An Amish Singing

by Amy Clipston

  The anger warred with both irritation and disbelief as she waited for her mother’s assessment.

  When Mamm looked up from reading, she shook her head and removed her reading glasses. “I’m speechless.”

  “I know!” Elaine threw her arms up in the air. “He cheated on me with my best freind. And I regret everything I did to hurt you, he said, not even being specific about it. He turned all mei freinden against me, and now he has the nerve to beg for my forgiveness.” She tapped the letter with her finger. “And he says he’s realized I’m the love of his life.” She took a breath. “And no, I have not heard from Rhoda. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she’s the one who broke up their relationship, for some other man.”

  Mamm’s lips twisted as she looked down at the letter. “Well, you know it’s our culture to forgive, but you certainly don’t need to give Lewis another chance. And right now I don’t know what to say about Rhoda.”

  “Why would I give either of them another chance?” Elaine stood and crossed the floor to the counter. “I need some tea.”

  “Gut idea.”

  After filling the kettle, she set it on the stove and turned on the burner, then grabbed two tea bags and two mugs, her mind swirling with confusion. The nerve of him!

  “Do you realize we’ve been here nearly a month now?” Mamm asked.

  Elaine glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. “I guess that’s right.”

  “And you still haven’t settled in with the young people here.” Mamm assessed Elaine with her hazel eyes. “You haven’t mentioned Calvin since we had supper at his haus. Have you spoken to him at all?”

  “Only in passing.”

  “Why is that?”

  Leaning back on the counter, Elaine crossed her arms over her waist. Mamm had no doubt decided Calvin was interested in her daughter, especially when he asked to give Elaine a tour of his farm. “I admit he’s been very nice to me, but I don’t want to get attached to him or any other man. I’ve been hurt enough, and I think my heart needs a break.”

  To her surprise, Mamm nodded. “I think that’s a gut plan, but you still need freinden.” She pointed at her. “That’s why we’re going quilting at Dorothy Blank’s haus tomorrow afternoon. Alice and Sharon will be there too.”

  Elaine groaned. “Why do I have to go?”

  “Because you need to get out and make freinden. It’s not healthy for you to spend every day here with me.”

  “But it’s where I want to be, Mamm.”

  When the kettle began to whistle, Elaine stepped back to the stove. After pouring the water, she carried the mugs to the table and sat down. They sat in silence as they sipped their tea.

  Elaine studied her drink, her mind churning. Could she allow herself to at least grow close to Sharon and Alice? And what about Darlene?

  She sighed and rubbed her temple. Why was life so complicated? Would she always feel like a stranger here?

  Please God! Guide my heart! I’m so confused.

  “Elaine,” Mamm finally said, reaching across the table to place her hand on Elaine’s. “I understand you’re afraid to trust anyone after what Lewis, Rhoda, and your other freinden did to you. But it’s not fair to punish the people you’ve met here for the sins of others. I was grateful when your dat agreed to finally sell the farm and move here. I prayed for God to give you a new start to help heal your heart.”

  Elaine leaned forward. “You did?”

  “Of course I did. I was so angry you’d been hurt, and it broke my heart to watch you suffer so. I didn’t want you to spend the rest of your life living among people who’d betrayed you. You deserved a new start, but I couldn’t give you that unless your dat sold the farm. It all came together perfectly when your onkel once again offered him a partnership plus this place to live. Then we found the perfect buyer for the farm. It was all God’s will.”

  Sniffing, Elaine wiped her eyes with a tissue drawn from the pocket of her apron. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, Mamm.”

  Mamm gave Elaine’s hand a gentle squeeze. “That’s why I believe you need to give these young people the benefit of the doubt. You don’t have to start dating right away. But try to at least make a few close freinden. Alice, Sharon, and Darlene seem to really like you, and Dorothy invited us to quilt with them at her haus. Why not give them a chance?”

  Elaine nodded. “You’re right. They’ve been kind to me.”

  “Gut.” Mamm took another sip and then glanced at Lewis’s letter. “You should forgive Lewis, but that’s all. And you should forgive Rhoda, too, even if you never hear from her.”

