‘What? Now?’
‘Yes, put the phone down, I’ll stay on the phone until you come back.’
‘All right, dear.’ There was a pause and a shuffling. ‘Yes, it is a Bosch, John.’
‘I know that, Mum, that’s why I’m calling. I need you to check the serial number for me,’ he huffed.
‘Where will I find it, dear?’
‘It’s usually on the inside of the door, at the top, it’s a large number. It’ll start with an S.’
‘All right, I’ll have to get a pen and paper, then.’ She set the phone aside, and after a tedious minute of waiting was back on the phone. ‘I’m not sure which number it is, there’s more than one.’
‘Okay, I’ll come over tomorrow, see if I can find it. Don’t use it tonight, though, all right, just in case.’
‘But what about the dirty dishes? I had the girls over for cards today, and we used all the side plates.’
‘Don’t worry about that, I’ll wash them for you by hand if I need to. I’ve got a meeting first thing, but I’ll pop round after that, probably round eleven. You need anything from the shops?’
‘No, dear, but thank you. I’ll make some lunch for when you get here.’
‘Sounds great,’ he said quickly, abruptly ending the conversation.
‘Oh dear, I’ll have to wash before you get here so we have some plates to use.’
*****
I hopped across Tyler’s front yard, the wet grass squelching beneath my Cons, and knocked on the door. I tugged at my denim jacket and held my hands together, sliding the jet bracelet around my wrist with my thumb. I traced the doormat with my foot and brushed my fingers down the hair falling over my shoulders. The door flung open, launching my pulse into top speed. Tyler wrapped his arms around me and squeezed the panic and shyness away.
‘Hey,’ he said tenderly with a quick press of his lips on mine, giving me all the confidence I needed. I took his hand, and a big breath, and stepped inside.
I followed Tyler into the kitchen, the plain picture-less walls broken only with doorways offering glimpses into stark, sparsely furnished rooms and stacks of unpacked boxes. A couple of lonesome framed photos sat on an otherwise empty sideboard in the dining room.
A woman fussed at the kitchen bench, pouring store-bought popcorn into a white ceramic bowl. A line of orange juice-filled glasses waited beside her. Her dusty brown hair fell in an unkempt, just below the ears bob.
Tyler’s warm fingers slid from mine, and he tentatively edged forward placing his hand on her arm to coax her from her trance. ‘Mum?’
He was the same height as her, and she eyed him with a slight, somewhat sad rise of the lips before turning to me with a wide, enthusiastic, but quivering smile. Her blue eyes were puffy and blotched pink, evidence of recent tears, or maybe they’d never gone away.
‘You must be Lucy.’ Her smile settled down a few notches toward normal. ‘It’s lovely to finally meet you; Tyler’s told me so much about you.’
‘He has?’ Tyler cast his eyes down briefly. I reassured him with a smile to ease his nerves, no doubt on edge like mine.
‘Yes, he has, and I’ve been keen to meet the girl who’s been stealing so much of his time.’ I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. ‘Oh, it’s perfectly fine, don’t feel bad. You’ve made him smile again. I should be thanking you, really.’ And there was genuine warmth behind the sadness in her eyes.
I had an urge to hug her, to relieve some of the pain that radiated like a tidal wave. Instead I said, ‘Ah, well, thanks for letting me come over tonight, Mrs Sims.’
‘Just Sally is fine.’ She collected the drinks, and we carried the selection of nibbles into the lounge room, placing them on the glass coffee table. Tyler and I settled onto a two seater sofa, while his mum grabbed one of the recliners in the corner and wrapped a pale pink woollen throw over her legs.
‘You cold?’ Tyler reached over me to a crumpled blanket on the end of the couch.
‘I’m sorry it’s so cold, Lucy,’ Sally said. I eyed the dark and empty freestanding fireplace near the TV ‘We haven’t organised any wood for the fire yet, and the reverse cycle only blows the already cold air around the room.’ With Tyler’s presence and the nerves running under my skin I’d been too warm to notice the chill in the air.
‘It’s fine. I’m used to the cold, love it actually.’
Tyler straightened the blanket over our laps. ‘You’re weird. Give me the surf any day.’
