Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2)

by Jeanne St. James

  Diamond pulled herself to her feet using the desk, rubbing away the remainder of her tears. “No, Diesel or one of the brothers would’ve taken him out. He never would’ve made it to trial.”

  Di took Hudson from Kelsea and now that he’d calmed down, she put him back in the playpen. Once she straightened, she surprised Kelsea by grabbing her and squeezing her tightly against her. “I’m sorry I was a bitch earlier. I had no idea.”

  “No one does,” Kelsea murmured. “Well, Ryder and Rissa do. Now you. That’s it.”

  Di released her and stepped back. “Poor Rissa. She’s probably already regretting the idea of moving here permanently. Between me and you. Jazz...”

  “And she has to deal with Mercy. Hell, she doesn’t even have to build a new clientele, it was already here just waiting for her. She’s probably wondering what the fuck she stepped into.”

  Diamond did a combination sniffle-laugh. “Maybe we need to get the club colors tattooed onto her back, so if she escapes, we can easily find her.”

  “Yep. She’s stuck with us now. So anyway... That’s what I wanted to tell you. You got upset earlier and I felt bad. But I knew if anyone would understand, it would be you.”

  “But he wasn’t even my blood. He was your...” Diamond squeezed her eyes shut, her hands clenching into fists.

  “Yeah,” Kelsea whispered.

  “So glad that motherfucker is gone.”

  “Yeah,” Kelsea repeated softly.

  Diamond lifted her head. “You said Ryder knows?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did things happen in Kentucky?”

  “Things?” Kelsea pretended to be clueless.

  “Between the two of you. You guys were gone for over a week.” Di rose her brows. “Alone in a cabin.”

  This was her fellow “sister.” Diamond and she grew up next door to each other on Ace’s farm. They grew up in the club together. Kelsea could be open and honest with her, so she nodded. “Things happened.”

  Diamond kept her expression neutral. “And?”

  “And we came back.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing. He found me in West Virginia, dragged me against my will to Kentucky, forced me to open my eyes, even after I fought him to the point he should’ve just washed his hands of me and walked away, and then we came home.”

  “So, that’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Of course you have a choice. Us biker chicks get what we go after. If you want him, then you go get him.” Diamond tilted her head and studied Kelsea. “Do you want him?”

  That wasn’t even a question. She never wanted anyone more.

  “Fuck, Kels, if you could see your face... You don’t even need to answer. It’s as clear as day.”

  “Is it?”

  “You’ve got it bad.”

  “Truth? I’m starting to wonder if I kept doing the shit I did because I knew he’d come get me.”

  “You mean subconsciously?”

  Kelsea nodded. “Did I see him as some kind of hero or something? That he’d come and save me from myself?”

  “Isn’t that what he did?”

  Kelsea combed her fingers through her hair and then stared at the floor for a few seconds. “He may have helped, but it wasn’t all him.”

  “No, you had to help yourself, too. You needed the resolve, he just needed to smack you upside the head to recognize it. With a big bat.”

  Kelsea laughed.

  “But whatever he did, whatever you two discovered down in Kentucky, we’re thankful he did. Like a snow globe, he took you, shook you and gave you back all pretty-like.”

  What Diamond said surprised her. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Diamond laughed. “Motherhood, I guess.”

  “And having a good man at your back.”

  “Yes, that helps, too. I’ve always stood on my own two feet, but sometimes when I‘m mentally exhausted or overwhelmed, it’s nice to have someone to lean on.”

  She wanted that, too. She didn’t want someone she needed to rely on, but who would still be there if and when she needed him. And vice versa.

  Fuck. She didn’t want someone. She wanted Ryder.

  But he didn’t want her.

  He had made that pretty clear. She was his job. The job was over. They were over.

  She should just appreciate what they had in that short amount of time.

  But that didn’t mean now that she had a taste of that, she didn’t want more.

  None of the Shadows were tied down, besides Mercy. And she couldn’t imagine that Rissa and Mercy had any sort of normal relationship. But whatever it was seemed to work for them. So far. But as for the rest of D’s crew, none seemed to be searching for their soulmates, spouses, or even long-term lovers.

  They all liked their independence. And unlike the Dirty Angels members who all lived and worked in the Valley, the Shadows needed to be able to pack a bag and head out to the next job on just a phone call.

  They needed their freedom to do just that.

  She sighed.

  “What?’ Diamond asked.

  Kelsea shook her head. “Nothing. I’m going to head out.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ryder grunted as he slammed the punching bag with his fist. Slade was behind it, holding it steady, while Steel stood to the side, observing, occasionally giving him a pointer or heckling him, calling him a pussy and telling him to hit harder.

  Ryder put all his effort into the next cross punch, stepped back and then struck the bag with a side kick.

  “Now you’ve only pissed that motherfucker off,” Steel yelled at him. “He’s still standing and ready to kick your fucking ass.”

  Ryder wiped the sweat off his brow with his forearm, planted his bare feet into a wide stance and...

  Froze.

  His racing heart was suddenly no longer from the exertion he’d been putting into training. Instead it came from the voice he heard and recognized, even over the gym equipment usage by other members, their talking and the music coming through the wall speakers.

