by Emjay Soren
“So, it’s good to be here let me tell ya.” Chad spoke to the crowd like he did everyone. His confidence was a gift the way his voice alone could hold the attention of twenty thousand people. “I need to introduce ourselves to you. This is home to us, anywhere in Washington we have the luck of being known, but for those of you who have never rocked with TAT, well… it’s nice to fuckin’ meet’cha!”
The use of ‘fuck’ had everyone screaming again, it was unreal how easily the melted into his hand. “I’m Chad, I rock on vocals and rhythm guitar.” He plays a line on the guitar showing them what he was made of, and it was just a taste.
Girls were screaming how sexy he was, how they wanted him, and he smiled and crouched down at the front of the stage. One woman particularly interested in his closeness tried to grab him when he tsk’ed her. “Uh,Uh,Uh. No touching beautiful.”
You could hear her voice through his closeness as it carried over his microphone. “Then touch me!” She begged and the roar of the crowd became hoots and hollers.
“Sorry, these hands are for one girl only.” He looked to me and gave a wink, his face growing hard when he saw the scowl on my face. He seemed confused but didn’t let the crowd know that.
He stood and turned to Cal who was to his right, Noah on his left and Shamus on a stage all his own in the back, lights in white and blue shining down on him. “How about we play you some sex instead?”
Before the crowd could cheer the drums started pounding out a fast-heavy rhythm as Shamus lead the guys into a pretty graphic sex song. Candy was beside me singing along line after line and I didn’t even know the name of the song.
I watched Chad and how he handled himself. He would take the words in the song, twist them and look out over the crowd with a talent to make you think the song was written for you, his need to get you beneath him. There was no question if he knew how to work them and own them. He bent them to his every whim, had them screaming for more and they were two songs in.
The next song was slow like a moving storm that creeps in and robs you of everything you had only moments before. I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen on that stage in front of thousands. It was right then in that moment that I learned Chad had secrets of his own. Secrets that were easily cementing the fact I was falling for Trisha’s shit.
His voice was smooth as expensive whiskey, his eyes dropping on every fangirl in the front of the stage. This song was slow, deep in the rhythm and I knew before there were any words, that the song would gut me and leave me broken.
You want me to show you
What you look like through my eyes
I can make you see it
But I don’t think you'll survive
This vision that you ask for
It’s nothing new to me
I get inside where you can’t hide
And show you what I see
Moan my name
But you won’t tame
The man I'm meant to be
I ride you just the way you ask
Until I’ll hear you scream
His words were sung so perfect, so on pitch and meant to break a woman down in heartache. This was the Chad that I knew long before we dated. This guy singing was the man I thought I had tamed, thought loved me… then I saw her. Trisha took a microphone and the stage alongside Chad. Her voice like the perfect counterpart to him she joined in and her words were gutting me.
Say my name and I’ll say yours
First things first, don’t walk out the door
Get lost in me with your deepest stare
Take my body baby and handle with care.
It was like a song intended for me to learn my lesson and crushed I couldn’t look away from the former lovers and their tragic tale on stage. Chad was looking out at the crowd, but his words were intended for me even if he didn’t think they were. I was the Trisha in this song, the fool who hopelessly loved a man who would never see the pain he caused.
You ask for things that I can’t give
You’ve seen my moves and how I live
Handle with care is not my style.
What is, is making you scream my name for a while.
But when I’m done and out your door,
You will see I was never meant for more
I live this way and keep it real
I don’t know your name or how you feel
And leave you guessing if I was real.
Cal is in the middle of them now and the fans are going crazy. Trisha is taking the song to a whole new level as she storms toward Noah and leans beside him as he follows his bass perfect. Chad looks back over the crowd, the song slower and just carried by his rhythm guitar now the bridge having come to an end.
A warm body beside me to keep me warm
I’m a hurricane, a tornado, and a mighty storm
It’s over now don’t be so blue.
I’ll do the same thing to the next girl too.
The crowd went crazy as the band came back in and Chad focused all his attention on his guitar refusing to look at Trisha as she finished her part of the song.
You broke my heart, it’s all I know
Doubts now my truth and all I know
Don’t hold my hand and whisper me lies
Because lies are still lying when you open your eyes
Forget my name there’s nothing to say
All between us was only a game
Kiss me goodbye with your sad smile
Our memories will repeat for a long while
His hands were on his guitar stroking the strings with the same enthusiasm he carried through the song. He was intense and strong and so fucking talented. His voice echoed as deep as his words and I knew the truth behind them. Visions of him inside of me earlier, begging me never to leave him flashing like lightening in my mind. I could hear his pained voice, telling me I was his, to license his roving hands. I wanted to be sick. I felt like a fool and now when I looked at him, I saw how easily he played me, just as easily as he is playing the crowd before him with her at his side. This song is the Chad Blake I never met.
I thought I would be stronger by the time she left the stage but by the fifth song I was crying, unable to think of anything but the reality crashing around me. I looked to Candy who was watching, and dancing enthralled by the show and I envied her joy. Just hours before the bomb that Trisha dropped, I would have been dancing along with her. Now I was running away from everyone, letting the truth fall where it may.