I huffed out my nose. ‘You’re only saying that ’cause you don’t know any different.’
Jada moped into the room, arms folded across her body, and slumped into the only vacant chair before she spotted me. Lips held tightly together, she reluctantly lifted the edges and offered me an, ‘Oh hey.’
Tyler squeezed my knee under the blanket and moved his hand to my fingers.
The pre-movie music started up, and Tyler leaned in to me. ‘You have a better dream last night?’
I smiled and nodded. ‘Yeah. I came up with something.’
‘You feel better?’
‘Yes and no. It’s bittersweet.’ I sighed. ‘I won’t see it anymore, but she’s still dead.’
‘Sucks, hey.’
I couldn’t agree more and rested my head back on the couch. ‘Yeah.’
By the end of the movie I decided there was nothing more awkwardly uncomfortable than being in a room with two weeping women and your boyfriend. I wasn’t a movie crier, but was tempted to become one, simply so I wouldn’t want to laugh so much. I focused on Tyler’s hand in mine, and the tingling sensation it stirred, to distract me from their sobs.
The movie had barely finished before Tyler was leading me from the room. We ran upstairs and closed the bedroom door, moments before erupting in laughter. We collapsed on the bed, heads rammed into the pillows in the hopes it would dispel some of the cackles that might make it under the door and back down to the lounge room.
‘I’m so sorry, that was awful,’ he said.
‘Oh my God, it was, wasn’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever found a sad movie funnier than I did tonight. I’m such a bad person.’
We moved to lie more comfortably on our backs. Tyler focused on the ceiling while I gave his room a once over. He’d fitted it out more substantially than the rest of the house, and I imagined this as his refuge from a home still thick with grief. I didn’t doubt he held onto his own version of bereavement, but his transpired into something far different to what was on the other side of the door.
His bed was made neatly, well it had been before we crumpled it, and his desk held stacks of school textbooks, language books, and murder mysteries. A skateboard sat propped in the corner, alongside a surfboard, his soccer ball, and boots. Surfing posters adorned the front of his wardrobe.
‘Were you that good?’ I asked and pointed to one.
‘You bet I was.’
A framed photo of him and his dad balanced on top of a pile of books on his bedside table. His dad’s arm was draped around Tyler’s shoulders, and they both had matching grins. Tyler was a younger version of his dad. It had to be painful for his mum, to look at her son and see the husband she would no longer rest eyes on.
Tyler’s eyes flickered to the picture before landing on mine, and we shared a silent acknowledgement of all it meant. He still hurt, and there was nothing I could do to take it away. It just was. The pain wasn’t raw anymore, but the wound had only begun to heal, and before that happened it needed to seep and fester some more. I squeezed his hand.
‘Have they worked out the cause yet?’ He drew in a breath, and I wished I could take back my words. ‘Sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
‘No, it’s okay. And no, they haven’t. The crash investigators are still trying to piece it all together.’
‘It’s taking a while, hey.’
‘Yeah, and I hate it dragging on with no answers. Mum doesn’t cope when there’s more news or speculation. She’s right back there,
spiralling down and shutting us out. I want it over. Like maybe then she’ll be able to work on moving forward instead of letting it hold her down.’
I asked about his mum when I realised I had no idea what she did, other than cry. Tyler told me she’d been a travel agent in Sydney, but it wasn’t long after his dad died that she stopped working. She’d tried to go back too soon, but her sombre expression and mood did nothing to create excitement in her clients, who often left to find business elsewhere, and so she came to a mutual understanding with her boss that it might be for the best if she took more time. She was still taking that time.
‘I don’t know what she’ll do here. She’s not looking for work as far as I know. Sometimes I wonder why she even bothered to move us here. I think she had this idea it’d make everything better. Fulfil Dad’s dreams and all that. I’m not sure what she expected, but whatever it was, it didn’t work, it’s only made it all worse.’ Tyler’s voice trembled as the angry and hurt child who’d lost his dad surfaced. It wasn’t something I witnessed often; he kept that part of himself hidden so well.
‘I’m sorry, Tyler,’ I said, unable to come up with anything else.
