by Seven Steps
“That’s true.” I thought a minute. “Maybe you should hang some paintings around your booth. Sort of like a free preview.”
He shook his head. “Definitely not. They’re too personal. I need something fresh. Something new. Or someone new.”
“Someone?”
“Yes. Someone. Like you.”
My brows shot up in surprise. “Me?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to paint me?”
“Don’t act so surprised. You inspired this whole painting booth thing. That kind of makes you my muse. It’s only right that I should paint you.”
My heart went into overdrive. I didn’t think I could handle Becks painting me. That would mean that all his attention would be on me. He’d be looking at me, scrutinizing every outline and every flaw. What if he didn’t like what he saw?
I ran my thumb over my fingernails.
Knowing that Becks would be looking at me—examining me—was scary, but, oddly, it wasn’t exactly unpleasant. It was actually kind of exciting. Like strapping myself into a roller coaster.
Did I want Becks to see me? To notice me?
I swallowed.
I kind of did.
The feeling surprised me. I didn’t know where these thoughts were coming from, but I also knew I didn’t want to just push them aside. I wanted to embrace it. To plunge into it and see what came out.
I took a deep breath, suddenly excited for the possibilities of this little paint session.
“Sure,” I said. “I’d like for you to paint me.”
Becks let out a relieved breath.
He seemed surprised. Apparently, I was surprising everyone these days. Especially myself.
“Great. We can do it in the sunroom at my house.”
“Did you have a time in mind?”
“Now? I mean, I know it’s soon, but is now good?”
I looked down at my jean shorts and flat sandals. I couldn’t let him paint me in this. If I was going to be alone in a room with Becks focusing on me, I had to at least try to look hot.
“Can I have a few minutes to clean up?”
“Sure. In fact, that’s good. You should go home and put on something that flows. I think I’ll do a watery, beach sort of thing. Like with you lying on the beach with the sun behind you, almost like a mermaid.” He nodded excitedly. “This will work. Let me grab a few more paint supplies and I’ll meet you back at my house in, let’s say, an hour?”
“Yes. An hour. Perfect.”
Becks looked over at me. “It’s going to be great, Lil. I’ll make you proud.”
I smiled. A big, goofy smile. And I knew, in that moment, that there was no way I was going to be able to pull off this kind of makeover by myself. If I was going to look hot in an hour, then I needed some serious backup.
I texted Rose.
Me: SOS. Be home in 10. I need a makeover, stat.
Ten seconds later, Rose texted me back.
Rose: On my way.
I loved my sister. I knew she was out with Kimberly right now, but she was willing to break her plans in a heartbeat just to help me out. Having someone who had my back like that moved my heart.
Becks dropped me off home and, before he was out of the driveway, Rose was already jumping out of Kimberly’s car and waving goodbye.
Wow. She did move fast.
“Where are you going?” she asked, breathlessly running up the driveway. “Did you get a date?”
I waited for her to catch up before I opened the front door. “No.”
“So, what’s the SOS?”
I took a deep breath. “Because Becks is going to paint me.”
A slow smile spread on her face. “Becks is going to paint you? Like Jack and Rose in Titanic?”
I shrugged, feeling my cheeks redden. “Kind of. But my shirt will definitely be on, and hopefully I don’t have to push him off a door that we could’ve both fit on.”
Rose screeched. “You two are too cute. Okay. Let’s get going.”
“He said I should wear something flowy.”
“Flowy. Got it. We’ll have you looking like a wood nymph in thirty minutes.”
“I was just thinking a tunic top and some jeans.”
Rose darted to the top of the steps and smiled down at me. “And that, my dear, is why you called me. Now hurry up. Time’s running out.”
19
An hour later, I found myself sitting on a white couch in Becks’ sunroom.
It was warm in here. The room baked beneath the glass ceilings, but the light was nice and the view of the shady, flower filled, tree lined yard was even nicer. I could see why Becks wanted to paint in here.
Becks wasn’t home yet. He was still out getting paints and supplies.
Mrs. Hayes had let me in, then spent ten minutes telling me how nice it was that I was coming around again and that Becks really needed a friend. She let me go after squeezing me into a hug. It was strange hugging her again, especially since she hadn’t even looked at me in eight years.
I heard Becks’ engine roar outside, then shut off.
I took in a shaky breath and smoothed my hair.
Rose had done an amazing job with my quick makeover. She’d put my hair up into a milkmaid braid, with two tendrils hanging down in the front and more along my nape. She’d lent me her favorite sundress. The yellow one with the frilled bottom and low back. I had a pair of brown sandals with canvas bottoms that went perfectly with the dress, and Rose did my makeup glowing and light.
I felt pretty. Confident. Happy.
But, now that Becks was coming, all those feelings seemed to circle the drain.
Would he think I looked pretty too? Would he notice what I looked like? Was I just fooling myself?
The front door closed, and my heartbeat picked up. I heard Becks’ heavy steps approach the sunroom, and I stood up, brushing nonexistent wrinkles out of my dress.
