Secrets Worth Keeping (Finding my Home Book 2)

by Nikita Parmenter

  I slip into the warm water and sigh in relief finally looking at the guys. Heated and amused eyes meet mine and as soon as I’m settled they all burst out laughing.

  “Glad I amused you, fuckers.” I grumble and feel completely unashamed as I take in all my gorgeous guys.

  Everyone’s already in the hot tub apart from Luc. My eyes greedily run over all the dips and grooves of their hot as sin chests as they laugh and I save Atlas for last. When my eyes land on him, he’s not laughing, he’s tense like he’s waiting for something. I realise what it is when I see that behind all the tattoo’s decorating his wide chest and arms, his scar extends right across his chest before going the other way and crossing over what I can see of his seriously defined abs. Like some macabre letter ‘Z’.

  It makes me incredibly angry that someone did that to him, it is absolutely to precise to be an accident and I’m out for blood. As my eyes meet his I know my eyes are showing my darkness and anger because Atlas’s eyes widen in shock before darkening with heat. What ever he thought my reaction was going to be it certainly wasn’t anger on his behalf.

  I take a deep breath fighting it back.

  “Where’s Luc?” I ask.

  “Gone to find some beers” Rafe says. “I asked him to find something else for you, I know you don’t like beer.”

  “Thanks, Big Guy. I’ve got enough tequila in me that beers fine though” I smirk and the guys chuckle.

  “Can someone grab the beers, before I drop the cooler?” Luc suddenly asks and I stand up and turn to face him.

  “Fuck” Atlas suddenly curses harshly, and it’s echoed by the guys.

  I turn back around to see the guys all staring at Atlas warily. When my eyes land on his he is completely enraged for a mere moment before he shuts down, burying himself so far behind the wall it’s going to take days for him to claw himself out. I remember the guys saying that when he got triggered by something he would do this. I look around at the guys.

  “What triggered him?” I ask, wanting to help.

  “You’re scars, none of us warned him. He will hate that you’ve been through stuff that has left that on you. Especially since he cares about you already” Trick explains his eyes worried.

  I wade over to him, standing just in front of him.

  “Atlas, I’m ok. Come on, fight it” I tell him quietly the guys start up a tense conversation behind me, trying to give us a semblance of privacy.

  His eyes flicker slightly but his mouth remains shut, I reach out my hand slowly.

  “Ever don’t . . .” Cash says suddenly.

  It’s too late though, I put my hand on his scarred cheek and his arms snap out, pulling me onto his lap so I end up straddling him.

  “I’m fine” I say automatically, before any of the guys can try to intervene. I have a feeling it wouldn’t go very well if they tried to take me away from him right now.

  Although all my guys are deadly I’m pretty damn certain Atlas is the most dangerous out if them all.

  His eye’s start to focus again as he pulls himself out and the tension drains from him the slightest amount. He rests his forehead against mine as his eyes close and he takes deep, calming breaths.

  “Well that’s one way to snap him out of it” Jensen chuckles, from behind me.

  “Why didn’t we think of that?” Luc says sarcastically.

  “Maybe because I don’t like any dicks apart from my own?” Atlas rasps as he moves his head back and smirks at them, making them chuckle in relief.

  “Hey, welcome back Atty” I smile softly as his eyes snap back to mine.

  “If she was anyone else, she would be dead for calling him that” Trick scoffs.

  “That’s right fuckers so don’t get any ideas” he chuckles darkly as he moves his hands from my hips to wrap his arms around my back as he pulls me closer are eyes connecting.

  “Are you ok, Princess?” his asks, his fingers stuttering as they run over the scars on my back. “One day I’ll want to know” he finishes and I hear what he’s left unsaid. His reason for wanting to know is twofold not only to know more about me but so he can take care of them for me.

  I place my hand on his scarred cheek and his face leans into my palm automatically.

  “I’ll want to know too, Atty” I say softly but full of conviction.

  He studies my features for a second before nodding reluctantly and then repeating himself.

  “Are you ok, Princess?”

