Above the Fear

by Joan Fennell Carringer

  “Are you feeling okay, Ottie?” John asked. “I was curious when Josie said you needed to see me right away.” He sat down in the chair by the window in Ottie’s room.

  “I feel very blessed to still be living. I really thought I was headed upstairs when that sick spell hit. But, I didn’t ask you here to talk about me. I know you’re tired and wanting to get home.”

  John waited.

  “There was a man here today.”

  John’s attention piqued.

  “He was a big fellow, dark hair and a bushy mustache. He said he was a preacher, visiting all the patients. Well, I had no reason to doubt him. He was nice enough and said a heartfelt prayer before we even started talking.” Ottie paused a moment and took a deep breath.

  “Are you okay?”

  Ottie smiled. “Just gotta get a good, deep dose of God’s fresh air every so often. As I was saying, this man – he said his name was Pastor Thomas - talked about all the regular things, the weather, how I was feeling and stuff like that. But then he started talking about you.”

  John swallowed. Maybe his fears weren’t ungrounded after all. But how would anyone know he even knew Ottie?

  “He said he’d seen you in here once, but you were gone before he had a chance to speak to you. When I asked if he was a friend of yours, he said not really, that he just knew you through a mutual friend. He said he’d only met you once, in California a few years ago, and he wasn’t sure at first if you were John Winston or not. Then he started asking a lot of questions about you.”

  John felt his heartbeat speed up. “Asking questions?”

  “Yea, he wanted to know what I thought of you and if you were what I would call a good man. I told him I liked you and as far as I knew, you were a good man and I had seen you praying at the altar at church the week before, so that had to mean something special. Then he asked how long I knew you and if I thought you were praying sincerely or because you wanted other people to think well of you. Now, I thought that was going a little too far, and I told him that was between you and God and if he wanted to know what kind of person you are, he needed to call you up and get together with you and find out for himself.” Ottie stopped, smiling.

  John remained solemn. “What did he say to that?”

  “He said that’s probably what he needed to do. Then he left.”

  “He left, just like that?”

  “Just like that, and I was glad to see him go, because I was starting to get suspicious of him.”

  A silence ensued.

  “You’re not in some kind of trouble, are you?” Ottie asked then. “You don’t have the law on your tail, do you?”

  John smiled. “No, to both your questions. I sure am curious, though, as to why this man was so interested in me. You said he called himself Pastor Thomas?”

  “That’s the only name he gave, and he did say that good prayer, and I believed it when he said he was a preacher, but then….well, he didn’t know it but I heard him say a pretty ugly cuss word as he was leaving. It was whispered under his breath, but I have excellent hearing. I don’t think a true man of God would talk like that.”

  When John left a few minutes later, he thought about the private investigator he’d hired the year before to try to find Ricky. The man was thorough but hadn’t been able to come up with a single clue as to where he was. Now, it seemed like someone was prying into his life. Could it have something to do with his son? Could Sheila be behind it? Maybe she was needing money. He sighed. He’d give his last cent for the well-being of his son. Didn’t she know that? Maybe she didn’t. Not after everything that happened. Just the same, she wouldn’t need to put a tail on him to locate him. She knew about where he’d been raised in North Carolina and would figure he might have gone there. He wasn’t in hiding. She could find him anytime she wanted to.

  But why couldn’t he find Ricky? Maybe it was time to hire another private investigator of his own – not only for the sake of his son but to find out who was asking so many questions about him.

  ∞ FIFTEEN ∞

  TARYN JUMPED, STARTLED, when someone bumped into her in the grocery store a few days later.

  “Oh, I’m sorry! I guess I wasn’t looking where I was going.” The tall dark-haired man with the bushy mustache smiled apologetically.

  She smiled back. “It’s okay. I get distracted a lot myself.” She started to walk on, but his voice stopped her.

  “You look familiar to me. I’m trying to think where I’ve seen you before.”

  Her heart beat sped up. Was he trying to come on to her by using the oldest trick in the book, the ‘where have I seen you before’ line? “I’m sure we haven’t met.” He was very nice looking, and she was sure she’d remember seeing him before. She kept walking.

  He fell into step beside her. “You’re one of the Cord sisters, aren’t you? You work in advertising.”

  “Yes.” He was making her nervous and she wanted him to leave.

  “What a coincidence that I just happen to bump into you. I’ve been thinking of having an ad made, and a friend of mine has highly recommended you. I was going to call.”

  He had her interest and she stopped walking.

  He held out his hand. “Thomas Mott.”

  She shook it quickly and let go. This wasn’t what she did. Sharris was the one who actually met their clients face to face, and she was feeling uncomfortable. “Taryn Cord.”

  “Oh, yes, Taryn. My friend says you’re the brains behind all the designs.” His eyes widened suddenly, as if he’d been struck with an unexpected thought. “I think I know why you look so familiar. It has nothing to do with your advertising business. I think I’ve seen you with John Winston a few times lately. Am I right?”

  “Do you know John?”

