“Yeah?”
Her confidence made her sexy as hell and that was one of the many things that set her apart. She didn’t have to try to get his attention or fish for compliments. She loved herself and that made him love her even more.
“Oh yeah.” He stepped out of his jeans and kicked them aside. “You got inside me, Bella.” He ran her hand over his chest, letting her feel how hard his heart was beating. “You wrecked me for all other women.”
She laughed softly, shaking her head. “Liar.”
“I mean it.” He held his breath while she traced her hands over his abs and pecs. “There was you… and then there was everyone else.”
Her smile slipped as she asked, “Why did there have to be so many?”
There weren’t as many as she probably suspected, but he knew what she asking. Why did he try to fill the void with sex? He’d asked himself that same question. Especially since it always left him feeling so empty.
“Same reason I drank too much, I guess. To forget for a little while.”
“Forget what?”
“How badly I’d screwed things up with you.” His hands trailed over her bare skin while she got reacquainted with his body. This was nothing like their first time. That night they’d been tearing at each other’s clothes, puncturing the first condom in their attempt to seal the deal.
He skimmed her neck with his tongue, grazing the delicate skin with his teeth when she whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him closer. His arousal was throbbing, prodding her stomach…silently begging for some relief.
“Let’s not talk about the past anymore,” she said, tipping her head back to look him in the eye. “I don’t even want to think about it. If this is going to work we have to wipe the slate clean.”
He’d like nothing more than to forget his mistakes and he appreciated her more for giving him the opportunity to do just that. “Deal.”
He held her gorgeous face in his hands, wondering how the hell he’d gotten so lucky. Being with Bella had nothing to do with his talent or his big contract or flashy championship ring. She was here because she wanted him and that blew his mind.
Why would a woman as beautiful, educated, and successful as her want a guy who’d nearly lost his free ride in college because of his conduct and sub-par grades? Why would someone from a solid family want someone as broken and messed up as he was? With an old man who’d been a homeless alcoholic—
“Stop it,” she whispered, kissing him. “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop it. I don’t want to think about the past and I don’t want you to either.”
Even though he felt like an idiot for asking, he had to know. “Why me? You could have any guy you want. Why me?”
She laughed. “Aren’t I supposed to be asking you that? You’re the one who has strange women throwing themselves at you everywhere you go.”
She laughed it off but there was a bite to her words that let him know he wasn’t the only one who battled jealousy. Silly girl. Didn’t she know he’d never look at another woman as long as he had her?
“I’ll be washed up someday,” he reminded her. “But you’ll always be… you.”
She smiled. “What does that mean?”
“You’ll always be too damn good for me.” His stomach churned as he voiced his darkest fears. Would she wake up one day, long after he was just another retired athlete whose glory days were behind him and realize she could have done so much better?
That would wreck him.
“You don’t really believe that.” She frowned when he looked away, letting her know he wasn’t kidding. “Loran.” She grabbed his face, drawing his eyes back to hers. “You can’t be serious. You’re insecure?”
“I’m just a guy, Bella.”
He couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to bring this up now, with her standing naked in the middle of his living room. What if she walked out on him, told him to call her when he’d grown up and gotten over his petty insecurities?
“I may wear the uniform, but that sure as hell doesn’t make me a superhero. I have the same fears every other man does.”
“Tell me,” she whispered, rolling forward on her toes to brush her lips against his. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
“That you’ll leave me.” His sigh was ragged. “That you’ll stop loving me.” He regretted saying those words as soon as they slipped past his lips. She’d never said she loved him. He was projecting because of the way he felt about her. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “Forget I said anything. This is stupid.”
He curled his hand in her long hair and tried to distract her with a kiss, but she pushed against his chest. Damn it. He’d screwed this up already.
“It’s not stupid.” She grazed the scruff on his cheek with her palm. “We need to talk about this stuff. How else can we become a strong couple?”
“Let’s go to bed, baby. We can talk about this tomorrow.”
She tugged on his hand, leading him to the sectional. Pushing him down, she straddled his lap, making him groan.
“I want you to listen to me.” She raised her body enough to tease him. “I’m here because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, no one I’d rather be with.”
He nodded, trying to believe her. But why had she lived in the city for months and never paid him a visit?
“You don’t believe me?”
The hurt in her eyes was evident so he gripped her hips to keep her from going anywhere. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. But let’s face it, I’ve always been the pursuer in this relationship, the one trying to convince you that we had something worth fighting for.”
“That may be true.” They locked eyes before she kissed him. “But I’m a fighter too, Loran. When I want something or believe in someone, I fight like hell. And I believe in you, in us. It may have taken me a little longer to come around, but make no mistake about it, I’m all in.”
