by L A Cotton
“Baby, don’t do this.” He stood up, trying to pull me into his arms, but I resisted, stepping back out of his hold. “You make it sound like it’s all on me, but you knew who I was. You knew where my life was going and you loved me anyway. And what, now you think you just get to run away and pretend like we’re nothing to each other? Fuck that. You’re mine, Mya. You’ll always be mine. You can’t run forever.” His eyes turned hard. “One day, you’ll come running back. Ain’t no outrunning the hood, baby. You know that.”
It was a silly thing we’d grown up saying. I’d beg Jermaine not to hang out with Diaz’s crew and he’d tell me it was destiny. But it was never destiny. It was a choice, and he’d already made the wrong one.
“Goodbye, Jermaine,” I said, slowly backing away.
“You’re making a mistake, Mya,” he ground out, his eyes swirling with so much anger and sadness it physically hurt to walk away from him. But I had to do this. I had to put him in the past. Because love wasn’t enough. Not for us.
“This isn’t the end,” he called after me, as I spun on my heel and took off around the back of Shona’s house. I didn’t look back. I didn’t let myself cry or scream or fall apart.
Not until I reached the back door and fell into Jesse’s waiting arms.
Chapter Fourteen
Asher
“So I hear Coach Hasson has you all locked into an exhibition game next month?” My old man talked a good talk, but I heard the disapproval in his voice. It wasn’t what he said, it was how he said it.
My friends were none the wiser as they ate my mom’s lasagna and drank Dad’s twenty-one-year-old single malt as if everything was fine.
“Yeah, it kinda came out of left field,” Jason said. “But if it means I get to play one last time with the team and raise money for a good cause then count me in.”
“I’d better dig my checkbook out then.” Dad smiled, but it only reminded me of a sly fox.
Everyone laughed, the mix of Mom’s strained laughter to Dad’s hearty over-the-top chuckle almost too much to bear.
This wasn’t the first time I’d played happy families with my parents and best friends. Dad liked to showboat. He liked to present a united and strong front, and usually I played along without too much difficulty. But this was different. This felt like the last supper before walking the green mile to a death sentence of security systems and business meetings, brightly colored ties and business suits.
“That would be very kind of you, Mr. Bennet.”
“Please, Jason, we’ve talked about this before. Call me Andrew.”
My best friend nodded, and I’m sure I caught him slightly starry-eyed as he watched my father command the table. Jason and his old man, Kent Ford, weren’t exactly close. There was a lot of resentment and bitterness there, but it still felt ironic that he respected my dad so much. If only he knew.
Forcing the thoughts down, I forked some more lasagna into my mouth. Mom cast me appreciative glances every now and then. This was all for her. Dinner. The fake conversation. Dad might have been a cold, cruel son of a bitch, but in his own twisted way he loved her. And if there was one thing Andrew Bennet never did, it was sever a business agreement.
Marriage.
Fatherhood.
Business.
It was all the same to him. A series of transactions where people exchanged money and services, promises and sacrifices to move forward and better themselves.
Dad got reassurance his son would follow in his footsteps. Mom got some semblance of family.
And I got four years of football with my friends.
“Asher, Son, are you listening?”
Speak of the devil. My father glared at me.
“I, uh, sorry.”
“I was just telling the guys how excited we are about having you keep up the Bennet tradition of going to Pittsburgh in the fall.”
Blood pounded between my ears. He could talk about anything, and yet he chose the one thing I didn’t want to talk about.
“Andrew let’s not bore them with stories of how proud we are. There’s still so much food and I made dessert too.”
“It’s okay, Mrs. Bennet,” Cam said. “We can always spare a few minutes to talk college, right, Jase?”
“Sure thing. I can’t wait for the summer to come around.”
“Your father tells me Miss Giles will be following you to Penn?”
“She’s not following him, Dad,” I jumped in. “She was always going there.”
“Really?” He looked genuinely surprised. “I never realized she was so intelligent. It’s time you found yourself a nice—”
“Andrew, please. Let’s not embarrass Asher in front of his friends.”
“I’m just saying, Julia, that a good woman can be the making of a man. I mean, look at us.” He patted Mom’s hand, his eyes sparkling with a fierce possessiveness that could easily be mistaken for adoration.
I knew better.
I knew Mom was a pawn in his games, just the way I was.
“Actually Mr... I mean, Andrew, Asher does have his eye on a girl.”
My head snapped over to Jason and I dragged my finger across my neck. He smirked while Cam spluttered over a mouthful of whisky.
“Ah yes, the Hernandez girl.” Dad’s smile grew tight. “Well, I guess it’s better to have your fun now before you settle down and focus on the future.”
My friends frowned at that. Jase cleared his throat, no doubt ready to come to my defense, but Cam discreetly nudged him, giving a little shake of his head.
Fuck. This was turning into a shit show. I hadn’t wanted to invite them over, but I knew it made Mom happy when she had guests to entertain. And my friends seemed like a safe choice.
Now I was seriously wondering if there was something wrong with me.
This wasn’t safe. Having them here wasn’t reassuring.
