I loosened my fists and dragged the bottom of my shirt over my face. “You asked me my plan and I told you. I’ve got work to do, if you don’t mind.”
“I do mind.” She pushed off the post and stepped up to me. Looking up at me, the sun shone into her eyes, highlighting every last bit of color until I felt like I was looking into a kaleidoscope. “I need to have a real conversation with you.”
“What’s the point?”
“The point is that I need to talk to you about all of this. I need you to not be an asshole about it.”
“If you thought the way to get me to not be an asshole was to call me an asshole, you really need to rethink your attack.” I glanced down at her mouth as she licked her bottom lip. Big mistake. Tearing my gaze away, I shook my head. “Go home. I’m sure the guys need you.”
“They need you.”
I bent over and grabbed my hammer. “And I need to fix this fence before the sun goes down.”
Lauren glanced down at my leg and furrowed her brows. “This isn’t too much?”
“Go!” I jabbed the hammer towards the main house and scowled at her. “Just go. Now.”
She yanked the hammer from my hand and threw it into the field behind me before stomping off.
Chapter 6
Lauren
My heart raced like crazy. I hadn’t expected to find Mercer without a shirt on. Beyond the scars was a man who had a body like a god. A god who’d gone from strong to superhero since I’d last seen him. He looked bigger all over. His shoulders looked wider and his chest looked larger, firmer. And the tan… Desire coursed through me, but without an outlet, it circled viciously until I stepped under a cold shower to let it out.
Back at my motel and under a rusty showerhead, I found myself stroking my hands over my skin slower than I should. Closing my eyes, I imagined they were Mercer’s hands. I wanted to know how my wet skin would feel under his calloused fingertips.
It was wrong, though. Shutting off the water, I dried off and pulled on clothes before brushing my teeth and brushing my hair. Then, I packed up my things and made my way out to the car. I had plans to stay at the cabin with Mercer. No matter his opinion.
I parked at the edge of town, next to a rundown gas station, and then hiked to the cabin. It was already dark when I stepped inside and I was glad to find a shadow of Mercer sitting with his back against one of the dilapidated walls. “Thank God. I was afraid I’d have to hang out in the dark by myself.”
He sighed. “What are you doing here?”
I dropped my bag and sat down next to him. “I’m staying in my cabin.”
“Your cabin?”
“Well, whose did you think it was?” I unzipped my bag and absently searched for a thicker sweater. It was cold on the bare floor.
“Luke’s.”
I froze for a few seconds and then kept up my search. “It was. Now it’s mine.”
“Lauren.”
“Mercer.” My fingers brushed over the knit material of my sweater and I exclaimed happily. “Finally. It’s freezing in here!”
“Why don’t you just let everyone know I’m here? Yell a little louder.”
I pulled the sweater over my head and moaned at the instant warmness that came from it. “I can’t fight with you right now. This sweater is too nice.”
He sighed and I heard his head thunk against the wood. “You can’t stay here.”
“Sure, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Mercer.” I turned to face him and smiled, despite the darkness. “You’re wasting your breath. I’m not going anywhere. We have things to talk about and plans to discuss.”
“I’m getting sick of this.” He got the voice on that I thought of as his parenting voice. It was even more stern and serious than his normal tone, which was saying something. “I don’t want you here.”
I rested my hand on his knee and fought the sting of rejection. “So, tell me. What’s your actual plan? Are you waiting for something big to happen back in Ambrose?”
He pushed my hand away and scooted further away from me, as if I had cooties. “Yeah—you to return to it.”
I couldn’t believe he was the man I fell for. “Well, what are you waiting for? I’m serious. Are you expecting the police to get their heads out of their asses and figure out who actually killed Jessica and Jade? Then you’ll just come back like nothing happened? Fat chance.”
“Okay. I’ll play along.” He shifted and I could tell his leg was bothering him. The cold weather always made it worse. “What’s your idea of an actual plan?”
