Laying it Bare After a Loss

by L. E. Martin

  “Thank you. I will.” But hopefully I didn’t need to consider doing that. I didn’t want to disturb his night.

  True to his word, about two hours later, he helped me prepare dinner. We ate and made small talk before he helped me clean up the kitchen. Then after giving me a tender kiss goodbye, he made me promise to contact him if I needed someone tonight. When I assured him I would, he placed another quick kiss on my lips and then strolled out the door to his truck.

  After I gave him a wave, I closed my door and headed back to my bed room. I decided to grab a quick shower, that way I would be done for the night and when I grew tired enough I could just crawl into bed. A quick shower later, I tugged on a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt. Then I grabbed a book from my night stand and walked out to the living room to see if I could concentrate on the story. I had been trying to use reading as a distraction for months, to no avail. But I thought maybe after spending the last twenty four hours with Mitch, who definitely brightened my mood, I would have a better chance at success. Curling into the end of the couch, I opened up the book.

  Sometime later, a knocking at my door shifted my attention from my novel. Snatching my phone from the coffee table, I glanced at the time. Wow, I had been absorbed in the story for over an hour. I smiled to myself at my breakthrough and my smile widened when the person knocked again. Was he coming back to check on me? Surely he would’ve just sent a text or something. Shrugging, I dropped my book onto the coffee table and rose from the couch to pad over to my door.

  However, it wasn’t Mitch who greeted me on the other side. But it was no big deal because the person barging through my door had mastered the daunting task of bringing a smile to my face – even if only a tiny one.

  “Hey, Ho. So let me get this straight. You wanted to jump his bones but he didn’t want to jump yours?” Charity twirled around and shot me a spunky grin.

  After closing and locking the door, I spun to face my friend. “Ha ha, T. You’re such the comedian. He wanted me; he made sure I felt it.” My cheeks heated at the memory. “But he didn’t want to take advantage of my state of distress.”

  “Come sit down. I don’t want to stand in your entry way and chat.” She strolled into my living room as if she lived there too. “I came to check on you. See how you spent your afternoon. Make sure you were okay after he had left.”

  “It’s my apartment. Shouldn’t I invite you to sit down?” I trailed after her and plopped down beside her on the couch.

  “Just because I don’t live here doesn’t mean it’s not my home too.” She grinned at me.

  “I love you. Can I offer you a drink or are you going to help yourself to that too?”

  “I’m good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay today. You had quite an emotional evening last night, I’m sure. I only saw the first act. What time did he take off?”

  I smiled like the cat that ate the canary. “He left maybe two hours ago.”

  Her mouth dropped open but she recovered quickly. “Actually, I’m not all that surprised. I think he really cares about you. Jace told me he was even talking about you before last night. And I just had to tease you about the whole sex thing. I’m so glad to see you wanting sex again even if he did turn you down.” Her impish grin returned. “But just for the night. He’ll be back to claim it.”

  “I had a great day with him today. After he made me breakfast, we ordered lunch and had a picnic at a pond near his home. Then we made supper, ate, and talked to get to know each other a little more.”

  “Well, good because you shouldn’t have sex on your first date, you should get to know each other and just spend time together.” Her lips twitched.

  “Okay, Mom. Did you have sex on your first date?”

  “No, but we did last night.” She grinned at me like a fool. “I’m so glad you were eyeing up Mitch that night at the bar. Mmm Mmm, Jace is hot with clothes on but you should see him without. And don’t get me started on his prowess in the bedroom.” Her eyes grew dreamy. “That group of guys should come with a warning label. ‘Take in small doses to avoid heart arrhythmias and lack of oxygen or something.’”

  “Sex with Mitch is going to kill me, isn’t it? I mean I’ll die one incredibly happy girl but . . . you know I haven’t had anyone since dickwad.” I rubbed my hand down my face. “Nope, not going to think about him, ever. But I’m excited and a nervous wreck all at once. It was one thing when I was plastered, but when I’m sober I get to thinking I might be in over my head.”