It was painful. Cutting me up inside as if I’d swallowed tiny shards of glass.
I dropped my silverware on my plate, the clatter piercing the tense silence. Running a hand through my hair, I gave Jase a pleading look. I’d never asked him to bail me out of one of Mom and Dad’s dinners before. But tonight was different.
Tonight I needed my friends.
Jase cleared his throat. “That was great, Mrs. Bennet. I can’t wait to see what’s for dessert. Then we need to make tracks. We’re meeting the rest of the team at Bell’s for our annual pre-Christmas thing.”
“You are?” Dad’s expression darkened. “You never mentioned it, Son.”
“Guess it slipped my mind,” I grumbled.
“Well, that’s just lovely,” Mom added. “Team spirit is just so important these days. I’ll get these cleared away and serve dessert so you boys can be on your way. Asher, a little help?”
“Sure thing, Mom.” I stood up and began loading plates into my hands. I knew Jason and Cam didn’t understand the strange atmosphere at dinner, but it was better that way.
For now, it was better they didn’t know the whole story.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
“Want to tell us what the fuck that was all about?” Jase kept his eye on the road as we drove away from my house. It wasn’t until the shadow of the building disappeared in the rear-view mirror that I finally felt the weight ease off my chest.
“Just my old man being his usual hard ass self.”
He side-eyed me, his hands tightening around the wheel. “Something’s going on with you. You don’t want to tell us yet, that’s cool. But drop the charade. We’ve all been there. Me with my old man. Cam with his mum. It’s okay to let people in, Ash. You don’t have to carry whatever it is that’s got you so worked up alone.”
“Fee’s good for you, man.” I ignored his grand speech and deflected the spotlight from me to him. “And despite everything that happened, I’m happy for you. You two deserve each other.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be?” he asked.
“For now, yeah. But I’l
l let you know when I’m ready to talk.”
“We’ll be here, you know that.” Cam leaned forward from the back seat and squeezed my shoulder.
The familiar streets of our small town rolled by. I couldn’t imagine moving to Pittsburgh, living in a strange place with strange people. But I guess my future was tainted by the fact it wasn’t truly my future.
“Hey,” I said after a little while. “This isn’t the way to Bell’s.”
“You caught that, huh?” He smirked, signaling left and pulling onto the street where Felicity lived.
“Guys, if this is your attempt to cheer me up, I’m really not in the mood to play fifth wheel.” I’d done enough of that lately.
He chuckled, not saying another word as he pulled onto Flick’s driveway and cut the engine. “Trust me,” he said cryptically. “I think you’ll like this surprise.”
Surprise?
What the actual fuck?
We got out and I reluctantly followed Jason and Cam up to the Giles’ house. The last thing I wanted to do was hang out and watch them with their girlfriends. They usually tried to keep PDA’s to a minimum around me.
Tried and failed.
And I got it, I did. They were in love. So deeply gone for their girls that they couldn’t keep their hands off them. But that shit was nauseating on a good day, let alone on a day where everything seemed like such a fucking mess.
Jason didn’t knock. He just walked right in like he owned the place. It didn’t surprise me. He already had Mr. and Mrs. Giles wrapped around his finger, despite their initial concerns about their daughter dating Rixon’s golden boy of football.
We followed the girly laughter into the living room and my eyes almost bugged out of my head. “Mya?” I choked out. “What are you...?”
She stood up, pushing her wild curls out of her face. “Hey.”
I noticed Fee and Hailee grinning at us out of the corner of my eye.
“Can we talk?”
“I... uh... sure,” I said.
Jase clapped me on the back, moving around me as I stood rooted in place, staring at Mya.
“Come on,” she said, taking my hand and leading me away from our friends.
I was so surprised, so fucking confused, I trailed behind her like a lost puppy.
Mya kept going until we reached the back door. “It’s cold,” she said. “But I thought we’d have more privacy outside?” She glanced back at me and waited.
“Sure.”
Releasing a small breath, Mya nodded, before slipping outside. She wasn’t wrong. The frigid air wrapped around us like icy fingers. Or maybe it was just trepidation at whatever it was she wanted to talk about.
“Fuck,” I breathed, jamming my hands deep in my jacket pockets.
Mya chose the swing seat. It was big enough for two, but I was still so stunned at seeing her, I opted to stand.
“So,” she started, “I have something for you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” A tentative smile tugged at her mouth as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny scrap of paper. “Here.”
I took it from her, my brows pinched in confusion as I read the number written on it. “I’m not—”
“It’s my cell phone number. My new cell phone number.”
“I don’t understand.” I scratched my cheek.
“I’m done, Asher. I went back there and saw Jermaine thinking I needed closure, but I realized something. That part of my life was over the second I packed my bag and left. So I’m done.”
“You’re done?” I sounded like a parrot but I couldn’t process what she was saying.
“I still want to take things slow, but what I’m saying is, if you still want me, I’m yours.”
Yours.
She’d said, ‘I’m yours’.
The words spun around my head until they finally settled into four little letters.
Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
Mya was saying she was mine... if I still wanted her.
I dropped to my knees in front of her and let the scrap of paper flutter out of my hands as I cupped her face. “You’re done with him?”
“So done.” She grinned, her eyes full of promise.
“You really want to be mine, Hernandez? Because I’m going to be needy. So fucking needy.” I admitted. “Waking up and finding you gone, it hurt. More than I ever thought it would.” Leaning in, I rested my head against hers. “But finding out you’d gone back home, imagining you with him, that almost damn near killed me.”
“I’m sorry. I just... I got scared, Asher. The way I feel about you scares me.”
“Yeah?” Pulling away, I looked into Mya’s eyes, needing to see the truth there. “How do you feel about me?”
“Like I could lose myself.”
“I’ll never let that happen,” I said. “Know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll always find you, Mya.” Burying my fingers in her hair, I leaned in and tasted her lips. Once. Twice. Three times. Just to be sure this was real.
That she was real.
Mya looped her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. I rose up on my knees, leaning into her, pressing her back into the Giles’ swing seat. She said she wanted to go slow, but I couldn’t resist hitching her leg around my hip and grinding against her.
“Asher.” One hand curled into my jacket. “We should probably...”
Don’t say it.
Don’t fucking say it.
“Slow down.”
A groan of frustration worked its way up my throat, but I smiled at her as I slowly eased up. “You’re going to drive me insane, Hernandez.”
Mya smiled. And it was so pure, so fucking honest, I felt myself fall even deeper into her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Never be sorry with me. Ever. You like something we’re doing, tell me. You don’t like something we’re doing, tell me. You need me to slow down, tell me. You need me to speed up...” my brow rose suggestively. “Definitely tell me.”
She batted my chest, gawking at me as if I’d lost my damn mind.
“It’s one of the things I love most about you, Mya. You’re not afraid to speak up. I don’t ever want to silence you. No matter how blue my balls become.”
“Oh God, stop.” She was laughing now. “You have a hand. Use it.”
I crowded her again, kissing a path from her lips to the shell of her ear. “Oh, I do,” I whispered. “And I always think of you.”
“Asher...” My name on her lips was like music to my ears.
“Come on, you, let’s go hang with the others.”
“For real?” The surprise on Mya’s face was so fucking adorable. As if part of her actually expected me to throw her over my shoulder and stalk off to my cave to have my way with her.
I mean, thinking it wasn’t the same thing as doing it. Right?
I dropped a kiss on her head before pulling her up and hooking my arm around her shoulder. “Me and you, Mya. On our terms, okay?”
“Okay.” She swallowed nervously.
I chuckled, leading her back inside to join our friends, feeling like the motherfucking King of the world.
Chapter Fifteen
Mya
The second we stepped into Felicity’s living room, silence fell over the four of them. Jason smirked, grumbling something that sounded like, ‘about fucking time’. Flick elbowed him in the ribs, making him grunt in pain. Asher chuckled, taking me by the hand and pulling me over to the empty loveseat. He sat down first, tugging me down beside him and wrapping his arm around me as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“So,” Flick said, her eyes darting from me to Asher and back again, “does this mean you two are together now?” She fought a grin.
“We’re…” I looked at Asher, unsure I wanted to define or put a label on us when everything still felt so new.
“Taking it slow,” he answered for me. “But just so we’re clear, I don’
t intend on looking at another girl, let alone touching one.” He wasn’t looking at me, but I felt the words all the way down to my soul. It was his not so discreet way of letting me know he was all in, and I couldn’t deny it did soften something inside me.
“That is so cute.” Flick was grinning now.
“Fucking nauseating if you ask me.” Jason groaned.
“Do I look like I care?” Asher pulled me closer, dropping a kiss on my head. “I finally got the girl. I think it gives me a free pass for tonight at least. Besides, I have to watch you clean Fee’s teeth on a regular basis.” He flipped Jason off.
“Just be thankful you don’t have to watch me clean her pus—”
“JASON!” Felicity shrieked, clapping her hand over his mouth. “That is disgusting.”
“Nah, babe, it’s fucking delicious,” he mumbled against her palm.
“Seriously though, man, we’re happy for you.” Cam gave us a small nod, shifting Hailee who was curled in his lap, her head resting on his chest. “At least now we can go out without you moaning like a little bitch,” he teased.
“Fuck you. I just so happen to be an awesome fifth wheel.”
“Hey.” I pinched his rib. “What are you trying to say?”
Asher’s eyes slid to mine, shining with lust and other things I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. “You know I want you, Hernandez. It’s you who’s got us moving at a snail’s pace.”
“Ash…” My cheeks burned as I felt everyone watching us, no doubt wondering what he was talking about.
“Say it again,” he breathed, eyes wide with awe.
“Say what?” My brows knitted.
“Ash. You called me Ash.”
“I did?” I hadn’t even noticed.
“Yeah, you did. You know what that means, Hernandez?”
“No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.”
He leaned in, brushing his nose over mine, completely forgetting we had an audience. “It means you must really, really like me.”