“We figure out who did kill them and turn them in to the police.”
Mercer sat up and the disapproval in his voice came through loud and clear. “What the fuck? We’re not police officers or private investigators. We don’t figure out who killed anyone. We just protect people.”
“I am a private investigator.” I cleared my throat and spent a few seconds staring at my manicured nails, even though it was too dark for me to actually see them. “Technically.”
“What?”
“I worked for Mr. Titus for so long and I learned everything he knew. Why wouldn’t I take the test to get my license?”
“You’re shitting me.”
“No, I’m not shitting you. Why are you acting like that? I’m good at what I do. I found you, didn’t I?”
“You’re a licensed PI?”
“Yes.”
“In Arkansas?”
“No, on Mars. What the hell do you think? You’re starting to piss me off.”
He laughed a low chuckle, more of a broken cough than anything, and grinned so that I could see his teeth, even in the dark. “Damn. When did you find the time for that?”
I hesitated. “After work and on the weekends.”
“Luke would’ve been pissed.”
I went stiff. “Luke would’ve been glad that I’m not on the streets or sticking needles between my fingers.”
Everything hung in the air between us. I couldn’t read Mercer, but I was pissed that he’d say something so callous. Luke wouldn’t have been pissed that I was working hard at bettering myself, no matter what I was doing. As long as he knew I was safe and healthy, he wouldn’t care. Luke was the best big brother. He was supportive and caring and…
I stood up and moved to the other side of the cabin. I pulled the stolen hotel blanket out of my bag and put it out on the floor. The stolen pillow was next and then an oversized sweater to use as a blanket. I curled up on my little pallet and closed my eyes against the darkness.
My heart raced, the same way it always did when Mercer got to me, the same way it always did when I thought of Luke too much. All of that panic and stress so close to the edge, but always so precariously balanced. I had to calm down and keep it together. That’s the only way anything worked. I kept it together.
“Lauren…”
I let the silence hang heavy. I knew he’d never apologize. He never did. He could treat me like shit, do whatever he wanted, and still never feel the need to apologize. That was how little I meant to him and how much he meant to me, that I would just keep taking it. It was disgusting.
“You might want to check back into the motel. It gets cold.”
“Well, then, maybe you’ll get lucky and I’ll freeze to death while you’re sleeping.” I turned away from him and pulled my sweater higher. “What a bitch it’ll be that you’ll have to drag my carcass out of here.”
“Jesus, that’s a little dramatic.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I was angry. Worse, I was hurt. I always wanted too much from him. He was always a letdown. Always. Expecting anything else from him was like waiting for a lottery win when you didn’t play the lottery.
“If you don’t like it, you can always go.”
“Have you ever been appreciative for anything in your entire life? I came all the way up here for you. I searched everywhere, for you. I put my entire life on hold because I was worried sick about you—and all you ca
n do is act like a raging asshole to me. I fled from a police tail and I’m willing to chance getting in trouble with the police because I want to fight for you. Yet, here you are. This is all you have to give me. A bad attitude and a mean comment about my brother hating what I’m doing.”
I just got more silent treatment from Mercer. If I thought I was strong enough to stay on my makeshift bed and accept how he was choosing to handle me, I was wrong. I barely made it another few minutes before I got up and shoved my stuff back in my bag.
“I should’ve stayed in Mississippi. I could go back. Adam will still be there, willing and waiting. Stress-free and willing to do whatever I want. I could have an easy life. Go back home and settle down. I could forget this shit ever happened. I could fix the image of BDS. Why am I still here, trying?” I mumbled to myself while snatching the backpack onto my shoulder and stomping towards the exit. “I don’t need this shit.”
A thick arm shot out in front of me, keeping me from opening the door to leave. “It’s too dark. You’re stuck here now.”
“Mercer… Let me out. I’m going.” I felt like screaming at him. I wanted to hit him, bite him, make him feel a part of the pain he put me through.
