by Seven Steps
We gave each other waves and I watched him leave.
He was really a nice guy. Sweet. And we had a lot in common.
We both wanted to go into the medical field, we both were the youngest in our family—him by three years and me by three minutes. We both liked superhero shows, and we both read a lot. Of course, I read mostly romance novels and he was more of a thriller kind of guy, but reading was reading, right?
Talking to Lucas was easy, if not a bit… I don’t know… shallow. Yes, we spoke about school, TV, movies, and music, but there was something missing. Some depth I was used to having when I spoke to Calla and Rose.
And Becks.
I know those sorts of connections came with time and trust and shared memories, but I still craved them. And the fact I didn’t get that from Lucas made me feel disconnected somehow.
Which made me feel terrible.
After all, Lucas was fun and engaging and cute, but throughout our conversation I couldn’t help glancing at Becks or noticing how much fun he seemed to be having at Rose’s table or how Kim made googly eyes whenever he looked at her.
And how he never once looked my way.
I didn’t understand why that made me feel so bad.
He’d kissed me this morning, and now at lunch he didn’t even look at me.
What was up with that?
And then there was the matter of Rose.
I was sitting at the table alone and Rose didn’t even come over. Didn’t she know how lonely I was? If so, why did she stay away? And what was up with her and Becks sitting together every day? It was annoying. I allowed my irritation with her to bubble up within me.
I hoped she felt it too.
22
Becks was leaning against the car with a smile on his face and Rose by his side when I jogged up to them after school.
I felt my cheeks flush as I remembered what’d happened the last time we were at this car. I remembered his lips. His hands. His skin. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing.
“Where’ve you been?” Rose asked with a grin.
“I just had to talk to Mr. Regan about my chem grade. No biggie.”
Becks pouted. “Too bad. I came here early, waiting for you.”
His eyes met mine, and the blatant want in them made my cheeks flush hot. Then I remembered he hadn’t sat with me at lunch and cooled myself off.
“We have to go,” Rose said, scrolling through her phone. “We’re heading to the movies tonight. I have to get changed and finish my homework before I leave.”
She opened the door, threw her bookbag in, and climbed in the car.
Becks, however, didn’t budge from his perch on my door.
“So much for our alone time,” he said softly.
A part of me felt giddy over his attention, but a part of me wanted to know why he had left me alone during lunch. Was I just the girl he kissed in the shadows? No, I couldn’t think that way. Becks hadn’t said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. And, to his defense, I did spend my lunch with Lucas. I bit my lip, still unsure whether I should tell Becks about him or not. Did he see Lucas and me at lunch? Did he think that something was going on between us? How did that make him feel?
“So, are you going to come by later, and we can finish that painting? The carnival’s coming up fast.”
“Don’t remind me. I still feel completely unprepared.”
“You’re prepared.”
“I know. But I just feel like I’m not.”
He raised his eyebrows. “So. Can I see you later?”
I sighed. “I would like to. But I have to call Adam and we have to hand in a joint assignment for English tomorrow.”
A puff of air left his nose. “King Jerk? Wow, that’s a bummer.”
“I’m not looking forward to it. I’d much rather spend my evening in the sunroom with you.”
“Maybe tomorrow then?”
“Yeah. Definitely. Tomorrow.”
He smiled, pleased with our decision. “Great. Hop in.”
He moved out of the way to open the door, and I climbed inside.
It crossed my mind to wonder why I always sat in front while Rose and Calla always sat in the back.
Calla.
I remembered what Rose had told me earlier about her. I’d sent her a quick text during the day, asking if she wanted to talk later. I didn’t expect a response, but I hoped for one.
Becks dropped us off, and I smiled at him before climbing out of the car. He smiled back.
I would’ve much rather spent the night letting him paint me then hanging out with Adam Banks, King Jerk. But I’d never been a lucky girl. This was proof positive of that.
Rose started to go up the stairs and I followed her. Her head hadn’t risen from her phone since she’d climbed into the car. She must’ve really been into planning her movie hang out.
“Hey, Rose?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think we can sit together tomorrow?”
“Sit together where?”
“Like, at lunch.”
Her head finally popped up from her phone. “What’s going on at lunch?”
“Nothing. It’s just that Calla is still mad at me, and Becks suddenly is sitting at the cool table. It’s kind of lonely.”
“What about Lucas?”
“Oh. You saw that?”
“Um, yeah. Everyone did.”
“It’s just weird that Lucas suddenly seems interested in me.”
“Why? Don’t you like him?”
We stopped at the landing, standing in the hallway between my room and hers.
“He’s nice. And we have a lot in common.”
“But?”
“No buts. He’s nice.”
She examined me, squinting her eyes as if trying to see my secrets. I looked away, not ready to reveal them yet.
Finally, after she’d completed her examination, she hmphed.
“If you and Calla haven’t made up by tomorrow, then consider me your table mate.”
“Good.”
