by C. Luca
I don’t understand what he wants, but he asked, so I nod.
“Is it a casual interest or something more?”
I search his gaze. “Why are you asking me this?”
A muscle begins to throb in his jaw. “Because it needs to be asked.”
“Why?” I repeat.
His lips visibly tighten. “You’re the one he wants, Elena.”
Needing to touch him, I reach out and touch his arm. “It doesn’t matter. You’re the one I want to be with, Nathan.”
Something twists in his gaze. “Then he’ll continue to look elsewhere if he can’t have you.”
When it sinks in where this conversation is leading, I physically recoil, dropping my hand and stepping away from him. “You can’t seriously be suggesting I sleep with him.”
He quickly steps forward, framing my face with his hands, eyes intent as he holds my gaze. “No. Elena, I would never ask that of you.”
“Then what are you saying?” I demand.
He slowly lowers his hands and grimaces. “I’m going about this all wrong,” he realizes.
I’m silent as I gaze at him, wholeheartedly agreeing with his statement. I’m confused as to where this conversation is leading or how he thinks rehashing all this is going to fix anything.
“I think you have a connection with Knight, one similar to the one you and I share,” he ventures.
I don’t bother to deny it. After all, I’m here because of Knight. If he hadn’t found me at the club, I would still be there.
Nathan’s eyes roam my face. “That connection could grow into something more, couldn’t it?”
Does he doubt my ability to remain faithful? “It won’t,” I insist.
“Because of me,” he states.
“Yes, because of you. Nathan, I would never betray what we have.”
I can see the emotions stirring in his gaze. “Is it easy denying him?”
I give him a flat look. “I don’t think this conversation is accomplishing anything.”
He stands there, looking oddly resigned. “It already has,” he says quietly.
“As much as I want to find a way to accept the situation with Knight, this conversation is over. You’re talking circles around me, and I don’t appreciate it. I move around him and walk to the door.
Nathan manages to reach it first, and he blocks it from me, his expression one of frustration and regret. “That wasn’t my intention, Elena. I’m sorry.”
I rigidly stand there. “What was your intention?”
He sighs. “To figure out if you have feelings for Knight.”
“Why? So that it’s easier to close the door on what could have been?” I ask in a thick voice.
He comes closer, resting his hands on my shoulders as if trying to comfort me. “No,” he says sincerely. “I’m trying to keep that door open.”
“By grilling me about Knight?”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” He gives me a pained look. “This is…a unique situation, and I’m sorry being with me brings so many complications.”
My irritation with him fades, and I step forward and wrap my good arm around his waist, keeping my cast close to my chest. “I like you and all your complications. Except Brick.”
He hugs me back, his face nestled in the crook of my neck as our bodies align. “I’m not ready to give up on us,” he says, his breath caressing my neck.
“Me neither,” I whisper, wishing we could just stay in this embrace forever. Everything is always better when I’m in his arms.
“Which is why I’m trying to find a way that will allow us to be together without Knight unintentionally hurting you,” Nathan says lowly, breaking the brief contented moment.
I pull back and look up at him warily. “You’ve figured something out, haven’t you?”
He nods.
I step back, realizing the ‘something’ he’s figured out was his earlier suggestion, and I’m deeply hurt. “If I sleep with Knight, he has no reason to go to others,” I say coolly. I can’t believe Nathan would suggest such a thing when he knows my past. Or is my past why he’s suggesting it in the first place?
“That’s not what I was suggesting.” He winces. “Not really, at least not the way you’re thinking.”
Everything within me has gone tense. “Spit it out, Nathan.” I need to hear him say it.
“I think you care about him. A lot. And he obviously has a thing for you. Why not see where it could lead?” he asks thickly, visibly disturbed by what he’s suggesting. “I’m not saying have sex with him to solve the problem. I’m just suggesting giving him a chance to prove to you that he’s worth your time. Get to know him more, and if it should lead to intimacy, then it’s because you want to be with him.”
I can’t help but stare at him. This can’t seriously be Nathan suggesting such an absurd idea. He just wouldn’t…
He looks at me soberly. “What if you could have a genuine relationship with him? If he’s that fixated on you, he might very well be able to be in a committed relationship.”
I’m already shaking my head, unable to believe the turn this conversation has taken. “What you’re suggesting is ridiculous.” And it has hurt me on so many levels.
Nathan’s face twists with emotion. “It takes a bit to wrap your head around, I know. Hell, I was up all night thinking about it.”
“And you’re completely fine suggesting I be with another guy?” I ask stiffly. “Because whether you two share a body or not, he’s not you.”
“It fucking sucks,” he says honestly. “But I’m not the only one in this body, and whether I like it or not, you need to have some kind of relationships with the others or this can never work. It’s not my fault Knight has a thing for you, and it’s not his either, because I can’t blame him when I know exactly how he feels,” he grits out.
My lips part to speak, but I have no clue what I want to say.
