All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sienna’s head shift focus from Erika’s ponytail to her.

  Chris shrugged. “I don’t—”

  “I would really appreciate it.” She tried for flirty, despite the fact that he was one of the few openly gay students in the school.

  “Yeah, sure. Why not?” He moved to gather up his things but Sienna’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

  “No,” she hissed. “Don’t move.”

  Chris stared at her first, then back to Rylee. “Um…”

  “It’s okay, Chris.” Rylee kept the smile pasted on her face, despite the fact that her face was likely beet red, and she could feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She would not cry. Not in class. Not like this. “You can move.” She focused on Chris, who pushed up out of his chair, but Sienna wasn’t having it.

  “No.”

  Frozen in a half squat, Chris looked at each of the girls in turn as if they’d completely lost their minds. For a split second, Rylee thought he might actually say that, too. But before he had a chance, she heard Mrs. Jones behind her.

  “Rylee, if you’re ready to take your seat, we can all start today’s lesson.”

  Chris sat back down and shook his head slightly before opening his book, which left her no choice. Her face flaming, Rylee walked up to her usual seat and slumped down in the chair as the lesson began.

  When Mrs. Jones finally quit talking and instructed the class to pull out their copies of Hamlet for some quiet reading, and to find four examples of symbolism in Act Two, Rylee whipped out her phone and started texting.

  I really need to talk to you. I’m sorry for not telling you about Brice. PLEASE.

  She waited but Sienna didn’t respond. So, switching tactics, Rylee pulled up a little GIF image of a cartoon kitten holding a heart, the words “I’m sorry” flashing underneath it. She sent it to Sienna. Followed by another GIF and then another.

  Finally, a reply came in.

  You don’t get it.

  Rylee wanted to turn around and scream at her friend that, yes, she did get it. She knew Sienna was hurt and she didn’t blame her. Not a bit. But this was bigger than a little disagreement. Rylee really needed her and of course she was sorry. Really and truly sorry. She’d never not tell her best friend something again.

  I do get it. I screwed up. I’m so so so so sorry. Please forgive me. You’ll be the first person to hear everything from now on. I swear. I need to tell you something. You’re the only one I can tell.

  There was no guarantee that Sienna would ever quit being mad at her, but Rylee was counting heavily on the fact that they’d been friends for so long that she couldn’t stay mad forever. Sure enough…a moment later, the text bubbles appeared and she replied.

  Okay.

  Her heart jumped a little and Rylee had to force herself not to turn around.

  Flex?

  The administration had implemented a Flex period last semester that was supposed to be a chance for students to get extra help or study for whatever they needed to during school hours. For a while, Rylee used it, too. But lately, she’d been hanging out with Brice in the cafeteria or outside on the bleachers. Doing anything but studying or doing homework.

  You sure?

  Of course Sienna would expect her to ditch on Flex for Brice. But not today. Rylee had meant it when she told Sienna that she was the only one she could talk to. She needed her best friend in a full-scale exploded pen crisis situation.

  Of course. Library?

  Sienna responded with the thumbs-up emoji.

  With a sigh of relief she could feel all through her body, Rylee replied with a smiley face and a heart.

  “I’m so sorry, Sienna.” Rylee grabbed her arm the second Sienna arrived in the library and pulled her into a quiet corner that had two big chairs set up. “I know I should have—”

  “Whatever.”

  “Whatever?” She stared at her friend, but Sienna just shrugged.

  “Yeah.” She dropped her bag on the floor and collapsed into one of the overstuffed chairs Rylee had secured for them by racing to the library as soon as the bell rang. “I don’t want to be mad at you, Rylee. It sucks.”

  She had that right. “It does suck,” Rylee agreed. “So you forgive me?”

  Sienna looked as if she were going to say something more, but finally she nodded. “Just don’t ditch me for a boy again, okay? I mean, I get it. You’re all in love or whatever.” She held up her fingers in quotes and rolled her eyes, making Rylee laugh.

  “I don’t know about that. But I do like spending time with him.” Her stomach flipped a little the way it always did when she remembered what it felt like to kiss him. “And kissing him is…”

  “Is that what you need to tell me so bad?” Sienna interrupted. “Because I know I was pissed when you didn’t tell me about your first kiss, but I was thinking about it and I don’t know if I really need to know all the nasty details.”

  All happy thoughts dissolved from Rylee’s mind as her best friend reminded her exactly what it was that she needed to talk to her so badly about. “No.” She shook her head, her long dark hair falling over one eye. She’d started wearing it down more because Brice told her it was pretty. But Rylee still wasn’t used to all that hair always being in the way. “That’s not it at all.”

  “Good.” Sienna laughed a little, quiet enough that the librarian wouldn’t come over and give them shit. “Then what is it?”

  “My mom’s pregnant.” Rylee blurted it out before she could stop herself. It was the first time she’d said the words out loud, which made it both worse and not so bad all at the same time.

  Sienna choked on her gum for a moment before recovering enough to speak. “She’s pregnant? Like with a baby?”

