Laying it Bare After a Loss

by L. E. Martin

  “You didn’t have to clean up breakfast. You were the one who made it for us. Are you back to non-beasty status?” She teased.

  “And you’re back to beautiful status. I didn’t mind helping you out. Now we can head out to relax and you don’t have to worry about cleaning up your kitchen. Are you ready then?”

  “Yeah.”

  The two of us walked to her front door to slip on our shoes. Then she locked the door behind us. I grabbed her hand and led her down to my truck. After helping her into the passenger seat, I circled to the driver’s side and hopped in. Taking her hand in mine again, I entwined our fingers as I drove us down the block to pick up our lunch and then toward my neighborhood. On the outskirts of where the houses started to cluster in tighter, I pulled in under a grove of hemlocks and shut off the engine.

  Trinity slid out of my truck before I could get around to her. “It’s really beautiful here. The trees are so green and there are flowers of about a dozen different colors dotting the area.” Her eyes scanned the sparkling water and surrounding colors of foliage and blossoms.

  I snatched the blanket and our lunch out of the back and walked over to her to snake my free arm around her waist. “I have a really nice view from my deck but sometimes if I want something different, I walk down here to chill for a while. Come on, let’s go see what animals stop by today.” I tugged her along with me over to the small pond. After unrolling the blanket near the water’s edge, I placed our lunch down and then plopped onto the blanket with my legs spread and patted the spot in front of me.

  She sat down and leaned back against my chest and took a deep breath. “I can see how this would be calming. It gives me something else to focus on. But then I feel bad if I don’t think about him. Like I’m forgetting about him and I will never do that.”

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and snuggled her closer. “I think it’s good to think about him and also give yourself a break, have a balance. No matter what; you’ll never forget about him. Keep his memories but don’t allow them to make it hard for you to face your days.”

  She was quiet for a few moments and I worried I had offended her. But she hadn’t shoved away from me and took off running. “Ben loved to be outside. He would have loved to come here to see the ducks. He probably would have even tried to jump in with them or find some frogs or fish in there.” She sighed and leaned her head back to stare up at me. “Why is it easy to talk to you about him? I mean I still get incredibly sad and like earlier burst into sobs, but I can get the words out and I don’t feel as if I’m being crushed in grief. I want to be able to remember and talk about him and not feel as if I need to curl up in a ball somewhere and die.”

  I kissed her cheek. “Maybe for the same reason it doesn’t hurt so much for me to think about or mention Apryl when I’m with you. I never thought I would find someone I could be content with, yet I’ve found that with you. We’re good for each other.”

  When she twisted her head slightly, her eyes sparkling with longing, I took the gesture as an invitation to kiss her lips. Although in this position, the angle didn’t allow me to cover her mouth with mine like I desired, so I rolled our bodies onto the blanket so that she now lay underneath me as I slid my lips along hers. Her soft lips were delectable and I wanted a little taste of the rest of her mouth. Fisting her hair in my hands, I tilted her head and when she let out a little gasp, I plunged my tongue inside and explored her mouth. She tasted like mint and possibilities. Especially when her tongue tentatively twined around mine. I would have to take things easy and slowly with her but it would be so worth the extra effort. She wanted a sample and once she experienced that she would desire more.

  Her arms twined around my neck and her fingers found the ends of my hair. As she writhed beneath me, I captured her quiet moans and pants. When she traced her fingers down my back and her nails dug into my muscles, I released her mouth with a smack. Her responses were prompting my hardening dick to expand to steel rod status so I needed to retreat.

  Grinning, I pushed up to a seated position and tugged her up beside me. “I needed a little taste and wanted to give you a little preview of what’s to come after our date next week.” Because taking her out here like my dick wanted would have been a very bad idea for many reasons. The most obvious – we were in public – and the other important one – her inexperience meant she wasn’t ready to be the prey devoured by the predator so I needed to approach this in another way. But for her I was sure I could alter my usual ‘pounce and devour’ to be a slow sensual build to then gently morph into a carnal devour.

  “You mean a preview of the beast. I’ve never been kissed like that before. Holy shit, my toes curled and everything. Can we have our date early in the week?” A blush crawled over her cheeks, as she put her hand to her mouth.

  “Too late, you can’t take back your outburst.” Winking at her, I ran the backs of my fingers across her warm cheek. “I don’t think I’ll be able to wait that long either. How about Tuesday night? Mondays always suck so I don’t want our first date to be on a Monday and that also gives me some time to make a nice reservation or something.”

  “Tuesday night sounds perfect.” Something caught Trinity’s attention and she released a quiet gasp. “Look, a deer on the other side of the pond.”

  Twisting my head slowly, I gazed out across the sparkling clear water to the lone deer dipping its head to take a drink. “I told you we can usually expect to see a few critters. As long as we’re calm and inconspicuous.”

  “I wonder if the ducks will intrude on us when we start eating our lunch. Have you ever had that happen?”

  “Sometimes they walk around the pond and venture up this way but they never come really close. As soon as you make a movement, they take off and make noises that I’m pretty sure is their way of cussing at us.”

