by L A Cotton
“Change isn’t always a bad thing.”
“Isn’t it?” I threw him an uncertain glance.
“The Panthers isn’t the only team interested in you. If you’re having doubts, you can always go somewhere else.” Cam meant well but he didn’t know all the facts. He didn’t know that despite the Pittsburgh Panthers wanting me, I’d already turned down their offer.
Now was not the time to tell him.
Clapping him on the back, I forced an Asher Bennet kilowatt smile. “Come on, we have some rookies to terrorize.”
For as bittersweet as it was, running drills with my team again was exactly what I needed. The initial burn of frigid air filling my lungs, the ping of my muscles as I sprinted up and down the field, the thrill of rushing our offense players to the ground. Football might not have been my destiny, but it would forever be a part of me. One day in the future, when I was stuck in some boring computer class, or shadowing my old man in a meeting with some stuck-up celebrity type, I’d remember this time.
When football was religion and people worshipped the ground we walked on.
“Yo, Cap,” I called out to Jason. “I’m thinking we need to put the offense through their paces, they’re looking a bit sloppy.”
“I like your style, Bennet,” Grady said, jogging up beside me. “What you thinking?”
“Bull in the ring.”
He howled with laughter while a couple of the younger players paled. Bull in the ring was an age-old drill that was mostly considered too aggressive for practice these days.
“Ste, you’re up first.”
“Me?” He blanched. “Why am I up first?”
“Because you’ve got some big shoes to fill next year, QB1,” I teased. Ste was a good kid; showed real leadership potential, but he was no Jason Ford.
I doubted Rixon High would see another Jason Ford for a very long time.
“Shit,” Ste cussed beneath his breath.
“Yo, Cap, you ever shit yourself before a little game of bull in the ring?”
Jason sauntered over to me, arms folded across his number one jersey, and cut his glare to Ste. “You want to take this team all the way, Kinnicky?”
“Y- yeah, you know I do, man.”
“So man up and get in the fucking ring,” Jason growled the words, shooting me and the rest of the seniors an amused smirk.
“Get it, Kinnicky,” Mackey yelled. “You’ve got this.” The rest of the freshman and junior players started cheering their future quarterback on while we moved into position, ready to rush the shit out of him. Nine seniors versus one junior. It was typically the defense players who formed the ring, but this wasn’t about physical strength as much as it was about mental strength. And Ste Kinnicky, future quarterback and leader of the Rixon Raiders was about to show us all just how big his balls were.
“You ready, Kinnicky?” Jason asked and the junior pulled down his face guard and nodded sharply.
“Okay, on my count. One… two… play.”
“You think they’ve got what it takes?” I asked my best friends, tipping the neck of my beer toward the table of younger Raiders. We’d finally called time on the drills when a storm rolled in and fat drops of rain had started to fall. In true captain spirit, Jase told everyone to head to Bell’s, adding that the drinks were on him.
“Kinnicky has the skill but I don’t know if he has the heart.” He stroked his jaw. “Mackey, though, now that kid is hungry for it.”
“He’s hungry for something all right,” Cam chuckled. “Check him out, trying his luck with Sara again.”
The regular waitress at Bell’s, Sara, was used to our banter: the cat calls and sexual innuendo. But Mackey was like a dog with a bone and no matter how many times she knocked him back, he got right back up and tried again.
“Hey, Jase, did you ever get in her panties? You can tell us.” Grady piped up, earning him a slap upside the head from Cam. “What?” he groaned. “It’s just a question.”
“I’m with Felicity now, fucker. Show some respect.”
“Jeez, it’s not like she’s here right now. I’m just shooting the shit.”
“Yeah, well don’t.” Jase grunted, leaning back in the booth.
“You’ve changed, man. And if that’s what it means to be pussy-whipped, count me out.”
“Nawww, Grady, you sound jealous,” I taunted.
