Dare to Love

by C. J. Welles

  I just shrug my shoulder, not wanting to answer. I don't want to say that I’ve failed to come visit Krystal, that I’ve been off gallivanting around the country and focusing on my career instead of coming to see Krystal.

  “Have you been looking after yourself? We hardly see you anymore. I know Jace misses you, even though he won't admit it.”

  “I know he does. I haven't been home much and when I get home I try to spend most of my time with mom.” I fail to mention that I don't go and visit them because I don't know what to say to Callie. I know they were close. They were just as close as Krystal and me.

  Every time I see Callie, I can see the pain in her eyes as she looks at me. When she sees me, I remind her of Krystal and I hate seeing her upset. “I’ll come visit Y'all soon,” I eventually reply after a long silence. “I’m back in town for a week.”

  “That’ll be great. I’ll get Jace to fire up the grill for dinner.”

  “Sounds good.”

  She looks down to her hand then holds up the letter. “Have you read it yet?”

  I bite my teeth into my bottom lip and swallow the lump forming in my throat. I shake my head once then look down to the ground. Last time I read one of those, it nearly shredded my heart into strips. “I was going to soon before I leave.”

  “Okay, well I better leave you to it,” she says quietly. “You know where to find us if you ever need.” She stands up and looks at me. “I have to head home to Ella. Please don't be a stranger.” Callie wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives me a quick squeeze before she stands in front of Krystal’s grave.

  I get up and walk a few feet away, to give her some space. Having people listen in when you’re talking to someone's grave is unnerving. After Callie leaves, I sit back down and open the letter.

  Dear Bry,

  Can you remember the first time you taught me to ride a bull? Thank god it was only a fake one. Things wouldn't have been pretty if it was real. I’m lucky I walked away without any broken bones.

  I try not to, but a small laugh breaks free from my lips. I remember the day. Krystal couldn't stay on, even when holding on with two hands and on the lowest speed.

  Or the time we went to the honky tonk bar and I learned to line dance. That was one of the best nights of my life. I had so much fun. WE had so much fun. I remember laughing so much that my sides hurt.

  Bryson, remember the good times we shared. Remember the times we laughed so hard we cried. Remember my smile and the sound of my laugh. Please, Bry, continue to be happy.

  I’ve been thinking about it over the past few weeks and I really think you should contact Casey. I really think that you need to fully close that door. As much as you have a good time and you’re one of the most spontaneous people I’ve ever met, you will never be fully happy until you talk to Casey.

  Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Life is too short to hold grudges and hold onto anger. You, more than anyone else, know that.

  Make sure you look after yourself. I need you to be out enjoying life and living life to its fullest. Please live for us both. Laugh out loud and remember to laugh for us both.

  Lastly, don't forget to love. Love with all your heart and remember to let others in.

  Love Krystal xxxx

  That girl never did hold back what she wanted to say. Krystal was one of the feistiest people I’ve ever met. She was always shy when she first met people, but once she got to know them, she was like a little firecracker.

  I put the letter back in my pocket before I get up and stand at the edge of her grave. “Krystal, you know I'm damn stubborn. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I willingly talk to Casey again.” I clear off a few loose leaves that have fallen on her grave. “I did see her a few months back.” I pause for a moment, “It brought back so many memories. The good, the bad and the ugly. I won't be opening that box for a long time.” I stand up and look down to Krystal's grave. “I’ll come by again before I leave.”

  I walk back to my truck with that stupid darn letter weighing me down

  ***

  Chapter Six

  Bryson

  I COME TO a pause when I walk into the den. Jace and Ethan are sitting on the couch facing the door. Jace has his arms crossed over his chest and is glaring at me.

  “What do you fuckers want?” I ask as I go to the bar fridge and grab a beer.

  “I don't want anything,” Jace answers as he continues to glare at me. “It's Callie who is worried about you. And when my wife is worried or upset, I get pissed off at who is worrying her.”

