by Seven Steps
“Wow,” I whispered.
I slowly slid down his body until my feet were once again flattening against the ground.
“Wow,” he breathed out. He looked as unsteady as I felt. It was heady to know I could affect him as much as he could affect me. It made me feel powerful, beautiful, and wanted.
I smiled.
His hands wrapped around my back, and I placed my hands on his forearms.
“I don’t want to let you go just yet,” he whispered, placing his head onto my forehead. “Can we stay like this? Just for a minute?”
Warmth filled me, making me feel all gooey inside.
I nodded. “Yes. For as long as you want.”
He pulled me close, and I complied. Our bodies fit together so perfectly that it was insane I didn’t notice it before.
I wanted to stay like this forever, locked in Becks’ arms, feeling safe and sure.
A knock on the door sent us both jumping apart. A second later, Becks’ mom peeked her head in.
“Becks, dinner’s ready. Lily, will you be joining us tonight?”
I smoothed down my dress, my hands shaking. Had Becks’ mom seen us? What would happen if she did?
“Uh, no, Mrs. Hayes. Sorry. I should get home.”
“I’ll walk you,” Becks said, stepping in my direction. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, Mom.”
Mrs. Hayes looked irritated but didn’t mention it. “Fine. Just hurry. I don’t want the meatloaf getting cold.”
Becks ran his hands through his brown hair, giving me an amazing view of his biceps and triceps. I tried not to stare, especially with his mom looking at us. Then, he waved me to the door.
There were two things I knew just then.
One, that I could never forget the way Becks kissed me tonight.
And two.
That things were about to get way more complicated.
20
I couldn’t get that kiss out of my head. Not at dinner, not at bedtime, and not this morning. I spent what felt like an eternity getting dressed. Flat ironing my hair, adding some lip gloss and mascara, putting in my contacts, and slipping into a sundress and a light sweater. For a few, beautiful moments, I felt beautiful. Powerful. Worthy.
And then, I opened the front door and it all came crashing down. It’s amazing how fast confidence can be whisked away by doubt.
The second my foot touched the driveway, I felt the what-ifs creep up and try to smother me.
What if he doesn’t like this dress?
What if he doesn’t like my makeup?
What if his feelings have changed?
I made it halfway down the driveway when I had to stop, take a deep breath, and mentally smack myself.
Stop doing this, I said. Stop letting doubt rule your life. Even if he doesn’t like your dress or your makeup or his feelings have changed, that doesn’t make you less beautiful or less powerful or less sexy. That just makes him more stupid.
I choked my doubt and anxiety, stuffing it into a box and burying it deep.
“Lil, are you okay?”
Rose had already climbed into the car and rolled down her window. Now she was staring at me.
And not just her.
Becks too.
I nodded and quickly jogged to the car. “I’m okay. Just a little dizzy.”
“Well, maybe if you spent less time getting ready and more time eating breakfast then you wouldn’t be on the verge of passing out.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, climbing into the car.
I felt Becks’ gaze on me, but I was too shy to give him more than a glance.
“Hey,” I said, smoothing down my dress.
“Hey, Lil.”
I let out a silent, shaky breath and waited for him to push the car into drive.
When he didn’t, I gathered up the courage to turn my head to see what the problem was.
That’s when I saw him. Gazing at me, a dreamy-eyed smile on his face.
“Hey,” he whispered.
Shivers wrecked my body, shaking my doubt free and destroying it.
How could I think that his feelings had changed? It was there, written on his face plain as day. The puppy dog eyes, the smile, the rosy cheeks. Becks wore the look of a boy who was smitten with a girl. And yet, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that that girl was me. It seemed so foreign. So strange. Too wonderful to even think about.
“Hey,” I replied.
His gaze dropped to my lips, and our kiss came back in powerful clarity. The way we breathed together. The heat of his body pressed against mine. It was all so crystal clear.
Did it replay in his mind the way it replayed in mine?
“Um, Becks, we’re going to be late,” Rose called from the back seat.
Her voice broke the spell, and I leaned back in my seat. Becks did the same.
“Shouldn’t we wait for Calla?” he asked.
I shook my head. “She’s still upset.”
“Over the catering?” Rose asked.
I nodded. “I don’t understand why she’s still so angry. She knew our budget.”
“I don’t think she cared about the budget. I think she needed the money.”
The seat belt pulled tight against my chest as I swiveled around in my chair.
“What do you mean, she needed the money?”
Rose’s legs were crossed at the knee, and she tapped her phone on her thigh. From the look on her face, I could see that what she was about to tell me was something I should’ve known already.
“The Ivy Castle went into foreclosure,” Rose said. “Her parents are going to lose their business.”
My heart went into overdrive. “What?”
“She probably thought our money would be enough to stop the foreclosure. I think that’s why she’s so upset.”
“How do you know all this?”
More importantly, how did I not know all this?