  He sucked in a breath and forced himself to remain facing the heavy bag. But it didn’t matter, he felt her presence behind him. She was hard to ignore.

  “I told Diamond.”

  He lowered his shoulders when he realized he had hiked them almost to his ears. Steel wore a steel-like expression as his gaze slid from Ryder to the woman behind him.

  As Ryder began to turn, Slade asked, “Told her what?”

  When Ryder finally faced her, her blue eyes were focused on him and she was holding Hudson. Seeing that made his heart skip a few beats before continuing to thump heavily in his chest.

  While the baby looked a lot like Diamond, Kelsea and Diamond’s features were similar except for the fact that Di had dark brown hair and Kels was blonde. They both even had blue eyes, though a slightly different shade.

  Hudson looked close enough to what Kelsea’s child might look like.

  A child with another man. Because it shouldn’t be his.

  Fuck. His thoughts were going in a direction they should not be going.

  Slade stepped between them, breaking their locked gaze and took the baby from Kelsea, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “What did she tell you?” Slade asked again but this time to his ol’ lady.

  Diamond’s darker blue eyes landed on Kelsea. “Only if you’re okay with it.”

  Kelsea nodded, breaking their connection. “But not here and no one else.”

  “Got you,” Diamond murmured, her brows furrowed as she studied both Ryder and Kelsea standing so close, but not saying a word to each other. “Baby, can you come with me into the office? I need to show you something.”

  “What?”

  Diamond made a noise and grabbed his elbow. “Something in the office. Now.” She tilted her head slightly toward Ryder and Kelsea.

  Slade frowned at h
is ol’ lady, then picked up what she was putting down. “Yeah. Got you.”

  Steel still stood behind Ryder, not saying a word.

  “Give us a minute, brother?” Ryder asked, not bothering to look over his shoulder at him.

  “Sure that’s a good idea?”

  Instead of answering him, Ryder wrapped his fingers around the back of Kelsea’s neck and steered her toward the rear of the gym. She didn’t resist and he didn’t stop until he had her in the small room where the gym’s lone tanning bed was set up.

  As soon as the door was closed and locked behind them, he had her up against it, his hands buried within her hair and his mouth on hers. He swallowed her gasp of surprise and swept his tongue through her mouth, realizing how much he’d missed her.

  Why? Why did he miss her so much?

  He shouldn’t. She had always been a pain in his ass. A problem to deal with. How could spending less than two weeks at his cabin with her have changed that?

  He’d had sex with plenty of other women in his life and never experienced the same pull as he did with the blonde who now kissed him as desperately as he did her.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  He tucked a knee between her thighs, which were bare and tempting since she was wearing shorts that should be much longer. Much longer. Long enough to hang to her knees, not tempting men with the curve of her thighs.

  He groaned and tilted his head just enough to deepen the kiss, relearning her taste, her reactions.

  With a whimper, she ground against his thigh, the heat of her pussy unmistakable through the thin, silky fabric of his gym shorts. Her hands slipped from his waist where she had been clutching tightly to his still sweat-covered lower back and then down under his shorts until she cupped his ass and squeezed.

  Fuck. He was as hard as a rock and his wallet was in his gym locker. There was no way to sneak into the locker room and back without revealing what they were about to do.

  Or what he wanted to do.

  He only assumed she wanted the same.

  He broke the kiss and pressed his cheek against hers. “Darlin’, there’s nothing I want more than to fuck you up against this door right now. But I don’t have a wrap.”

  Without saying anything, she slid her hands from under his shorts, grabbing his sleeveless T-shirt and yanking it up. He let her pull it over his head and he just about dropped to his knees when her teeth skimmed across his nipples.

  “I don’t care,” she murmured against his damp skin.

  “But I do. You’re gettin’ your life back in order, you don’t need any complications.”

  “I’m on birth control.”

  It wasn’t just about birth control. “When’s the last time you’ve been tested?”

  Her long hesitation was telling.

  “Right. Not without a wrap. It’s been a couple years since I’ve been tested, too. So don’t think this is just on you, darlin’. I’m tryin’ to be responsible.” He pinned his forehead to hers. His aching cock was throbbing, and he was close to throwing caution to the wind. And it didn’t help when her hot, little hand slid along his shorts and over his erection.

  Nope. That didn’t help at all.

  He needed to keep his head together. “That’s not why I brought you in here.”

  “No?” Her voice sounded husky and needy.

  He couldn’t resist taking her soft lips once more. Those were his lips. That was his pussy still being ground into his thigh.

  She was all his.

  “No, I wanted to make sure you’re okay after telling Diamond.” That was his excuse, but he also wanted to spend a moment alone with her. To feel her skin against his.

  To see if missing her was simply all in his head.

  “I’m okay.”

  I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay since leaving Kentucky. “Good, darlin’. And you’re still seein’ Rissa?” He asked the question even though he already knew the answer.

  “Yes.”

  “And everything’s good with you and Brooke?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your mom?”

  When she didn’t answer, he lifted his head and stared down into those blue eyes of hers that could swallow him up and drown him.