“All in, huh?” His gaze travelled down her body, to where they were nearly joined. “I’d like to be all in right about now.”
She gave him a sassy smile before gripping the fabric behind his head. “Is that right?”
She raised her body enough to align him with her perfect breasts. He may not have had a 4.0 GPA, but he didn’t need one to know what she wanted.
He lashed her soft skin with his tongue, curling his big hands around her perfect breasts. Whoever said more than a handful was a waste hadn’t been sitting where he was right now.
Her breath came in short gasps as he swirled his tongue around her nipple before drawing it into his mouth. “You like that?” He knew she did. Her breasts were more sensitive than most and he intended to take full advantage of that knowledge.
Raising her hips he whispered, “Watch.”
His gaze fell to watch their bodies joining while hers did the same until she tipped her head back and released a slow, agonizing moan as he entered her inch by inch. It hadn’t been easy the first time, even with the benefit of alcohol, but this time made him clench his teeth while she held her breath.
She wasn’t just tight. It felt like a vise-grip closing around him… and he loved every second of it. The only question remaining was how he was supposed to survive it.
“Loran.”
Her voice was broken, her eyes squeezed shut as she threw her head back.
“Don’t tense up,” he warned, gliding his hands all over her body. “I need you to relax for me.” He reached between her legs, zeroing in on his best chance of distracting her from the pain.
“Ah, yes…”
He could feel her letting go, letting him in. “Bella, baby. I forgot the condom. Let me grab—”
“Do you really want to?” She held herself still, her eyes questioning him.
“Sweetheart, I…” He wanted nothing more than to make love to her without anything between them, but he didn’t want to push his luck. She’d already given him so much to be thankful for. “I want whatever you want. You just need to say the
word.”
“Have you been, um, careful?”
She knew he had a full physical at the start of every season, but it had been months since his last one and she had every reason to be cautious. “I have. Every. Single. Time.”
She nodded. “So have I.”
He suspected she’d only been with one man since they were last together, but knew he didn’t have the right to ask since he’d rather not share meaningless numbers with her. “Then we’re good?”
She answered him by sliding down his shaft with one lunge, making him gasp, as he held her hips to steady her so he could adjust to the sudden rush of being inside her again.
“So good.”
He guided her hips slowly at first until she took over, picking up the rhythm until she was grinding against him, making it nearly impossible for him to breathe. He reached between them, intent on getting her off before he lost it.
“Oh, that’s it, right there,” she whispered, her body tensing while he worked her over, his thumb drawing slow circles.
It was taking everything he had not to let go, but it was more important to him that she was satisfied. Just watching her come undone for him again was the highlight of his year. Not the no-hitter he’d pitched or the Cy Young Award he’d won. Not even their championship could match making love to her again.
Her body stiffened as she dug her nails into his shoulders. Her full lips formed a circle as her eyes locked on his and she was gone, riding the waves of pleasure until the tremors stopped rocking her body.
She collapsed against him and he curled his hand around her cheek so he could take her sexy mouth in a sensual kiss that had her gliding against him and moaning all over again. He deepened the kiss, his need for her stirring a ferocity and hunger unlike anything he’d experienced before.
He’d had drunk sex, angry sex, make-up sex, and every other imaginable type of sex. But this was different. This was like fueling an addiction, an obsession. The more he got, the more he wanted and needed her.
“Not letting you go,” he said, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck when they finally had to come up for air. “Ever. Just know that.”
“Not going anywhere,” she said breathlessly, as she clenched him purposefully.
He groaned, swearing softly as he tipped his head back and gave into the inevitable, spilling deep inside of her while experiencing her throbbing only intensified his release.
He reached out, hauling her against him and wrapping his arms around her. He could feel her heart beating against his chest while their breathing slowly returned to normal, but the last thing he wanted to do was let her go.
“Don’t move,” he whispered in her ear. “I just want to hold you like this for a minute.”
His face was buried in her neck, hiding his fear and weakness. He knew if she looked into his eyes now she’d be able to read the truth: he was so in love with her there was no going back for him. Life without her wasn’t an option for him anymore.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking his hair. “Feels so amazing,” she said, softly. “Being with you like this again.”
“I never want to take you for granted, Bella. This… you… it means everything to me. More than my career or money or fame. None of that means shit if I don’t have you.”
Her eyes were soft and moist when she finally pulled away to look at him. “When you say that, I actually believe you.”
He knew it would take time for them to build trust, given their history, with others and each other. But every day, in small ways, he was determined to gain ground. “You better believe me, ‘cause I meant every word of it.”
She smiled, a sweet smile that made his heart race. It felt like she was telling him, without words, how much he meant to her. He knew the words would come eventually, and in the meantime, as long as she kept looking at him like that, he’d be good.