  “Mitch is going to rock your world, Trin. But he’s not going to hurt you. You probably didn’t know it, but I watched your exchange in the parking lot. Because if he turned out to be an asshole I was coming after him. But he did good by you.”

  “No, I didn’t know but maybe on a subconscious level I did because I know you’re always there for me. But I wasn’t aware of much. And I’m not really all that worried about him hurting me. I really don’t think he would. But what if I suck in bed? What if my inexperience is a turn off?” I chewed on my bottom lip. There was no doubt in my mind that Mitch was a god in bed. He had that air about him.

  “First of all, I doubt you suck, at least not in a bad way.” She waggled her eyebrows at me and I groaned. “Secondly, I think he really cares about you so he’s going to be patient. And he wouldn’t have stayed with you all night and into the next day after witnessing your breakdown if he wasn’t getting serious about you. Wait, you probably didn’t tell him that douchebag asshat was your one and only.” She tapped her bottom lip with her finger as she studied me. “That’s not something you talk about on your first date.”

  “I did tell him. And he told me he really liked that.”

  “So when are you seeing him again?”

  “We have a date on Tuesday. And I’m hoping he invites me back to his place afterward because I’m not sure how to seduce when I’m not wasted. Not that I was very successful at that botched attempt.” I rolled my eyes.

  Charity laughed at me. “I’m sure you were adorable. Otherwise he would have turned his nose up at you and walked out the door. And I don’t know that it was you were terrible at it. I think he is just very sweet and wanted to do things right. Not to mention he somehow knew I would kick his ass if he hadn’t.” She shot me a knowing smirk.

  “I might have a bag of cookies of some sort. Do you want a cup of coffee and some sweets?”

  “I may poke fun at your breakfast choice but I can’t turn down sweets any other part of the day. And coffee sounds great. You can give me the details about your day.”

  After brewing two cups of coffee, Charity and I devoured half a bag of Oreos and our coffees while I shared with her all the details about my overnight and day date with Mitch. Then a little over two hours later, she headed home and I got ready for bed before crawling under the covers that still smelled like Mitch and drifting into a content sleep.

  The Monday and Tuesday work days dragged by at an unusually slow pace. Normally my days flew by rather quickly as we always had a steady stream of patients to see. Between regular checkups and the emergency visits, the doctor’s office was quite busy. And today was no exception but my mind kept drifting to my date with Mitch and my excitement caused the day to linger on endlessly.

  As I was shutting down my computer for the day, Sammantha – one of the nurses in the office – stopped by my window. “You seemed different these last two days. Whatever you are doing, keep it up. It looks good on you. And I’m glad to see it. When I’m not so exhausted after leaving here and then dealing with little ones at home, let’s plan to go out for a drink sometime.” Realizing what she had said, she nervously tucked a strand of her blonde hair that had fallen from her pony tail behind her ear, her brown eyes troubled.

  I gave her a friendly smile. I wasn’t jealous of her having children especially since she treasured her eighteen month old fraternal twins – a boy and a girl – like I had with Ben. And for once, the comment didn’t bring on a crushing pain in my chest that I had to
try to ignore until I got home so I could fall apart in private. “They can be a handful. But I think that would be fun. Maybe on some weekend, that way we don’t have to be up for work the next day. And we can invite a couple other girls out with us. My best friend Charity is a lot of fun.”

  She gave me a confused look but it passed quickly and transformed into a bright smile. “I will definitely give that some serious thought. Have a great night.” She waved as she walked away.

  Oh, I intended to have a freaking amazing night. Mitch was taking me to an upscale Italian place called Dolce Amore. I had wanted to go there for a long time but my financial status didn’t allow for those types of splurges. When Charity and I ate out – which was only like once a month – we ordered pizza or Chinese food or popped in at a mom and pop diner. But usually when we got together, one of us would cook and we would trade off every other time.