  “It’ll come. It’ll take time,” he reassured her. He hoped it would eventually happen for her. Family was so important. She just needed to be open to forgiving her mother.

  “We’ll see,” she murmured. Her fingers spread wide over his chest and she whispered, “I haven’t been with anyone, since...”

  For fuck’s sake, he knew that. He shouldn’t. It should be none of his goddamn business. She should be able to fuck anyone she wants to without allowing it to bother him.

  Except for that fuckwad Slash.

  Not Slash. Anyone but Slash.

  No. Fuck that! Not anyone.

  No one should have her but him. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish.

  He ground his teeth and dug deep to say, “Nothin’ wrong with takin’ a break, darlin’. Wait to find the right man who’ll respect you and treat you right.”

  “Know where I can find one of those?”

  His nostrils flared at the thought of her finding “one of those.” Again, how selfish was he that he’d wanted her to stay away from the losers she’d been hanging out with and now that she stopped, he didn’t want her to find anyone better?

  Fuck, and it killed him to say, “I’m sure there are plenty of good guys out there.”

  “I guess I’ll have to find one,” she said softly, avoiding his eyes.

  He pressed his forehead to hers again and with eyes squeezed shut said, “But not tonight. Tonight. Me. You. Your place.”

  Damn. He had stepped over that edge and now was sliding down that slippery ravine.

  “I’m not at my mother’s.”

  He knew that, too. “I know.”

  “You know where I live?”

  “I know a lot of things.” He brushed his lips across hers. They were soft and pliable and a little swollen from their kiss. “So, tonight?”

  Her chest rose and fell once. Twice. Her eyes became heated. “Yes. Please.”

  He swallowed a groan. “That word on your lips...”

  “Kiss me again, please.”

  He could hear the amusement in her voice, but he didn’t care. He took her mouth again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, digging her fingers into his hair, holding him to her.

  He made quick work of the button on her shorts and unzipped them. He knew he was moving into dangerous territory by doing so, but he wanted to give her a preview of what would happen later.

  Something to hopefully hold them both over.

  Once her shorts were open, he shoved one hand down the back to cup her ass and the other down the front, pleased to find she wasn’t shaved bare. She’d kept the strip he preferred. His thumb separated her folds, grinding the pad against her clit.

  She groaned into his mouth and her hips moved against him. When he slipped his middle finger inside her, she was wet and hot, and his brain began to spin.

  No condom, no condom, no fuckin’ condom, he chanted in his mind.

  His cock was not only throbbing but leaking in anticipation.

  But he needed to wait. This would only be for her. Later he’d take what he really wanted.

  He slipped a second finger into her slick heat and curled them, pressing more roughly against her hard, swollen nub. He swallowed her cry.

  She jerked her head, breaking their kiss, her nails digging into his bare back hard enough, she might be drawing blood.

  “Gotta keep quiet, darlin’,” he panted. Fuck, when she came, he might come right along with her.

  She didn’t answer, but instead dropped her head until her face was pressed into his chest. He increased his pace and could hear her struggle to keep quiet. He could also feel her clenching and unclenching around his fingers.

  “You close, darlin’?”

  Fuck. She needed to be close, otherwise, he mi
ght rip her shorts down and fuck her unwrapped.

  She let out a long, low moan.

  “Gotta keep quiet, darlin’,” he reminded her again with his lips to her ear. “Muffle your cries against me, if you have to.”

  He did not want the whole gym hearing her orgasm. Hell, he didn’t want to hear her orgasm, he was already struggling for control as it was. He didn’t want to be sinking his fingers inside her over and over, he wanted it to be his dick.

  And he wanted her to be as noisy as fuck. Not to have to restrain her response.

  He winced as she sucked on his skin right above his nipple so hard, he knew it would leave a bruise. There was no doubt a mark would be left behind when she sank her teeth in and bit down.

  “Fuck,” he grunted in pain as she came, her body jerking against his.

  He pinned her tighter against the door, holding her up, until she went limp and released his flesh from between her teeth.

  He was panting as hard as she was.

  And his dick was screaming for relief. His balls, too.

  Tonight couldn’t come soon enough for him.

  Kelsea wanted to yank his shorts off, shove him to the floor and ride him like a mechanical horse in front of the grocery store. Just like she had done so many times during their days in Kentucky. Ryder was strong—a hero, for fuck’s sake—and her being on top gave her a sense of power that she never had felt before.

  Most men she’d been with had never wanted to finish with her on top. Before they came, they always flipped her over and had taken control back. That never happened with Ryder. He would let her stay on top until he came, unless she decided otherwise. But he always left the choice to her.

  Suddenly she understood why that might be. It was one subtle way of handing control of her life back to her.

  Whether he did it deliberately or not, she didn’t know. But it wouldn’t surprise her if he did.

  He was smart. And more caring than she ever expected any of D’s Shadows to be.

  His life had been full of selflessness. Whether during his time in the military by putting his life on the line while serving his country, or by saving a fellow Army Ranger from death, or by taking part in some of Diesel’s missions. Yes, for the most part he’d been paid for being part of D’s crew. But not all of the things he, and the other Shadows, had done they’d been compensated for. Like going after Jazz and Kiki’s kidnappers.