Nathan continues on, “What I’ve realized is you’re not giving him a chance because I’m in the way. As much as I don’t want to share you, the fact is he wants you, and you want him, too. You could have a relationship with him, Elena. It’ll take time for me to accept, but it could work,” he says in a careful tone, as if it’s killing him to say these things. Somewhere deep inside me, I know he genuinely hates everything he’s suggesting, so I can’t understand why he’s saying them in the first place.
I take a step back from him, putting distance between us. “Nathan—”
He can see that he’s losing me, and his expression tenses. “I won’t be around to see you two. I won’t even know about it unless you share it with me—”
“No,” I cut in, my tone harsh now. I’ve heard enough.
“It’s the only way for any of this to work,” he says softly.
“I think you’re wrong.”
He looks at me challengingly. “Do you have a better idea?”
“No, but you can’t force—”
“Nothing is being forced because it’s already there!” he exclaims with frustration. “You’re just determined to deny it, because you think it’s cheating. It’s not if I’m telling you that it’s okay. It’s okay, Elena.”
“It’s not okay. Not at all, Nathan.” And with that, I turn and open the door, exiting the room.
I’m relieved when he doesn’t stop me, and I make my way to my room so that I can have privacy to process the crazy conversation we’d just had.
I sit down on the bed, feeling confused and lost. And deeply wounded. How can Nathan be okay with suggesting I date another guy? Does that mean his feelings for me aren’t as strong as mine are for him?
I don’t know what to think, and my mind is reeling.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Nathan
I’m sitting on the floor in the studio, my back against the wall as I nurse a bottle of Jack. It’s quite late, but the conversation with Elena earlier has been repeating over and over in my mind. I completely fucked up that conversation, but I don’t see how I could have done anythi
ng different. I suppose I could have explained myself better, but the end result would have remained the same. She would still have been upset and would have avoided me like the plague this evening.
Not that I blame her.
With everything she’s gone through, I feel like a complete ass suggesting she give Knight a chance. Everything within me wants to go to her right now and tell her that I’m falling so damn hard for her, and that is why I’m suggesting she be with Knight. I also know how her mind works, and it’s killing me knowing she might be thinking this has to do with her past.
God help me. I feel like such a fuck-up right now.
The worse part is knowing I have no way to fix it. I’ve spent the better part of the evening trying to figure out how to make things right, but my hands are figuratively tied on this one. I still stand behind my suggestion, and she’s going to continue rejecting it.
There’s only one other person that can help her accept the reality of what could be. I don’t like leaving it all in Knight’s hands, but I don’t have any other ideas. She won’t see reason if Knight can’t prove it can become a very real possibility.
Unfortunately, it comes with great risk.
For years, Knight hasn’t been able to keep his dick in his pants. He could be out just to screw Elena, but I have to think he’s better than that. He saved her from that club for a reason. He also hadn’t handled her rejection very well—a sure sign of developing feelings.
I have to have faith that Knight isn’t the emotionless bastard that I’ve thought him to be. I need to remain positive if I’m going to leave the most precious thing I’ve ever known—in his hands.
I take a long swig from the bottle.
Next time I wake up, I’ll either be greeted by a life destroyed beyond repair, or Knight will have somehow pulled off a miracle.
I’ve never been an optimist, but tonight, I’m praying I’m doing the right thing.
TWENTY-NINE
Knight
I wake to the feeling of something light resting on my chest. Instinctively, I push it off until I realize it’d felt like a book. I’ve never awoken to a book anywhere within the vicinity of the bed. I hadn’t ever thought Nathan, Oliver, or even Corbin would actually take time out to read in their free time. My eyes open out of curiosity, and I peer down and find the leather bound journal that I’d reluctantly wrote in just to make Elena happy
Why am I waking up to it?
I sit up and open it. When I come to the most recent entry, I find that it’s for me, and it’s from Nathan. At first, my gut clenches as I read his words until I begin to realize what he’s suggesting.
How the fuck…?
By the time I close the journal, I’m scowling. First, it’s apparent that Elena gave him the chance that I’ve been wanting. The knowledge burns like a bitch, and what makes the whole thing worse is realizing that Nathan somehow knows I feel something for Elena. Had I been that obvious about it? Who the hell told Nathan? Feeling more than just a little pissed off, I push the sheets aside and climb out of the bed, leaving the journal discarded on the mattress.
One thing I don’t tolerate well is feeling vulnerable.
When I enter the shower, I turn it on full blast and twist the knob so the water will turn hot. Then, I stand under the spray and process Nathan’s journal entry.
My first thought is he got himself into some sort of a jam, and as usual, he needs me to fix it for him. On the heels of that thought comes the knowledge that he believes I’ve got a chance with Elena—that somehow, I can fix whatever damage he’s unintentionally inflicted upon their relationship. That means she has feelings for me, or he would have never written that journal entry. That eases some of the jealousy I’d been feeling earlier, and I duck my head under the stinging spray, thinking.
I’ve known for a while that Elena’s different and that there’s something there. Screwing someone else had just made me a miserable bastard, and truth is, I have no intention of repeating that experience.
But how the hell am I supposed to fix the mess Nathan’s made? Elena might be attracted to me, but I can’t get her to open up enough so I can prove my interest in her. She’s determined to ignore it, so how can I change anything?
