Guts & Glory: Ryder (In the Shadows Security Book 2)

by Jeanne St. James

  And from what she discovered after returning to Shadow Valley, he hadn’t been paid for his time in Kentucky. He took that all on himself.

  Selfless.

  Caring.

  Unlike her.

  But she had changed—“seen the light” as one might say—all because of him.

  She owed him a lot.

  But what she wanted from him was more than to repay her debt of gratitude.

  Wait to find the right man who’ll respect you and treat you right.

  She had.

  That man was now pulling his T-shirt with the torn-off sleeves over his head, after he’d gently pulled her shorts back up and fastened them.

  He was the right man.

  He may want to deny it. But it was clear...

  He belonged to her.

  Now she just needed to prove it to him. Prove to him that she wasn’t the “old Kelsea” anymore. The irresponsible one. But was back to being the “old, old Kelsea” the one where she loved and felt a part of her family, be it her DAMC family or blood. When she felt a sense of belonging.

  Before Pierce took what wasn’t his to take.

  Before she found out that man was her father.

  Before she found out that man created her sister from an act of rape.

  Before all of that. All which fucked with her head.

  She once again saw with a clear vision that the people around her loved her and would do anything for her. All she had to do was simply ask.

  And she loved them and would do the same for them, too.

  Since returning from Ryder’s mountain in Kentucky, that peace she found in that cabin in the woods remained within her. It was now deeply rooted.

  Things weren’t perfect. But life never was. And during those rough times, she could lean on any of her club sisters or talk it out with Rissa.

  So, life was pretty good right now. It was finally on the right track after being derailed for a while.

  But only one thing was still missing.

  It was the man who stared at her with his expressive green eyes, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with her.

  “You okay, darlin’?”

  She nodded, then cleared the thick from her throat. “Yes.”

  She was okay. And telling Diamond her secret hadn’t sent her into a tailspin. It actually had been a bit freeing. Rissa was right, she didn’t need to tell anyone. But she wanted to tell Diamond. At least she understood and would be there for her since they both bore similar scars from the same man.

  No, not a man. He had been a motherfucking sick bastard.

  A “man” stood in front of her with a concerned expression. “You sure?”

  “Yes.” She pushed away from the door.

  He reached for the knob. “You go out first. I’ll follow in a bit.”

  As he began to open the door, she whispered, “Dwight...”

  He hesitated. “Yeah, darlin’?”

  She should tell him that she only wanted him. No one else. Drop to her knees and beg him to give them a chance. To promise that she’d never slip again.

  She didn’t say or do any of those things, because she wasn’t sure she could keep that promise, even though she planned on doing her damnedest. Instead, she shook her head. “Nothing. See you tonight.”

  He nodded, an unfamiliar look crossing his face. “Once the pawn shop is closed and the lot is empty, I’ll be over.”

  Of course. Because he wouldn’t want anyone to know he was there. He would sneak into her apartment tonight after dark and she was sure he’d leave before dawn.

  Disappointment landed heavily in her chest. She reached for the edge of the door to finish pulling it open, but he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. “Hey,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “Tonight.”

  As soon as he let her go, she slipped out of the room and made her way across the gym. She felt like all eyes were on her.

  Maybe they were.

  Maybe they were wondering why a badass and military hero like Ryder would be interested in a woman like her.

  Because she was an easy lay?

  Certainly not because he was interested in her for anything other than sex.

  That was probably what they thought.

  And that could be true.

  She pushed through the glass front doors of the gym and out into the hot late summer sun. She paused long enough to dig out her keys from her bag and slip her sunglasses over her eyes before striding across the full parking lot to her Toyota.

  As she weaved through the cars, she noticed something out of place which caused her to stumble in surprise. Her heart did a little loopty loop as she caught her balance and stared at what, or who, that was.

  Steel leaned against her car, his bulky arms crossed over his well-defined chest, which was now covered in a white, skin-tight Under Armor tee and his powerful legs were now encased in camo-patterned cargo pants. He also wore a pair of sunglasses so dark, she couldn’t see his eyes.

  She didn’t need to. She could tell this conversation wasn’t going to be good by the way his muscles appeared. As tense as his jaw.

  She cursed under her breath, set her own jaw, then approached him. She couldn’t simply get in her car and drive away, because he had planted his ass over the driver’s door handle.

  “You’ve got a problem with me,” she said, stopping a couple feet in front of him, hitching the strap of her purse higher over her shoulder, then planting her hands on her hips.

  She wasn’t backing down from whatever this was.

  No, she would face him head-on because she was fucking DAMC, goddamn it. And nothing was scarier than a badass biker bitch.

  Uh-huh.

  Except for badass bikers and badass former special forces operators.

  But even so...

  She lifted her chin and they stared at each other, dark sunglass lenses to sunglass lenses. Who would blink first? No one would be able to tell.

  “I got a problem with you,” he confirmed. “Wanna know why?”

  Kelsea shrugged. “Nope. My life will go on the same whether I know or not. And, honestly, Steel, I just don’t give a flying fuck why.”

  He pursed his lips and planted the heels of his palms on the door behind him, crossing his ankles.