“Jealous? Fuck that. The two of you are no fun now. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like Hailee and Felicity, I like them a lot; but shit, guys, there’s too much pussy in the ocean to be shacked up before we all go off to college.”
“You’ll see,” Jase said smoothly. “One day, when you’re least expecting it, some chick will come along and knock you on your ass.”
“Nah, it’s not my style. I prefer to hit it and quit it. Am I right or am I right, Bennet?”
“Yeah, is he right, Bennet?” Jason rose an amused brow.
Smug fucker.
“What’s that look for?” Grady caught on to the silent conversation happening between me and my best friend.
“Nothing. It is nothing, right, Ash?”
“Wait a minute.” Grady sat up straighter. “You hitting that sweet Latina ass?”
“Grady,” I warned, levelling him with a hard look.
“What? It’s all cool with me. She has a Rihanna look about her. You know from the Talk That Talk single cover.”
We all gawked at him and his eyes widened. “What? She’s hot and that song is dope.”
“Who are you right now?” Laughter rumbled in my chest, but it came out strangled. I didn’t like hearing Grady talk about Mya. Even if it was his attempt at a compliment.
“So are you?”
“Am I what?” I asked.
“Banging Mya.”
“Grady?”
“Yeah?” He grinned.
“Shut the fuck up.”
Before I make you.
Chapter Thirteen
Mya
“I thought you said it was going to be low key?” I yelled over the music to Shona, but she was too busy eye-fucking one of her brother’s friends to notice.
“Yo, Mya, get over here and show me how you work it.” Some guy I recognized from school crooked his finger at me, a lazy smirk plastered on his face.
“In your dreams, Diego. Don’t you know Mya is still J’s girl?”
I bristled. Shona’s head whipped round finally giving me her attention. “Oh, hell no, Kris, you did not just say what I think you said.”
“Shona,” I hissed, grabbing her hand. “Leave it, it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters,” she gave the guy some serious stink eye. He threw up his hands, mumbling an apology. “That’s right, homeboy, you’d better apologize to my girl.”
“You need me to kick his ass to the curb?” Jesse, Shona’s brother, appeared with his friend Leroy in tow.
“S’all good.” She barely looked at Jesse, giving Leroy the once over. “But you can get me and my girl a drink.”
“Shona, don’t be hitting on my friends.” He frowned, glancing at me with an expression that said ‘help a guy out’. I shrugged. We both knew there was no stopping Shona when she had her sights set on something, or someone.
“What can I get you, Mya?” Leroy asked.
“Just a soda pl—”
“She’ll have a proper drink, like me.”
“Shona, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I glanced around her house. Every inch of space was crammed with bodies and I couldn’t help but notice there wasn’t a single white person anywhere.
It wasn’t something I’d ever noticed before.
But that was before. When I’d lived for my best friend’s parties, When Fallowfield Heights still felt like home. When I didn’t feel the need to permanently watch over my shoulder for any signs of trouble.
“Hey,” Jesse’s hand landed on my shoulder, “You’re good here. Jermaine knows better than to come around causing trouble.”
“I know
.” I gave him a tight smile. “I’m a’ight.”
“Good. So how is it livin’ out in the country? Shona says you’re at some fancy ass football school.”
“It isn’t exactly fancy, but they sure do love football.”
“They treating you right? Or do I gotta roll up on your new classmates and give them a little warning, Jesse Byrd style?”
Fighting a smile, I replied, “It’s mostly been okay.”
“Mostly?” His brow rose.
“I’m a four percenter.”
“Huh?” Confusion crinkled Jesse’s eyes but Leroy returned with our drinks, saving me an explanation. Taking a sip, I was relieved to find barely any trace of liquor. The last thing I needed was to end up drunk.
Just in case.
The opening beats to the latest Drake song blasted through the speakers causing Shona to shake her booty. “Dance with me.” She grabbed Leroy’s hand and all but dragged him into the middle of the room.