  She giggled. “I can picture you turning on the beast and scaring away the ducks.”

  “So you’re intrigued by the beast?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

  “A little.” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “You know I don’t have a lot of experience but I want to explore things with you. And even though the thought of getting even a small taste of your rougher side incites a small amount of . . . not really fear but maybe hesitation is a better word, I trust you enough to want some.”

  A huge grin split my face. “I don’t know how I earned your trust but I will make sure I never cause you to regret giving it to me. And I’ll make it so we both enjoy the hell out of it. Now, let’s focus on something else because it would not be a good idea for me to make you my lunch. How about we eat and relax and take in nature?”

  For the next hour or so, the two of us soaked in the warmth from the sun and the serenity of nature while we ate. Then we piled into my truck and drove back to her apartment.

  After she let the two of us inside, she twisted to look up at me. “So you don’t mind the Georgian heat either? I mean yeah I’m hot and sweaty but I’m so used to it that it’s just normal.”

  “I sit out on my deck often no matter the time of day. I like to be outside. You can always come inside to the air conditioning and take a shower.” I followed her into her kitchen where she grabbed two bottles of water from the refrigerator and handed one to me.

  Then the two of us leaned against her island and took a long swallow. After a few moments of comfortable silence, she regarded me with eyes that held a hint of hesitation and a mountain of resolve before grabbing my hand and tugging me down the hallway toward her bedroom.

  “I want to show you something.”

  My dick cheered but my brain insisted it take a chill. I’d allow her a little tease since she was in the mood. It would build our anticipation and that would make it much easier for her when we finally got around to having sex. But I would not allow things to get out of control today.

  However when she stopped in front of her bedroom door her mood instantly plummeted. She dropped my hand, took a step back from me, and gazed at me wit
h regret and turmoil shimmering in her watery eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” She dropped her face into her hands.

  “Hey, that’s okay. I wasn’t expecting anything today. I told you we’d wait and see what happens after our date on Tuesday. It’s okay. Let’s go back to your kitchen and decide what we want to do.” I stretched my hand out to her.

  One hand still covering her face, she raised the other one to stop my progression. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s not about the sex. I . . . I . . . I can’t . . . do this.”

  I didn’t understand. Do what? Give us a chance? My heart plunged into my stomach.

  Five

  ~Trinity~

  “I wanted to show you Ben’s room. But I can’t. I’m not ready for that yet. I’m sorry.” I finally managed to get my emotions under control so I could explain to him what was going on inside my head. The poor guy probably thought I was pulling away. Well, not exactly. At least not in the way he was thinking.

  “Oh Sweetheart, come here.” Mitch snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me to his chest, wrapping me up tightly in his arms. His heart pounding as if he had just run a marathon. “No need to be sorry. That’s a door you’re not ready to open for me yet, literally and figuratively. That’s okay.”

  Surprisingly, only a few tears fell and the pain in my chest wasn’t debilitating. “I want to soon but I can’t today. I thought I could but I can’t.” While we had been standing in my kitchen, something had come over me that wanted desperately to show him even more of my life. Maybe it was the fact that he had been with me since last night, comforting me while I was getting to know him and a part of me wanted to let him in further. But then I got scared. I wasn’t ready. “Why is your heart racing?” I leaned back to gaze up at him.

  “I was worried you weren’t ready to give us a chance. I thought that was what you were saying. I thought you were bringing me down to your room to be a little tease and I was looking forward to that. And then when you said you couldn’t do this, I had thought you meant us.”

  “I definitely want to give us a try. I’m just not ready for everything yet.”

  He pushed a strand of my hair from my cheek. “That’s okay, Sweetheart. That’s not a door I will knock down. You can open it for me when you’re ready. However, the sex door, I will probably crash that the hell down.” His grin was a predatory slash across his mischievous face and a measure of his beast was unmistakable in his tone as it licked over my skin, causing it to heat.

  Holy shit, he knew how to distract me in the most delicious way and simultaneously throw me off balance.

  “I’m glad it doesn’t look like I freaked you out too much.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek. Even though a nonsexual act, it sent a tingle straight down between my legs. “Let’s go chill out in your living room for a bit before I need to take off and before I wear out my welcome. And I didn’t know if you had stuff you needed to take care of before the work week started.” He led me to the living room, pausing at the island to pick up our bottles of water.

  Then he tugged me down onto the couch beside him. “Just kick me the hell out when you are sick of me.”

  “I really like your being here even though I’m used to being by myself. I mean Charity comes over and I’m sure she’ll be stopping over again sometime tonight, but I kinda lost contact with a lot of my friends after Ben died. I wasn’t a lot of fun to be around. Charity was the only one who could put up with my depressing mood and excessive drinking on the weekends.” I took a long swallow of my water. “And when we’d go out, she would be so good at nursing beers. Unless you look closely, you can’t tell she only drinks two beers when she is the one who is driving. She looks like she’s had like four of five so she fits in with the group because she is a pro at nursing them.”

  “She’s a great friend to you. I’m glad you have her. I couldn’t imagine going through this alone. And when she flipped on me this morning, I respected her even more as your friend.”

