I came like a fucking explosion. I felt like I’d fill that tub, it was so much. Still, Lauren’s hand stroked me, slower and easier, her thumb rubbing over my head, drawing out the last little bit I had to offer. Then, she let out this sound of neediness that I could still hear banging around my brain, and I met her eyes to see a woman who wanted more.
And that was when I panicked. I’d just let my best friend’s baby sister jack me off in a tub when I looked like something out of Frankenstein and my best friend was dead in the ground. I was the worst kind of monster. I’d taken advantage of a woman who was mourning her dead brother and still struggling with her own addictions. I saw the way she looked at my pill bottles. It was almost as intense as the way she looked at me. She wasn’t okay.
So, I’d flipped out. I’d yelled at her to get out and I’d splashed water at her like I was some spoiled little boy. Then, I’d tried to get out of the tub by myself and I’d fallen, hurting my leg. When she’d put aside her feelings and tried to help me up, I’d pushed her away. She’d slipped and fallen. Her eyes were full of tears when she looked at me, but there was also fire there. I’d thought she’d hate me and we’d all move on. She’d go back to wherever she’d been and I’d just die alone in my house, like life intended for me.
Instead, she stayed. She took care of me. She took abuse from me and never got thanks from me for what she did. She stuck by me and never let me push her away.
Things hadn’t changed. I glanced over at her sleeping form and ran my hands over my face. We were still doing the same old song and dance. She was loyal to me when I didn’t deserve it, and all she got was shit in return. She still looked at me with that heat in her eyes and I still pretended that I didn’t see it. I still got hard every time I looked at her and she still didn’t understand how much I wanted her because all I could do was shove her away. She was too good for a piece of shit like me. She deserved more. She deserved a complete man who didn’t treat her the way I did.
I couldn’t help myself. Taking my cock in my hand, I squeezed it, wanting to punish myself for what I was doing. I closed my eyes and saw Lauren bent over that tub. I opened them and saw her sleeping form across the room. She was everywhere. Stroking myself, I tried to control the fantasy. I wanted to see her crawling into the tub and draping herself over me. Instead, I saw her moving across the cabin floor, crawling on all fours, her hair down and wild. The fantasy wouldn’t let me put her in the past. She was there, so close, and I wanted her.
I finished fast and felt dread as soon as I did. The same old sense of shame washed over me and I regretted what I’d done as I cleaned myself up. She was off limits. I couldn’t come while thinking of her and still keep my hands to myself.
I should’ve let her go. She could’ve easily found her way back to her car and got back to the motel just fine. I was hungry for suffering, obviously, asking her to stay. It wasn’t easy being around her. Especially when we were alone. I should’ve packed her bag for her and run her off.
She’d mentioned a man’s name, though. It was the first time she’d ever mentioned a man to me. Not that she’d been talking to me when she’d said it. The idea of sending her into the arms of some asshole made my blood boil. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have her, but I couldn’t think of anyone else having her, either.
I should’ve been relaxed after coming, but my body was tighter than ever. She’d been driving all over the place, staying who knows where, seeing who knows who. She could’ve been in danger the whole time. There were dangerous men out there, just waiting for a chance to get their hands on a woman like Lauren.
My skin crawled at the realization that she could’ve been picked up by some lunatic on her trip looking for me. I had to sit up and look over at her, at the way her chest rose and fell, so I knew that she was okay. She had to be okay.
I had to figure out a way to get her to go home. I didn’t want to keep hurting her, but I couldn’t be around her. It was too much. The way she looked at me, the way she wanted to save me… A man could only take so much. My entire relationship with Lauren had been walking a tightrope. I felt like I was always an inch away from ruining her or everything else. It didn’t matter that I wanted her and that she thought she wanted me. She was Luke’s little sister. She was off-limits. Beyond that, I was always going to be a patient to her. She was always taking care of me. She thought she wanted me, but it had to be some misplaced desire to take care of the crippled guy.