  “I am now,” I tell him honestly, “I’m safe. As long as they think it won’t trigger you too badly” I say because from his reaction hearing my past will trigger him. Especially if his reaction to my scars are anything to go by. He catches my meaning easily and growls as he tugs me even closer, “the guys can tell you what I’ve shared with them of my past” he nods and I study his features, I decide to take a gamble, “are you ok?”

  He smiles darkly, with no mirth and refuses to answer. One day I hope he tells me, and the guys for that matter but for now I just lean forward and kiss his scarred cheek before scooting off of his lap. I don’t particularly want to but I am starting to sober up a little and I realise that I’m being far too friendly with Atlas considering, not only have I only just met him but I’m also really into his six friends who he considers brothers.

  As I sit down next to Trick I take a cautious glance around at the guys. Like with each other there’s no anger or jealousy coming from them. I decide to just leave it be and Cash pulls me over to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and kissing me softly when I tilt my head up to his. It’s like he knows I was about to freak out and is showing me it’s ok. I sigh happily as Trick places his hand on my thigh and just enjoy being surrounded by them all. I can over analyse tomorrow. That talk is becoming more and more necessary. I’m still refusing to do it until we leave though. Admittedly I did complicate things a bit when I slept with Trick. My body heats at the memory and I push it back.

  As if he can tell what I’m thinking about he tips my face towards his and kisses me slowly. His behaviour towards me and towards the guys when they touch or kiss me hasn’t changed and I find myself incredibly grateful for it. He really is just amazing.

  I think they all are though and that’s part of the problem.

  Luc hands me a beer, and I take it gratefully as it brings me out of my head, he pecks me quickly on the lips winking and making me smile. Everyone settles in just enjoying the bubbles from the jets for a minute. Glancing curiously at Atlas to see what his reaction to the dynamic me and the guys have going on, I see that he is just watching us curiously. No judgement or anything else.

  It intrigues me more than it should.

  “So Atty, all the guys have really told me about you is that you’re a scary mother fucker, tell me something I don’t know?” I ask, beyond curious.

  He’s flighty though and one wrong question from me will have him shutting down in an instant. So I let him choose what he wants to tell me. Whilst Atlas is looking the other way obviously thinking of something to tell me, Rafe catches my eye and starts very subtly signing.

  “Well done, Baby. If you’d asked a direct question he would’ve shut down” he compliments.

  I grin and get matching grins from most of the others, all of them having picked up on what I did. To be honest Atlas probably knows too but it makes it easier for him so I can’t see why he would mind.

  “I’m guessing the guys told you I like music?” he smirks and the guys chuckle, “fuckers,” he says with no heat. “In that case you’ll know that I’m pretty good on the guitar. What they won’t have told you because they don’t know, is that also play the piano, violin and the bass guitar.”

  “That’s really amazing!” I say in awe, “I hope you’ll play for me sometime” I ask and chuckle as the guys look at him shocked.

  He just smirks and takes a sip of beer not committing to anything.

  I vow that I will get him playing Christmas songs for me before this trip is over.

  �
��Man, you just set her a challenge” Trick chuckles next to me.

  “I vote he folds” Riot grins and the guys all agree, Atty just smirks.

  I feel a lot better about the present that I got him now, at least I sort of do.

  He carries on telling me random little facts about himself and I can tell that some of the things are surprising to the guys like the fact that he can speak, Russian fluently, they already know he can speak Italian fluently and I can’t help but think it was probably nice for Cash to have someone else he could talk to in Italian.

  “I didn’t know you spoke Russian, dude?” Jensen asks, sounding suitably impressed.

  “It was a requirement in my family, the business depends on good communication with the Russians” he sneers and then seems to realise what he’s said.

  From his reaction I’m guessing he’s told us more than he thinks he should’ve and it just adds another shroud of mystery that I am desperate to solve. The guys share a look, including me for once and we drop it, changing the subject.