‘You’re the last person who should be apologising. Mum was right, you’ve made me smile, and if there’s one good thing to come out of all this, it’s you. I was drowning. Slowly getting pulled under by Mum and Jada. You saved me. I’ll be eternally grateful for that.’
Tears formed and I blinked them away. ‘You’ve kept me from drowning too.’
‘Looks like we’re a good pair then, hey.’
‘As long as we don’t pull each other under,’ I said with a weak one-sided lift of my lips.
‘We won’t.’ Tyler reached out and placed his hand on my cheek. ‘Not if we keep kicking.’ He stroked his thumb against my skin, and then his mouth pressed against mine. I closed my eyes, weightless with pleasure, and decided this was a feeling I’d be happy to drown in.
‘Do you think we’ll ever be able to have another dream together?’ Tyler asked when our lips parted. ‘It’s driving me crazy. You’re all I think about as I go to sleep, but nothing works. I’ve even been meditating more.’
‘Meditating?’ My eyes narrowed, unsure if I’d heard right. ‘You meditate?’
‘Sometimes. I’m a surfer, remember. At one with the ocean, and all that.’ He laughed at my shock. ‘Actually, it’s got nothing to do with that. We used to do it at school every day, fifteen minutes. Was the quietest part of the day.’
‘At school?’
‘Yep. We had a very forward-thinking principal. It’s actually not as hard as everyone makes it out to be.’
‘And you still do it?’
‘I sleep better when I do, so yeah. I do it a couple times a week. But don’t tell the lads, they’ll roast me.’ The mattress rocked beneath his laughter. ‘It’s not working to make me dream though. I thought it’d help, but man, waking up has never been so disappointing.’
I lowered my eyes away from the heat of his confession.
‘I’m sorry, I have no clue how we did it in the first place, let alone how to do it again. If I knew meditation would help I might attempt it, but I’d be so bad at that, my mind never shuts up.’ I wished I had a better answer. ‘Oh crap I nearly forgot again.’ I sat up and Tyler joined me, his eyes wide at my sudden energy. ‘I checked on a dream forum I’m part of, ’cause the interweb’s full of weird people like me.’
He chuckled. ‘Any weirdos have any clues?’
‘No, but you got your laptop handy?’
Grabbing it from his desk, Tyler flipped it open, and I showed him the question I’d asked when he arrived at school a little over two weeks earlier, and more recently the answer from @Star_Crossed.
‘I know, it’s a bit soppy.’ I shrugged. ‘But I like it.’
Tyler’s gaze lingered on me, taking me in. ‘Me too. And in case you’re wondering, I am enjoying every morsel.’
— 19 —
Tyler and I strolled hand in hand on our way to a planned meet up with the rest of the crew. He had a grey beanie pulled tight over his head, strands of hair curled onto his forehead, and I giggled at his obvious discomfort at the cooling weather.
‘I’m not used to it, all right.’
‘I know, you just look so cold.’
‘That’s ’cause I am,’ he said, and I rubbed my hand over our entwined fingers to share my warmth.
It was school holidays, and the streets were still fairly quiet for this time of year. No snow on the mountains yet to attract the thousands of punters that swarmed on us during the winter months. They were like a pack of children at a fairy floss stand – queues and high prices couldn’t keep them away. I didn’t blame them really; the high from the fairy floss was worth it.
It was Friday again, the previous week having passed by in a flurry of activity, none of which included nightmares, or death, or fear. I worked a couple of shifts over the weekend with Laurie, and then spent more time at the shelter. I wanted to spread some of the joy Tyler had given me with those who rarely saw much. It felt good to be happy, and not fleeting, on-the-surface moments, but deep-to-the-bone happy.
Tyler joined me on the afternoons I went for a run, although most of the time we didn’t talk. It was too hard if we wanted to maintain an even breath to last the distance, and so we simply ran. I shared my eclectic and vast playlist with him, and Tyler shared with me his love of The Wombats and Arctic Monkeys.
‘Okay…ready, set, go.’ We’d simultaneously press the play button on our shared playlist and connect on another level, through the music in our ears.