The sick thing was that I was scared of the day that she realized what it was and stopped looking at me with that heat in her eyes. That day, I would just be a shell of a man. Maybe it was part of the reason it was so easy to run. I wouldn’t have to see her heat fade if I never saw her again.
I swore quietly. When it came to Lauren, I was an idiot. I was indecisive and cowardly—and, worse, a liar. Treating her like shit and telling her that she meant nothing to me, besides being Luke’s little sister, made me more of a monster than my scars did.
I propped myself up against the cabin wall and stretched my legs out in front of me. Rubbing at my knee, above my prosthetic, I forced my eyes closed and shut out the aches and pains. I dulled out the world around me and tried to force myself to go to sleep. The images of Lauren’s face that penetrated my mind assured that I’d be getting no sleep that night.
Chapter 8
Lauren
I was still hurt and angry when I woke up. I was even more annoyed when I realized that Mercer was already gone. I’d slept through him getting up and leaving, probably because he’d wanted me to. Despite going to bed upset, I’d slept like the dead, knowing Mercer was nearby and okay. I felt better than I had in weeks.
I got dressed in a pair of leggings and the same oversized sweatshirt I’d used as a blanket, before slipping into my boots and packing my things up. I planned on getting information from Mercer that day, but first I wanted to head down to Henry’s store and grab something to drink and snack on before facing the big idiot.
The weather was chilled and the air just naturally smelled like a bonfire. I breathed it in as deep as I could and tried to imagine that everything was okay. It was a stretch, but it made me feel better.
Henry’s was packed when I pulled in. I noticed the same truck from the day before that the Johnson guy had been in. It was idling until I stepped out of my car. Then its engine cut and the man himself climbed out of the front of it. Good-looking in most ways, he eyed me up and down, a slow grin burning up his face.
“Damn, you are a beautiful sight first thing in the morning.” He shook his head and grabbed the front door of Henry’s to open for me.
“I bet you say that to all the girls…” I paused, letting him know that I hadn’t bothered remembering his name from the day before.
“Ouch.” He held his hand over his heart. “Was I that forgettable? It’s Ramsey.”
“Ramsey.” I stopped to grab a coffee and looked over my shoulder at him. “I was warned about you. Smooth talker, I hear. Maybe even a little bit slippery.”
“Is someone around here seriously saying smooth and slippery like they’re bad things?”
I laughed, drawing Henry’s attention from the front of the store. He waved at me and I shot him a big grin. I faintly remembered the older man from one of the few times I’d visited the small town, and it was a warm memory that felt soothingly like Luke.
“How long are you going to be in town?” Ramsey grabbed his own coffee, no sugar but heavy on the cream. “There’s a rodeo coming around this weekend. If you’re here for it.”
I shook my head. “I’m hoping to get back on the road as soon as possible. Things to do and people to see. You know how it goes.”
He sidled closer. “You sure you can’t stretch your plans into the weekend? At least let me buy you dinner tonight. It’d be a shame if no one got a chance to show you how hospitable we are here.”
I was shaking my head before he even finished. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not sticking around.”
>
“It’s just dinner. Food, you know. There’s a killer little steakhouse in the town over. It’s on me.”
“Steakhouse?”
He laughed. “Yep. You can drive yourself if you don’t like the environment and saving on air pollution.”
Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. “Do they serve lunch?”
“They do.”
“Make it lunch and we each drive ourselves and you’ve got a lunch date. A platonic lunch date.”
“I’ll take it. Meet me here around one? I can’t get away from work earlier than that today.”
I spotted Henry eyeing me again and nodded to Ramsey. “I’ll be here. I’ve got to talk to Henry about something, but I’ll see you later. The steak better be delicious.”
Henry gave me a knowing smile when I reached him. Some of the crowd had filtered out, so he had time for me. “Making friends?”