  “We used to be friends, but it was a long time ago and we’ve lost contact with each other. How’s he doing?”

  “Fine.” She wasn’t going to volunteer a lot of information. If this man wanted to know anything more about John, he could call him.

  “I hear he’s straightened up his act.”

  She looked at him quizzically.

  “Oh, sorry. Maybe I said something I shouldn’t have. When I knew him, we were both wild and free and we both needed straightened up. I did, and needless to say, I was glad to hear he had, too. How long have you known him, Taryn?”

  “A couple months.”

  “Are you going together?”

  She didn’t answer, but started walking again.

  “Sorry, too personal, huh? I hear he’s going to church and everything now. Sounds like he’s really serious about bettering himself.”

  “He’s studying to be a minister.” The words came out without prior thought, but she didn’t regret saying them. This man, whoever he was, seemed intent on letting her know that John may have once been very different than he was now. She wanted him to know he was a wonderful man who loved the Lord. She rolled her cart toward the check out.

  “Minister, huh? How about that?” Thomas looked at his watch. “Oh, I’ve got to be going. It’s been very nice talking to you, Taryn. I’ll be in touch about some advertising.”

  Before she could say a word in reply, he walked away quickly and went out the door.

  Who in the world was he? Really? He seemed more like somebody who was wanting to be sure she knew John had a past than somebody interested in hiring her to do an ad for him. She doubted very much that she’d ever hear from him again about a business proposal.

  She was still pondering about it at home later that day. When she heard John’s truck pulling into the driveway next door, without prior thought, she ran over to meet him. Not realizing how cold it was and that she was without a jacket, she started shivering as she stood by his door waiting for him to open the door and get out.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked quickly.

  “Can we talk a minute before you go inside?”

  “Get in the truck. You’re freezing.”

  She slid onto the seat
beside him, feeling silly all of a sudden. Why had she felt such an urgency to tell him what happened? It was probably nothing at all to be concerned about. “Did you have a good day?” she asked.

  “It was long and hard, but it was good. It was a day the Lord let me live again and I tried my best to rejoice and be glad in it.” He smiled. “What about you?”

  Oh, how she loved that smile! It warmed her heart as much as the heater was warming her body. It almost made her forget why she was sitting there with him. But not fully. “I had an experience at the grocery store this morning that was a little disturbing.”

  He never lost his smile. “Don’t tell me they raised all the prices again.”

  She grinned. “Of course they did, and I’m furious about it.”

  He looked at her closely, his expression becoming more serious. “So what’s bothering you that you had to run out into the freezing cold without even a jacket on to tell me? Are you okay? Something hasn’t happened to one of your sisters, has it?”

  “We’re all fine. It doesn’t have anything to do with any of us, but with…..you.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Oh?”

  She told him what happened.

  For a moment, he didn’t say anything but his mind was running a mile a minute. A dark-haired man with a bushy mustache. Exactly the way both Sam and Ottie had described the person who was questioning them about him. He’d told Ottie he was Pastor Thomas. He’d told Taryn his name was Thomas Mott.

  Taryn’s voice brought his mind back to the moment. “I don’t know why I felt like I had to tell you about this. Right now, it seems silly. You and Thomas Mott might have been good friends at one time.”

  “I don’t know anyone named Thomas Mott.”

  She met his eyes. “You don’t?”

  “Never heard that name in my life. Something strange is going on, Taryn. The other day, Ottie had Josie tell me to stop by and see him on my way home from work. He said a man had been to see him – a man with the same description you just gave me – who called himself Pastor Thomas. He told Ottie he was visiting the patients, but before long, he was asking questions about me.”

  She waited for him to go on.

  “I may as well tell you the rest of the story. The week Ottie gave his testimony in church, remember when I sent Suzi to ride home with her mom because I had a phone call?”

  She nodded.

  “It was my former pastor and very good friend, Sam Bower. He wanted to let me know that there was a tall, dark-haired man with a bushy mustache asking questions about me to one of the church members.”

  She was confused. “Your former pastor? In California?”

  “Yes.”

  “But – that’s over a thousand miles away. Why would….?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you think he’s the same person that followed you last week? I saw a truck parked at the bottom of the driveway. After you left, he left, too, headed in the same direction.”

  “I had no idea you’d seen that truck. He was behind me the whole way to work and then he disappeared. But, I think he was somewhere close by because I felt like somebody was watching me at different times that morning. The feeling went away in the afternoon. That must have been when he went to see Ottie.”

  “John, you aren’t in some kind of trouble, are you? If there’s anything I can do to help, please tell me.”

  He met her eyes, thinking that what he needed and wanted from her had nothing to do with why someone might be stalking him. “I’m not in trouble, I promise you. That’s the same thing Ottie wanted to know.”

  “But why would someone be going around asking questions about you? It’s scary.”

  “You don’t need to be worried about it. Whatever it is has nothing to do with you. I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  “I can’t help worrying. I care what happens to you.”