“No. You’ll draw attention by tripping over a branch and then my spot will be ruined. You’re stuck. Now, get over it.” He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back towards my corner. “That sweatshirt isn’t a blanket. I have an emergency blanket you can use.”
I dropped my bag and went back at him. Using both hands and most of my strength, I pushed him. “You’re awful. I was scared to death that something had happened to you. You didn’t say goodbye! I’ve been there with you for years. Years! I’ve seen you every day and then you just leave and don’t say anything. You don’t leave a note. You don’t take me with you. You just leave and that’s it. I’m supposed to just go about my everyday life like nothing changed?”
He didn’t budge, so I shoved him again. “I hate you. I would do anything for you and you care so little about me that you don’t even treat me like a human being, much less a friend. What is it with you? What is this about? I’ve proven myself. I’ve been loyal to you, to the firm. I’ve stuck it out through everything, yet you treat me like some stupid bitch who just won’t leave.”
My heart was pounding so hard and I realized I was too close to crying to stop it, but I’d hit a wall. I was exhausted and sad. All I wanted to do was run, but he’d made me stay. I pushed him again. “Is this about that night? Do you hate me because of it? Is that what all this is?”
“Don’t.”
That growled command should’ve been enough to stop me, but I was past good sense. “You can’t look me in the eye and treat me like an equal because I’ve jerked you off?”
Mercer grabbed my arms and pushed me away from him, harder. “Jesus, Lauren.”
“It was nothing.” Lie. “You needed help. I helped. Why are you like this? Why are you such an asshole?”
“It wasn’t nothing, Lauren.”
My chest heaved, hope expanding it like a balloon. “What?”
“It was me letting my best friend’s kid sister touch me. You shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have let you. I was just out of my mind… I thought you were someone else…” He stopped. “Why’d you bring that shit up?”
My chest cracked, that balloon snapping open, and an odd sense of calm came over me. Numbness, I realized. “My mistake. It won’t happen again.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to bed. It’s been a long couple of weeks.” I was too stiff as I arranged my pallet back on the floor. My movements were jerky and robotic. When Mercer tried to hand me the emergency blanket, I pushed it away. “No, thanks.”
“Don’t be stubborn, Lauren.”
I nodded and took it from him, draping it around me before curling up on the floor. “Thanks.”
The cabin was silent and I worried about what kind of damaged energy we’d just created in the place. If it ever was haunted, that ghost was going to be all sorts of messed up from breathing in the tainted air. Or floating around in it…
“Fuck.” Mercer’s quiet whisper wasn’t meant for me and I pretended I didn’t hear it.
A stray tear ran down the side of my face and into my ear before I even realized I was crying. I let it dry there, too afraid to shuffle the foil blanket, in case Mercer knew I was crying and having to wipe away the evidence.
Chapter 7
Mercer
I knew the moment Lauren fell asleep. Her rugged breath evened out and then she let out a little sigh. It was the same sigh that always escaped when she fell asleep, like she was happy to finally be in whatever dream world she’d slipped into. Her body relaxed and she slipped onto her back, arms and legs spread out like some kind of starfish. She’d be a bitch to sleep next to.
Not that I’d ever find out.
I shifted on my bed, my aching body tight and alert. I’d been hard since she’d mentioned jerking me off. The mouth on her… I’d never known a woman who would just blurt shit out like that. It was maddening. I was hard, my mind replaying that fucked-up night, and I could smell Lauren’s sweet scent from across the room. It was a stroke across my skin, overheating me.
Kicking the blanket off, I shifted my hips and glared down at the tent in my sweatpants. It wouldn’t go down. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, about that night. How it could still get me hard was beyond me. The events leading up to it had been anything but hot.
I’d been recovering from the explosion for almost six months. Things were better, but they were far from perfect. I still had trouble getting around and I wasn’t used to my new body. The missing pieces, the bright-red lines and gashes all over that had healed but still looked angry.