“Damn, she never listens.” Jesse shook his head in mild disgust.
“Has she ever?” I chuckled watching her grind up on Jesse’s friend. He’d looked bewildered at first, but it didn’t take long before his actions mirrored hers, his hands running up and down her body as they moved and popped to the sultry beat.
“She tell you about Jermaine getting kicked out of school?”
I nodded, pressing my lips together to stop myself from going there.
“He’s in deep with Diaz. Be careful, Mya.”
“I’m a big girl, Jesse.” My eyes slid to his. “I can take care of myself.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it.” His eyes danced with amusement. “But you’re like family to me, always will be, and I’d hate to see you get hurt again.”
My breath caught in my throat. We’d never talked about what happened, but Jesse had been there when Shona found me. He’d driven us to the ER. Had almost lost it that night, wanting to go find Jermaine and beat the crap out of him for putting me in harm’s way. Between me and Shona, we’d managed to convince him not to do anything reckless. Jesse Byrd might have been six feet two of pure muscle and brawn, but he was no match for Diaz and his crew.
“I’ll be okay, promise.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he knew me well enough to drop it. We watched Shona and Leroy practically dry fuck until Jesse finally snapped. Grunting under his breath, he stormed toward them, ripping his baby sister away from his friend. She flounced over to me and grabbed her drink, hardly fazed.
“He needs to lighten the hell up.”
“You two were getting pretty hot out there.”
“We were dancing.”
“So I didn’t see him rubbing up on you?”
Shona smothered a giggle, and I rolled my eyes. “You need to find yourself a decent guy instead of acting thirsty every time a guy looks in your direction.”
She fake gasped. “I do not act thirsty.”
“You know it’s true. But you’re worth more, Shona.”
“Listen to you, acting all boujee now you livin’ in that hick town.”
“You do realize that’s a complete contradiction, right? You can’t be boujee and hick?”
“Whatever.” She stuck her nose in the air, flicking her braids off her shoulder. “All I’m saying is you don’t be calling me no more, too busy with your new friends.”
“You know it’s not like that.” Guilt snaked through me. “I just...”
“Yeah, I know.” Shona shoulder checked me. “I’m messing with you.”
“I got a new cell phone number. So now we can talk all the time. You’ll just have to save me as ‘boujee bitch’ or something.” I grinned.
“You really think I’d be letting Jermaine look at my cell? I’ve barely spoken to him since you left.”
Silence filled the space between as we both looked out at the sea of bodies. There was a thin layer of smoke, the bitter twang of weed permeating the air.
“Shona,” I said, finally breaking the tension between us. “You get why I left, right?”
“Sure, I get it. Part of me was so fucking relieved when your mom told you to pack your bags. But the other part, the selfish part, can’t forgive you for leaving me behind. I know that makes me a bitch, but I can’t help it.”
“I know.” I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry I left too.”
“You just make the most of it and remember you got out, Mya. You escaped this place.” She eased back, flashing me her megawatt smile. “Now, tell me about those white boys you been hanging out with.” Her smile turned suggestive.
“They’re just… guys.”
“You like one of them.”
“No I don’t.” Liar.
“Oh you do, it’s written all over your face. Lemme guess, he’s a Justin Timberlake. You always did have a crush on JT back in the day.”
“He’s not—” A commotion over by the door caught my attention.
“Mya, yo, Mya, you up in here?” Jermaine’s voice filtered through the house and my spine stiffened.
“Fuck,” Shona hissed. “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll get Jesse and Leroy to deal with him.”
“And cause World War Three?” I glared at her. “I knew he’d find me. I just thought it’d be on my terms.” Placing my drink down, I began moving past her.
“Wait, you’re sure about this?” she asked me.
“Better than the alternative.” Silent understanding passed between us. If I didn’t go to him, Jermaine and his guys would cause problems for Shona and her brother. Something I couldn’t let happen.