  My work station all cleaned up, I rushed out to my car. It was a little black Spark but I could afford it and it suited me perfectly. During the short drive home, I debated whether or not to take a small overnight bag. I really didn’t think I was getting ahead of myself, more like being prepared. That way if I fell asleep at his place I didn’t have to worry about rushing home in the morning to get clothes for work. And if he gave me a strange look or anything when he picked me up, I would leave my bag at home.

  After scurrying up to my door and letting myself in, I padded back to my room to strip out of my clothes and hop into the shower. I made sure I shaved and double conditioned my hair in the hopes that it would stay reasonably tame for the night. Then I dried off before slipping into one of the very few dresses I owned. I didn’t need many since I really didn’t wear them. But every girl needed a little black dress so I had purchased one in the hopes that I would need it one day. Sliding it over my head, I was incredibly relieved to discover it still fit. I had bought it years ago and never wore it so I wasn’t sure. Spaghetti straps, lacey top, and a satiny bottom that hugged my waist and then fell about mid-thigh; I snuck a peek of myself in the mirror and grinned at my reflection. The cut of the dress concealed my lack of boobs so I didn’t feel quite so self-conscious. With the dress making me feel attractive, I applied eyeliner, mascara, and a touch of lip gloss. Then I smoothed out my waves, pulling the one side back with a small clip.

  When a knock sounded at my front door, I yelped. Jeez, get a grip girl. The guy has seen you at your worst. This is a one hundred percent improvement. Even though outwardly I looked pretty put together, inside I was a nervous wreck. I didn’t know how to date or charm or seduce. So I was going to try to be myself and hope that did the trick. The guy has seen you at your worst. My thoughts reminded me. When the knock thumped again, I took a deep breath, to somewhat settle my nerves, and walked out to greet him.

  After I tugged open my door, Mitch whistled and waggled his eyebrows at me.

  “Come on in. I just need to grab my bag.”

  He followed me inside. “You are stunning.”

  “Thank you. You’re looking handsome as well.” He had on a pair of tan dress pants and a light blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

  I grabbed my bag off of the couch, where I had dropped it when I had answered the door, and walked up to him.

  “Hey, you walked off before I could kiss you.” He gave me a wolfish grin before ducking his head to press his lips to mine. He pushed his tongue in to give me a quick thorough sweep before pulling away. “I hope that bag contains clothes for tomorrow and not pajamas for tonight. If you are sleeping over, we’re sleeping naked. And I like that you are thinking of staying the night and planning ahead.”

  My cheeks heated. “I wanted to . . . I hope I’m not . . . Jeez, this is embarrassing.” So then why did I do it? Because deep down I wanted him to want me to spend the night, not because I was hurting and he was providing comfort but because he wanted me in his bed to devour my body. My face almost went up in flames.

  He took my cheeks in his hands. “You don’t have to justify your actions and don’t be embarrassed. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to push but I like your train of thought.” He kissed my forehead, the act sweet but making my panties damp anyway. “We’re dating and we’re both adults here. I want you to stay over. I just didn’t say anything yet because I was going to gauge our night by you.”

  Taking in a deep breath, I centered myself. I wasn’t a teenager going on her first date. I was an adult going on her first date. I inwardly rolled my eyes. That was real helpful. But I was more mature now and I could do this. And at the end of the evening, he could do me.

  “I find your blush sexy.” He winked at me.

  “Let’s go. I’m hungry.” I slipped into my sandals.

  He chuckled as he took my bag from me and slung it over his shoulder and then grabbed my hand and tugged me out the door, pausing only a moment for me to lock it. After he helped me into his truck, he pulled out onto the road. “I think you are really going to like the food here. I’ve only been here a couple of times but it’s the best Italian food I’ve ever had.”

  I guess I wasn’t going to be the first girl he brought here on a date. I tried to hide my reaction. But seriously, I was sure there was a big number before me. It wasn’t his fault he was sexy hot and I was just . . . me and had been closed off from the world for so long.