Lauren had been there since the week after I got back to the States. At my bedside in the hospital, and then at my home. She stayed by my side, despite how much I screamed and threatened her. I wanted to die at first. When that passed, I’d just been angry. I hated myself. I hated Luke for dying. I hated her for being there, everything about her so fresh and alive. She took everything I gave her with a smile, despite having just lost her brother.
When I did come out of the funk a bit, it was impossible not to notice how beautiful she was. The way she carried herself was stunning. She moved with a sway to her hips that reminded me of how she’d been a stripper, and that made me think of her without clothes on and it was just a rough cycle. Despite my brain still being fucked up, my dick never stopped working, apparently.
I hid erections for months by screaming at her, scaring her off, and holding whatever I could get over my lap. When she helped change the bandages on my leg, it was a practice in self-control. I had to use every technique I could think of to keep my dick soft enough that it wouldn’t poke at her when she was bent over as she made sure I wasn’t going to die from an infection.
The night it happened had followed a bad day. I’d been wound so tight that I’d thrown a glass of water across the room, just by Lauren. She’d given me a hard look and cleaned it up before bringing me another glass. She’d sat in a chair next to me and pulled her feet under her. Her dress rode up just enough that I could see several inches of her creamy thighs. I wanted. I was barely still a man, though. Plus, she was Luke’s baby sister, born thirteen years after him. Luke, who’d just died next to me on the battlefield from some sort of sneak attack that I should’ve stopped.
I was so disgusted with myself, but I thought that if I just jerked off in the tub, it’d be better. I didn’t want to feel anything for her. I wanted it out of my system.
With the help of one of the aids, I was in a hot bath with my leg covered in a protective bag and I was stroking myself to the image of Lauren bent over in front of me. Only she wasn’t taking care of me. I had both legs and she was on her knees, begging for me. I indulged in all of the things I never let myself think and I was so close—when the door to the bathroom opened and Lauren rushed in.
I shouted and jum
ped, jarring my leg. Pain radiated through my body and I shouted again, swearing and splashing water outside of the tub. Lauren knelt next to me and leaned over, her hands going straight to my leg.
“Mercer! Shit. Shit, I’m so sorry. I heard you moaning and I thought you were hurt. Shit.” Her cheeks were blazing red and her hands fluttered around my leg, shaking. “I didn’t see anything. Much of anything… Okay, I saw plenty, but it wasn’t bad. At all.”
I wanted to die. Not only was I a tenth of the man I’d left the country as; I’d just gotten caught jerking it like I was some kid. “Just go, Lauren.”
“Is everything okay?” She bit her lip and nodded towards my crotch. “I mean, it looked okay from where I was. I just didn’t know if you could… Or if you needed help, I mean. No, that’s not right either. Jesus.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Get the fuck out of here!” I screamed and ended up sloshing more water around. The front of her dress was already damp, but it was wet then and I could see her nipples were hard through the material.
Lauren must’ve noticed my eyes and where they went, because her breathing increased. That magical chest heaved and her breath was airy. I figured it was because she was horrified at the idea that I’d been wanking it to her, but she shocked the shit out of me with what she did next.
“Merce… I want to help.” Her hand trailed up my bare thigh, into the water. “Let me help.”
I was frozen stupid. Her fingers were silk as they gently wrapped around my dick and tightened. All rational thought fled my brain and my head dipped back as she stroked her hand up my shaft and then back down. I had to be dreaming, I figured. I’d feel guilty later.
The sound of Lauren’s excited breath as she leaned over the edge of the tub washed over me. I was no stranger to women, not since Jessica had dumped me, and I knew when a woman was hot. I wanted to dip my fingers between her thighs and find out if she was wet at the idea of stroking me. I wanted to pull her into the tub and have her straddle me so I could fuck her.
Her hand tightened and she stroked faster, the water sloshing around. She was biting her lip hard, but still a little whimper escaped. Her eyes were heavy and when they met mine, there was so much heat there that I didn’t know who I was looking at for a second.
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