I told Candy I was running to the bathroom when in reality I was running home to lick my wounds and hide. I made my way out of the stadium and called for a cab when Ben arrived with a polite grin. “Miss Beckett, Miss True told me to follow if you were leaving and Mr. Blake and Mr. Beckett would fire me if I let you leave alone.” I should have known that Candy wouldn’t be fooled. She suspected I would run, and she probably knew she was right. Ben placed his hand on my lower back and guided me toward a sleek black sedan and opened the back door for me. “Mr. Corbin said the use of the car was for anyone on the tour Miss Beckett and that includes you. Monte is your driver and he will see to it that you arrive safely wherever you wish to go.”
Once he had me in the car, he strode off talking into his mouthpiece. The car was ridiculously awesome. A full wet bar to my right, and a sound system with television combined straight ahead of me where a partition separated me from the driver. The lead singer of the Sinners, Ryan Corbin, clearly liked his guests feeling his extravagance even when he wasn’t around.
I appreciated the ride, but I would have taken a bus if it meant getting away from my heartache while he played songs and made love to thousands of screaming women. It hadn’t bothered me before tonight, perhaps it was Trisha’s words, words I was desperately hoping were lies, or the fact that he was as I always thought he was and that was out of my league.
*
By the time I made it home to Gig Harbor, the day’s events had come back, and I was admittedly scared to go inside. After
a ten-minute pep talk with myself and Monte the driver assuming I was insane, I stepped from the car with a promise to call Uncle Seth to come get me if he could. It was after midnight, but we had learned at a young age to fear our dad and never give him the benefit of the doubt. Asleep or not I was making Uncle Seth come and get me.
I grabbed my clutch and reached inside for my keys and cell phone, giving a quick wave and smile to Monte who left once I made it to the door. “Seth it’s Carrie.” I stated when my uncle’s-tired voice answered the phone.
“What’s going on Carrie? It’s almost midnight?” Seth was on alert immediately.
I decided to gently lie and explain my arrival back home. “I got in a fight with Chad and got a ride back home. I was mad and hurting and didn’t think about the fact dad had texted me after watching me. I’m nervous being here but didn’t want my ride to have to drive me to another place. Can you come get me and let me-“ The phone went flying from my hand the instant I shut the door behind me. Burning pain assailed me and I knew, knew who fucking hit me. No one hit like dear old dad.
I tried to follow the light from the phone, my immediate response to scream to Seth and hope like hell he could hear me, not sure if the phone hung up when it went flying. All the same I screamed for help, crawling toward the light coming from my phone. I could hear his footsteps charging toward me before I felt the hard kick to my ribs, my stomach and one to the back of my head before seeing the light on my phone go out.
Tears were falling in abundance while I tried to make my mind work, but my words wouldn’t come. I could hear his voice, but the words weren’t making sense. I think he kicked me to hard, my head was throbbing, and a pain was lancing deeply through my stomach making me want to vomit. I saw the phone on the floor light up but still I didn’t hear anything, it continued to light up every few seconds and didn’t stop. I felt hopeless then, my mind coming back online, I knew it was probably Seth calling me curious what happened. He must not have heard my screams.
I wanted to curl up and die due to the pain in my stomach, each time I coughed I could taste the coppery thickness of blood and I knew he hit me too hard.
“Why?” I choked, blood seeping from the side of my mouth. His laughter was something I wasn’t used to. He never laughed or smiled, never showed a moment of kindness. The man was a sociopath with no moral compass. He was all ego, always had been. His being a Lieutenant for Seattle PD had made him the fearless man he was today. “I called Seth, he’s on his way you’ll be arrested, and we will tell everything!”
I spat those words with all the hate and disgust I held for him. I was tired of being afraid, tired of memories that would never go away. I was tired of seeing Noah’s needles every few years when he couldn’t take it. I was tired of justifying why we stayed silent and ran. I was tired of TRUST ME and how it did me no good now. I wanted him to rot in hell forever and a day. I wanted to kill him, slowly and that thought terrified me because I knew I would feel no shame.
“Please Princess, remember who I am and bite your tongue. Seth ain’t doing shit. As far as the police department here, let the four cops in Gig Harbor come running.” He laughed and it was cocky and fearless. Jesus, fuck I hated him.
“I don’t care. Noah has proof and you know it.”
“You would let your precious Noah embarrass himself and you with that ‘proof’ just to see me behind bars?”
He said the word proof with a smirk, and I knew he thought we were bluffing, but we took no chances when it came to him. We set him up and he would never find our proof. “Keep telling yourself that. I will stand before any jury and rattle off my years of sexual abuse, Noah’s physical abuse and the mental abuse to us both. I will give every grimy detail to your fellow officers. There is nothing I won’t do at this point to see you suffer.” The pain in my stomach is making it hard to breathe, combined with the rib pain and the head wound I was close to passing out. Passing out in my state was bad fucking news.