“I’m not sure that Lucas is going to be thrilled that I’m interrupting his Lily time.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I said.
She got that examining look again. “You don’t seem too thrilled about him.”
“What does that mean?”
“Lil, this is the first boy who’s asked you out in, like, ever. He’s nice, you have similar goals, he’s funny and cute. Isn’t he your type?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”
“You guess? Lily!”
“I don’t know! I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact guys like me. It’s freaky. Guys don’t like me, they like you!”
“That’s not true. Plenty of guys like you. You’re just now starting to realize it.”
I shook my head. “Look, just sit with me tomorrow. Okay?”
She huffed. “Fine. I will.” She took my hand, pulling me toward her. “You’re amazing. You know that, right? Right?”
I tried my hardest to believe her.
“Yes. I know.”
“Good. Because you are. I may not say it enough, but you are.” She pulled away from me and smiled. “Come to the movies with us tonight. Becks will be there. You can help me keep Kim off him.”
A curse rose in my throat, and I swallowed it back down. The thought of Becks and Kim together made me feel ill.
“I have a homework project due tomorrow with Adam Banks.”
“Ugh. King Jerk.”
I laughed. “A name rightly earned.”
“Yeah. Well, have fun. You never know. Maybe you’ll end up being Queen Jerk.”
I groaned. “Never.”
She grinned. “You never know!”
“Yeah. I guess not.”
She let go of me and picked up her backpack to go into her room.
Still, something didn’t sit easy with me.
“Hey, Rose?”
“Yup.”
“When did Becks say
he was going with you to the movies?”
She shrugged. “A few minutes ago. I guess Kim invited him.” She tilted her head at me. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Okay.”
Then she turned and walked into her room.
Kim. I had to worry about Kim now? What did Kim want with Becks?
I tried to contain my jealousy. To reason it away. But it continued to eat up the back of my neck, flying around my head like an annoying bee.
Becks didn’t want Kim, did he? He couldn’t. He’d kissed me, twice.
Why did I feel like I was being tied in knots?
What did it mean?
What did any of this mean?
23
After a night of fighting with Adam and being blatantly ignored by Calla, I was exhausted when I climbed into Becks’ SUV the next morning.
But Becks and Rose weren’t tired at all. In fact, they were wide awake and full of energy.
“Can you believe that Trinity stuffed three whole jalapeno poppers in her mouth?” Rose asked.
“I’m still laughing about it,” Becks said with a grin.
I suppressed a growl. I did not want to hear about this movie group date they’d had last night. I felt like the less I knew, the less I would think about it. And if there was one thing I didn’t need to do right now, it was make up more scenarios where Becks was making out with Kim. I’d done enough of that last night.
“Can we stop for a cup of coffee?” I asked. “I’m beat.”
“Sure thing,” Becks said.
“Lily was up all night with King Jerk,” Rose said from the back seat.
Becks laughed out loud.
“How did that go?” he asked.
“Tedious.”
“I’ll bet.”
I was in the middle of grinding my teeth together when my phone dinged.
I pulled it out, hoping it was Calla finally returning my million calls and text. But, to my surprise, it was Lucas.
Lucas: I’m at Bert’s Bakery. Do you want me to grab you a donut?
We were going to the coffee shop, but Bert’s did have the best donuts in town. Just the thought of them made my mouth water.
“Is that Calla?” Becks asked.
“No. It’s Lucas.”
The car jerked a bit before smoothing out.
“Lucas?”
“Yeah. Lucas Bright.”
He laughed a little. Why was that so annoying? Why did everything this morning annoy me?
“What does he want?” he asked.
“He wants to bring me a donut from Bert’s Bakery.”
“Oh. Are you telling him that you’re already going to the coffee shop with me and your sister?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Bert’s does have the most amazing donuts. And I could really go for a Boston Creme right about now.”
Becks hmphed while I texted Lucas back.
Me: Yes. A Boston creme will be fine. I’ll pay you back during lunch.
Lucas: No need. Consider it my treat.
Me: :)
“Tell him to bring me one too,” Becks said. “I love donuts.”
I gave him a look. “I thought you said I didn’t need donuts since we were going to the coffee shop.”
“Well, since he’s going anyway.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m definitely not asking him to get two donuts. That’s too expensive.”
“He’s already getting two. One for him and one for you, right? Why not make it three?”
I chuckled. “Becks, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I?”
We stopped at a red light, and he turned to look at me. The same look that Rose had given me yesterday. An examination. A secret seeking look.
I averted my eyes.
“So, this is the same Lucas who’s been sitting with you at lunch, right?”
The question caught me off guard, and I whipped around to face him.
“Apparently, he’s the only one who cares that I sit alone at lunch.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, you look pretty cozy with Rose and Kim at the cool kids table.”
“I’m not over there because I want to be. I’m there because that’s where the fashion club sits.”
“The fashion club? Why would they want to sit with you?”
“Because I’m a guy.”
“So?”