“Spend the night with me?”
She grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter Eight
Waking up in Loran’s arms was the best feeling Bella had experienced in forever. She never wanted to move. Unfortunately, she had work to do, so she tried to slip out of bed without waking him. She’d followed him to his house last night so her car was waiting for her. She’d just have to run home to shower and change before heading to the office.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her wrist. “You weren’t thinking about sneaking out on me again, were you?”
This time was nothing like the last time she’d bailed on him. Then she’d panicked. This morning there was no trace of fear, just contentment, after their night together. “I didn’t want to wake you,” she said, leaning in to kiss him.
“I would’ve lost it if I’d woken up and you were gone again.” His expression was serious when he said, “Don’t do that, Bell. Don’t leave me like that again.”
“I won’t.” She didn’t realize that was still a sore spot for him, but now that she knew she’d try to be more considerate in the future. “I have to get to work. But first I have to run home and shower.”
“Let me make you breakfast. You can shower here.”
“I can just grab a muffin and coffee at the café in my building. That’s what I normally do.”
He frowned. “I can make you a cheese omelet with fresh fruit and toast while you’re in the shower. Doesn’t that sound better? Besides, it would give us more time together.”
She wasn’t big on morning-after talk, but she could tell it was important to him so she said, “Okay, if you’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Don’t mind?” He scowled while drawing her face closer to his. “Let’s get one thing straight. You’re mine now. That means I get to take care of you.”
Whoa! Where had that come from?
She laughed lightly while tapping his chest with her palm. She didn’t want to make too much of his statement, but knew she’d have to let him know how she felt about being a man’s possession.
“I’m yours? Perhaps you’d like to rephrase that?”
“You’re my girlfriend,” he said, as though it should be obvious. “You’re mine, just like I’m yours.”
She supposed she could live with that, as long as it went both ways. But she wasn’t big on labels. Girlfriend inevitably led to fiancé and the thought of marriage still scared the hell out of her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning. “You’re not good with that?”
“The commitment part, yes.” She didn’t want to upset him, but she wasn’t going to bury her feelings just to make him feel better either. That was no way to start a relationship. “But I still want us to take things slow.”
“What does that mean?”
“I want to spend time with you, getting to know you better. Dates, sleepovers, all that I’m good with. But that’s all for now.”
“Meaning you’re not ready to move in with me. You want to maintain your independence, your own life.”
She could tell he wasn’t happy with her ground rules, but he’d have to learn to live with them if this was going to work.
“Look,” she said, curling her hand around his bicep when he folded his arms over his powerful chest. “I know you’re not used to women wanting to take it slow with you. You’re probably used to girls who are ready to move in after the second date. But that’s not me.” She tried to keep her tone gentle when she said, “I can take care of myself and I like my life the way it is. I love my house and my job, my friends and my family. I didn’t need this relationship to fill a void in my life.”
His jaw was tense and he was staring straight ahead when he said, “Good to know.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want it. I do.” She sighed when he refused to look at her. “I just need time to get used to the idea. All of my relationships have been pretty casual up to this point and it sounds like you’re looking for… more.”
He narrowed his eyes when he looked at her. “You know I’m lo
oking for more. I have zero interest in keeping things casual with you. I thought I made that clear even before we slept together.”
“You did and I’m good with that. Honestly, I am. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to get serious right away.” She could tell she was screwing this up and the last thing she wanted was to leave with tension in the air, especially after the incredible night they’d shared.
He looked stunned when he said, “This is already serious for me. I thought you felt the same way.” He shook his head. “I don’t get you. You know how I feel about you. You know how much I want this, yet you’re still playing games. What the hell are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything!” This was going from bad to worse. “And I’m not playing games with you. I’m trying to be honest with you about how I feel. Would you prefer I lie or allow you to pressure me into something I’m not ready for?”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Pressuring you?”
Poor choice of words, Bella. “No, not at all. I just… I’m sorry. This is coming out all wrong. Can we talk about this tonight? I’m going to be late for work.”
“Yeah, by all means, go to work.”
***
Loran was cursing his stupidity while he rinsed Bella’s scent off in the shower. He’d let her leave without breakfast because he didn’t want to pressure her into staying. That’s what he’d told her. And now he felt like an immature ass for expecting everything to go his way.
She was a smart, successful, independent woman who wasn’t going to bend to any man’s will. And he loved that about her. So why did he keep pushing her before she was ready? It was like he couldn’t help himself. Every time he was around her he found himself saying and doing stupid things he couldn’t control.
He was toweling off when his phone rang. He thought about ignoring it when he saw Ethan’s name, but knew that wouldn’t help his mood.
Payback (Summer Rush #6) Page 8