“How can you call what I did for you abuse? Sexual assault my ass Caroline. You begged me at times to take you, I was giving in to you at your request.”
Yep I puked again, blood splashed against the floor, blood from my stomach and the pain was so severe I couldn’t open my eyes. “We will find a way to kill you. I swear to god I will do it myself…”
The pain took hold and I couldn’t finish my threat. Even in my worst moment of weakness, I refused to back down to him, refused to accept whatever he came to finish.
“Not if I kill first Caroline.” He said and bent, pressing against my stomach. Pain thrashed against every nerve in my body, whatever he hit was bleeding and bad. I was dying right here, and he was going to let me. I only had one card to play, this was my only hand.
“The minute my heart stops Noah will find you, kill you but not before he destroys you. Word gets out I’m dead, he has three different people holding those tapes and pictures. There won’t be a place for you to hide and when he kills you, I’ll be there dragging your ass to hell and watching you burn. Dad!”
My final words might have been bad ass but the feel of my body fading rapidly terrified me. Thoughts of Chad giving me flowers, thoughts of Noah sneaking me out windows, thoughts of Candy smiling when she looked at Noah, and last I saw Chad with Trisha and it all made sense. He was nervous at the meet and greet, scared she would tell me the truth perhaps? I would never know.
The lights went out and I was gone.
Part Two
Chapter Twenty-One
Chad
By the time, the show was over I was already pissed but didn’t go into a rage until I made it to the tour bus and saw for myself that Carrie had left. “What the fuck? Why did she leave?” I ask Noah who looks as stunned as I am.
“Where the fuck is, she?” I roar at Candy who is staring at me like I am a viper.
“Back the fuck up.” Noah threatens and makes his way to stand between us. Like I would ever hurt her? Come on.
Noah turns to Candy and questions her. “Babe?”
She looks at both of us with such disgust…my fucking stomach drops. “Why don’t both of you think about who was in that green room? Then who took her skanky ass on that stage to sing a fucking ballad with you!” She screamed and in the small space I felt every octave.
I look at Noah with panic. “Trisha.”
He nods and Candy steps back away from him. “You didn’t…Noah…” Big tears in her eyes and I just want to explain.
“It isn’t what you think…” I try but right now she is beyond reason.
“Think? She told us the whole fucking story Chad!”
I lose my balance and fall to the small table in the front of the bus as Cal and Shame both walk in. “She left about nine.”
“Fuck!” I roar at Shames confirmation.
“You knew, you really covered for him?” Cans asked Noah who looked worried for a thousand reasons. Me too.
“It isn’t what Trisha says it is Candy.” I try to explain, but she keeps her eyes on Noah.
“You need to tell me the truth.” She stands between us so that Noah’s attention and eyes are on her only.
“Chad was piss drunk, out of his head. We poured his ass into the bed on the bus. Trish came to party; Sinners were there it was crazy…” He looks at me now and I know he wont lie. None of us were going to lie because nothing happened.
“I woke up, or thought I was awake. I thought she was Carrie until I kissed her and new immediately. When I had my focus, I threw her off me and she slammed into the door. I didn’t know where I was let alone what had been going on seconds before.”
I hang my head like the piece of shit I am. “And what was going on seconds before?” She asks me, turning to face me.
“She was on top of me…”
“And? What happened Chad?” She screamed and I just cover my face and try not to puke.
“And he was fucking her.” Noah says for me and I cringe from the memory.
Candy spun as she creamed
at Noah. “You knew? You fucking knew what he did and didn’t kick his ass?”
“I am the villain of the story Candy, not Noah. I wanted to talk to Carrie myself.” I try to explain.
“And I wasn’t covering for shit. He didn’t know who he was or where he was. How the fuck am I gonna attack him for handling it the way I would have?” He yells.
“You wouldn’t though. This is a character flaw Noah, a huge one. You guys place yourself in these situations and get so fucking wasted that you expect that to be the excuse! It will never be forgiven Noah. We both know Carrie too well.”
“She will forgive me. She loves me, she knows I love her. She won’t end us because I can explain it. It was Trish, Candy, not me.” I want to fucking rage because it is all out of hand. “I thought I was dreaming, and when I had my mind straight and the light on, I was touching on violent. She took advantage of me in that state just so she could break us up.”
Candy laughs and shakes her head. “At what point will you boys realize that some things can’t be explained away? That the way you lived your lives to get where you are today has left a fucked-up trail for the next chick to clean up.” She looked at me then and I swear… I knew I was fucked.
“I know Carrie, Chad. She has insecurities with your past, insecurities you promised were just that. She will not get over this, not quickly anyway. This will burn longer than you think.” She turns to look at Noah, fire in her eyes. “This silent theory you’re working on is a fucked-up excuse to betray your own blood.”
Noah’s phone starts ringing before he could argue back… or maybe he wouldn’t argue at all because Cans was right.
“Carrie?” Noah says as he answers the phone.
We all wait to see what he says, and I pray to God I can get to her and grovel.