“So, I’m their official consultant for the men’s line for the fashion show. It was only supposed to be for a few days. Didn’t Rose tell you?”
I eyed Rose in the rearview mirror, but she looked down at her phone instead.
“Lily, I didn’t abandon you, if that’s what you’re thinking. It was just temporary. I’m sorry. I thought Rose told you what the plan was.”
“She didn’t.”
“Well, yesterday was the last day that I had to meet with them. I’ll be back with you today. Provided you still want me there?”
“Of course I do.”
“Good. Because I want to be there.”
I smiled, but still felt uneasy. When Becks didn’t sit with me, I immediately assumed the worst. He didn’t want to leave me alone at the lunch table. He had to. Just like when he’d gone away eight years ago. And here I was stewing about it because… because… I didn’t know why. Why did I always assume the worst about Becks? Why was I always ready for him to just walk away and never come back?
Was that why I was going out with Lucas? Because I assumed Becks would eventually leave again?
I wasn’t sure.
The uneasiness within me grew.
Maybe this was the time to tell Becks that Lucas and I were going to have dessert on Friday?
No. That would make it seem like I assumed Becks wanted to be official with me. But we weren’t official. Becks and I weren’t committed to each other. We were just friends. Friends who kissed and painted each other.
That was totally normal, right?
We got our coffee then finished our drive to the school. The trip was quieter this time. No more talk about movies or jalapeno poppers. Just my soft sips of coffee as we made our way through the streets.
When we arrived at school, I didn’t know if I should stay and wait for Becks, and maybe get a good morning kiss, or leave with Rose.
Did he even want to kiss me now?
Did I want to kiss him?
The answer came to me immediately.
Yes, I did want to kiss him again. But how could I want to kiss Becks when I was going on a date with Lucas on Friday? Was that like cheating? How could I be cheating if I wasn’t exclusive with any of them? Ugh, this was all so confusing! Things were a lot easier when boys thought I was invisible.
I jumped out of the car before Becks could ask me to stay and walked inside. I knew that if Becks asked me to stay, I would. But, somehow, though I wanted to, it didn’t feel right to kiss Becks again.
I walked into the school, trying to collect myself before first period.
But time was not on my side.
Lucas was standing by my locker with a brown paper bag and a big smile on his face.
“Hey, Lily.”
“Hey. Are you getting into the donut delivery service?”
“Yeah. Exclusively for you.”
He handed me the bag of donuts. The cream and chocolate smelled amazing.
“Thank you so much. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Consider it a pre-dessert appetizer.”
I smiled. Lucas was sweet.
“I’m looking forward to Friday,” he said.
“Looking forward to what?”
Suddenly, Becks was next to me, grinning at Lucas with a smile that was, almost, shark-like.
It was official. This was my nightmare.
Lucas raised an eyebrow at me, then gave Becks a cautious smile. “Do I know you?”
I gestured at Becks. “Beckett Hayes, this is Lucas Bright.”
Becks extended his hand. “You can call me Becks,” he said. “Lil and I were childhood best friends. And now I’m back in town and we’re reconnecting.”
Reconnecting? What did that mean? What would Lucas think that meant?
Becks’ smile widened, while Lucas’ frown deepened.
“So, what’s so great about Friday?” Becks asked.
Lucas stood up straighter, then looked at me.
My heart raced. I’d been on the fence as to whether I was going to tell Becks about my and Lucas’ date. Now, I had no choice. I had to tell him with Lucas and him both staring at me. This officially sucked.
My gut wrapped in knots.
“Lucas and I planned on getting some dessert on Friday night,” I said, trying to make it sound nonchalant.
“On a date,” Lucas added.
And there goes the nonchalant.
Becks looked at me for what seemed like forever, his expression blank, but his cheeks staining red.
“A date? Wow. How did that happen?” He crossed his arms, his eyes darting between Lucas and me. I tried not to whither with guilt.
“Through Rose,” Lucas said.
I whipped around to face him. “Rose?”
“Yeah. She said we’d be good together, and that you wouldn’t mind if I asked you out. So, I did. And you said yes.”
I tried to hide my shock.
“Right,” I whispered through barred teeth. “That’s exactly how it happened.”
I was going to kill Rose.
Becks stiffened next to me.
“Well, it sounds like fun. I hope you two enjoy yourselves.”
Lucas let out a breath I could only describe as relieved. “Thanks, man,” he said.
Becks shot me a cold look that made me shiver.
“See you around, Lily.”
Then, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.
Great. Now Becks was mad at me. We’d had such a great day, and now everything felt like it’d just imploded. I was so angry I was shaking. I couldn’t believe Rose had done this to me. I wanted to scream. But I couldn’t scream in front of Lucas. He’d think I was a freak. Granted, he might be the only person who wanted to talk to me after today was over.
I spied Rose out of the corner of my eye, watching Lucas and me with an approving expression. When she caught my gaze, her approving expression turned into a surprised one. Like a kid who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.