  Ethan rolls his eyes before he stands up. “He is worried, we’re all worried.” He points over his shoulder at Jace who is still sitting on the couch. “That idiot just likes to pretend he doesn't care.”

  This is why I don't come home often. They all treat me like I’m going to break. Like they want me to break. No wonder I drink so often, they all drive me to drink.

  “Y’all need to mind your own business. I’m fine. But what is not fine is Y'all thinking I'm not fine. I’m not a china plate that’s going to crack.” I take a long swig of my beer. “To be at the top in bull riding where I am, you need to be the best. You need to train the best, eat the best and compete the best. I’m not avoiding this place and I'm not dwelling on Krystal, I’m just living my life and Y'all need to let me.”

  They’re both silent for a moment then Jace jumps up. “Well, he sounds fine to me.” He claps me on the shoulder as he walks past me to the door. “I gotta head back to the girls. Come see us soon. Prove to Callie that you’re fine.”

  Jace walks out and I lean against the back of the sofa, silently drinking my beer as Ethan eyes me. I don't even need to be looking in his direction, to know he’s studying me.

  “What's really going on?”

  “Nothing,” I mutter.

  “Bullshit.”

  I roll my eyes as I walk around and sit down. “You really want to know?” He narrows his eyes at me. “Krystal and I weren't even a couple,” I say with a sigh. “We hadn't been for months before she died. Everyone thinks I'm heartbroken over her death. Which I am broken by Krystal dying. It sucked. It honest to fucking god sucked that she died so young. But my heart… we loved each other but we weren't in love. She thought she was in love with me and I thought I was in love with her, but in the end, we decided we were better as friends.”

  “Why didn't you tell us?”

  I shrug as I peel the label off my beer. “She was worried everyone would think that it was too much for me and that's why we broke up. Everyone around town knows that out of all us guys, I’m the reckless one. I’m the hothead and spontaneous one. She didn't want anyone to think that I left her because she was sick.”

  “Like with Casey?” he asks.

  My hand tightens around my bottle and anger surges through my body. “Yeah,” I grate out.

  “Sorry,” Ethan says. “I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re one of my best friends, I know you’re a good guy.”

  I don’t answer him as I take a swig of my beer, my fingers still holding the bottle tightly.

  “Going back to Krystal,” Ethan says after a long silence.

  I take a moment to settle my anger before I talk. “I wouldn’t have cared what anyone thought about me. I was going to be there for her no matter what we were to each other. I just wanted her to be as happy as she could be.”

  “And you’ve held onto this burden for a year now.” I go to argue, but he stops me. “I don't mean Krystal. I mean what everyone expects you to be or how they all expect you to act. Why are you looking so shit then? You look like you’re running yourself into the ground.”

  “Like I’ve told everyone else, I have been training hard. I need to keep my body in great shape.” I may also have demons from my past, but they’ve been there for the past five years and there ain't no way I’m telling Ethan. He’ll psychoanalysis me for the rest of the day.

  “You’ll come to me if things were ever too hard?” I glare at
him. “I guess that's a yes.” He stands and goes over to the fridge and grabs a beer. “Want to go into Joe’s tonight? I’m only here for tonight.”

  I know that everyone will hound me about the championship and about Krystal, but going to Joe’s does sound like a good idea. “Yeah sounds good.”

  *

  “HEY,” MAKAYLA SAYS quietly as I climb in the backseat of Ethan's truck and sit next to her. Kaylee is riding up front and Makayla and Billy, her boyfriend, are in the back.

  “Hey,” I reply.

  “Long time, no see,” Kaylee squeals happily.

  I reply, “Hello.” As I fasten my seatbelt. “You’re still as chirpy as always.”

  She lets out a laugh. “Someone has to liven up you bunch of sad sacks.” I roll my eyes at her comment as I reach into the center console and grab a Budweiser. Only Ethan, who hardly drinks, would have a beer cooler in his car.