  They all start reminiscing and I watch them as I lean against Cash my hand reaching down and intertwining with Trick’s hand as Rafe grabs my feet and just holds them, whilst he talks. All the gentle touches are making me feel sleepy, that and the alcohol. I finished my beer a while a go and I haven’t accepted another one, not wanting to have a hangover for our first official day at the cabin, I wonder when the guys want to give out presents? I kind of wish we had a tree, even though Christmas is officially over. Being here with the guys, knowing that I am completely safe, that we are all safe, it makes me see myself a lot further in the future than I have ever allowed myself before and in my sleepy, alcohol induced haze I let myself indulge in the fantasy of a future where this is our home, all of us together, Atlas included because it’s my fantasy and why the fuck not. Where we all have jobs doing what we love and then come home to here and just be together maybe even a couple of little ones.

  Just happy.

  Just us.

  The impossibility of the dream sends a pang of yearning through me so strong that I surprise myself when I shed a loan tear. I reign my emotions in and push the dream back. I jump slightly as lips kiss my cheek right where the tear is, I open my eyes, not realising I closed them in the first place and tilt my head up to look at Cash. The rest of the guys are still laughing over some story and haven’t noticed. They also don’t hear Cash’s next words.

  “Are you ok, Il mio Cuore?” he asks quietly. His gaze intent on mine.

  “Yeah” I say softly, not that convincingly. That daydream hit me hard.

  “Really?” he strokes his fingers along my cheek and my eyes close as I release a sigh.

  “I’ll tell you one day, it’s nothing bad. My mind just wondered in a direction that shocked me” I explain quietly and he nods, dipping his lips to mine and kissing me tenderly, worry still clouding his eyes.

  I’m not willing to explain why I shed a tear right now though and I know he won’t push. I tune back in to what’s going on and lean on Cash more. My bed is starting to call to me.

  “Any trouble with Tomlinson?” Atlas asks, curiously.

  “Nothing we can’t handle” Trick says sipping his beer and smirking, before he turns serious, “are you ever coming back, man?”

  Shadows cross Atlas’s eyes as he decides how to answer.

  “I’ve got to sort some shit out. Even after that, I’m not sure” he explains vaguely and I watch as he seems to fight with indecision.

  The thing with having to fight your entire life just to survive is that, when people finally come along that work their way past your defences and make you care about them, the thought of bringing them into anything that could threaten their safety is completely abhorrent.

  I wish he’d trust them to help him.

  “You know we will help no matter what, man. We’re family” Trick says firmly and the others agree.

  After a second it’s clear that he is completely unwilling to say anything more on the subject. So the guys let it reluctantly drop. I do hope he starts to think about letting them in. The thought of him being involved in something dangerous without back up makes my stomach churn uneasily but I can’t do anything about it, none of us can until he decides to let us in. The guys pause for a second before Riot starts another conversation on a subject seemingly more safe.

  “Where are you going to school now anyway?” He asks.

  “I can’t tell you, I’m sorry guys. I just can’t. It’s safer this way” he says tensely and me and the guys share another look as he turns away and looks at the snow covered surroundings.

  They’re struggling with not being able to help as well. It’s clear he’s in deep.

  “So Firecracker, I thought we could go and see my aunt tomorrow if you still want to?” Luc asks, changing the subject.

  “I can’t wait to meet her” I grin.

  The guys do one of their secret look things and it fascinates me that Atlas just raises his eyebrow at Trick, who then does this weird head tilt thing that Atlas somehow understands and just nods.

  “Holy fuck it’s like you guys have your own secret language” I exclaim.

  They all chuckle but as expected none of them feel like explaining what it was about.

  “What time are we going tomorrow?” I ask Luc.

  “We will leave here around eleven-ish. She lives around an hour or so away.”

  “Awesome. On that note I’m going to go to bed. I’m absolutely exhausted and I don’t want to wake up with hang over and looking like shit to meet your aunt.” I chuckle as I stand up.

  “You could never look like shit Angel” Jensen smirks and I grin, the cheesy bastard.

  “Do you want some company, Il mio Cuore?”

