The Winter Games

by Sharp, Dr. Rebecca

  I held her face too tightly as my lips crushed hers—bruising hers. Punishing her. I needed to taste the fucking truth of what she’d just said. I needed to swallow it down into my soul and let it seep into my veins that she wasn’t dying—that she wasn’t fucking leaving me.

  “Nick,” she gasped into my mouth.

  My splayed fingers practically swallowed her entire head as I angled her mouth underneath me. I didn’t want any more words. I wanted her.

  “Is that it?” I growled against her, hardly giving her a chance to respond.

  “Yes—”

  I pushed my tongue inside of her mouth.

  “I thought… for a second…” I broke off to kiss her again, feeling her shudder against me. “You should have fucking started with that—the part about not fucking dying,” I growled angrily, not caring that she hadn’t done it on purpose. I’d thought she was dying. And that kind of rage doesn’t dissipate quickly. “I need to be inside you.”

  Her arms twined around my neck. I took it as a yes.

  Her—my—shirt? Gone. Her pants? Gone.

  Lifting her up again, I carried her into the bathroom with my mouth on her neck and my right hand pulling her hair from her braid. Sitting her on the counter between the two sinks, I tore off my own clothes.

  She was deliciously flushed, her mouth swollen from my kisses. Her face etched with the need for the release of emotion that had just been stacked dangerously high between us.

  “Have I told you that I love your tits?” I rasped, stepping between her knees that hung off the edge of the marble countertop. I cupped one of the soft mounds. “Even when I hated you for hiding them from me,” she hissed as I pinched one nipple. “I still compared every girl I fucked to what I imagined yours would be like.”

  It was wrong to bring up other women that I’d been with. But I was angry.

  “Nothing compares, in case you were wondering,” I rasped, trailing my finger around the reddened peak. Groaning, I served it to my mouth. She fell back onto her hands to steady herself as I slaved over her tit. Lapping, biting, sucking. Worshipping.

  I wanted every part of her over and over and over again. She was deeper than the ocean—no matter how many times I went for a swim, there was always so much more to explore.

  With a pop, her nipple bounced out of my lips. My cock jerked at the sight of her angry red tit.

  “And this,” my fingers slid down between her thighs, finding her slick cunt ready for me. My forehead fell onto her sternum as a groan and a laugh escaped me. “This is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given,” I rasped, watching as my finger swirled in her slickness that was tinted pink with blood. “Do you know what it feels like to know that I’m the only one that’s ever been inside of you?”

  When she didn’t answer, I pinched her swollen bud. “Do you?”

  “N-no,” she gasped.

  “It feels like I was the lucky fucking idiot who figured out how to lasso the moon and keep her all for myself.”

  I wrapped her tampon string around my finger and pulled it from her body. “You’re in my space.”

  Tossing it in the trash, I pulled her back up against me, my dick feeling for her entrance before sliding home.

  So tight. Every time.

  “You kill me, Priss,” I ground out, carrying her over to the shower and turning it on steaming. “And you cure me.”

  The hot water against my back, the cold tile against hers, I thrust into her—anger still vibrating through me from the thought of losing her. I fucked her like I was trying to make a liar out of her—like I was trying to prove that out of the sheer force of fuck, I could make her pregnant.

  Her moans mingled with the mist. Her tits bounced each time my cock stretched her fully, sucking me inside all the way to the base.

  She screamed as she came around me. My teeth sank into her shoulder as I held on, riding through the waves of her climax. I wanted her back in reality when I came inside of her.

  “Even if you could have kids,” I rasped into her ear. “I’d still be right here… fucking you… not caring about the consequences… as long as they kept you with me.”

  She gasped and her tight perfect pussy clenched even harder around me; I swore as my release exploded out of me. Groaning, my hips pumped into her as my cock shot cum into her womb, filling up the space that her body was trying to empty.

  “Oh, Nick…” she murmured, and I told myself it was because she agreed.

  I’d be lying if I hadn’t pictured her swollen and pregnant for one whole second. I’d be lying if I said that my heart felt like it was going to explode in that whole second.

  Tammy. Carrying my child.

  Nestled in a mass of damp towels and warm bodies, I sighed into Nick’s hand as it trailed lightly over my cheek.

  Again, he’d shocked me. And not just with the period sex.

  The look on his face—the one that made me realize that I’d led with the wrong important fact—was painfully raw; he looked like I’d reached in and carefully torn his heart from his chest and then crushed it in his face.

  “Is that why you came to me?” he asked softly.

  I nodded, my wet hair further dampening the pillow beneath it.

  “I hadn’t been feeling right for a while—”

  “Ally’s birthday?” How did he remember that? “I remember every fucking moment I’m around you, Priss; I remember them because they are the only moments that I can breathe.”

  Oh my. The cancer wasn’t going to kill me, but his sweetness just might.

  “T-that… and other times,” I replied wobbily. “I had so many tests taken and run. They weren’t sure because of my endometriosis. And usually ovarian cancer doesn’t present with pain… The day I came here, they’d just gotten the test results back and told me.” I shuddered, still feeling the tightness of that scar on my heart. “I always knew that kids would be questionable… but when they told me that they had to remove my ovaries and possibly my uterus. I felt like I’d lost control of everything in my life—including my body.”