  “Guess who else is back in town? I ran into Casey Hart while I was at the grocer. She was there with her mom and little sister. There was also a guy I didn’t recognize. I guess he’s her boyfriend,” Kaylee says just before we reach Madisonville.

  Just the mention of Casey has me grinding my jaw. But to hear that she is back here with a guy, that she is involved with enough to bring home to her parents, makes me clench my fists.

  “That's great,” I mumble.

  As soon as Ethan pulls up in Joe’s car park, I jump out and stride to the bar entrance. Nothing feels like coming home, better than the feeling of walking into Joe’s. I’ve spent more nights in this bar over the years than I can count.

  Nothing has changed since I was here last. It's still got the same scuffed wooden floor and walls. The wooden bar with black stools running along it still has signatures on it. It started back when Jace first made it onto the Dallas Cowboys team. Joe wanted him to sign something since he was famous, so Jace grabbed the marker and signed the bar. Ever since then, when someone famous comes in they sign the bar.

  The walls are covered in old beer advertisement signs, pictures of local festivals, drunken nights at the bar. There's a blown-up photo of me when I rode in Austin a few years back and Joe and Sue, his wife came to watch. Basically, everything about Joe’s bar feels like home. Walking in here settles a sense of ease over my body.

  Joe gives me a smile when he sees me. A minute later he has a glass with three fingers of whiskey, sitting in front of me. “Keep ‘em comin’,” I mutter.

  “Great to see you too,” Joe says with a laugh.

  He sits the bottle of Jack in front of me and gives me a head nod before walking off to serve someone else. A moment later Makayla is standing next to me with Billy.

  She leans up and talks close to my ear. “Are you okay? I saw the way you reacted to what Kaylee said.”

  “I’m fine. I just need a few drinks.”

  She shakes her head at me as she turns to Billy. I walk to the end of the bar and grab a stool in the corner. I just want to drink until I pass out and I want to do it without being pestered.

  *

  Casey

  AS SOON AS we walk into Joe’s, I find Kaylee standing by the pool table along with Makayla. They’re watching two guys playing pool. Joe’s has not changed much at all.

  “Well, this is a whole lot different from the bar’s I’ve been to in Kansas City,” Brett says.

  “I said I grew up in the country.”

  “I know, but I didn't know you meant this much country until we arrived here earlier.” He looks around the bar. “I like this place though. It’s welcoming.”

  “It sure is.” I nod in the direction of the pool tables and Brett follows me. Kaylee spots us just before we reach them.

  “I didn't think you’d make it,” she yells excitedly as she wraps her arms around me. “I’m glad you’re here though. It’s been too long. Way too long since I’ve seen you.”

  Kaylee is four years older than I, but ever since mom started cleaning her parents’ house when I was eight years old, we’ve been friends. It was in high school when we became close friends. Kaylee was the one who stuck up for me on my first day of high school. I was walking up the stairs at the front entrance when I tripped over and dropped all my books everywhere. There were only five stairs, but I still managed to trip. A group of girls who were standing close by started picking on me

  “I’ve been busy,” I reply lamely.

  Brett places his hand on the small of my back, reminding me that he’s here as well. I’d forgotten about him. Being back here and seeing the people I used to spend time with has stirred up lots of memories.

  “Kaylee, this is Brett,” I say, and he holds his hand out. “Brett, this is Kaylee.” The introduction is formal compared to what is used around here. But Brett was brought up in a family with old-school money. He went to private schools, then landed himself a job at his family's Country Club, which has been in the family for three decades.

  “How long have you two been together?” Kaylee asks.

  I feel Brett tense beside me. We’re not together, even though he wants it. I just… I can't. I don't like him that way.

  “We’re just friends. Brett was heading to Austin for business and I’m staying at mom and dad’s this week, so he’s come out here for a drive for the weekend.”