  “That’s what I said.” It didn’t sound nearly as dumb when Sienna said it. “And yes. Can you even believe it? That means that—”

  “Your parents had sex.” Sienna giggled but Rylee did not think it was funny.

  “Of course they had sex.” She smacked her lightly on the arm. “I mean, I’m not an idiot. I know they do it. Well, I mean…I never thought about it or anything. But, gross. I guess they do it.”

  “They obviously do it.” She shook her head in wonder and leaned back in the chair. “That’s crazy.”

  “You’re missing the point.” Rylee pulled her hair back and wrapped an elastic roughly around it.

  “I mean…your parents are getting busy on the regular.” Sienna giggled again. Rylee loved her best friend, but the sound was starting to make her crazy. “I don’t think my parents do it at all,” Sienna continued. “My dad snores so bad that I swear the walls are going—”

  “Sienna!” Rylee hiss-whispered and glared at her. “You are totally missing the point.”

  She pressed her lips together, taken aback, and stared. “Okay. So what exactly is the point?”

  That was the whole problem. Rylee had no idea what the point was. Now that she’d told her, the whole thing didn’t seem quite so crazy and disgusting and all the things she’d thought it was when her mom had first announced it at the table. But still…it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay at all. Hot tears pricked at Rylee’s eyes, which was even more frustrating because she didn’t know whether it was because she was upset about the baby or because she was so frustrated that she didn’t know why she was upset. It was a ridiculous circle of confusion that didn’t make any sense at all.

  “Rylee?” Sienna was on the edge of her seat, a look of concern on her face. “What’s going on?”

  She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. “I have no idea.” There was no way she could start crying. They only had another few minutes of Flex block and then she had Chemistry and there was no way she could go into class with mascara streaked down her cheeks. She forced herself to take a deep breath and exhaled slowly before looking up.

  “I don’t know what’s going on,” she managed to say without her voice shaking. “I really don’t. Everyth
ing is such a mess right now.

  Sienna nodded and then for the thousandth time in their relationship, proved why she was Rylee’s best friend. Sienna got out of her chair, squeezed herself in next to Rylee and pulled her in for a tight hug. “I get it.” She hugged tighter. “I totally get it.”

  Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. It didn’t matter. She was there.

  “You’re going to sleep over tomorrow,” Sienna announced a moment later. “We haven’t done that in forever and it will get you out of your house. Something tells me you don’t really want to be there all that much right now.”

  She had that right.

  “Do you think your mom will mind?”

  Rylee almost laughed out loud at her question, remembering the total and complete indifference of both her parents earlier that morning.

  “Are you kidding me?” Rylee rolled her eyes. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to get rid of me right now.” She didn’t actually know whether that was true or not. In fact, she kind of felt bad for taking off on her the night before because it was her birthday and she’d totally freaked out.

  But, whatever. Rylee shook her head, pulled her hair out of the elastic again and forced herself to stop feeling sorry for her mom. After all, it was her own fault, and she hadn’t even thought about how any of it was going to affect Rylee.

  “Good.” Sienna gave her one last hug and hopped up. “It’ll be fun. And…” She grabbed up her backpack as the warning bell rang. “You can even tell me about the kiss with Brice if you want and I promise I won’t freak out.”

  Maren

  The days that followed didn’t make the news of their pregnancy any easier to accept. Once Doctor Harrison confirmed that the IUD was intact and in place, and confirmed that she was approximately nine to ten weeks along—a fact that Maren was still having trouble wrapping her head around—Maren was sent home with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and instructions to schedule a multitude of follow-up appointments and “think about their options” and that was it.

  Not that they’d expected much more. After all, there was nothing the doctor would be able to say that would help them accept the news any easier. The one thing that could have helped Maren come to grips with the way her life had completely flipped upside down would be talking to Davis. But every time she tried, he told her he was still processing. The word was starting to make her crazy. If he didn’t finish processing—and soon—she might come completely unhinged.

  Of course, Davis wasn’t the only one who needed time. Rylee was still barely talking to either of them. For whatever reason, she seemed less upset with her father, a fact that hurt Maren but she wouldn’t say anything. It wouldn’t help. In the few days since her birthday, Rylee had only come out of her room to eat and go to school and swim practice. But just because she was at the table with them or in the car on the way to practice didn’t mean she was talking to either of them.

  Maren tried to engage her in conversation. “How was school?” “Are you excited for the swim meet next week?” “How did the chemistry test go?” But besides a few short answers, it was clear that Rylee wasn’t ready to talk and Maren wasn’t going to push it.

  She could have threatened to take away her phone or burst into her room, refusing to leave until her daughter talked to her, but what was the point? She’d never parented with a strong authoritarian hand before; she didn’t need to start now. Besides, it could’ve been worse. Rylee could be the one who was pregnant.

  Maren shuddered at the thought. That would definitely be worse. And that was saying something, since in the span of less than three days, her entire family had imploded.

  Maren managed to keep herself busy at work, which wasn’t hard. She’d been convinced she’d blown her chance at the promotion because she’d sat through the entire thing barely hearing what Eileen and the other managers had said. Somehow she’d managed to answer their questions and despite the fact that she must have come off like a total space cadet, they’d given her the position of account manager. Something she’d barely even had a chance to think about in the days that followed. Including what it would mean now that her situation had changed.