  Shit. He was settling in, so she was going to hear why.

  “Being who you are and where you come from, you should understand the bond of brotherhoods.”

  “You’re wasting your time—”

  “Brotherhoods aren’t necessarily blood but they’re family all the same.”

  She ground her teeth. “Jesus, Steel, tell me something I don’t know.”

  “That means when one needs help, we step in and help.”

  “And you feel the need to step in.” She tipped her head to the side. “Why?”

  “You’re not good for him.”

  That answer didn’t surprise her. But since when did Steel appoint himself as Ryder’s protector? Ryder was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. “Well, then... Once again, this conversation is a waste of time since I’m not with him.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. But you were.”

  “Only because I was forced to live in a cabin in Kentucky for a couple weeks. Wasn’t my choice.”

  “No, your choices were utter shit, that’s why you ended up there. He’s got a soft spot for strays.”

  “Ouch.” The audacity of this motherfucker...

  “And you’ve proven time and time again you’d do anyone, so it doesn’t surprise me you’d spread your legs for him to get your way.”

  Oxygen fled her lungs. She wasn’t sure if that was an insult to Ryder or to her. Either way, it shot a sharp shard of pain through her deflated chest. She had to suck in air to ask, “Is that what he told you?”

  He hesitated for the slightest moment, but to her that was telling. Ryder hadn’t told him shit.

  “Gonna deny it?”

  “No. We fucked. Happy now? Or are you jealous
and just want some of this for yourself.” She forced herself to smile, which she was sure looked more like a sneer, as she grabbed her crotch over her shorts and squeezed. If she wasn’t wearing shades, she also would’ve winked at him. But she was, so she didn’t.

  And fuck him, anyway.

  “I wouldn’t touch you with someone else’s dick, even if you had a tetanus shot, a penicillin shot, and a sterilization shot.”

  Kelsea struggled to breathe once again because he might as well have kicked her directly in the gut. She blinked away the tears that threatened. She would not let his words affect her. She. Would. Not.

  Or at least she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how they affected her.

  That’s what he wanted. He wanted to pull a reaction from her. Possibly to prove she hadn’t changed. And she would not play this game of his. For whatever reason he was playing it.

  She unclenched her jaw. “Never realized you were such an asshole, Steel. Good to know.”

  “Don’t you know? We’re all assholes, Kelsea. And the king is your cousin. Unfortunately, Ryder just forgot who he was and how far he’s come for a hot minute. Easy slit will do that to some men. Now he needs to get back on track.”

  Easy slit will do that to some men.

  She let that insult roll off her back since she became focused on something else he said. “On track?” What did that mean? It was her who had needed to get back on track, not Ryder.

  Kelsea didn’t miss the slight flare of Steel’s nostrils. She hated that she couldn’t see his eyes.

  “Straightening your ass out made him wobble.”

  Did he have mental issues he was dealing with that she’d been unaware of? “How so?”

  “If he didn’t tell you, then he didn’t want you to know.”

  PTSD could mess a person up, if he was struggling with it. But if he was, he’d kept that to himself. “So, you’re just going to leave it like that?”

  “His business, not yours.”

  Oh no. He wasn’t leaving it like that. “But you’re making it your business.”

  “I did for him what he did for you, so, yeah, I’m making it my business.”

  Kelsea tilted her head, frowning, suddenly giving this conversation a lot more weight. Her heart began to pound, and her throat became dry. Had Ryder been self-destructive like her? Had he used drugs and alcohol to drown out bad memories? If so, was it Steel who stepped in to help him? “What did you do for him?”

  Steel finally pushed off the car, stepped toe to toe with her and leaned down until his face was just inches from hers. “Just stay the fuck away from him,” he growled. “Especially if you care even one fucking iota about him. But truth is, I don’t think you care about anyone but yourself. You’ve proven that time and time again.”

  Her heart was about to beat out of her chest. He was in her personal space and she fought the instinct to step back. Instead, she powered deep and leaned in even closer. He was trying to keep her away from Ryder and that wasn’t Steel’s decision to make. “Shouldn’t Ryder be telling me that and not you? Or are you his self-appointed Daddy? Do you have a crush on him, Steel? Is that what it is? You’re jealous? You want his dick in your ass instead of in mine?”

  When he sneered and his hands came up, she knew she was playing with fire. But she didn’t care if she got burned. She didn’t care if her fucking skin melted off. This man had no right to say the things he said to her. None.

  Out of nowhere, a large hand landed on Steel’s chest, pushing him back a half-step. Kelsea looked up in surprise, thinking it was Diesel, but her massive cousin couldn’t sneak up on a deaf and blind mole. No one that big could, except for one person.

  Mercy.

  His deep voice rumbled through her. “There was a time, not long ago, when I put my hands on a female and you stepped in. Now it’s my turn. Stand down, brother. Go the fuck inside and cool off. That’s an order.”

  Mercy left his palm on Steel’s chest until the other man nodded and his muscles loosened slightly.