Then, he opened the door, and our eyes met.
I laced my fingers together because I was unsure what to do with them. I felt exposed. Vulnerable.
Becks stood there, his mouth gaped open, his brows nearly touching his forehead.
He looked at me like I’d grown a second head.
Did I look that terrible?
This was a bad idea. A really bad idea.
“I... uh...”
My words seemed to jolt him from his trance, because he stumbled down the stairs and put his white plastic bag on the floor next to one of the tall, green plants in the corner.
“I didn’t... uh... I’m sorry... you said flowy and I...”
He stood in front of me, his eyes roaming over me from my toes to my head, before finally resting on my eyes.
The shock of seeing me seemed to go out of them, replaced with something else that made me feel uneasy. Like I was balancing on one leg on the side of a cliff.
“Maybe I should go,” I stuttered.
“Please don’t.” His voice was soft. He put one hand on my elbow, his green eyes looking deep into mine. “Please.”
My stomach hurt. I felt heat burn the back of my neck.
“I’m sorry. You said flowy and I did too much.”
He shook his head. “I’ve never seen you look so beautiful.” He stepped closer. “I... I don’t mean to stare. But you’re just so... beautiful.”
I searched his eyes, looking for any signs of lies, but I didn’t find anything. Just an odd expression that threw me off balance.
I dropped my gaze to the floor before I completely gave away how unsteady I felt. “Thank you.”
“It’s the truth,” he said. Then, he let my arm go. “Do you... uh... want to sit?”
I nodded, still not lifting my eyes from the floor, and sat down on the white couch, crossing my legs at the ankle and placing my hands in my lap.
He’d called me beautiful before, but, for the first time, I’d actually felt beautiful too.
What did it mean when you felt beautiful and someone called you beautiful on the same day? Did it mean t
hat I was, in fact, beautiful? I’d never thought of myself like. It was a weird feeling.
I spent the next ten minutes listening to Becks set up his easel, canvas, and paints, while I looked anywhere but at him.
If he looked into my eyes, would he see the turmoil that raged within me? How my chest was heavy and yet, at the same time, it could finally breathe? How I both wanted him to look at me for the rest of my life and, at the same time, never look at me again?
“I’ve never painted a real person before,” Becks said. “I mean, I painted my grandfather, but that was mostly from memory and pictures.”
“Well, I’ve never been painted before,” I said. “I guess this will be the first time for both of us.”
“Yeah. I guess it will. Do you want something to eat? Or water or soda?”
My stomach was in so many knots I was sure I’d never eat again.
“No, thanks.”
“Okay. Good.” He came and stood before me. I was still too nervous to look at him, so I focused on the knees of his jeans instead.
“If you can just, kind of, lie down and put your legs up on the couch. And can you take off your shoes?”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “Sure.”
I’d known Becks for years. And now, this was what we were reduced to. Not looking at each other.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Maybe everything I touched did blow up in my face.
But I was here now. So, I posed as he asked, lying on my side on the couch, looking out the window, shoes off. Thank God I’d shaved and painted my toenails last night.
Becks returned to his seat, and for a while, we were quiet.
“So, what’s up with Calla lately?” he asked. “Is she still mad at you?”
“Yeah. I keep calling and texting, but she’s still upset about us not paying her mom for the catering.”
“She’ll come around. You’re best friends. That’s what best friends do. They fight.”
“Well, that’s not us, actually.”
“You mean you and Calla have never gotten into a fight?”
“Maybe once or twice. But for the most part, we get along.”
“Wow. You must’ve finally gotten that temper of yours under control.”
I scoffed. “I do not have a temper.”
“Maybe not now. But back in the day, you were a little terror. Or maybe I was just terrified.”
“If you were so terrified of me, then why did you insist on being my best friend?”
“Simple. Your mom had the best snacks of all the moms in the class, and you know me. I love a good snack.”
We both laughed, and the tension melted away.
I filled him in on the last eight years of life in Bloom he’d missed. I asked him about his adventures in Florida, and he told me about his new love of golf, painting, his aunt Millie and her parade of very handsome, very wealthy suitors who called on her. He told me about the day his grandfather died, and about how he still dreamed about it sometimes. We opened our hearts to each other, letting our words fill the spaces we’d so long left dormant. I was surprised when I noticed the sun had begun to set and my stomach growled.
“Somebody’s hungry,” Becks said. “Maybe we should wrap things up.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
He stood. “I have most of your outline down, but I would like to finish up your face before we’re done.”
He walked over to me and kneeled down close. He leaned forward, his face only a few inches from mine. His green eyes glowed in this light.
My cheeks flooded with heat.
My heart hammered in my chest.
He leaned in closer and that’s when I knew.
Becks was going to kiss me.
He was really going to kiss me.
Like right now.
Swallowing down my panic, I did the only thing I could think to do.
I closed my eyes and pouted my lips.
A dizzying excitement filled my gut at the thought of his lips pressing to mine. The same lips I’d been thinking about since the photo booth.