“I just got myself a free steak.” I did a playful bow and laughed. “I’m a sucker for a steakhouse, Henry. I couldn’t say no.”
“Damn. If only I was fifty years younger.” He shook his head. “And a woman. I’d love to have someone buy me a steak.”
“You can come. I’m sure Ramsey wouldn’t mind.”
He laughed and patted my hand. “I’ve got my usual standing lunch date with our friend, who was real prickly this morning.”
“When is he not prickly?” A wave of sadness threatened to wash over me, so I changed the subject. “I hear you have a rodeo coming to town this weekend. Are you going?”
“Nah. I’d just as rather stay at home and watch it on TV.” He reached under the counter and brought out a bottle of Tylenol. “He was limping pretty good this morning. I told him to take it easy, but it was like I’d poked him with a hot prod. We settled on him telling me to mind my own business and me suggesting he stick a bottle of these up his ass.”
I took the bottle and pulled out some money. “I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t toss them back at me.”
“No charge. Just leave the bottle in the kitchen.”
I grabbed a couple of honey buns from the shelf behind me and handed over a few bills. “Wish me luck.”
Mercer was working near the house when I got there. Henry had been right about his pain. There were always bad days with the injuries he’d gotten in the explosion, and it looked like he was having one. He was fighting to drag a beat-up old rake around the yard, limping as he went. When he saw me, his face darkened.
“Morning.” I moved closer, wishing things were normal between us and I could just greet him without feeling all the stress and strain of the world on my shoulders.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was even pinched and I knew that the colder weather, or the hard floor he’d been sleeping on, was getting to him.
“Henry told me to bring you some Tylenol. I grabbed a cup of coffee for you and one of those honey buns with the white icing that I’m pretty sure is just plastic.” I held out the peace offerings and watched as he looked at them.
“I don’t need the medicine.” He reached out and grabbed the coffee and honey bun. “These I’ll take, though.”
I opened my own and took a big bite. It was still just as good as I remembered. “I’m going to a steakhouse for lunch. Want me to bring you back something?”
He shot wary eyes up to mine. Taking a big pull from the cup, I watched as the muscles in his throat moved as he swallowed. “Steakhouse?”
I looked over his shoulder and nodded. I wanted to throw it in his face that someone had asked me out, but it wasn’t like he’d give a shit. He’d probably just be glad that I was away from him. Instead of making myself look silly, I just shoved another bite of the sweet bun into my mouth.
“Are you heading out after the steakhouse?”
I forced a smile and shook my head. “I was hoping we could talk at some point today. There are a few things I need to know before I can leave.”
He finished his coffee and honey bun and then just stared at me. His pale eyes glowed like the blue sky closest to the morning sun, so light and bright that it almost made you uncomfortable to stare right back into them.
“Do you need some help? I don’t have anything to do before noon.” I nodded towards the old rake. “I’m a force with a fifty-year-old rake like that.”
“Don’t you need to go get ready for your steakhouse lunch?”
I blew out a deep breath and nodded. I didn’t want to fight with him again, just yet. I tossed him the bottle of pills. “You’re right. I don’t want to make Ramsey wait on me. Especially since he’s buying me a steak. Take the medicine, Mercer. You look like shit.”
My hands shook as I started my car and drove away. I didn’t let myself look back at him. I’d have enough of the longing staring to do later in the day when I forced him to talk to me about everything surrounding Jessica. I’d made up my mind about how we were going to save him and it required him opening up to me. Whether he liked it or not.
***
I didn’t get back from lunch with Ramsey until after four. Whatever plans he’d had to make a move had been killed by the fact that his mother and sister ended up being at the steakhouse. We’d pushed our tables together and I’d had a blast talking to them. Ramsey had been clearly disappointed at first, but it had eventually turned into acceptance that the women in his family were amazing and deserved all of my attention.