  “I know, and I will.” Elaine picked up the letter, folded it, and stuffed it back in the envelope.

  * * *

  Elaine hugged a quilt to her chest as she and Mamm climbed the Blanks’ back-porch steps the following afternoon.

  The door flew open just as they reached it, and Alice appeared in the doorway. “I’m so glad you’re here. Please come in. We’re in our schtupp.”

  Elaine and Mamm followed Alice through the mudroom and kitchen and into a large family room, where Sharon, Feenie, Dorothy, and Ruby Sue all sat working on their quilts.

  Elaine smiled and waved as everyone greeted her, and then she settled in a wing chair.

  “What did you bring to work on?” Alice asked.

  “It’s a Log Cabin quilt I started a few months ago.” Elaine opened it and ran her fingers over the gray, blue, and pink pattern. “I’d like to send it to mei great-aenti Thelma for Christmas.”

  “It’s lovely,” Sharon said.

  “It surely is,” Alice added.

  “Danki.” Elaine smiled as she recalled her mother’s words. She had to try to make friends. “Would you help me work on it?”

  Sharon and Alice both nodded, and Elaine’s shoulders relaxed as they turned their attention to her quilt. Maybe God had blessed her move to this community. Maybe she’d find true friends here.

  * * *

  The bishop had started his sermon, but chagrin stole Cal’s concentration as he watched Elaine just stare at her lap.

  Why did his efforts to drum up a conversation with her only result in curt answers? Worse, when she was invited to join his friends for . . . anything, why had she rejected the idea every time, saying she was too tired or busy—or giving no excuse at all?

  He pinched the bridge of his nose as the ongoing confusion scrambled his brain. He couldn’t understand Elaine. He’d been certain they’d become friends the night her family had come to his house for supper, but she still behaved as if he was just some acquaintance, someone who didn’t matter much at all.

  Then again, maybe she regretted sharing what happened to her in New Wilmington that day they talked on the bench. She had to feel vulnerable after what this Lewis had done to her.

  How could he fix this?

  He closed his eyes in disappointment. Maybe he’d come on too strong? But what could he have done differently to show her he truly wanted to be her friend?

  “Cal?” Andrew whispered. “Are you okay?”

  “Ya.” He opened his eyes. Then something inside him seemed to crack open. He needed advice.

  He leaned toward Andrew. “I can barely get Elaine to talk to me, and it’s driving me crazy.”

  A young man Cal didn’t really know turned from his seat in front of him. He glared, then whipped around to face the front again.

  Andrew gave Cal a little grin and shook his head before leaning closer.

  “I knew you liked her,” he whispered. “Don’t give up. I didn’t give up on Darlene, and it worked out for us.”

  Cal nodded slowly, then looked back at Elaine, taking in her beautiful face as she now studied the bishop. Renewed determination took hold. No, he still wouldn’t give up. And with God’s help, maybe Elaine would not only agree to spend time with him and his friends today but be willing to ride with him to their planned gathering.

  * * *

  Cal waited until Elaine finished helping with l
unch cleanup, then hurried to where she stood talking to Darlene, Sharon, and Alice near their hosts’ back porch. He stood a little taller, gathering all the courage he could muster.

  Elaine saw him, and to his surprise, a smile—albeit tentative—took over her lips. “Calvin, hi,” she said.

  “You can call me Cal,” he said, losing his focus for a moment. Then he pushed ahead with his plan. “Did the girls tell you? We’re all playing games in Dave’s barn this afternoon. Will you ride with me?”

  Elaine glanced at Alice as if for permission, which sent a flame of doubt through him. But when Alice nodded, Elaine smiled. And then she turned that smile toward him.

  “I’d love to,” she said. “Let me just tell my parents I’m going.”

  He felt off-balance for a moment, and he blinked. Danki, God. “Okay. I’ll get my horse and buggy ready.”

  As Elaine hurried off, Cal felt someone clap him on the shoulder, and he looked over to see Andrew.

  “How long have you been standing there?” Cal asked.