I could barely breathe. Barely think. All I could do was wait for his lips to come to me. To change me forever from the girl who’d never been kissed to the girl who’d been kissed by the boy with the prettiest green eyes anyone had ever seen.
I felt his breath on my face. Smelled his clean, fresh scent mingled with the smell of paint and wood and the sun’s rays.
What was he waiting for?
I stilled my breath and popped open one eye, just in time to see him stand up and walk back to the other side of the room.
What. Just. Happened?
My brain was fuzzy for a minute, then a feeling of horror swallowed me.
He wasn’t going to kiss me. He was never going to kiss me. He was just adjusting me so he could paint me better.
Oh. My. God.
Did he see me close my eyes? Did he see me pucker my lips?
Did he know I thought he was going to kiss me?
Did he know I wanted him to kiss me?
My cheeks turned hot, and an overwhelming desire to flee the room took over me. But I couldn’t.
If Becks didn’t know I wanted him to kiss me, then I’d have to explain why I was so freaked out.
If Becks knew I wanted to kiss him, then me running would make him think I was some sort of nut.
Did he know? What was he thinking?
I felt foolish and stupid, and so I kept my mouth shut until Becks told me that was it for the day.
Then, I jumped up from the couch and headed toward the door.
“See you tomorrow,” I said over my shoulder.
“Wait. Lil. Where are you going?”
“Home,” I said quickly, putting my hand on the door. “I’m starving.”
“I thought we could order pizza and catch up some more.”
“Sorry. I’m actually pretty tired.”
“Why are you acting weird? Was it something I said?”
“No. Everything is fine.”
I pulled at the door, but suddenly a hand was there, pushing it back closed. I turned to see Becks’ eyes on me, examining every part of my face. Studying me.
But I didn’t want him to study me. I wanted to run and hide and never have him look at me again.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked tentatively. Slowly.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
He didn’t seem convinced. He didn’t let go of the door either.
“I had a great time painting you,” he said. Slowly, as if forcing me to believe him.
“Thanks.”
“I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.”
“To-to-tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’m not done. It’ll take a few days. Is that okay?”
Actually, I was hoping to pack my bags and move to the Swiss Alps before breakfast.
“Yeah. It’s fine.”
He laughed shortly. “It reminds me of old times. Just us two hanging out all day. I miss that.”
He took his hand off the door and turned from me, watching the sunset.
I was free now. I could run out this door and hide under my bed and never return to this house again. It felt so simple. So necessary. But even though I could run, a part of me didn’t want to. A big part of me wanted to stay here with Becks. To finally stop and see the world around me and stop running from everything that scared me.
“Yeah,” I said. “I miss that too.”
I took my hand off the door handle and walked toward him.
“When you left, I was devastated,” I said. “I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to. It was like I was in a fog every day. Just trying to find my way.”
I found myself next to him, staring out into the sunset over his backyard. The sunroom was awash in light, making everything glow.
I didn’t know where my words were coming from, but I decided to let them flow out of me. It felt right to finally let them free.
“I was so alone for so long.
When I finally realized you weren’t coming back, I tried to fit in with Kimberly and Rose, but I wasn’t like them. We were so different. It felt like no one would ever understand me like you did. I didn’t feel normal again until I met Calla. I thought she’d make me whole again. But then you came back, and I realized there was still so much of me I’d forgotten about. So much of me that’d been dormant when you left. And now you’re here and all I can think about is wanting to come alive again.”
Becks pulled me into a side hug, and I laid my head on his shoulder.
“Do you know that after I left, I didn’t speak for a month?” he said. “Not to my aunt, not to my therapist. Not to anyone.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t think it mattered what I said. I was alone and burdened with guilt. You were the only one who ever understood me. I knew I wanted to be with my grandfather, but I didn’t realize I would be leaving half of myself behind. You weren’t just my best friend, Lily. You were my everything.”
We turned toward each other. Becks’ hands brushed along my cheek, hiding itself in the blond hair behind my ear.
“I have missed you every day, every hour, every minute for the past eight years. But I’m here now. And I swear to you, I’ll never leave again.”
A single tear slid down my cheek as Becks’ other hand joined the first.
My heart felt so full. So open as he pulled me close.
His lips brushed against mine, our breath mingling, our hearts syncing.
“I’ve wanted to do this for the last eight years.”
He leaned down, and I pressed up.
Our lips touched, and my heart burst.
His lips were so soft. So fluid against mine. He pulled me closer, moving his right hand to my lower back, while his left hand continued to cup my cheek. Everything within me turned white hot and focused on Becks’ lips. My nerve endings sparked to life as his kiss awakened me. I was standing on my toes, like a ballet dancer, willing my feet to leave the floor just so I could be closer to him. He held me close, strong and steady, not letting me waver for an instant. Our lips danced together, seeking and finding the rhythm on their own. My head felt light, and I swore that sparks danced beneath my closed eyelids.
This was right. This was everything. He was everything.
We pulled away, reluctant to lose this tiny bit of paradise we’d fought so hard for, and yet, needing to breathe.