When I got back to Henry’s, I was stuffed, happy, and ready to see Mercer. I’d been recharged. I was ready to fight him to the death, if we had to. In a perfect world, I pulled up and he rushed out to tell me that he was sorry and then we treated each other kindly. In reality, I knew that no matter how warm I felt towards him, he was just a hard-ass rock when it came to his feelings for me.
Henry was sitting on his porch, looking as happy as a clam. “I see you’ve got a couple of bags.”
“Compliments of Mrs. Johnson.” I handed him one of the bags. “She said to tell you that she’ll be in tomorrow to drop off her canning.”
Mercer came from around the side of the barn and stopped when he spotted me. I could see his wide chest expand as he sucked in a big breath. His hands fisted at his sides when he looked me over and then he turned and walked back behind the barn.
I dropped the other bag of takeout next to Henry, who was already digging into his meal. “I’ll be back.”
I stomped the freshly raked yard as I stormed after Mercer. My boots kicked up the earth in little puffs and a chill seeped through the material of my dress. The temperature was dropping and I wasn’t sure I could survive another night in the cabin.
“Mercer!”
He stepped out from the barn and glowered at me. “Yell my name a little louder, please.”
The thought had crossed my mind before and, like a bad tell, my face burned. I ignored it, angry at him for being angry at me for no reason. “I brought you a steak.”
“Keep it.” He moved back into the barn, limping worse than he had been that morning.
“Did you take any of the medicine?” I followed after him and gasped when he spun around and closed the gap between us.
His chest was in my face as he growled. “Stop playing nurse with me, Lauren. I’m fucking fine.”
I stepped back. “You’re not fucking fine; you’re a fucking asshole. I’m just trying to make sure you’re not killing yourself because you’re too stubborn to take the medicine Henry sent over.”
“I don’t need you treating me like I’m helpless.”
I threw my hands up. “You’re an idiot. A flaming, raging, stick-up-his-ass idiot!”
“And you’re an annoying little brat who doesn’t get that I don’t want her around. It’s been years of you hanging around and I was just hoping that one day you’d realize that you’re just someone’s kid sister who’s good at paperwork. You’re never going to be anything else. Never to me.”
His words cut deep, but I knew they were bullshit. He was lashing out at me for some reason. They also showed that he knew I
wanted more from him. That was mortifying, but I’d break down over it later. Right then, if he wanted a fight, I’d give him one.
“And you’re just a guy who used to be able to go out and get his own dinner.” I turned away and marched back out of the barn. “When you limp back to the cabin tonight, be ready to talk about what happened with Jessica and Jade. The sooner I figure out a plan, the sooner I can get this all over with.”
“You can keep your steak. I prefer my meals not earned on all fours.”
I froze and then slowly turned to face him. “Did you just…”
For a SEAL, he wasn’t very prepared for my fist. I hit him square in the nose and heard a satisfying crunch. Of course, he didn’t react. When blood leaked down his upper lip, he just glared at me.
“I’m no whore.” I shook out my hand, pain robbing me from sounding as strong as I wanted to. “Eat your fucking steak or choke on it—I don’t care.”
Chapter 9
Mercer
“You’re a real son of a bitch, you know that?” Henry tossed me an ice pack and a nasty look. “I saw Lauren leave crying. What the hell’s the matter with you?”
I pressed the ice pack to my face and grunted. I’d already set my nose, which hurt like shit, but I could feel both of my eyes swelling. I wanted to focus on the pain in my face. It was a hell of a lot easier to stomach than thinking about how I’d treated Lauren.
“I don’t know how she doesn’t see it. She goes out on a date and then you throw a tantrum like a giant baby. You’re as jealous as the day is long.” He sat down across from me, still picking at the remnants of his dinner. The dinner that Lauren thought to bring back for him as well.
“I’m not fucking jealous.”
“Then you’re just an asshole?”
I yanked the bag of leftovers towards me and pulled out a heavy container. “I guess so.”
Black Dog Security- Complete 5-Part Series Page 67