‘Good?’ Tyler had mouthed to me as the grungy voice of The Wombats lead singer growled. I’d lifted my thumb and nodded with a smile.
When we ran, we ran hard, and then we’d offload our day once we’d caught our breath on our hill. Yes, it had become ours. It ceased being mine the moment new shared memories erased my old lonely ones.
I’d never wanted to get so lost in another person that I forgot to be me. I thought it would be a betrayal to myself, to my identity, but I started to contemplate the possibility of preferring the person I’d become because of Tyler. Like the polished jet on my bracelet – it was what it was because of the saltwater and sediment that smothered it for millions of years. Alone it would’ve remained a single piece of rotted wood; dull, unchallenged, less loved.
The street hummed with a mosaic of teenagers and tourists, wandering aimlessly in a state of mellow holiday euphoria, but in that moment it was just me and Tyler. We walked in silence, enjoying what still felt like new company but with a comfort you reached from knowing someone a lot longer than three weeks.
We heard the laughter before they came into view; all of our friends around a table, under a bright yellow umbrella outside the local pizza joint, Slice of Heaven.
‘They’re alive,’ Cal called when he spotted us. Amber elbowed him in the side and he laughed hard, and, as if we were a famous celebrity couple strolling Fifth Avenue, she raised her camera and pointed it in our direction.
We ordered our pizzas, the conversation flowing as freely as the soft drinks, but then the inevitable happened – it always did.
‘How about that politician’s grandkid who drowned on the weekend,’ Sean said, and my head jerked toward the source of his disdain. ‘He ought to have jail time for that.’ I stiffened at the words, stopped chewing my margherita.
‘It was an accident,’ Amber said. ’You make it sound like he let it happen on purpose.’
‘She was a child.’ Sean spread his hands on the table, my own clenched into fists in my lap. ‘You don’t leave a child alone near water, everyone knows that. And this crack is supposed to be helping run the country.’ I swallowed the nausea creeping up the back of my throat, but the pizza remained stubbornly in my left cheek.
‘You don’t know the full story,’ Amber said delicately.
‘I know what the news said.’
‘Precisely.’
‘She was three,’ Sean said through gritted teeth.
I gulped my food. It may as well have been a golf ball sliding down my dry throat.
‘You okay?’ Tyler whispered in my ear, placing his hand over mine. I found his eyes, worry and affection painted in their depths.
‘Perfectly fine.’ I pressed my lips into a smile.
‘You don’t have to lie to me.’
I shrugged. ‘I’m used to it, it’s fine.’
He raised his eyebrows all the way to the edge of his beanie. I huffed out a small laugh at his disbelief and snuggled into his shoulder. ‘It is,’ I said again, because what else could it be if I couldn’t change it.
‘Call me tomorrow,’ he insisted. ‘We can talk it over if you want.’
I relaxed a little knowing he’d be on the other side to catch me. ‘Thank you. Maybe you could come for dinner tomorrow night? Mum asked me to bring “this boy” over.’
He cracked a smile. ‘I’m this boy?’
‘The one and only.’
I stayed up late; did the dishes for Mum, watched a movie with Jake and worked on a school assignment until after midnight. My eyes grew weary at my determination to avoid the misleading comfort of my bed. There’d be no comfort under those blankets tonight. At half past twelve, no longer able to fight my exhaustion, I changed into pyjamas with clammy hands.
Perfectly fine, my arse.
The fair-haired child tottered over to the pool edge, her pink dress flouncing in her eagerness to catch the ball. Oh no. Heart lurching, I spun around. The yard was empty of even a recently vacated chair. No one was watching, not even pretending. Peering through a wide window into the house, I scanned and spotted a figure pacing the length of the room, phone to his ear, an arm slicing through the air. Crap.
She knelt beside the pool, reached for the ball with her chubby hand, and slipped quietly into the water. I ran to catch her, but she sank like a dead weight, her hair and life flowing up and away from her.
I thoughtlessly jumped in after her, the urge to save her dispersing any pain from the icy water. She stared at me boggle eyed, her mouth sucking in water as her lungs screamed for oxygen. I dove deeper, my feet driving me down, down, until I cradled her in my arms.
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