  “Why did you come to me?”

  Air rushed out of me. “Honestly? I still don’t know. I think… I think because whenever I’m around you, my body feels in chaos—but it’s a chaos that you can control. I guess I hoped you could control this part, too.”

  “When is the surgery?”

  “Next week. Thursday.” My gaze fell.

  “And what are they doing?” he demanded further as his arms tightened protectively.

  I carefully explained to him every detail that had been told to me—not that he needed every one, although I’m sure he wanted them, but because I needed to hear them from myself. I’d been told what would happen, but I hadn’t told anyone else. I couldn’t bring myself to because the thought had frightened me into silence. But with Nick, I felt safe. I felt like no matter what happened, he would be there, and everything would be okay. And so, for the first time, I outlined the surgery that would take a huge piece of my heart with it.

  “I’m told that it’s very safe—that I have nothing to worry about. I’ve been on chemo since they found it just as a precaution.”

  “Is that the medicine you said made you tired?”

  Again, I nodded my confession. “Every Thursday with other things to take in between to help with the side effects. In the beginning, it was a lot worse. Dr. Rohatgi wanted to hit it hard and then dialed back the dose.”

  “Do you go this Thursday?” he asked, his fingers skating down my arm, searching for my wrist.

  “Yes,” I breathed out as he brought my palm to his mouth, kissing it.

  “I’m taking you.” It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t even a discussion.

  “Jessa usually takes me,” I replied hesitantly, my eyes drifting down and my mouth parting in suspense, waiting… hoping…

  “I’m taking you,” he growled, gently nipping into the pad of my thumb. “And I’m taking you to the surgery, too.”

  Shivers ran li
ke maniacs up and down my spine. He hadn’t said that he loved me, but if everything that he’d done and everything that he did say didn’t imply, then I was the biggest fool on the face of the Earth.

  “Okay,” I agreed, a smile spreading over my face. “I’ll let her know that I no longer need a ride.”

  He pulled me over and onto his chest, his hand now holding mine over his heart.

  “Are you afraid?” he asked in a low voice.

  “Not really anymore,” I answered honestly, surprised a little by my new truth.

  “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again,” soft lips murmured against my forehead. “You can’t leave me. Lila needs you.”

  “I won’t,” I promised like I could keep it.

  “I need you,” he whispered softly.

  “I need you, too.”

  Promises were like oceans. Deep. Demanding. Indestructible.

  And these were only the ones on the surface.

  IT ALL CAME DOWN TO the thought of her.

  So what if I was lost and my demons were coming? They no longer frightened me.

  What frightened me was the moment where I thought Tammy was telling me that she was dying. It was like a black hole opened right in front of me to suck my life and everything I cared about into it. I’d never felt fear like that before.

  I’d never felt love like this before.

  It would be fucking pointless to deny that I’d loved Tamsin Lucas for a long time in my own fucked-up way. I tried to bury it and ignore it. I tried to fuck it, smoke it, and snort it out of my system. I tried to crush it. And I tried to coax it away. Most recently, I tried to bribe it to disappear, arguing that she was better off without me loving her.

  That last was arguably still the truth.

  But then, I thought she was dying, and I’d gone deaf with the realization that I was a selfish bastard. I needed her. I needed her in my life, in my daughter’s life. I needed her calm and concern. But mostly, I needed her love. I needed it like my body needed air and water to survive.

  I fucking needed her to love me, but I didn’t know how to convince her that I was worth the chaos.

  I didn’t know that I was worth the chaos.

  So, for the millionth time in the past several days, I stifled the urge to tell her that I loved her even though it was burning a progressively larger hole from my heart to my lips.

  If I could just figure out this shit with Eliza and then be free from the prison of my mom and Stone. I just wanted them and their evil and ugliness out of my life. I couldn’t bear the thought that by tying Tammy to me, she’d be tied to their malevolence, too.

  But, I loved her.

  And maybe I was a goddamn coward for holding it inside, but I’d made too many wrong decisions—too many choices that had stuck people with consequences they didn’t deserve—and I wouldn’t do it to her.

  I glanced over at Tammy in the passenger seat of my truck; she’d dozed off almost as soon as her head had hit the headrest. I just wanted to hold her and protect her. Hell, I wanted to do everything that I’d mocked King and Pride for since they’d settled down with Ally and Jessa.

  Telling her that she was the strongest woman I’d ever met was arguably the truest thing that I’d ever spoken. She’d sat in the chair calmly and patiently waiting to be poked, prodded, and then pumped with chemicals that almost did as much harm as they did good. Meanwhile, I’d sat in the chair in the corner of the room barely keeping it together. I wanted to fucking punch every nurse that touched her—yell at them that I could fix her, that I could heal her.

  But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fix myself.

  “Just a few minutes,” she murmured groggily as I picked her up out of the front seat. “I’ll be fine in just a few minutes.”