  “Long enough.” Andrew grinned. “I told you not to give up.”

  “You were right,” Calvin said. “Danki.”

  Andrew nodded and then held his hand out to Darlene. She threaded her fingers with his, and envy pricked at Cal as he watched them walk away hand in hand. Maybe he and Elaine would be holding hands soon.

  * * *

  As Elaine headed toward Cal’s buggy, a familiar war developed in her heart. Had she just made the wrong decision, agreeing to ride with him? Deciding to give him a chance, not only as a friend but—she might as well admit it—as a potential boyfriend, a relationship she suspected he wanted to explore?

  She wanted to trust Cal with her heart, and he’d given her no real reason not to. She’d realized neither Darlene nor Cal would ever betray Andrew. Their relationships were all solid and true. But she still feared what could happen if she trusted Cal beyond friendship. She’d seen the way some of the single young women in their church district looked at him. He could date anyone he wanted, and after what Lewis had done to her, she was afraid—nearly terrified—of being hurt again.

  But the wall she’d built around her heart seemed to be crumbling just a little.

  Chapter Seven

  Happiness bubbled through Cal as he guided his horse toward Dave’s house. After much praying and hoping since Elaine’s visit to his family’s farm, she was finally riding in his buggy beside him.

  Now he just had to say and do the right things to encourage her to really trust him. He swallowed back a groan. The pressure nearly seemed too much!

  The clip-clop of his horse’s hooves, the whir of the buggy wheels, and the roar of passing traffic filled the space between them. He had to think of something to spur a conversation between them, crashing through this awkwardness. And he might as well be bold about it.

  “Have you heard from anyone back in New Wilmington?” he asked as he gave her a sideways glance. He really did want to know.

  She hesitated but only for a moment.

  “Ya, I have. Lewis wrote me. I got his letter on Wednesday.” She said the words almost as casually as if she were ordering a burger in a restaurant.

  Cal thought he’d probably just blanched. Had he heard her correctly?

  “Lewis?” he asked, and she nodded. “Your ex-boyfriend?”

  “Correct.”

  “He wrote to you.” He kept his words as measured as possible.

  “Ya. I was surprised too.” She shifted in the seat and crossed her arms. “He visited my great-aenti Thelma and asked her for my address. Then he wrote me a letter apologizing for everything he did and begging for my forgiveness. He said he realizes now he made a mistake, and I’m the love of his life.”

  Cal gripped the reins with such force that pain shot through his wrists.

  She snorted. “As if that makes up for what he did. He wanted me to forgive him and give him another chance. He asked me to write him back or call him.”

  “Are you going to?” He braced himself for her answer.

  She gave a little laugh. “I’ve forgiven him, since it’s our way to forgive, but I won’t give him another chance. Why would I open myself up to be hurt like that again?”

  “Right.” He nodded slowly as his hands relaxed—slightly.

  She shook her head as she looked out at the passing traffic. “If he truly cared for me, he would have treated me better. I don’t see why he thinks he can make up for it now.”

  Cal stared straight ahead, worried. Even though Elaine said she wasn’t planning to give Lewis another chance, he couldn’t help but wonder what the man would do if he were determined to win her back.

  The thought sent more anxiety twisting up his insides.

  “I’m stunned he’s making such an effort now,” she continued. “He said he broke up with Rhoda, but I think Rhoda broke up with him. He’s probably just lonely.”

  “Maybe so.” He tried to smile, but his lips refused to cooperate.

  “How has work been for you?” Elaine asked. “How are all the horses?”

  Though his thoughts were jumbled, Cal managed to answer her questions about the farm during the remainder of the ride to Dave’s house. When they arrived, he tied up his horse and then walked with Elaine to the large barn where the ping-pong tables were set up.

  They spent the afternoon playing, drinking hot cocoa, and eating cookies. Elaine seemed relaxed. She blessed him with her beautiful smile more than once, and she even teased him when he missed hitting the ball for a serve.

  When it was time to go, they both said good-bye to everyone, and he was thrilled Elaine walked with him to his buggy without question. He’d been afraid she might ask someone else for a ride.