  His kissing my knuckles pulled me from my self-pity party. “I’m wagering a guess here about where your head went just now. You don’t need to correct me or say anything, but the couple of times I was here, it was for Flynn’s bachelor party.” He rolled his eyes. “And then to celebrate Apryl’s pregnancy. I was here with my friends. I took girls to nice places when we went out but with you it’s different, so you are the first one I’m bringing here.”

  I gave him a shy smile. “I’m so glad you didn’t get pissed when I flipped on you about being a lawyer. You’re a really great guy . . . who happens to be a lawyer.”

  He cleared his throat. “An amazingly sexy hot guy.”

  I giggled. “I’m glad you chased after me, didn’t let my meltdown deter you, and that I didn’t stay stupid and continue to push you away.”

  “You weren’t being stupid. It triggered intense pain for you but we worked through it.”

  After we pulled in front of the restaurant, Mitch wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked through the entrance. He gave his name to the hostess and we were seated at a small table along the border toward the back. Dim lighting illuminated the room and dark wooden chairs and tables lined the perimeter and were scattered throughout. Two wooden dividers, with vases of colorful wildflowers setting on top, sectioned the huge room into two decent sized ones and a smaller cozier one. Much to my delight, we were seated in the more intimate section.

  When the waiter approached our table, Mitch ordered us each a glass of Pinot Noir.

  “Thank you.” My lips curled into an elated smile.

  “You’re welcome. I just know that goes well with most of the dishes here.”

  “No. Thank you for not thinking just because I used to drink my weekends away I couldn’t handle a little bit of alcohol.”

  He set his menu down and eyed me seriously. “Since I got my head out of my ass and took the chance to get to know you, I understand and know now what was really going on. And if other people are going to judge without getting all of the facts, then ignore them. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am glad we’re together.”

  My cheeks warmed again but I loved hearing his words.

  “And I really love that blush on you. Later, I plan to see how far it travels down your body.” He shot me a wolfish grin.

  I picked up my menu and fanned myself with it, causing him to chuckle. Then I perused the selection.

  When the waiter returned, he dropped off a basket of bread and our glasses of wine. Then Mitch ordered the homemade lasagna and I ordered the homemade ravioli.

  Mitch pushed the basket in my direction. “Their bread is deliciou
s and made daily. Our dinners come with a salad and the vegetables are fresh and very tasty and the dressing is also homemade.” After I took a slice, he grabbed one for himself.

  Taking a bite, I moaned. “It is very good.”

  Mitch’s eyes lit up. “Try to keep those sounds under control. I want us to be able to enjoy dinner not rush through it. I’m already planning on having dessert at home. If you want to take something with you, that’s fine. But I want you.”

  “I shouldn’t have bothered with panties because they just went up in flames.” My eyes widened with my comment. “And I only had a few sips of wine.” I giggled.

  His eyes darkened into a deeper green while a smirk curved his lips. “Keep your comments coming. They let me know that we’re on the same page.”

  When our dinners arrived, we continued with the simple flirting while we ate.

  “The food here is amazing. Although I didn’t really doubt you as much as sometimes people have different tastes. I haven’t had Italian dishes from that many places, but this is hands down the best I’ve ever had too. And I couldn’t imagine anything being better.”

  “Perfect score for the start of our date. But you are going to take much more pleasure in dessert. Did you want to order anything from here to take with us?”

  I was amazed I was able to eat with the way his words were lighting me up inside and causing a real possibility of me spontaneously combusting. “I couldn’t eat another bite. I’ll just wait for your surprises.”

  He shot me a devilish grin. When the waiter stopped back, Mitch paid our bill and then grabbed my hand to tug me up to him. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before leading me out to his truck.

  Butterflies swirled around in my belly the entire trip home. Mitch chatted about other good places to eat and fun things we could do on our next date. I was pretty sure he was trying to distract me from my head. But I don’t think he realized I wasn’t nervous about where our night was headed. I was nervous I wasn’t going to be enough for him.