  She’d be transitioning to her new role over the course of a week, which was fine by her because her to-do list only continued to grow. Despite the fact that she couldn’t shake the niggling feeling in the back of her mind that in light of everything that had happened, she should probably turn down the position, she threw herself into her work. It was the one thing she could control.

  Maren had decided to work through lunch on Friday when her husband’s number appeared on her cell phone.

  Maybe he was finally ready to talk.

  They had a strong connection and they loved each other. Everything would be okay. After all, they were Davis and Maren. High school sweethearts. Voted most likely to be happy ever after.

  She pressed the button to connect the call. “Hey. How’s your day?”

  “Not bad, not bad. But it’s busy around here today. Month end is coming up and we need to tie up a few things before we can run reports.” Davis had worked for a financial advising firm for most of their marriage, and Maren had grown accustomed to last-minute client meetings and month end reports keeping him away from home. “I’m afraid I’m going to be late tonight.”

  Even though it wasn’t unusual for Davis to have to work late, she couldn’t help but feel that maybe this particular occurrence had more to do with avoidance than actual work. He wasn’t ready to talk at all. “Oh, that’s too bad,” she said instead of pushing the issue. “Not too late, I hope?”

  “Probably not,” he said quickly. “But I just didn’t want you to rush home or anything.”

  “Okay. I’ll pick up a roasted chicken or something easy from the store.” She mentally added it to the ongoing grocery list in her head. “And Davis?”

  “Yes?”

  “Maybe when you get home…we can talk, okay?”

  There was a beat of silence on the other end and finally he said, “Of course.”

  “I mean it, Davis,” she said, needing to make her point. “We really need to talk about this.”

  “I understand. Completely. We’ll talk when I get home, okay?”

  “Okay.” A smile crossed her face. Finally, they’d be able to get on the same page about what was happening.

  “I love you, Maren.”

  Her heart swelled and for the first time in days, she felt at peace. “I love you, too.”

  It wasn’t until Maren hung up that she considered what exactly she was going to do with her Friday evening. Rylee always reserved Friday evenings for hanging out with her friends, and she couldn’t imagine that would be any different today.

  Of course, she could just go home, maybe have a bubble bath and read a book. There was a time not all that long ago when Maren would look forward to having an empty house all to herself. It happened so rarely that she relished those moments. But after the last few days, she was antsy and the idea of being alone was more than unappealing. She’d made her point with Davis; they were going to finally talk about things when he got home. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk about her own feelings before then.

  It was a good idea. And there was only one person in the world to have that conversation with.

  Sabrina.

  Next to Davis, no one knew Maren better than Sabrina. She’d be able to help Maren get her feelings straight. In fact, she should have called her ages ago to tell her about the baby. She had an instant flash of guilt. Sabrina had sent a number of text messages since their lunch together and Maren had answered vaguely and she certainly hadn’t told her anything about the baby.

  Why?

  * * *

  She didn’t know the answer to that. Normally she would never wait to tell Sabrina something so incredibly life-changing. But there was nothing normal about this. Normal was before.

  Would she now start thinking of her life as before and after? The thought was way too dramatic. She’d found out sh
e was pregnant, for God’s sake, not dying.

  She was being stupid, and way too dramatic. Besides, she needed her best friend, so while she finished her lunch, Maren sent Sabrina a series of texts and asked her to go shopping after work and maybe grab a bite to eat. She’d been asking Maren to go with her to grab a few baby things and they hadn’t been able to find a time that worked for both of them, so when Sabrina replied with an, “Absolutely!” Maren was pleased.

  Sabrina would know what to say about everything. She was her best friend in the entire world. She always knew what to say and no doubt, she’d be thrilled with the news. It would be so good to have someone react positively.

  When they were younger, long before Rylee was born and Sabrina had declared she was never having children of her own, they used to talk about how fun it would be to raise their babies at the same time. How their daughters would be best friends just like they were. Obviously, that hadn’t happened for so many reasons. But things changed and now…maybe it could? Of course, it looked very different than they’d planned when they were young and foolish, but sometimes life just worked out that way.

  They arranged for Sabrina to pick Maren up at home so she could drop off her car, and a few hours later, she was waiting for her friend on the driveway as Sabrina pulled up.

  “Someone’s excited to go shopping,” she remarked with a grin as Maren slid into her passenger seat. “Normally it’s like pulling teeth to get you to come to the mall with me.”

  It was true. Maren hated shopping. Even when they were teenagers, Sabrina and all the other girls loved to hang out at the mall, but Maren would only go along begrudgingly. It hadn’t gotten any better as she got older. And Sabrina knew it.

  “Well, I thought it would be good to spend some time together. Besides,” she added, “I know you’re excited about the baby. And…” She should just tell her. There was no point in waiting. But something stopped her. Not yet. “And, I just want to spend some time with you. Everything’s gonna change when this little guy comes along.” That was an understatement. Because not only was everything going to change when Sabrina’s son was born—a few months later, it would all change again. Nothing was ever going to be the same.