  “That was so much fun,” Elaine said as she settled back in the passenger seat. “I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

  Cal smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. Everyone really likes you.”

  She looked at him. “You think so?”

  “I know so.” I like you a lot.

  “Danki for including me.”

  “Gern gschehne. I’m not planning on giving up on you.” He held his breath, awaiting a rejection, but she just smiled and looked out the windshield. “What are your plans for this week, Elaine?”

  “I’ll have my usual chores. You know—laundry, dusting, mopping, sweeping, darning.” She shrugged. “I also have some Christmas gifts to work on. I’m making some quilts and a few other items. I’m also getting together with Darlene, Alice, and Sharon to make Christmas cards. Mamm and I finished ours, and we’ll mail them before too long. Alice particularly wants to borrow our stamp that says ‘O Holy Night.’ That’s my favorite Christmas carol.”

  “Mine too. There’s another thing we have in common.”

  “I guess so! I’ll have to make you a card with it.”

  “I’d like that. Tell me about your cards. What do you use besides stamps and ink to make them?” He smiled inside. This conversation was so easy, so natural. Surely she felt it too.

  As he pulled into her driveway, a thought occurred to him. Maybe it was time to ask Elaine for a date! The idea sent warmth to every cell in his body. He would have to talk to her father, of course, but first he wanted to ask her if she even wanted to date him. He’d do that when he walked her to the house.

  Please, God, give me the right words to show Elaine how much I care.

  When they reached the porch, Cal felt something brush against his leg, and he halted. He chuckled as a large, orange tabby blinked up at him. “Who’s this?”

  “This is Arnold.” Elaine grinned as she leaned down and rubbed the cat’s ear. He responded with a purr as he closed his eyes. “He seems to have adopted me.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Arnold.” Calvin rubbed the cat’s head.

  “I’m hoping he’ll come with us when we move.”

  His gaze snapped to hers. “Move? What do you mean?”

  “Mei dat just found some land. He’s a
bout to buy it, and then we’ll build a haus in the spring. It’s not far from here, so we’ll stay in the same church district.”

  “Well, that’s gut news! And . . .” His pulse galloped as he searched his heart for the right words. “Elaine, I really care about you, and I’d like us to get to know each other better. Will you give me a chance to prove I’ll treat you right, that I won’t hurt you the way you’ve been hurt in the past? If your dat agrees, I’d like to date you.”

  Elaine stared up at him, her eyes widening with what looked like . . . panic?

  “Calvin, I do like you.” She took a step back. “I’m just not ready for another boyfriend, and I don’t know when I will be. I need space and time.”

  Cal didn’t know how to respond, so he just nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I understand,” he finally sputtered. “Maybe we can be freinden for now?”

  She opened the back door. “Of course. I had fun today. Be safe going home. Gut nacht.”

  Then she hurried inside and closed the door in his face.

  Cal stared after her, his head spinning. Then he kicked a porch post with such force that it sent pain radiating from his toes to his shin. He didn’t believe she had no interest in a boyfriend. She just didn’t want to date him.

  When he heard a meow, he looked down at Arnold, again blinking up at him. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Do you?”

  The cat meowed again and then jumped off the porch before trotting toward a nearby barn.

  Calvin descended the steps and then looked up at the sky filled with dark, ominous clouds that reflected his mood. Elaine had splintered his hopes and left him to pick up the pieces. Yet she’d trusted him enough to share about Lewis’s letter. And she’d been happy spending time with him all afternoon.

  Then she’d wholly rejected the idea of dating him. It didn’t make sense.

  Did she still love Lewis?

  The notion sent a knife slicing through his heart. He needed help, and not just from a friend.

  He again looked up at the sky and opened his heart to the Lord.

  “God,” he whispered as he took slow steps to his buggy. “I’m so confused. I feel as if you’re leading me toward Elaine, and to the depth of my bones, I think you intend for us to be together. But every time she seems to be getting a little closer to me, she pulls away. Am I wasting my time? Does she still love Lewis even though she claims it’s over between them?”