  Chuckling, I tried to keep my thoughts PG as I helped her slip out of her leggings and thick sweater, giving her a t-shirt of mine to wear instead. She snuggled up immediately underneath the pale blue silk sheets and I climbed in beside her. Her arm, slightly bruised from where they’d stuck it, crept over my chest and she curled into my side. Even in her sleep, she looked collected and perfect. I’d bet even her dreams were organized. She moaned and slid further onto my chest, her hand closing into my shirt. Okay, maybe not all of them…

  Of course, because I couldn’t stop myself, I tugged the hair-tie off the end of her braid. I tried to run my fingers through it as best as I could, but it still managed to stay partially intact.

  I brushed a stray from her face, just like I’d done that first night.

  So damn beautiful. The calm in my chaos.

  “I love you, Tamsin Lucas,” I rasped quietly to her sleeping form. “I love you so much that I can’t believe someone like you should be stuck with someone like me.”

  She sighed deeply and for a second, I let myself pretend like she’d heard me even though I knew that she hadn’t.

  Cursing silently, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I swore, if it woke Tammy, I was going to have someone’s head.

  My scowl darkened dangerously when I clicked on the screen.

  E. BLACKMAN

  Nicky, we need to talk.

  Delete.

  She’d sent variations on the same theme for the past few days. She was desperate for something and desperate people make mistakes. All I had to do was wait.

  It buzzed again.

  I would have blocked her if I wasn’t waiting for her to fuck up.

  E. BLACKMAN

  It’s important… Unless seeing your daughter again isn’t important to you.

  Motherfucker.

  My thumb wiped over the glass screen and I looked down at Tammy again. I wanted nothing more than to stay exactly where I was. But I wasn’t going to respond to this bitch here; it was going to make me angry. I didn’t want my anger to disturb her peace.

  So, I pulled myself from her, trying to ignore the way her small whimper felt like a punch in the gut. I had to deal with this psycho bitch who was plotting something. Stalking into the bathroom, I pushed the door partially shut behind me.

  NICK

  What the fuck do you want?

  E. BLACKMAN

  I thought I’d give you some time to consider what I was asking, but I haven’t heard from you.

  NICK

  I don’t need to consider it. I’m not letting you near my daughter.

  E. BLACKMAN

  You don’t know the things I could do to you.

  “Fucking bitch,” I swore hoarsely. I tugged my shirt over my head and reached for my phone again to respond. Anger made me hot. Rage made me hot.

  NICK

  Threaten me and see what happens.

  I waited for her response, knowing that she always had to have the last word. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to talk to her any more than I fucking had to.

  But I didn’t get a response. No, I was Nick Frost. Nick Frost never got fucking lucky with simple things like that. Instead, my phone started vibrating with an incoming call.

  Cursing myself and my life. I swiped to answer.

  “What, Eliza?”

  “Is that any way to talk to the mother of your child?” she chided haughtily.

  “That’s the way I talk to the woman who abused and then abandoned my child,” I ground out.

  I heard her huff on the other end of the line. If she thought I wasn’t going to remind her exactly of her place, she was sorely mistaken.

  “What do you want Eliza? Or is this just another one of your pitiful attempts for money and attention?”

  “Nick Frost,” she snarled, and I knew I’d finally broken through the mask of fake cordiality. “Always thinks he’s above everyone and everything. Thinks he’s reformed and above reproach…”

  I was. Especially compared to her.

  “Did you take my daughter with you out of the state? I don’t think you’re allowed to leave the state under your probation. I wonder what would happen to you… to her… if someone found out,” she mused with venomous cheerful
ness.

  Fuck.

  I couldn’t remember if that had been part of the deal.

  “This isn’t a discussion, Eliza,” I bit out. Even if she was right, it wasn’t a discussion I was going to have with her.

  “I’m just curious to see what would happen. I’m curious to see if fucking your little babysitter-whore was worth it.” She giggled and I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her. How the fuck did she know about Tammy? “But if you want some time to think, go right ahead. So do I. Actually, I have some other things I need to do with that time… some other people to talk to. I’ll stop by and see you next week, Nicky.” And she was back to her sickeningly sweet voice that made my ears want to bleed.

  My fingers dug into the solid granite countertop like they could make a dent.

  “Come here and I’ll show you what happens,” I managed to get out with a low growl before I hung up on her and slammed my phone onto the countertop.

  I only saw red as Eliza’s words and callous laugh replayed in my head. I only saw everything that I loved being ripped away from me. Again.

  Having him there at the doctor’s with me, I’d been a ball of nerves, not wanting him to see me like that.

  I’d expected him to be like Jessa and wait in the waiting room, but when the nurse called me to go back, he stood with me, planting his hand firmly on the small of my back. He didn’t need to say anything, I heard the message loud and clear: Where I went, he went, too.

  My eyes squeezed shut and immediately Nick’s face flashed in front of them—sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, his elbows resting on his dark jeans-covered knees. The black tee that he had on was drawn so tightly over his shoulders and back that I wondered if it might rip. While the nurse hooked me up for my chemo, his expression remained a fragile stone mask. Eyes narrowed, lips tight, jaw flexing underneath the ferocity of his anger. I felt the rage radiating off of him—that this had happened to me, that I had to go through this.