Nathan had somehow gotten past her barriers, lucky bastard. I’d like to know how he’d accomplished it, but it’d be pointless information anyway. What worked for him likely won’t work for me.
I need to figure this out on my own, and that’s a huge problem. I have no experience expressing my feelings. I just…don’t. I know how to screw women, but to have a discussion about feelings and shit? That isn’t my thing.
Nathan shouldn’t have left this up to me. Hell, I don’t even know how he got to the point of deliberately bringing me forward—something that I know he’d rather chew glass than do.
Which means he was desperate.
Shit.
If Nathan’s desperate, this is serious.
Is Elena on the verge of bolting? The thought of her leaving bothers me, and I mutter a curse under my breath. How do I fix something when I don’t know all the details of how it came to be?
After the shower, I change into clothes and head down to the kitchen where I know I’ll find Elena. First, I need to test the waters before I do anything else. The last time I’d seen her, we’d been down in the garage and that conversation hadn’t gone so well. This means I’m already on rocky ground with her, which doesn’t help the cause.
Looks like I’m late for breakfast, because she appears to be cleaning up. She glances my way and gives a politely chilly smile that speaks volumes.
My eyebrows lift. Daaaaamn. She’s definitely pissed at Nathan. “That’s not my usual greeting.”
Puzzlement flits over her face before she blinks. “Knight?” she questions.
“Yeah.”
Instead of the easy smile that usually comes my way, I swear I see a hint of hurt deep within the depths of her eyes before she pulls together a smile. It isn’t my smile, however. This one is different, and definitely hiding how unhappy she clearly is.
“Morning. There’s waffles keeping warm,” she tells me, her voice kind and filled with her usual warmth when she speaks to me. But it’s not reaching her eyes, and it’s unsettling.
I’d like to call her out on her behavior towards me, but instinct is warning me to tread carefully. I’d evidently hurt her without meaning to during our last conversation. Plus, I don’t know everything that’s going on, and the last thing I need is to say the wrong thing.
“How’s the arm?” I ask instead.
“Getting better. Eat while the food is warm,” she suggests lightly before leaving the kitchen.
I watch her walk away and disappear further into the house, and a frown forms. She’s completely closed off. I knew something was up thanks to Nathan’s journal entry, but I hadn’t expected the reaction I’d received. Is it because I fucked that woman behind the bar? Does she know?
Hell, I didn’t even enjoy it.
The fact that she couldn’t get away from me fast enough stings my pride. Since food is the last thing on my mind, I exit the kitchen to go in search of answers. Griffin or Cameron likely know what’s going on.
Griffin’s easy to find, because I nearly run into him further down the hall.
“I’m Knight. What the hell is going on around here?” I ask without preamble.
Griffin looks surprised to see me and then it’s replaced with confusion. “What are you referring to?”
“Whatever’s going on between Elena and Nathan,” I say impatiently.
He sighs and turns wary. “You’ll want to ask Cameron. I believe he knows more than I do.”
“Where is he?”
“In the office fielding phone calls and going through emails. The usual.”
I nod and head for the office, walking in without knocking just as Cameron is hanging up the phone. He glances at me and looks momentarily annoyed by the interruption.
After closing the door
firmly, I fold my arms across my chest. “How did Nathan mess things up with Elena?”
Recognition flashes in his eyes. “Knight.”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
He leans back in his chair and rubs his face.
“I get that I’ve screwed up, but what the hell did Nathan do to her?”
Cameron shifts his weight in the chair and shakes his head. “That’s between him and Elena.”
“Evidently not, because he wants me to fix it.”
He looks momentarily confused. “What makes you think that?”
“He told me in the journal.”
His eyebrows lift. “Journal?”
“The one Elena bought, because I highly doubt it was Nathan’s idea.”
Cameron’s eyes soften. “I see.”
He hadn’t known about the journal. That’s interesting. I drag the extra chair over and place it near the desk before sinking down onto it. “Tell me what happened.”
He still looks unconvinced. “It’s not my place.”
“She’s clearly not going to. And Nathan was vague in his journal entry.”
Cameron’s silent a moment and then asks, “What do you see when you look at Elena?”
His question brings a scowl to my face. “Forget it. I’m not in the mood for you to try analyzing me.”
His expression hardens. “She deserves a man that will do anything for her, because we all know she’s led a shit life for far too long,” he says levelly.
I hold his gaze and say nothing.
He seems to relent and continues, “Somehow, her and Nathan found a bit of happiness for a very short amount of time. Then you appeared and screwed that blond,” he says dryly. “Elena knows you’re not Nathan, but it still bothered her. Nathan had no idea how to salvage the situation, so I mentioned what I’ve witness between you and Elena.” He looks at me with keen eyes. “You both have your own connection. If any of this is going to work, she needs to have relationships with all of you—excluding Brick, of course. There’s obviously an attraction between you two, so keeping things platonic will never work.”
I’m silent as I think over what he’d just revealed. I already knew it had to be something along those lines. I look at him expectantly. “I get the feeling there’s more. There has to be.”