  Before Steel could respond, Mercy continued, “Be thankful the boss didn’t witness this and I did, since D’s on his way over here to lift. You should also be thankful that the man just about to come out of those fucking double doors didn’t witness this, either. If he had, D might not be your biggest problem.”

  She was tempted to glance over her shoulder, but she didn’t. Instead, she kept her eyes on Steel. And she wasn’t done with him yet. “I get that you care about him, Steel. But whether you believe it or not—and right now, I don’t give a shit if you do—I care about him, too. I also understand the bond between all of you is strong, so I forgive you for pulling this bullshit.” She jabbed her finger toward him, letting her blood boil another degree hotter. “But don’t you ever, ever insult me like that again. I admit I did some reckless things. I was stupid. I lost my head. But that man helped me find it. I owe him my life and would never do anything to hurt him. Because of that, I heard you loud and clear and will take your concern that I made him ‘wobble’ seriously. I would never want to be the reason he falls. Now, get the fuck out of my way so I can leave.”

  “Too late,” Mercy mumbled under his breath, glancing over her shoulder. He twisted his head back to Steel. “Got one of two choices, brother. Head inside or leave. I’m not in the fucking mood to break up a fight between two of my teammates. Especially over a female.”

  “Headin’ home,” Steel grumbled.

  “Good choice,” Mercy said as he stepped back, letting Steel slip by him and head toward the other side of the parking lot.

  When Ryder stepped up to them, his gaze slid from Steel who was now three rows away to Kelsea, then Mercy. “What’s goin’ on here?”

  Mercy scratched his chin, his expression as blank as a brick wall. “Nothing. They were just chit-chatting like women do.”

  Ryder’s green eyes narrowed on the taller man. “’Bout what?”

  “Whatever fucking women chit-chat about. Periods. Men. The Real Housewives of Allegheny County. How the fuck should I know, do I look like a fucking woman?”

  Kelsea swore Diesel was Mercy’s spirit animal.

  “I need to go inside and punch something,” he growled, then headed toward the gym entrance.

  Ryder watched Mercy walk away for a few seconds before swinging his gaze back to Kelsea. “What the fuck is goin’ on? And don’t tell me nothin’ ‘cause it looked too intense to be nothin’.”

  Well, there went the answer she was going to give him. Fuck.

  She took a deep breath and asked what she really wanted to know instead. “Why am I bad for you?”

  His brow furrowed. “What?”

  She lifted her chin and stared Ryder down just like she had Steel. She asked more slowly and distinctly, so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand her, “Why am I bad for you?”

  “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” His lips flattened out and his green eyes avoided hers long enough that an ache began to build at her center.

  “You know what I’m talking about. As you saw, I had a little conversation with Steel. Or I should say, Steel had a little conversation with me.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He warned me to stay away from you.”

  Ryder’s face got hard and he glanced in the direction Steel had disappeared, but the man was long gone. When he turned back to her and his mouth opened, she lifted a hand to stop him.

  “There’s something you’re hiding. But the truth is, you have every right not to tell me what that is. I was only your job. You sacrificed yourself and your time while in Kentucky to make sure that your job was done properly so you would never have to do it again. You were successful. You’re good at what you do. So, I once again thank you for that. But here is where this ends. You made it clear that you were done with me when you dropped me off at my mother’s, whether you meant saving my ass or otherwise. I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t have had the patience or skill to deal with someone like me. But I’m
not going to fool myself thinking that there was anything more. There wasn’t. The sex was great, but it’s over.”

  “Darlin’...”

  She didn’t stop, she kept right on going, not giving him a chance to deny or lie. She talked slowly, careful not to let her words shake or her lips quiver. “You made me see that I had value. That was all because of you. Until today. I’m done being an easy lay and letting myself be used because I didn’t care what happened to me. You wanted me to care about myself and now I do. Because of that, I don’t want to be with someone who feels the need to sneak into my apartment after dark because he’s afraid someone might see him. I will not accept a man in my bed until I find one who will walk up those steps to my place in the light of day when the parking lot is full of customers. I want him to be proud I’m in his life, not embarrassed. I realize I still have a ways to go before I find that right man... One who will love me for who I am, not judge me for who I was. You said, ‘Wait to find the right man who’ll respect you and treat you right.’ I’m going to do that. It might not be today or tomorrow, or even anytime soon, but I’m going to find that man, whoever he is.”

  “Darlin’,” he started, lifting his arm.

  She shook her head and stepped back out of his reach. “No, please don’t make this harder than it already is. I caused you nothing but problems in the past. I don’t want to cause you any in the future. That’s my true thanks to you for everything you have done for me.” Her throat was closing, and she needed to get out of there before she broke down. “Now, I need to go.” She pushed past him, pressing her car remote button to unlock her door.

  “Darlin’,” his voice sounded raw as she stepped around him and got into her car. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  She slid into her driver’s seat avoiding his touch and not meeting his gaze. “No, if you heard anything I just said, you’d realize that invitation is no longer valid. Have a good life, Ryder.” She slammed the door shut and hit the locks, starting her car quickly. As he reached for the door handle, she shoved the shifter in drive and gunned the gas, hoping his toes weren’t in the way.