more interested please? This is important to her.”
“Of course, Dad. Whatever Mom needs.”
“We’ll be in town for the remainder of the holidays. I don’t have to be back in the city until January fourth.”
“That long?”
That was a little over two weeks away. I hadn’t survived two weeks with my parents in what felt like forever.
“Your mom had hoped we could all spend New Year’s together.”
“Actually, about that. The guys want to go to New York. Vaughn and Riley invited us. I thought we could—”
“Very well, I’ll arrange the penthouse. Just the five of you?”
“Six, I think.”
“Six?”
“Felicity’s friend Mya is coming with us.”
“Ah yes, the new transfer. Is she someone you have your eye on?” He cut straight to the point in true Andrew Bennet fashion.
“Can we not do this, Dad, please?”
He scoffed. “It’s a perfectly reasonable question, Asher. You’re eighteen, a young man, and you have yet to bring home a girl for us to meet.”
Because you’re never home and I would never willingly introduce my girlfriend to you. “That’s because I haven’t found anyone I want to bring home yet.”
“So you and Miss...” he hesitated.
“Hernandez.”
“Hernandez? Are her family immigrants?”
“Excuse me?” I choked out.
“It’s a South American name is it not?”
“Oh my god,” I breathed. “You’re serious.”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable qu—”
“Actually, Dad, it’s not. It’s presumptuous and irrelevant.”
“It’s hardly irrelevant if you have plans to date the girl,” his tone was scathing.
My blood boiled beneath my skin. All this time I’d been reassuring Mya that her skin color wasn’t an issue, failing to realize that it might be a problem for my own father and his ideas of my future.
“And if I do want to date her?”
Silence filled the line, making my body tense. Finally, my old man released a heavy breath. “I’m a man of my word, Son,” he said. “You still have until the end of senior year. But just remember, Asher, the mistakes you make now will follow you into adulthood.”
I wanted to ask what the fuck that was supposed to mean but I didn’t want to enrage him. Not when he and Mom seemed to be going through a calm period. The fact she wanted to decorate for the holidays was a telltale sign things were okay between them.
“You don’t need to worry, Dad,” I said in an attempt to placate him, and get him off the phone. It was bad enough they were coming home soon without spending my last couple days of freedom arguing with him.
“Very well, we’ll see you soon. Invite the guys to join us for dinner if you’d like.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Although after confessing everything to Mya, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep lying to them.
“Yo, Ash, you down there?” Jase’s voice rang out through the house and I dropped the free weights, grabbing a towel to dry off. I’d barely made it off the bench when he and Cam appeared in the door.
“How long have you been down here? We’ve been calling.”
“A while.” I caught the bottle of water Cam threw me, uncapped it and took a long pull. “Thanks.”
“You look like shit,” Jase remarked, arms folded across his chest, eyes narrowed with scrutiny.
“I’m okay.” After the conversation with Dad and finding out Mya had gone back home for a couple of days, I’d hit the gym. Pushing my body to its physical limit. The adrenaline didn’t erase the memories, but it helped temper the frustration swimming in my veins.
When my friends didn’t reply, watching me as if I was a freak show, I added, “It takes a lot of hard work to look this good, you know.” My lip curved convincingly.
“So this hasn’t got anything to do with the fact Mya just up and left to go back to Philly?”
“Nope.” I said, dropping back onto the bench and staring up at the ceiling.
“Did something happen between the two of you?” Cam asked.
“Yeah,” that was Jason. “Because I tried to get it out of Felicity, but she wouldn’t give it up. Not even after I did that thing she loves with my ton—”
“Whoa, too much information,” I protested, throwing an arm over my eyes.
When I’d been working out, the pain and resistance had demanded my full attention, but now I was done my muscles slowly began to contract and relax, letting in the torrent of thoughts I’d rather keep out.
“So you and Mya?”
“There is no me and Mya,” I grumbled.
She’d run.
For all I knew she was headed straight back into her ex’s arms.
My fist clenched against my thigh.
Fuck.
“But something did happen?”
I glanced over at them. “I thought so, but I got it wrong.”
“She’ll come around,” Jason said it as if it was a given, but I wasn’t so sure. Mya had spent the night in my bed, in my arms, and then literally ran home from me. It didn’t get much suckier than that.
“We have places to be anyway.”
“Yeah?” My brow rose.
“Yeah.” He smirked. “If you’d have bothered to check your phone, you’d know. Get ready and meet us out front in five.”
They turned and walked away but I called after them, “Where are we going?”
“To initiate the next generation.”
That got my attention. We’d dominated the team for so long, there hadn’t been any need to initiate the players coming up through the ranks. Sure, we gave the younger players shit but everyone knew the deal. You either made the cut or didn’t, and if you did, you were as good as family. But this year was different; this year we were handing the reins to them. Aside from the exhibition game next month, our time as Raiders was officially over.
I should have known Jason wouldn’t walk away without putting the rookies through their paces.
And bad mood or not, this was one show I didn’t want to miss.
An hour later, Cam, me, and the rest of the senior players stood behind Jason with the junior and freshman players huddled in front of us. The line had been drawn but we all had two things in common: we were Raiders, and we were freezing our balls off.
“Listen up and listen good. Just because our time at Rixon is almost done doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away without knowing we’re leaving the team in good hands.”
A couple of guys grumbled at Jase’s stern words. I rose a brow at Mackey, one of the youngest players on the team. He pressed his lips together and dropped his eyes to the ground. Little fucker.
“It’s time to prove yourselves. To show me and the rest of the senior players that you’ve got what it takes to lea
d the team into next season and defend the championship. We have the game with the Eagles coming up and although some of you might think it’s just a friendly scrimmage, it isn’t. It’s a chance to put this bullshit rivalry behind us. It’s time to show them and everyone else who we really are.” He glanced at me. “Ash, if you’ll do the honors.”
I stepped forward, bouncing on my toes, clutching my helmet by my side. “Who are we?”
“Raiders.” It was a guttural roar that almost put me on my ass. A grin tugged at my lips. Jason didn’t need to worry about leaving the younger players in charge of the team. They were fighters. Hungry for it. They were more than ready to fill our shoes.
Throwing my head back, beating my fist on my chest, I yelled, “I said who are we?”
“RAIDERS.”
“And what are we?”
“Family.”
“Damn right we are,” I added, going off script. Hooking my arm around Jase and Cam’s necks, I crushed them into me. “And what are we gonna do?”
“Win.” The words reverberated through me, igniting the familiar fire in my chest.
“I said what are we gonna do?”
“WIN!”
Fuck, I was going to miss this. Miss them. I didn’t allow myself to go there often. To a place where I no longer had my guys—my brothers—at my side. Football, playing with Cam and Jason for the last four seasons, had been everything to me. A gift. One I both appreciated and resented.
“Hey, you okay?” Cam whispered as the rest of the guys got ready to prove themselves to Jason.
“Yeah, it’s just everything’s changing.” The two of us watched our best friend bark orders at his successors, while Grady and Merrick, a couple of the other seniors, helped him whip them in shape ready for the first drill.