  “She is pretty great. And since you didn’t get offended by her reaction earlier, it made it easier for me to not stay mad at her.” I ran my hand along his forearm, liking the feel of his muscles there, his strength. “I wish I would’ve met you earlier. Before Donovan would have been perfect but even if I would have met you before my custody hearings. You would’ve been able to help me keep my son. But it’s a moot point because I didn’t know how to research a good one and didn’t have the funds to do so.”

  “Unfortunately, I would have still been in law school at the time but if I had known you, I would have found a way to help you regardless. Use my connections or something. I would’ve found a way to make it so he didn’t have any rights to your son at all. He was an insignificant excuse for a human and even more worthless as a father. Actually you can’t even classify him as a father. He was only a sperm donor.” Mitch grasped my hand in his and entwined our fingers before resting our clasped hands on his thigh.

  “Did you always want to be a lawyer?”

  “Ever since Middle School. I always felt like I never got a chance to defend myself when I had gotten into trouble. And it was often.” He shot me a wolfish grin. “If someone wasn’t being treated right, I went after the offender. Ask Apryl about how she and I met.” He winked at me. “It was the only way I could figure to right a wrong. But they never listened to my side of the story. It was always blown into a big deal because either a disruption occurred with inappropriate language or I was slamming my fist into someone’s face.” He shrugged. “But when you’re young, you think fighting solves the problems. But as they started preparing us for what we wanted to do after high school, I found myself really drawn to law. That way I could defend those who couldn’t defend themselves, in a proper way.”

  His words warmed my heart. “I like that you didn’t say you went into law to become rich off of other people’s predicaments.” And something told me he hadn’t given me that response just to blow smoke up my ass. The little bit of time I had spent with him provided me with a good understanding of him as a person and I was convinced he was an honest decent guy. But even though I wanted to explore things with him, I had to tread carefully; I wasn’t ready to give my heart and be all in just yet. I had too many open wounds that left me too vulnerable. But I was fairly certain Mitch was someone I could ease into this with and manage to come out without any more scars. “Do you have any siblings?”

  “I have an older brother Taggart. He’s a cop for the city. So we both like to be a part of dealing out a bit of justice. And before you ask, my parents live about an hour from here.” With his free hand he scratched the scruff on his face.

  God, I wanted him to leave it there for our date on Tuesday. And if he shaved tonight, I hoped it grew back fast. When he had kissed me, I got a little sample of its roughness and wondered what it would feel like between my thighs. Yes, I had gone way too long without sex but I had the distinct feeling Mitch was going to make up for it and then some.

  “So you must be interested in the medical field since you work at a pediatrician’s office.”

  “I am. I actually had wanted to go to nursing school. But I got pregnant and then had a baby. And there was no way I could afford to pay for it, swing attending nursing school, work at least part time to pay bills, and take care of my son. I put him above my aspirations. And I don’t regret it one bit. That was time I got to spend with him. And then three years later my world imploded.” My voice choked on the end but I had gotten out what I had wanted to say.

  He cupped my cheek in one of his hands. “Hey. You don’t have anything to regret. You dealt with life, you didn’t let life deal with you.” He rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip.

  “I don’t know about that.” I shrugged as my lips pulled into a frown. “I drank away every weekend since his death. I drove away all of my friends.”

  “No.” He shook his head at me. “That’s not how I see it. You still held down a job and so what if you drank every weekend. You’re not the first pers
on to ever do something like that. You are dealing with something no mother should ever have to go through. And if your friends couldn’t stick with you knowing what you were going through, even if they couldn’t understand it, that’s on them.” His hand trailed around to my nape and he pulled me toward him. His lips touched mine in a gentle kiss. Then he leaned his forehead against mine. “For what you have gone through, I think you are definitely a fighter.”

  “Thank you for saying that because sometimes I feel as if the world has defeated me. But I will say this much; it’s not so bad dealing with the weekend without alcohol. Although I think that might have a lot to do with you though.”

  His fingers massaged my neck muscles. “Damn straight it does. I’m fucking awesome when you get to know me. But seriously, I think you found your own way out of your hole. I just happened to be there to help pull you out a bit. Just because you needed help doesn’t mean you’re not tough.”

  Once again his words melted my heart. “Do you want to stay for dinner? I can bread some chicken to put in the oven and toss two potatoes into the microwave. I do eat things other than Toaster Strudels.” I gave him a goofy grin.

  “Thank fuck for that. And hell yeah, no way would I turn down not having to cook for myself. But I will help you with prep and clean up. I may be a bit of a beast but I don’t believe a woman should wait on a man.”

  And I melted just a bit more.

  “Before I forget, give me your phone.”

  I reached into my shorts pocket, pulled out my phone, and then handed it to him.

  He took a moment to tap something into my phone before reaching into his pocket to retrieve his own and glanced at the screen. “Now you have my number and I have yours. I’ll text or call you tomorrow and let you know what time I will be picking you up on Tuesday.” He handed me back my phone and returned his to his pocket. “But if you need anything tonight, call or text me, okay? No matter the hour.”