  He swallowed and turned away. He cared about her, too, more than he’d realized. At that moment, all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and hold her and blurt out the secret hidden inside him. Would she still care for him if she knew the truth? Would she be able to forgive him and be able to return the love he was feeling for her? Could she truly believe he wouldn’t someday start repeating the sins of his past? How would she react when she found out he had a son that not even his parents knew about? Could she ever again look him in the eye with trust and respect?

  “Are you okay?”

  He sighed. “I will be.” Whoever this strange man was, it had to have something to do with his son. He was sure of it. He was going to get this burden off his chest. Tomorrow was Saturday and he didn’t have to work. He was going to ask Josie and Ted to drive to Asheville with him to see his parents. Then he was going to tell them all the truth.

  When he got back, he was going to find this man that called himself Thomas Mott and have a long talk with him.

  Then he was going to tell Taryn everything. If she could still look him in the eye with the same admiration he’d seen so many times, he was going to tell her he loved her.

  If not……..he didn’t know what he was going to do. Except for finding his son. No matter what happened, if he had to go to the end of the earth to do it, he was going to find Ricky again.

  ∞ SIXTEEN ∞

  SOMETHING WAS WRONG. Taryn knew it as sure as she knew she had to have breath in her lungs to live. John had called early the next morning, asking if she could possibly keep Suzi for the day while he, Josie and Ted went to Asheville. Since he hadn’t mentioned it at all the day before, she couldn’t help wondering if something unexpected had come up between then and now. She hoped it wasn’t something bad. When Suzi told them they were going to visit her grandparents, she became even more concerned. Why would they not want to take Suzi with them, unless something had happened they didn’t want her to know about?

  “I don’t know why I couldn’t go,” Suzi pouted as she sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. “I love to go to Asheville. I love to visit with Granny and Poppy and we always go to the mall. It’s so much fun. It’s humongous! They have all these big stores inside it and places to eat and everything.”

  “Do you like the big stores?” Taryn had to get Suzi cheered up, as well as herself. She couldn’t let her know she was as troubled by this sudden and unexpected trip as she was.

  “I love them!” Suzi’s eyes lit up. “I wish I lived in Asheville so I could go all the time.”

  “But if you lived there, you’d get tired of them and you’d be wishing you were back here in the country where you had so many places to play and ride your bike.”

  “Speaking of the bike…..”

  “Oh, no. It’s too cold to ride today.”

  “It might warm up this afternoon.”

  “We’ll just have to wait and see. Is there something else you’d like to do today?”

  “Could we make cookies?”

  “We can, but you’ll have to take them all home with you because I’m trying to lose weight and I don’t need to be eating them.”

  “Why do you want to lose weight? You aren’t fat. You’re just right.”

  If only the mirror thought the same way. It was time to change the subject. “What kind of cookies do you want to make? We might have to go to the store and get the stuff to make them with.”

  “Oh, just any kind. Let’s make up our own recipe.”

  “If we do that, I might not have to worry about eating too many of them. They might be terrible.”

  “Let’s try!”

  “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Sharris entered at that moment. “What didn’t you warn her about?” She yawned. “Good morning, Suzi. I didn’t know you were here.”

  Suzi, in her usual chatter, explained the situation with so much detail that Sharris finally held up her hand for her to stop talking.

  “Okay, I get it,”
Suzi grinned. “Want to help us make the cookies?”

  Sharris looked at Taryn, then surprised her sister by telling her she would love to. “But we are definitely using a recipe,” she said. “I want some cookies I know I can eat.”

  The three started working and before long, bowls, flour, eggs, butter and all the other ingredients were scattered everywhere. Taryn and Sharris both laughed when Suzi wound up with almost as much flour on herself as was in the cookie batter. When the first batch came out of the oven, they playfully fought each other for the first one. A few minutes later, they were all sitting around the table, eating and drinking milk.

  “This has been so much fun!” Suzi said, laughing. “We have to do it again real soon.”

  Sharris yawned. “All this sweet stuff has made me sleepy. Think I’ll take a little nap.”

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Taryn said adamantly. “No one leaves this kitchen until this mess is cleaned up.”

  A half hour later, Sharris managed to get away. By then, she wasn’t sleepy anymore and decided to go visit her best friend Jackie Carter.

  “I haven’t seen her in ages,” Taryn said. “Why don’t you take her some of these cookies, and tell her to come over some time? I’d love to get together again.”

  “You can come with me.”

  Taryn snuck a peek at the very sleepy Suzi, who was having a really hard time keeping her eyes open as she sat quietly at the table with a half-eaten cookie in her hand. Just as Sharris followed her gaze, the cookie fell from her hand and Suzi’s head plopped down on the table. Taryn laughed softly. "I'll go some other time.”

  “When you’re not babysitting. I can’t help but wonder why Josie didn’t take Suzi with them. I didn’t say anything when she could hear, but it seems kind of strange to me. I mean, they were going to visit Suzi’s grandparents.”

  “I know. It seems unusual to me, too, but I guess they had their reasons.” Taryn followed her sister into the living room.

  “You really like John, don’t you?” Sharris asked as she removed her coat from the closet.