  “Yes” I say as I step out of the tub and then rush towards the back door temporarily forgetting it was so fucking cold.

  The guys chuckle behind me and I flip them the bird making them laugh harder.

  “I’m just going to shower and change. I’ll meet you in my room” I call back to him.

  I rush upstairs and hop into the shower quickly, then pull on some super soft pyjamas and throw my hair up into a bun my feet are still freezing so I pull on some fluffy socks too. When I step back into my room, Cash is already in bed and I waste no time hopping in and cuddling up to him. As much as I enjoy spending time all of us together, I love spending time with them individually too and I make the decision to try and do it with each of them.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The next morning I awake with Cash wrapped around me and I enjoy the peace and the stillness for a bit as I drift in and out of sleep. I scoot back towards where Cash is lying behind me and accidently move my ass against his very impressive morning wood. My body heats instantly and Cash groans behind me before he starts kissing along my shoulder. I debate for a mere second until he bites down and I turn to face unable to help myself as my lips land on his in a passionate kiss and my hands start explore his abs. He rolls me onto my back and hovers above me, my legs opening for him and I barely hold back a moan when his hard cock rubs against my clit. I need him in me, now. He pulls back slightly as he reaches for the bottom of my tank top and looks at me for permission I grin and nod and he instantly pulls it off me, gazing down at me with so much heat I feel like I could explode.

  His lips make a blazing trail down my throat and his hand slides down my side, he gazes up at me as his fingers meet the band of my underwear and his hot breath blows over my peaked nipple, I’m beyond words right now so I just tilt my hips up and nod. I could scream when he doesn’t dip his fingers into my underwear, but my protests die on my lips as his trail further down my stomach, he slow eases my underwear down and then kisses a trial up the inside of my thigh, just as he gets to where I need him, he switches to my other leg driving me wild with need. His hand reaches up to palm my breast, tweaking my nipple and making my hips buck, he chuckles quietly making my breath halt in my chest as his breath fans my pussy creating a de
licious sensation that has my toes curling and my hands clenching in the sheets next to me in a desperate bid not to grab him.

  He starts to kiss along the edge of my hip and down to the top of my thigh, I had no idea I was so fucking sensitive there. I’ve had about all I can take of the teasing though, his touch having pushed me close to the edge already.

  “Cash I swear to god, if you don’t …”

  I cry out as his mouth lands my clit his tongue swirling before he sucks and my body flies into oblivion, wave after wave of pleasure crashes over me and when he suddenly plunges two fingers into me, it has me coming again and prolonging the orgasm. He crawls up my body and kisses me his tongue dancing with mine and stoking the flames of desire even higher. I run my hands down his taught abs and into his boxers running my hand down his hard length, he groans into my mouth as he shifts to take his boxers off and then lines himself up with my entrance.

  “Please tell me you have a condom?” he groans breathing hard his body tense as his thick cock nudges my entrance, I desperately want to move my hips.

  “I’m clean and I’m on the pill” I say breathlessly.

  He plunges into me in one strong thrust and we both cry out, stilling as I get used to his considerable length. He starts to move his hips and I meet him stroke for stroke as his lips land on mine in a passionate kiss, my hands run up his sides and around his back as my nails run down his back making him groan as he thrusts into me hard, I moan as his hand comes up and wraps around my throat with just enough pressure, he nips my lip and growls as I return the favour making him squeeze my neck just a tiny bit tighter. My body denotates for the second time and my walls clench around him, causing him to groan as his thrusts speed up before he stills above me, his head dipping to my shoulder as he rides out his orgasm.

  He collapses above me keeping most of his weight off me and I wrap my arms around him as I catch my breath loving the feel of him. He slowly moves his head from my neck and looks down at me with that emotion I’m not ready to name in his eyes. He kisses me softly as I grin up at him before he slowly pulls out, making us both groan. He rolls off me and I miss the contact immediately before he pulls me towards him and I lay my head on his chest. He holds me like he thinks I’m something precious and I enjoy feeling like I’m special.