  That's a long explanation, but I want it to be obvious to Kaylee and Brett that we’re just friends. He’s still hoping for things to change. I think that's why he’s come here this weekend. I have a feeling he thought that if I see him around my family, I’ll change my mind. My parents both like him but my mom said that she doesn't see us as a couple. Which I fricken well agree with.

  “Ethan and Bryson are here tonight as well.” She looks around. “Kayla was here just a minute ago.”

  Bryson’s here? Why is Bryson here? I look around the bar and just as I reach the other end of the room, my eyes collide with his angry gaze. He looks like he’s about to tear someone's head off. I want to break our eye contact, but I just can't pull my eyes away from him.

  Having his eyes on me, even though I know he’s probably plotting my death, heats my body. It makes my body shiver in ways that Brett never could. That’s why I don't want a relationship with him. No one could make me feel the way Bryson did.

  I swallow around the lump in my throat when I see him get off his bar stool and saunter towards me. His jaw is set tight and I can see his fists clench and unclench. As he gets closer, I can see his eyes are deadly. He looks like he’s about to blow smoke out of his nose and ears.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” he spits out at me. “Did you set this shit up?” he growls as Kaylee. “Why the fuck would you bring your boyfriend? Are you trying to rub it in my face?” he yells at me, not even giving anyone a chance to talk.

  Brett moves to stand between Bryson and I, but I step aside and don't let him. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I yell as I stand up to my full height of five foot six, which is nothing compared to Bryson. “And I am here because an old friend of mine asked me. Not everything revolves around you.”

  Yeah, he has the right to hate me, but to talk to me like that in front of everyone? No fucking way will I stand back and take it.

  “Oh, I fucking know it doesn't,” he growls. “You showed me that, didn't you? Did you think that I would just forget after long enough? Did you think I would just forgive you after you fucked me over?”

  Tears stream down my face as I look up into his wild eyes. Eyes that I used to love so much. Eyes that used to love me but now hate me. I look away from Bryson and see that everyone is looking at us. I don't make eye contact with anyone and I don't wait for Brett as I run out of Joe’s and into the car park.

  I don't bother going to Brett’s car, I just begin running in the direction of my parents’ house.

  *

  Bryson

  “WANT TO TELL me what the hell that was about?” Kaylee yells at me as I slam the door open and step out into the car park.

  I need fresh air. I can
't handle standing in there with everyone watching me. The whole fucking bar just watched as I had a minor meltdown. I couldn't help it though. As soon as I saw that fucker’s hands on her, I lost my cool. I stormed over there ready to rip him a new asshole, but then remembered he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do. She isn't mine. She made sure of that. So, I turned my anger onto her.

  Christ, though, what did she expect to happen when she saw me? Seeing her in some random city was one thing, but to see her in the bar in my hometown was something entirely different.

  “Well?” Kaylee prompts.

  “That was none of your business,” I yell as I storm off down the road. I knew I shouldn't have come here or I should have at least brought my truck.

  A few miles down the road, I come across Casey walking along the road. “Why are you back here now?” I yell out, causing her to halt. Her whole body goes ridged, but I can still see her shoulders shaking. She’s crying, and it ignites the anger in me while also stabbing me in the chest. She has no right to cry. She was the one who ripped my heart out and stomped on it five years ago.

  “I’m here visiting my family. You’ve just been lucky enough to not see me until now,” she whispers in a broken voice.

  I walk until I'm only a few feet behind her. “Seeing you in there…” I pause as I fight back the anger that’s trying to break free.

  “I’m sorry,” she says with a sob. “I was… I did what I felt was best at the time.” She spins around so she’s facing me. In the moonlight, I can see the tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. “I was broken and I was trying to protect you. I had already fucked up so much of your life.”

  A part of me wants to reach out and wipe away her tears but the other part of me wants her to suffer.

  “You slept with one of my friends. You fucked him and made sure I would find out. How does that protect me?” I roar, making her flinch.