Rose shrugged. “I heard Mom talking about it on the phone last night to Mrs. McGurrin. I thought you knew. I mean, you and Calla are best friends, right? Didn’t she tell you that her family business was in trouble?”
“No, she didn’t,” I said softly, turning around in my chair.
I was a terrible friend. Calla was going through something and I wasn’t there to help her. I didn’t even know about it. How could I have not known about this? We told each other everything, didn’t we? At least, I told her everything.
Becks took this as his cue to pull away from the curb and start heading toward school.
“Isn’t there something we can do for her?” he asked. “Like a fundraiser or something?”
I shook my head. “We’re already throwing a fundraiser for Kat.”
“Maybe we can throw one for Calla in the winter.”
I shrugged, feeling helpless. “Maybe. Hopefully it won’t be too late.”
Or too unwanted.
I knew Calla was the type of person who didn’t ask for help. Ever. If we told her we were throwing a charity fundraiser for her mom, she’d say she wasn’t a charity case and refuse the money.
How were we supposed to help someone who didn’t want to be helped?
I played the question over and over in my mind as we pulled up to school and let Rose out in the front.
“Coming?” Rose asked, raising her eyebrow at me through the window.
“Lil is going to help me find a parking spot,” Becks called out the window before I could answer.
I was?
I shrugged at Rose through the window, but she just gave me a small smile and waved goodbye.
What was the smile for? Did she know something I didn’t?
Becks pulled away from the curb and a few minutes later we found a spot in student parking and climbed out of the car. Or rather, he rushed out of the car to open my car door.
I accepted his hand and climbed out of the SUV.
“Why, thank you, kind sir,” I said in my best British accent.
He bowed and I giggled.
/>
“My pleasure, my lady.”
But then, he moved closer, and my giggles got caught in my throat.
“I wanted to kiss you hello, but your sister kind of ruined the moment,” he said. His smile was small. Tentative. “But now that she’s gone, I was hoping to give you a proper hello. If that’s okay?”
My brain was already turning to mush.
Oh, it was more than okay.
I gave him an encouraging smile and nod.
One long arm wrapped around my waist, followed by the other. He moved into me slowly, making my anticipation ratchet up a million degrees. By the time our lips touched, I was on my tiptoes, my arms around his neck, pulling him to me like some sort of kiss starved woman.
Becks captured my mouth in one swoop, kissing me like it was the last thing he’d ever do.
My fingertips traced the line of his spine, his hard shoulders, his broad back. I lavished in his warm skin against mine, the little puffs of air that left his nose in ragged succession. The way his hair teased my forehead. Here in Becks’ arms, I felt safe and secure. Like nothing could ever go wrong in my life as long as he was here, his lips on mine, his arms wrapped around me, his body pressing me tight.
When he finally let me go, we were both out of breath, panting as if we’d just completed a five-mile sprint.
The words tumbled out of my mouth, unchecked. “Can you kiss me like that every morning?” I asked.
My cheeks turned hot.
Did I just say that? So much for playing it cool.
I tried to drop my eyes, to move away from his gaze, but he gently put his hands on my chin, forcing me to look up at him.
“As you wish,” he whispered, quoting the line from The Princess Bride, one of my favorite movies.
He kissed my nose and warmth flooded me.
I wanted to do cart wheels through the parking lot. It was like someone put a battery in my back and I suddenly had all this energy pulsing through me.
Was this what it was like to have a boy like you? Now I could see why my sister went out with a different guy every Saturday night.
The thought of going out made another thought fly into my mind.
Lucas.
I was supposed to go out with Lucas on Friday night.
It was just for ice cream, but still I’d be hanging out with a guy. Alone.
Would Becks care?
I shook my head. Why would he care? It wasn’t like he was my boyfriend or anything. We’d kissed twice, but he hadn’t said anything that indicated he wanted to be exclusive with me.
Still, something niggled in my gut about it. Maybe I should mention it? But how would I even bring it up in conversation? Saying, “Hey, Becks, I’m going on a date on Friday” would be super awkward. And I didn’t want to give him the impression that this was anything serious. It was just ice cream between friends, wasn’t it?
And so, I kept my mouth shut as we walked into English class.
This day had gotten off to a phenomenal start.
And then I was partnered with Adam Banks for the next leg of our English assignment.
Ugh. Just… ugh!
“Adam,” I grumbled.
“I don’t do second introductions,” he said. “We know each other’s names. Let’s keep it at that.”
Adam Banks was literally the king of the jerks. Sure, he was cute, in a nerdy sort of way. Strawberry blond hair, square jaw. But his personality left a lot to be desired.
We pulled out our homework, and I forced myself to talk about Lord of the Flies instead of arguing with Adam. Or staring at Becks and Calla, who’d been partnered together this time.
“So,” I said, “I took some notes and I—”
Adam held up one finger. “Nope. We can read without discussing.”
Then, he snatched my homework book from my hand and pushed his notebook to me.