“He puts a single finger wrong and you call me, ‘kay?” Jesse gave me a reassuring nod.
Nervous energy vibrated through me as I cut through the sea of bodies and made my way to the front of Shona’s house. Jermaine stood in the door, his eyes hard and cold. It had been three months since I’d seen him. Three months for him to beef up, cover more of his dark skin in tattoos. Three months to let his love for me turn to hatred.
“Mya, baby, looking good,” he said smoothly, letting his gaze run down my body. I shuddered, his attention no longer familiar and safe.
“J,” I said coolly. “It’s been a while.”
“Yo, Shawn, you guys get out of here. Me and my girl gotta talk.” I internally flinched.
His girl.
He still thought of me as his girl. But I hadn’t been his girl since the day I left Fallowfield Heights.
His guys moved around him, ready to disperse into the party but I said, “They leave. I’ll talk to you if they leave.”
Jermaine’s brow rose. “It’s like that, huh?”
“It’s like that,” I deadpanned, folding my arms over my chest and glaring at him.
“A’ight. I’ll meet you later,” he said to them, and they all filed out of the house.
“I see you got yourself some lap dogs.” I didn’t want to think about what he’d done to earn their respect.
“Come on, My, why you gotta be this way? I thought we could talk.” He swaggered toward me. “Talk, kiss… make up. You owe me, girl.” His hand reached for me, but I swatted it away.
“I owe you nothing more than an explanation.”
“So it’s like that, huh?” Jermaine rubbed his jaw.
“Let’s go outside, I need some air.” I couldn’t breathe with him looking at me like that.
Shouldering past him, I slipped into the cool night. Shona lived in one of the nicer parts of the neighborhood, so we were afforded some privacy. I moved around to the side of the house, where I knew there was a bench, and sat down. Jermaine followed but he didn’t sit. Instead, he towered over me. He seemed taller. Older in the face somehow. No signs of the young man I’d left behind.
“How’s your mama?” I asked, breaking the silence. “Bet she was real disappointed you dropped out of school.”
He clucked his tongue, shrugging. “I did what I had to.”
“Bullshit. School was the only thing working for you.”
“At least it’d be safe. At least it’d be an honest job.”
“Shit, Mya, three months in wherever the fuck you been and you already talking shit. They brainwashed you out there? Filling your head with dreams of a better life?” He snorted. “I got news for you, baby girl. This is all we got. Life ain’t never gonna be no different.”
My heart ached at his words. For the boy I once knew. Jermaine was blinded by the promise of money and status. He couldn’t see there was another way, like too many men in our neighborhood.
“It didn’t have to be like this,” I whispered, tipping my head back against the cladding.
Jermaine took my hand in his, sliding our fingers together the way he had so many times. But where it once brought me peace, it felt wrong now.
“It was always you, Mya. You were my anchor in this fucked up place we call home. As long as I had you nothing else mattered.”
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes. “We both know that’s not true. I was never enough. If I was, you would have stopped.”
“You left me, you fucking left me,” he repeated, again and again, his voice cracking with pain. I wanted to console him, to give him comfort the way I had so many times before. But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
“I left because I knew if I stayed, I’d never get out. And I want more, J. I want to go to school and get a degree. I want a house and a family and a job. I want more than... than this.”
“You always were too good for this place.” He stared off into the darkness.
“I’m sorry I ran, I am. But I had no other choice. I watched you get beaten within an inch of your life and then I was assaulted. They assaulted me with your blood on their hands. Do you have any idea what that was like? I thought they were going to…” The words lodged in my throat as the hazy memories flooded my mind.
The pain.
The crunch of bone on bone.
Their laughter.
So much laughter.
Blood. Everywhere.
“It’s the life, Mya.”
“Oh God,” I yanked my hand away and jumped up. “Listen to yourself. Even now, even sitting here listening to me tell you why I left, it’s still not enough. You should go.”