Seriously? I took a lot of crap from a lot of people, but the one thing I hated... hated... was having something snatched out of my hand. It was rude and unnecessary.
“Excuse me. Can I have my book back?”
He held up one stupid finger again, making my anger boil within me.
“Can’t. Reading,” he said, flipping a page.
“This is supposed to be a discussion—”
“A silent discussion. I have to save my voice.”
“For what? Do you have a yodeling match later or something?”
“Yodeling.” He chuckled. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’d expect you to say.”
He gave me a condescending smile and returned to reading my homework.
I wanted to throw my pencil at him.
“Adam, this is not what we’re supposed to be doing.”
He winked at me and put my paper back in front of his face.
See. Like I said. King Jerk.
I scowled and opened his notebook. His penmanship was just like him: arrogant and cocky. All block print, with not a single curve anywhere. I started drawing curving lines on all of the Ys, and Gs just to aggravate him. It made me feel a little bit better.
I turned to the cover, intending on writing my name in big scripty letters, when a sticker caught my eye.
It was a white, old school microphone vector, with the word Podcast beneath it.
Podcast. Adam liked podcast. He didn’t seem like the type of guy who even wanted to interact with humans, let alone like a podcast.
“You like podcasts?” I asked.
“I don’t like podcast. I host a podcast.”
“On what?”
“It’s the school’s official sports podcast. Very popular. You’ve never heard of it?”
“I didn’t even know the school had a podcast.”
Red flooded his cheeks, and I heard a low growl escape his throat. I tried to suppress my smile of victory. Right now, he wasn’t just Adam Banks. He was another way to reach the kids of this school with my carnival idea. Mr. Davies had already talked about the carnival during morning announcements, but this podcast could be another way to spread the word.
“Do you think that maybe you can have me on your podcast to talk about the carnival?” I asked.
He regarded me. Then sneered.
“It’s a sports podcast. My listeners do not care about carnivals for... whatever your carnival is for.”
“It’s a fundraiser. For Kat Levy. She’s in a coma.”
“Yes, well, my listeners don’t care about coma patients. They want sports and sports only.”
“That’s not callused at all.”
“I’m being truthful.”
“If that’s what you call it.”
My plan to guilt him into having me on the show seemed to have hit a snag. I refocused on his homework, trying to figure out my next plan of attack.
“So, you’re running a carnival for this Kat person?” he asked, after a few minutes of silence.
I looked up, just in time to see his eyebrow rise. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because her dad died, and her mom needs the money to help with the medical bills.”
“What’s that to you? Did you even know Kat?”
“Yes. I knew her.”
“Really? Have you even visited Kat at the hospital?”
“Of course.”
“More than once?”
I swallowed. Just what was he implying?
He snickered. “So, you’re one of those?”
“One of whom?”
“You know. Those.” He leaned his forearms on the desk. “I’ve discovered that there are three reasons people help others. One, because it makes them feel good. Two, because they feel helpless themselves. Or three, because they want to impress other people. I feel like you’re a number two. Am I right?”
I glared at him. How dare he call my motives into question! I was doing this for Kat, not for any attention or cry for help.
“You’re wrong. I’m a number four. I help people because it’s the right thing to do.”
“You could
’ve fooled me.”
The overhead bell rang, and Adam gave me a final condescending smile.
“Nice working with you… partner.”
I wanted to tell him exactly where he could stick that stupid smile.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I slowly gathered my things and watched as Adam left the room.
His words stayed behind like a ghost.
Circling my mind. Making me wonder.
What were my true intentions for the carnival?
Was I doing this for Kat, or was I doing it for myself?
21
School ended with Calla making a concentrated effort to stay out of my way and, for the second day in a row, Becks not sitting with me during lunch. Fortunately for me, Lucas showed back up to keep me company. He joked and chatted with me until the bell rang forty minutes later. Then, he stood and waited for me to join him at the trash bins to throw away our trays.
“This was the most fun I’ve ever had at lunch,” Lucas said. “I didn’t know you were so funny.”
“Funny? Me?”
“Don’t look so shocked.”
“It’s just that… no one’s ever called me funny before.”
Lucas’s eyes rounded. “That’s unfortunate. Well, one person thinks you’re funny. You can write that down in your diary.”
“What diary?”
“You don’t keep one? I thought all girls kept a diary.”
“Nah. It doesn’t work when you have a twin who can practically read your mind half the time.”
“You mean Rose?”
“The one and only.”
“Does she not have this lunch period?”
“She does.” I nodded to where Rose was standing around the lunch table.
“Oh. I just figured she’d be sitting with you. You know, so you wouldn’t be eating alone.”
The comment stung, but I tried my best to hide it. “Well, if she were sitting with me, then I would’ve missed our conversation. See? Silver lining.”
He smiled wide. “Yeah. Silver lining.”
We dumped our trays, then headed toward the door.
“I have to get to History early, but maybe I could text you later?” he asked.
“Sure. I’d like that.”
“Great. I’ll talk to you later, Lily.”